A few years ago my boyfriend had a couple of kidney stones blasted from what he found out was a super kidney. He was 35 by the time he was told one kidney never developed and the other grew larger to compensate for the other. His father had the same condition but he never told his kids or had them checked. My boyfriend was very heavy drinker during his twenties and thirties and his doctor that performed the surgery did not realize the extent of the damage. After the surgery, he had problem after problem. It was so bad he had a team of doctors shut his kidney down to see if it could regenerate itself.
He left the hospital when it reached around 50% even though the doctors did not want him to go. Now when he needs to pee, it's so bad and it hurts so badly but it wont come out. It's a dribble and I hear him screaming every time he;s on the toilet. He is scared his bladder will explode and is convinced it has been twisted.
He quit drinking once we met and he has been sober almost two years now. This hasn't helped his condition.
He definitely has PTSD from the experience because the doctor had to blast the stones a second time. When he was going under he remembers the doctor whisper in his ear that he was sorry and this time it would go much better. Because of this he is scared to continue looking into the problem. It has been three years and its getting worse. Our sex life has become next to nothing because he has pain in his penis when he gets an erection and he tells me that it is curved in a different direction than before his hospital stay. He thinks it was from the catheter, but I'm hoping someone can tell me of a similar experience so I can help him feel better knowing he can get better. He has horrible depression and tells me he doesn't feel like a man anymore. He is definitely a man. The best man I've ever been with. Please help.
Hello.
The problems your boyfriend is experiencing, such as painful urination, difficulty in urinating, and pain during erection, may be related to his prior medical procedures, his super kidney condition, or even other factors.
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Urinary tract issues: Kidney stones, bladder issues, or infections can cause painful and difficult urination. He might also have developed a condition known as a stricture, which is a narrowing of the urethra, potentially due to inflammation or scar tissue from the catheter.
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Erectile dysfunction: The curvature of his penis could be due to a condition known as Peyronie's disease, which is caused by scar tissue forming along the length of the penis, causing it to bend when erect. This can be a result of injury or trauma, such as the insertion of a catheter.
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Emotional health: It's also crucial to address the psychological impact this has had on your boyfriend. It seems clear he's been severely affected by his experiences and it's important to seek professional help for this aspect too. Speaking to a mental health professional could help him cope with his PTSD and depression.
Given his complex medical history, it's really essential for him to continue seeking medical attention, despite his fears. It could be helpful to look for a urologist and/or nephrologist who specializes in complex cases or has experience with similar situations. It might also be helpful for you to accompany him to his appointments, if possible, as your support could be very beneficial.
Regarding the fear of his bladder exploding, it's extremely unlikely for a bladder to burst because of urinary retention. In rare cases, if the bladder becomes extremely full, it may rupture, but this is usually a result of physical trauma.
If he refuses to seek medical help because of his PTSD and fear, it could be useful to first engage the help of a psychologist or psychiatrist. They could provide him with coping mechanisms, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, to help manage his fears and anxieties, and can work closely with his medical team.
I would also encourage him to join support groups, online or in person, where he can meet others who have been through similar experiences. This could help him feel less alone and more understood.
And lastly, his feelings of not being "man enough" are likely linked to his struggles with his health and sexuality. Reassure him that his worth is not tied to his sexual abilities or physical health. Encourage open and honest conversations about your relationship and intimacy, perhaps with the help of a relationship counselor or sex therapist.
Again, while I hope this information is helpful, it's extremely important that he receives proper medical care. If he's reluctant to seek help, consider involving a trusted friend or family member, or a mental health professional, to help him understand the importance of getting the care he needs. It's a tough situation and I truly wish you both the best.