“I’m a pansexual girl — but I don’t think I’m completely a girl, but I’m not a boy,” one young SteadyHealth reader recently shared. “ I just have no idea what I am or supposed to be.”
The world was different when I was in high school. Not only was being called “queer” an insult in almost every context, but as a non-straight or questioning young person, finding peers and information alike was an awful lot harder, too. Though the “real world” might not have changed all that much, the internet has become an invaluable source of support for those who are struggling to make sense of their sexuality. Many young people now are growing up with an abundance of information only a click away.
In large part exactly thanks to being able to type “am I gay”, “am I trans”, “not a boy or a girl”, or “confused about sexuality” into a search engine, you’re growing up with knowledge people just a few generations older than you didn’t have — and the potential to “find your tribe” with it.
A Brief Overview Of Gender Identities And Sexual Orientations
Your gender identity may be, in no particular order:
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Cisgender — the sex you were assigned at birth, based on your biological genitals, matches the gender with which you identify.
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Transgender — the gender you identify with differs from the one you were assigned at birth.
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Intersex — you have male and female anatomical features and identify as intersex.
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Bigender, gender fluid, gender non-binary, gender non-conforming, agender, and others — your gender does not fit into any neat box, you do not identify as any gender or identify as more than one gender.
Your sexual identity might be, in no particular order:
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Asexual — someone who does not feel sexual attraction to anybody.
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Aromantic — someone who doesn’t feel romantic attraction.
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Gay, lesbian, queer — attracted to people of the same sex.
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Bisexual — attracted to males and females.
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Demisexual — used to describe people who are only attracted to people they already have a strong emotional bond with.
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Pansexual — attracted to the person you happen to be attracted to, because of who they are, without an inherent preference for any gender or sex.
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Heterosexual, straight — attracted to people of the opposite sex.
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Skoliosexual — attracted to people who aren’t cisgender.
Note that this isn’t an exhaustive list by any means. Whereas once, not that long ago, people used to talk about the “LGBT” community (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender), you may now come across the acronyms LGBTQIA+ and even LGBTQQIP2SAA. The “I” stands for intersex, the Qs are for queer and questioning, the A for asexual or “aromantic”, and the “P” for pansexual. (And we haven’t even gotten to two-spirit, third-gender, femme, butch, masculine of center, feminine of center, and other terms yet!)
READ What Every Teen Wants To Know About Puberty And Sex
LGBTQIA+ And Other Confusing Acronyms: Do Labels Really Matter?
Human identity and sexuality are complex, and at the same time, also oh, so, very, simple. That is, we’d all like to be accepted by others, we’d all like to be free from discrimination, we’d all like the freedom to be who we are without nasty consequences. Then, many of us would like engage in romantic and sexual relationships and/or activities.
So, where do these labels come in, and do they really matter? Can’t you just be who you are, without committing to a label?
Humans have, since the dawn of our existence, formed relationships, engaged in sexual activity, reproduced, and loved. Throughout human history in different parts of the world, various forms of gender expression and sexual expression were deemed either acceptable or unacceptable by different societies.
There has been and continues to be an awful lot of discrimination, an awful lot of human rights violations, against those who happened to fall on a part of the spectrum of being human that was deemed and is deemed unacceptable by far too many people. Despite recent strides, discrimination against non-straight people is still very much an issue, to say the least.
Do labels matter, then? Of course they do. Being able to proudly shout “I’m gay”, “I’m trans”, “I’m bisexual”, “I’m me”, without repercussions, matters. In a world where your very identity is denied, spat on, or even both at the same time, being able to proudly claim that identity, to name it, matters. Being able to establish contacts, whether for social purposes or to fight for your rights, matters.
Labels: There For You (Or Not)
At the same time, labels to describe human gender identity and sexuality, even as many as there are today, can also be limiting to any one individual. We’re all different, after all, and we don’t all remain the same throughout our lives either.
READ Is Binary Transgender Acceptance Another Trap For Non-Binary Trans People?
There are those who feel pressured to “pick a label”, those for whom the current forest of labels feels confusing and intimidating rather than empowering. Being a “pansexual, not a girl but not a boy”, is a fine self-made label, if you feel this honestly describes you, and you’re happy. Your gender identity and your sexual identity may well be fluid as well, and that, too, is absolutely fine: you owe it to nobody to pick a label and stick with it for life.
Humans are complex, after all, and yet so simple: you just want to be you, and to be accepted.