Is Your Stress Turning You Into A Jerk? Time For Some DIY Anger Management!

Stress is, essentially, simply a word to describe the full spectrum of physical and emotional reactions we experience when we encounter threats. Stress triggers that old fight or flight response, and in part because some people tend to flee while others fight, your body under stress varies from that of others.

You know that being really stressed can lead to physical symptoms like fatigue, a loss of appetite, and a headache, as well as cognitive ones like constant worry and restlessness. On the behavioral and emotional level, though, stress causes some people to withdraw from social situations as much as possible, while leading others to lash out in anger and irritation.

Are you one of those folks who responds to stress by flying into a rage? That's bad news. Not only is feeling angry all the time simply unpleasant, you're also going to be hurting and angering others, directly adding even more stressors to your life. You can't control your emotions, but you can change the way you handle them.

Take A Deep Breath...

Stress-related anger is likely to be a structural problem in your life, and liberating yourself from it will take more than a few quick-and-easy techniques. If you are feeling angry and irritated right now, however, you'll need something that will instantly de-escalate the situation so you can start looking beyond the present.

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Is your co-worker treating you unfairly, did your spouse forget about the school play, or did the dry cleaner mess up your favorite jacket? Try this:

• Take a minute to engage in deep abdominal breathing, grab a glass of water, or go to the bathroom. Commit to thinking before acting. Consciously tell yourself that you are feeling really angry right now.
• Acknowledge that reacting angrily will only escalate the situation, but don't refrain from voicing your displeasure either. Calmly stating that you are feeling quite angry right now tends to go over better than yelling and cussing at people.
• Commit to listening to the other side carefully and allowing them to make amends before coming to negative conclusions, and avoid taking other people's actions personally — they usually aren't meant that way.

Sometimes, we're angry without knowing why. In that situation, make calming yourself down a priority and refrain from engaging in interactions that could get unpleasant until you have done so whenever you can. When you're feeling grumpy and irritated for no particular reason and yet have no choice but to talk to others, acknowledge that you're somewhat of a walking time bomb and make efforts to express yourself as diplomatically as possible. "There's some space for improvement here" is always going lead to more productive results than "that really sucks".

Angry? Reprogram Your Brain

Faking It Until You Make It

When we're angry, we're prone to irrationally negative thought patterns. "She never listens to me!" "They always treat me unfairly!" "I'll never get that promotion!" "That meeting is going to be a disaster!" Such negative thinking can quickly turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you bring your adversarial behavior into your interactions with others, after all, they won't feel like being all friendly and diplomatic about things.

The underlying principle of the incredibly popular Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is that we can only start to change ourselves once we acknowledge the erroneous thought patterns that govern our behavior. If your anger is ruling your life at the moment, seeking therapy is certainly a step that could help you enormously. Meanwhile, however, you can always give yourself a little "CBT light".

Realize that your internal narrative and the language you use are impacted by your negative emotional state, and counter your inner thoughts with more realistic ones. Don't forget that your body language impacts the way in which others respond to you either. When you make the conscious decision to employ problem-solving language rather than escalatory language, to smile, to use humor to deflect tension, and to be helpful to others, you are breaking the cycle. Others will interact with you more favorably. You, in turn, will start to feel better.

Have Realistic Expectations Of Yourself

Do you find that you are contributing to your cycle of anger by having unreasonable expectations of yourself? You're not alone. Don't forget to be kind to yourself, because if you can't do that, extending the same courtesy to others becomes increasingly difficult. Make sure you get enough sleep as well as nutritious meals. Make sure you have enough free time in your life to enable you to break away from your stressors. Don't expect more from yourself than you would from others. Nobody can be perfect 24/7, and going easy on yourself will help you feel a lot better — in turn leading to better performance, in turn leading to feeling even better.

Solve Problems, Don't Create Them!

While anger and dissatisfaction can easily be caused by irrational thinking patterns, they can also be the result of very real problems. Feeling trapped and powerless makes us angry. If that's you, the best way out is to brainstorm for solutions. What are the underlying problems that are causing you to feel so stressed? What could you do to remove those stressors from your life or at least counter them with positive factors?

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Escape The Daily Rut

Often, the fastest way to destroy rage is to remove yourself from a stressful situation immediately. Likewise, those people who get frequent breaks from the inevitable stressors in their lives are less likely to have a cloud of emotional doom and gloom hanging over them constantly.

On a daily basis, you could give yourself time to read, journal, draw, engage in jigsaw puzzles, or go for a walk outside. In addition to these little daily oases, offer yourself bigger stress-relief activities every week, activities you can look forward to and make part of your life routine. Swimming, having lunch with friends, attending a group sport, visiting museums, or taking a drawing class are all examples of stress-relief activities that will help you tone your feelings of anger down over the long term.