What To Consider Before Using An Egg Donor

“Help give the gift of life. Become an egg donor,” a popular egg donation company calls out to young and health women. They go on to thank potential donors for their interest, and say that it's the generosity of women “like you” that makes parenthood a reality for couples who face infertility struggles.

Potential recipients of donor eggs are simply told that they can review more than a thousand egg donor profiles at no cost, and that the donors used by the agency are “healthy, intelligent, attractive and responsible”. The donors, apparently, are compensated between $5,000 and $10,000, while the site does not mention how much egg donor recipients pay for the service which includes counseling, screening, medical and other vetting processes.

The site we are looking at, and many others just like it, make the process of egg donation seem so simple and perhaps comparable to shopping around for a plastic surgeon who can give you a new nose and some liposuction. Egg donation is, however, fundamentally different than plastic surgery. It creates a child. No matter how desperate infertility may make you — and I know from experience — it is essential to review the possible impact of using an egg donor to become a parent.

Egg donation will affect you, the prospective social parent. It will affect your partner if you have one, and your surrogate if you use one. It will affect the woman who donated her egg; the biological mother of your child.

What questions should you consider before you choose to use an egg donor?

How Will Egg Donation Affect Your Child?

The first egg-donor produced birth occurred way back in 1983, giving the practice of egg donation a significantly longer history than many people are aware of. Still, there is surprisingly little information about the psychological impact the practice has on egg-donor conceived children. Fortunately, we can learn much from sperm donation — the only comparable practice.

In a survey titled “My daddy's name is donor”, young adults conceived with the help of a sperm donor shared their feelings about the way in which they were conceived. Two thirds of the donor-conceived adults surveyed felt that their donor is “half of who I am”, while nearly half are disturbed by the idea that money was involved in their conception. More than half of adults who were conceived with the help of a sperm donor say that, every time they meet someone who looks like them, they wonder if they are related to that person. Almost as many fear that they could be sexually attracted to a relative, without knowing it.

Two thirds believe donor-conceived children have the right to know about their genetic origins, while half object to the very practice of sperm donation — even when the child is told the truth about their biology.

Prospective parents may see gamete donation as a way to have a child that is genetically related to one of them, and often gestated by the other. Some may even see the process involved in egg donation as being “cleaner” than adoption — there is more bonding right from the start, and a lower risk that you will not hold your child in your arms after having high hopes.

But how will your child feel about his or her origins? The “My daddy's name is donor” survey, and blogs written by donor-conceived persons, are the closest you can come to predicting this. It is clear that many donor-conceived people are extremely disturbed by their origins, especially when their donor was anonymous and they will never know who their biological parent is. Many wonder who they are, on some level, throughout their lives.

Not all donor-conceived children experience the circumstances of their conception as negative, but taking the possibility that yours might into account makes sense if you are considering using an egg donor to become a parent. 

How Will You Feel About Egg Donation — And How About The Donor?

Egg donation is a much more invasive process than sperm donation; one that requires the donor to go through the whole fertility-treatment mill right along with the egg recipient. A donor has to inject herself with fertility drugs, and has the risk of ending up with Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS), which can be very unpleasant and in some cases dangerous.

This is good news, but 14 percent of egg donors had negative feelings, while 12 percent experienced mixed emotions. Prospective parents who decide to move ahead with egg donation are wise to use a reputable clinic that prepares the egg donor, both for potential medical and emotional consequences. The donor will help realize your dream of parenthood — and you want to make sure she feels good about that.

Many future parents who are considering using an egg donor wonder how they will feel about this path to parenthood. Will the child really feel like theirs? Donor egg recipients share these thoughts around their blogs, and in newspaper columns, quite frequently. Once the child is born, they seem to think about their donor frequently too — but in very positive terms.

The conclusion is that the adults involved in the egg donation process have overwhelming positive feelings about the experience. The one tough question you want to think about is whether you are looking for an anonymous egg donor (whom you child will never meet), or if you prefer a known donor from within your own circle of friends or relatives.

Is Your Egg Donation Agency Adhering To Ethical Standards?

A 2012 study found that a significant portion of organizations that recruit egg donors online do not adhere to ethical standards set by the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM).

The researchers examined 102 websites actively seeking for egg donors on the internet. More than 40 percent recruited women between the ages of 18 and 20 (they should have gone through a psychological evaluation first), while 34 percent paid more for certain traits. These included having already successfully donated eggs previously, being younger, physically attractive, athletic, or well educated.

The ethical standards say that women who donate their eggs can be compensated for the time they sacrifice to undergo the various procedures that are necessary to have their eggs harvested. Payment is officially strictly for that time, and not for the eggs themselves, and all egg donors should therefore be compensated equally.

The question is, do these agencies inform potential egg donors that the fertility medications used prior to donation could lead to serious health problems and even death? Is the potential psychological impact addressed at all? Or is the donation process a medical conveyor belt in which the bottom line is all that matters?

After looking at all that information, you should note that the ethical guidelines we have been talking about are are outlined by the ASRM. Clinics and egg donor agencies follow these on a voluntary basis, though they may be excluded from the ASRM if they are found to breach the guidelines. Not all organizations that recruit egg donors are part of the ASRM in the first place.

Egg donation laws vary from state to state in the US, though the process of egg donation is altogether unregulated in many. Perhaps it is time to start asking why something as serious as egg donation exists in a legal vacuum in so many places, but people who are hoping to receive donor eggs should at least examine their state's laws and check if their egg donor agency obeys them.

Egg donation can be a rewarding experience for donors, and a source of eternal gratitude for parents. However, it is a complex procedure that does have social implications, and it is important to consider all angles before you make the choice of turning to an egg donor.