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hi, i dont realy know how to start, i realy dont know whats going on with me. iv never realy been normal, even as a kid i was realy paranoid and i used to cut myself. i feel like im going crazy. sometimes im fine and i think that a trip to the doctors would be pointless because im ok now and i was just being silly. but sometimes im not. and im scaired to go to the doctors because they could think im making it up for attention or worse, they could think im not a good parent and take my kids away, and i am a good parent i never let any of this affect my kids, nobody realy knows whats going on but me. i get scaired so easy, i lay awake some nights panicking, thinking somebodys going to break into the house and kill me, or that a fire will start and the alarms wont work or that theres a gas leak or that the world will end and everybody will die and i cant save them......well you get the picture. even walking down the street if i see somebody walking my way to go past i panic, i dont know weather to smile or say hi or put my head down or pretend to be on the phone its realy weird i dont understand why walking past somebody on the street should make me feel like this. last week we were supposed to be moving to a new house but it fell through, i got so down about it i thought about cutting again, i didnt do it but i thought about it and i havent felt like that in a while. when things get realy bad i think the whole world is against me, i think i hear people whispering about me and it seems like the shadows in the room are moving around, i even convinced my self my house was haunted. sometimes i lie about things, i dont know why. im tired all the time im keep getting chest pains and headaches. the doctor gave me some pills for the migraines but i was affraid to take them

Sounds To Me Like Exioty.

I Still A Teen And I Cut Myself. I Feel Alone All The Time, My Boyfriend,bestfriend,sister,and father Are All In Jail. Ive Been Doing Drugs But It Has Only Been Making Things Worst. Best Thing To Do Is Talk To Friends. Ones That Care. If They Dont Want To Listen Then Screw Them,Right? It Helps Me Alot. And Also Going To Church And Listening To Calm Music, For Example I Love Queen Keeps Bad Thoughts Away.

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Horrible isn't it!!! I thought I was going mad until I read this. I have not tried to harm my self but I can totally understand where you are coming from when you walk past someone, you keep looking over your shoulder to check that they are not following you, or if they are looking at you funny! As for the house,I hear noises downstairs and I think that people have got into the house even though I know that this would be impossible. I will get my boyfriend to go and check because if he doesnt then I will not be able to sleep all night cos I think that they have broken in to take my two children! I once laid awake all night cos I thought that the light bulb above me was going to smash and it would shatter on my face! I see a red light and I know that rationally it is the street light outside, however sometimes it shines in such a way that I think there is a fire cos I go really hot.... then I realise that I have left the heating on!

I constantly feel like I am not worthy to be with my boyfriend and that I am a c**p girlfriend, I also feel most of the time that I am an awful mother, even though I have got the most wonderful, well behaved children with hearts of gold and people always tell me what a wonderful job I am doing.

I have weight issues. I know that I am over weight now and I am not happy about it, but even when I was 126lb I thought that I was fat and I couldnt see what others could, but the problem is that when I get upset about things like that I overeat and so now I AM FAT!!!!

I have no sex drive most of the time, and then every now and again I will want it all night... not that the boyfreind is complaining at that point.

I lost my job because I thought that everyone was conspiring against me, and I have only just come to terms with the fact that they were not and that it was all in my head.

I cry at least once a week and just cant seem to deal with every daylife.

In a nut shell, you are not mad love I promise you xxxxxxx
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OOOH, I forgot to say that I am also tired all the time and get pains for no reason as well, the migraines make you feel like you are really ill and the chest pains seem to happen when you least expect it..... I suspect you have Major Depression...... please go to the doctors, they will not take your children away or laugh at you and they will help you xx
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iv been thinking about church a lot lately, iv stayed away from religion for a long time because when i was younger my mum and dad sent me to a catholic school and they basicaly rejected me because my dad wasnt my real dad and my mum never married the sperm donor. but lately when things get bad i pray, maby i should go... thanks for that. sounds like you,ve got a lot on your plate aswell, must be hard having everybody close to you sent away, i hope you,ve got some amazing friends you sound nice you deserve them, thanks for taking time to comment.
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hi, yeah realy horrible, funny you should mention the thing with the lightbulb, i had somthing similar, i kept staring at it in the dark and it looked like it was lowering from the celing, i was convinced there was somebody in my attick messing with my head, sounds stupid huh. i did once try making an appointment, but when i got ther i just clammed up and kept stuttering, i ment to tell him what was going on but i just ended up telling him about the migraines instead and when he asked if i was worried about anything i lied and said no. i think he suspected somthing though because he prescribed me a low dose of amitryptiline, but like i said i was afraid to take them incase i fell asleep and couldnt wake up if there was an emergency. thankyou for taking the time to comment at least i know im not the only one who feels like this .
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Hi, You are very welcome! Its good to hear that there are other people out there who have the same issues as I do! I have been back to the doctors this morning and they have finally set up some councilling for me but have also prescribed me more tablets.... not good as they give me a thumping headache for the first couple of weeks. I just hope that this time I can conquer the problem rather than running from it as I usually do. The people that I feel the most sorry for is the people around me as they do not know what to do or say so it is good to be able to vent on here.xx
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It seems like one of your problems is panic attacks.  I have had the same issue started when i had children. I feel as if something bad is going to happen or i cant sleep at night picturing bad things that may happen to my kids or my family. Sometimes ill be fine for months then it starts again. i was also dealing with depression. from experience i would say go to a doctor. the doctor wont tell anyone and they wont try to take your kids away unless they think the kids are unsafe in your care as in you may hurt them or yourself around them. if you are having thoughts of hurting yourself or thoughts of fear that wont constitute them taking  your kids. they will talk with you and prescribe medicine to help. i didnt stay on the meds a very long time but each time i felt the meds helped me balance myself out and now i can better deal with it when i feel stuff like that coming on i brace myself and work thru it with help of family. but sometimes meds are needed for every day for the rest of your life and you know what there is nothing wrong with that you have to be the best you can be for your kids. its the right thing to do go get help.
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sounds so similar to me with my anquiety,go back to a doc make sure before hand you write down all of your symptoms and questions,there may very well be a medication that would greatly improve your life.i have phobias,anxiety and have been victimized in different ways some of your post sounded like ocd rituals to try and calm your self, other than doc meds therapy,spirituality and meditation have helped me,also i always take someone with me in case i completley clam up its like as soon as they ask why am i there my mind goes blank,hang in there
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you should see a doctor and tell them what you posted they won't take away your kids and they won't think you're making it up. paranoia is a serious disorder and this needs to be dealt with. i'm not trying to scare you or anything i'm trying to help you should see a professional.

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