Anxiety and depression for days after binge drinking

I have also been struggling with this same thing for years. I'm 41 now. I started binge drinking at about 24, started with beer then my girlfriends introduced me to hard liquor. I used to party every day and night because I was an exotic dancer.  By age 28 my esophagus tore from drinking and I threw up blood. The doctor said I had so much liquor in my system I should of been dead. I felt fine otherwise of throwing up. The scary thing was my mom died of cirrhosis and I was already traumatized by it because I had to watch her go through horrible sickness from the time I was 12 till I was 19 when she died from it. She threw up blood 3 different times and I was there alone as a child when she fainted, I mean gallons it seemed. My dad paid like 100,000 for a doctor to fly her to Vegas to do emergency surgery. It was some rare thing where they repaired a vein and cost a ton of money. Believe me no reg. doc will do this. It was a new procedure at the time and they said the longest person to ever live from it was 7 years and that was without drinking. She died 7 years later as this happened when I was 12 she died when I was 19. Anyways She was a slightly heavy women. After surgery and recovery she weighed about 70 lbs, looked like she had aids and anorexia together, she had a scar from her chest down to her belly at the bottom that looked like frankenstein. She was unrecognizable. She did eventually go back to looking like my mom as she healed and quit drinking but my dad died about 2 years later and she started drinking all over again. So because of seeing all this I literally had post traumatic syndrome. The time when I did throw up blood I went into full panic mode and freaked and all the years I drank even knowing the consequences I still did it but would freak at the site of blood, obsess over my feces to see if it was bloody, I mean I would obsess if my heart rate was fast, if I even had a slight fever anything that reminded me of my mom I freaked so this sent me into having major panic attacks. One time I went to the emergency room cause I felt a little ill and when she said I had a fever I went into a full on panic attack in the room and starting crying hysterically and the heart monitor went through the roof. The lady was even scared.  They would last for hours. It was so bad and when I would be sober for a couple days and feeling good. Like id be shopping somewhere or eating at a restaurant with a friend and it would just come out of the blue and I would freak out and have to leave so I never thought it was from drinking or a hangover really because I was not that hung over (sometimes). I always rationalized everything so that I could drink. But because of everything that happened this literally made me turn into a recluse. I quit the club, I eventually couldn't even leave the house for more than a couple hours (unless I was drunk of course). I could not do anything sober ever. I could not travel or even be with a friend or family. It controlled my life for many years. I ended up going on paxil and eventually I never had another panic attack again. At about 31 I started casually taking vicodin and little by little I became addicted to that rather than alcohol. I really thought this was the answer. It took away all the hang overs all the sadness and eventually I was only drinking on occasion. But the vicodin then became the drug and to make a long story short, I replaced one drug with another. I am now in a methadone clinic and still in the same spot because now I have to wean off methadone. The same way as with everything else. I've seriously cut down on drinking but every now and then I binge and go into the same depression, sadness and last year I became severely sick from a binge that I never experienced and it scared me deeply because i know I'm not young anymore and I've abused my body so bad that it's probably a 60 year old body by now.. So After I became sick I went to the hospital 3 times and they still could not figure out what happened but It just happened again on a recent binge so now i know whatever this new illness is is serious and from drinking.. My point is if you're young and you are scared now, help yourself before you get to my point. And do not replace one drug with another. I even regret methadone because little did I know it was even more addicting then vicodin and withdrawals are even worse I've come to find out now. Don't get me wrong I have come down on the methadone a lot this past year and I don't live to drink anymore. But if you do these things to cover up a sadness or you know, something you are trying to mask, get therapy and get the right kind of help. don't depend on drugs even short term. We tell ourselves oh only till next week or even i used to tell myself when I danced I will quite drinking and be normal when I'm like 30. Never happened. The majority of people who drink heavily die by 40 and that's a fact. I used to count up the years my mom lived and the fact that my sister said my mom had hepatitis as a child from stepping on a nail always made me think well that's why she died so soon.. But look at a lot of actors, actresses they usually die from the drink in the early 40's. Or before.. I never thought Id live to even 40 to be honest.

You can beat this I promise you. just listen to other people and make the right choices. This is the truth okay, however you find to get sober do it. You need to remember what it was like to feel normal again and the more you are sober I swear the more you will crave sobriety over being drunk. I'm not saying it;s a total cure, because there will ALWAYS be situations to where you will go back and want to drink and you can so easily slip back into it even if you think you are cured. This is a disease and you will NEVER be fully cured but it will get better and you can contain it and live a happy life. I promise you.

I have been really concerned about this depression ( started calling it "The Fear") because I never used to have this problem. It is horrible - I feel so down and everything that has EVER been bad in my life hits me all at once! It lasts for 3-4 days and I have trouble sleeping.Anyway, it has been nice reading all of your posts - I am NOT alone :)

Some nerve you have. I agree her posts were a little hard to read but you have no idea what this person is going through. Even if you did read each and all of her many posts and still disagree, you are in no right to speak that way about a person, proceed to talk like a derelict yourself and expect compassion in return.

dont worry too much, i feel like that too, in fact im awake in bed now freaking out, think ill give it up,

Its totally chemical I think. Before I thought I feel so bad because I have made something really bad that I don't remember. So I drink at home where no one can see me. And still I feel so bad. Even after paracetomol. Really afraid. Horrible.

My friend has anxiety has a few drinks then blackout. Tell her to stop its only getting worse each time. She just told me my worst fear is true. She was helped into her home by a (Samaritan) and he tried kissing her. She says that's all that happened but she doesn't remember to be truthful. I pray for her daily. 

Hey- firstly look at my post- ''DubaiTartan'' two months ago. Since I came on this forum and read all the messages I have really put myself to the test and'' it is not over yet'' but you can beat this. Really look at yourself and tell yourself every day that you are going forward,NOT back. If you have upset someone try a hearfelt apology - if they don't accept it they are not worth worrying about. It starts with liking ''yourself'' . Be with people who ''really''care for you.If you have confidence in yourself you will find that you will stop worrying and the anxiety will diminish....it is difficult ....it took me a month of eating well and sleeping well and I started training again.You can still go out but ''always''go out in a good frame of mind and drink moderately. Don't go out drinking alcohol until you feel good in yourself again.Try it - test yourself for 2 -3 weeks please.Let me know !!

Hey- firstly look at my post- ''DubaiTartan'' two months ago. Since I came on this forum and read all the messages I have really put myself to the test and'' it is not over yet'' but you can beat this. Really look at yourself and tell yourself every day that you are going forward,NOT back. If you have upset someone try a hearfelt apology - if they don't accept it they are not worth worrying about. It starts with liking ''yourself'' . Be with people who ''really''care for you.If you have confidence in yourself you will find that you will stop worrying and the anxiety will diminish....it is difficult ....it took me a month of eating well and sleeping well and I started training again.You can still go out but ''always''go out in a good frame of mind and drink moderately. Don't go out drinking alcohol until you feel good in yourself again.Try it - test yourself for 2 -3 weeks please.Let me know !!

Yes Drank Right Around 10 Beers Last Night Woke Up Feeling Really Anxious I Have This Happen As Well. As I'm Writing This Post Just Had A Horrible Anxiety Attack Trembling In The Chest Short Of Breath Panic ect!! It F------ Sucks. Ativan Does Help Calm Down These Episodes. Happens Now Every Time I Have Right Around 10 Beers As Well Like The Other Persons Post??

I was feeling terrific for the last three months, last week I was for business away ,landed in a club and within a timeframe of 6 hours slushed about 8 heavy duty cocktails and a half bottle fo wine over diner. same old story, got really sick, threw up, and next day was hell. Anxiety , could not sleep, the moment I got to sleep, my heart just jumped and awaked me. I totally freaked and took an oxazepam to sleep, next day I was a zombie and got feeling really depressed and restless. I had these periods before and have been treated with prozac for depression. I was just clean of prozac for three months and I was so happy. No in one night it's all gone. I feel stupid, immature and alone and afraid. The issue with my anxiety is that I think that my binge destroyed something permanently and that I will not recover form this one. I've been to my doctor and he tried to reassure me that I need to give it time, but I started to take prozac again now for 4 days. I feel terrible. I'm not sure if to sit this one out, quit the prozac, and try to get my head clear or again give the prozac time, my thoughts are a mess. I really hope someone can give me advise her, with similar experience. I'm 40 btw and 7 days after the binge. Thanks for the feedback.

Hey, this is just one night and you had a great three months and you felt good. Be confident,believe in yourself and ''try''not taking medication.I am not a doctor but now believe you can help yourself. As I said, go forward every day...ok this is a little bump but learn ....keep learning :) and smile,even though it is hard,I know. Think of the good times........stay healthy and try to sleep. Please believe me when I say a good nights sleep makes a huge difference.Set yourself targets and DON'T let people manipulate you at all when it comes to alcohol. Stick with an amount that you know you will be capable of drinking and not say and do stupid things. This is a problem for everyone on this forum. When you have had a few drinks and drunk,tell and remind yourself what it will be like the next day if you carry on......this IS working for me because I don't want to feel this way again. It is horrible,I know..........Look after yourself and the good times will come ;)

I'm 19 at the moment and have been drinking fairly heavily since the age of 17. My depression started late 2011 when I doubted my existence and whenever I got drunk I would begin to have extreme suicidal thoughts to the point of self harm and close suicide. Since that time I got my act together and life was getting good but close to every time I drank the depression soon followed. Until now I never really thought it could just be the alcohol but at this point in time I don't have a reason to be upset with my life. I looked back to the last time I was happy (being July/August) and it hit me. During that time I did a "dry July" where I didn't drink for over a month. I'm now realising that the alcohol seriously affects me in a way none of my mates understand, I'm contemplating seeking medical advice as the depression after a heavy night can be unbearable at times. I've finally summoned up the courage to talk to my parents about it and it seems to have helped. I can safely say the best advice is to talk to people about it and seriously lay off the alcohol or you could hurt everyone close to you.

NO, 'it' is Not all gone !!! IMHO anyway. I know some ppl say any slip/relapse/single sip of beer means 'starting over' if you're counting time, but I also know (thankfully) ppl who taught me to look and think about the 'whole', and not just the slips. You have to decide for yourself which seems right to you. Here's some extremes I heard: One person was crying and frantic because she had been clean from alcohol for many years. She had a big operation, she told them she didn't want pain pills as was in recovery. She was given some anyway. She felt she had lost all her sobriety, even tho she didn't choose to take them. Not sure of the specifics, maybe was given non-narcotics. Point being she was devastated, even tho she didn't continue taking them. Another was on medication for anxiety (?not sure) and her meds were stolen. She had a friend who gave her some -- not as many as were taken, just enough to take the daily 'edge off', and her sponsor told her that was the same as a relapse EVEN tho her own pills were prescribed, and what she got from her friend meant neither had their normal dose. She couldn't get more from her Dr. to replace the stolen ones, unless she filed a police report. She chose not to do that, as was her daughter that took them. Best way I ever heard it put was someone that said 'I've been in Recovery 15 years, and been clean for 14 and 1/2 of that, due to some unfortunate backsliding. But I just kept going, and here I am today...." Sorry, not sure you'll find that relevant, but is something I've wrestled with, as I go thru periods trying not to drink and somehow always ending up doing it again eventually. Your saying you possibly 'destroyed something permanently' jumped out at me, and I wanted to share 'CR' w/ you. Has helped me thru some terrible times... I now go to a group called 'CELEBRATE RECOVERY', which is a Christ-centered 12 step group. Is not just for alcoholics/addicts; but for anyone w/ problems. Kind've 'equal oportunity', as far as habits go: Depression/Codependency/food/Porn/etc. ppl can go (i.e. anyone ;-) !! ). You might want to google and chk. them out, they've helped me immensely. If I binge, I still get the 'Doom', but I also have resources I didn't so much before; namely Jesus. It's still hard & horrible, but.... anyway you are not alone. Hope things better now and you give an update.

LIQUID Depression ! I think that is an absolutely brilliant phrase, thank you. I am going to try and think of it like that from now on... While I can 'forget' (ha, choose to ignore the (probable) possibility) that I'll be back w/ the 'Doom' AFTER Drinking, If I can just think of it FIRST -- & if I had to order it by that name ?? "Hey Guy! Can I have a few shots of Long-Lasting Liquid Depression please ? Just put it on my tab...." Truly hope this a phrase that sticks w/ me. AND can see already also be useful to say when asked 'what R U drinking tonite?". Can reply ' HA! Booze like a shot of Liquid Depression anymore, how bout a juice w/ a twist'... And no, you were not condescending at all. Most of us I imagine already knew/heard all that b4, but ... sometimes things just hit diff. at times, and know you've helped me. Thanks !!