And whats so awful about this is that you cant really tell anyone how youre feeling. At best you get the dreaded platitudes about inner beauty or that you should be proud of your wrinkles and stop worrying about it because theres nothing you can do, and at worst you get called vain, selfish and shallow and to be thankful you dont have cancer or something awful like that. Why is it that this is deemed not important enough to feel bad about? If you were depressed for any other reason or were a young person upset about their look, youd get heaps of sympathy and understanding, but good luck getting any if youre depressed about being ugly due to aging. But why should it be any different? The hypocritical judgemental society means that so many people suffer in silence and dont get the help and support they need. And I dont mean therapy, I mean surgery. The only people who seem to understand are plastic surgeons who see how much distress people are going through. I had health insurance with Vitality which included highly subsidised facelifts because they understood how important it was for mental health. But you cant get them on the NHS. Young people can get surgery for wonky ears etc but if youre old and want a facelift forget it-you dont matter to them.
I’m 48 years old and post menopausal. So I went through it but the drastic change from head to toe, inside to the outsides of me has done a number. Up until this time, people throat I was much younger. I married at 30 & had my first child. I divorced shortly after and before the ink dried I had met my new husband. Both of us are fairly attractive then. Now I am the ugly duckling and he looks more handsome each day. But love can do that also. At 41, we decided to get pregnant. I talked to my doctor and within 3 weeks I was pregnant even though she told me I was premenopausal at the time.
The risk of cancer increases with age so it may have happened anyway even without HRT. I believe the risk of developing cancer while on HRT is greater for those with underlying conditions which increase the risk of cancer even without HRT. (See the BBC's 'The truth about the menopause'
That is so true. This page is the first one I've found on the Internet where women are actually discussing their true feelings about how their looks have changed due to aging. We are all suffering, but no one talks about it.
I have read many articles about the recent increase in suicides among middle-aged women, but not one of them mentions the obvious. Not one of them delves into the horror women experience looking at their own faces in the mirror and what that does to their mental health.
It's amazing that all these researchers fail to address what seems so patently obvious to me. Middle-aged women suffer horribly from changes in their appearance that lead to loss of social status, rejection by our mates, etc., but apparently no one feels the need to ask us why we are so depressed we don't want to go on. We hide and suffer in silence. If we speak up, we are quickly labeled negative, depressed, and so on.
In the meantime, cosmetics companies charge a small fortune for any kind of cream that works, Botox is out of reach for most women, cosmetic surgery is unthinkably expensive for the average working woman, so most of us can do nothing that would actually help relieve our depression.
We don't need antidepressants and positive thinking. We need for our faces to look decent, at least good enough to not be horrified by our own reflection in the mirror. We need to feel good enough about our appearance that we don't mind walking out the door every day, interacting with people and just generally living life.
I have read many articles about the recent increase in suicides among middle-aged women, but not one of them mentions the obvious. Not one of them delves into the horror women experience looking at their own faces in the mirror and what that does to their mental health.
It's amazing that all these researchers fail to address what seems so patently obvious to me. Middle-aged women suffer horribly from changes in their appearance that lead to loss of social status, rejection by our mates, etc., but apparently no one feels the need to ask us why we are so depressed we don't want to go on. We hide and suffer in silence. If we speak up, we are quickly labeled negative, depressed, and so on.
In the meantime, cosmetics companies charge a small fortune for any kind of cream that works, Botox is out of reach for most women, cosmetic surgery is unthinkably expensive for the average working woman, so most of us can do nothing that would actually help relieve our depression.
We don't need antidepressants and positive thinking. We need for our faces to look decent, at least good enough to not be horrified by our own reflection in the mirror. We need to feel good enough about our appearance that we don't mind walking out the door every day, interacting with people and just generally living life.
I agree about the face cream . My face is ugly
I hope you are doing okay and have semi accepted growing old. I'm 58 and have never had back or belly fat. I think my metabolism has shut down permanently. My MOTTO IS I will not GIVE IN TO THIS AGING c**p. I continue to exercise because it makes me feel better. Doesn't keep my body in shape like in my younger years but I'm trying my hardest to maintain my weight even though my body has gone south. Droppy back fat after 3 kids only appeared in my 50's and i never had dimples around my stomach. It's unbelievable how much our bodies change after menopause. I have always been in great shape. If I focus on being grateful for other blessings I have then my body doesn't affect me as much. On days when I focus on myself like going shopping for clothes is when I get down and out and grossed out with this new body. I try to keep things in perspective through prayer. It's hard to accept but it's best to just do the best to keep a balance between mind, body and soul. You are not alone.
You are sooooooooo right.
So True
But this person who clearly looks good is telling other people who don't to 'get a grip?' How can they possibly understand what these other women are feeling if they aren't in the same situation? A classic case of 'let them eat cake.'
But probably only because she has had surgery and treatments. It's not so simple for mere mortals who are on a modest income
So true-but all we ever see are articles from rich celebs with the money for facelifts proclaiming from their ivory towers saying how wonderful it is to get old, or we get a judgemental finger pointed at us from the very small minority who don't seem to mind getting old. No one takes this problem seriously. BTW, you could look into doing face exercises or face yoga-its the poor persons answer to surgery and can work just as well IMO.
I agree with you so much that I thought this was a post I had written and forgotten about lol!
Very true- she is not in a position to tell other women how they should be feeling because she isn't in the same position-she clearly isn't ugly because she is getting attention from men. Most of the women on here don't have that luxury anymore.
So true! I just don’t get all these people who say life gets better and easier after 50. Have they not heard of the menopause or Alzheimers or all the other horrible degenerative things that ageing brings? They say that its ‘thrilling and exciting and full of wonderful opportunities and you can finally do whatever you dreamed of doing,’ but the reality is far from that. If anything the opportunities decrease. No one wants to date you anymore, you can’t do hobbies or careers that rely on looking young and it even affects regular careers because most people judge you negatively if you’re not very nice looking so it can affect employment and promotion prospects. And as for ‘doing what you always dreamed of,’ yes that may be true if you always dreamed of being an old woman, but if you dreamed of being an athlete, dancer, singer, model or to get married etc etc then forget it (unless you have the money to get treatments or have found a good anti ageing regime that doesn’t cost much like face exercise/yoga.)
Ageing is a nasty, spiteful bully that ruins peoples lives. If it was a person it would go to prison for the abuse it inflicts on people. But somehow we are told to just accept it and stop complaining (from people who have not experienced the suffering of ageing and have no idea what they're talking about.)