Daughter/Father Relationship (Emotional Incest)

Yes we were not married! We started dating and everything was perfect ! Got engaged! And out of nowhere his 16 yr. Old daughter hated everything about me done everything to destroy us she went as far as made him call me and break up with me over the phone. I should have suspected how he discussed our sex life with her and when she started her period she said daddy my vagina is bleeding that they had more going on than i new about. .NO One is getting her daddy. !!!!

I thought I was going mad. I met ex my partner over 4 years ago I noticed how close he was to his daughter straight away but thought it because he a widower and she worried about him how wrong I have been ,and I'm sad to say I had to walk away ,I could no longer cope with feeling I didn't count he has slept at my home every night for years but she arrived every morning to collect him. That's the only way to put that that ,he would return a few hours later she called into my home several times a day to be with her father often needing lifts and often for money ,emotional support ,or requests that he give his grandchildren lifts he never said no. Got annoyed sometimes but that was it. I tried to get on with her and we did to a certain degree but the constant demands took their toll ,on me ,if we planned to go anywhere you could bet she had a financial crisis ( nearly every week ) if her siblings needed their father she made sure she needed him for something at that time she ,he will take from his other daughters to give to her and she pushes him to do this. She's seldom happy and constantly complains she's ill ( which again makes her father worry ) two of her own kids are over 18 but do not work. As she says they have poor health. And they are totally dependant on her her youngest is 13 incapable of getting to school alone or visiting a local shop playing out is a no no he may get abducted. Or run over by a car This woman is 40. Her father is 65. Neither can function without the other. It's sad I loved this man and he said he loved me. But I would have had a breakdown if I had continued with things it wasn't a healthy option for me , I felt totally neglected as her endless needs came first so thank you those who have posted on this site it's helped me understand what I was dealing with

Thank you for sharing this post. I know it was a while ago I have just broken up with my partner of 4 yrs and was exactly like you only his daughter was 40 ,I too felt like I was only there to fill in gaps when she didn't need him. For my own sanity I ended it

Amen to that

I'm glad I found this site and read all of your problems, as it is something I have been struggling with myself for years. I'm married to a man who is in his early 60s now, and he has a daughter who is in her early 30s now. Since the beginning of our marriage, she's been controlling my husband over almost everything including what he has to eat, how to treat me, she told me what to cook for him, and especially she wants her dad to still treat her mom like a wife. When we went to a family trip after our wedding day, she will literally tell us where to go, where to eat, and tell her dad what to eat. I begin to suspicious without saying a word. Then time after time I began to be curious and looked into my husband's phone. His pic gallery was filled with his daughter's selfies pic. on the bed, just woking up, going to sleep, in a sleeping bag on the back of her car, on the beach, literally where ever she is...and she was dating someone for a few years already back then who is now her fiancee. I also found out that my husband texted her "good morning" as the 1st thing he does everytime he got off the bed in the morning. Texted her during the day, and "good night, sweet dreams" every night before he goes to bed, and she is on the most often outgoing call logs. He texted me like that back when we were dating, he rarely answered my calls even when I was in an emergency situation. But he won't miss her text and calls.

I tried to talk to him nicely about this, but instead he yelled at me and said "are you jealous of my daughter ? can I not talk to my own daughter ? you are crazy!" and those fights literally shuts down everything on us. after awhile I found porn videos on my husband's phone a few times, I asked him offcourse why he had it, and always end up in a big fight. Yet he wants to have sex with me everyday, doesn't matter how tired I am or how sick I am. I thought I was marrying a sex maniac, and yes I told him that, but then he will turned into a cute puppy in a drop of a hat, so I won't be upset anymore.

When we moved to a state where his daughter lives, she wants him to get a house close to her mom's. She literally called him to go meet her mom and got upset with him because he made her wait, while we were driving around with our realtor that time to find a house. Long story becomes short, he wanted me to have the exact same car as his daughter's, she told him places I should go shopping to, where I should eat, etc. while I can actually find out myself. I was a daily news feed for her. He texted her about where I am, what I am doing, what I am looking for, what I am eating...all of it! so I asked him "Do you want me to wear the same bra and panties as your daughter too?" he didn't say a word. She calls her fiancee in any kind of words she likes, meanwhile my husband and I have had our own "love name" since we were dating, but since we moved in, he changed it..called me in any words he likes. So I complained and asked, but instead he said "My daughter does that to her fiancee, he's not angry...why is it a big deal to you?" I can only rolled my eyes, raised my hands, and walked away. I know whatever words I say about his daughter, I can never win.

I feel like I'm going crazy. No matter how much I thrive, nothing I said ever make sense to him when it is about his daughter, except that he thinks I am jealous and over reacting. Everytime we eat together, she has to sit across him. Everytime we had discussion, she often put me on the sideline so I can't be involved in the conversation, or she will talked about her mom, or how she spent time with her dad's ex girlfriend.

After 5yrs I just can't stand it. I confronted him with every emotion and facts I had. I told him that I may be crazy, but that is because he made me so. We yelled and shout at eachother and I ended up taking my wedding ring off my finger and tossed it hard onto his face, and I walked away. I told him, if he can not come back with his sense and stand on his feet, I am leaving. He didn't say a word and just stood there.

After 3days of silence, he talked to me and apologize and he has changed for almost a year now, but I know he still texted her and call her everyday. The only difference is, if his daughter is having a problem, he will spit it out on me. So I told him, "I'm not a trash can where you can spit anytime you want. If she has problem, she has to deal with it as she is an adult, I am sick and tired with you-your daughter- your exwife for treating me like sh*t, when all I do for you is loving you and take care of you in sickness and in health, I deserve a better life!".

Then a few months later, his daughter called me, apologize and cried. I was surprised, but still I get the feeling that she wasn't really doing it. I'm sorry to say, but after all she's done, I just can't trust her. I can't trust my husband either until this second. I was right, 2 months after she called, a document arrived in our mail which turned out to be a paperwork for her daughter & fiancee to buy a house, with my husband as the borrower, and all of our house document included. So that should give a new clue, right ?

Right now, I honestly loosing my sense to my husband. I feel less and less intimate to him, I feel cheated, I feel worthless to him. Everytime I'm on my edge and begged him to let me leave, he won't let me go. I've packed all my suitcases, but he won't let me walk out of the door and gave me his puppy looks instead. I really don't know what to do anymore. I can't communicate with him anymore, because nothing ever make sense to him except his own thoughts and his daughter's.

I thought I was the only one. Your story is both refreshing and sad for me. I’m engaged to be married in two months, and I’m waiting for ANY kind of change. They are very codependent and I’m out in the cold. Thank you for sharing

I have been made to believe. This is my stuff. That I'm jealous!! My. Husb of 26 Yrs has talked to his *never do wrong daughterz*..since she was 3..he told her all.. everything..so sad. Yes . She now believe s. She is responsible to protect him..she has alot of difficulties with her husband now...my husband. Her dad says it had nothing to do we with her. And all to do with him,!! Defensive n ager occur when I even mention maybe she has more to do with there problems that he's not willing to accept! What are some of the issues she will have with her husband since my husband just depending on her for all.m& putting her on a highest pedestal,?

Damm it! I get it now. Marriage comes first and why don't our husbands see that. I'm a grown woman and I take care of the children, whether step or not. I should not be put into any place than first and last summer my knight and shining armor who I thought was my husband literally shoved/pushed me in front of my son and his daughter because of his daughter who I've done so much for, and I'm sure more than her own mom and definitely than my husband. No one deserves this. Should I just leave, this is physical abuse and unacceptable!

I had this problem as well after 28 years of marriage I finally just gave up and got a divorce. My husband and daughter are still each other's best friends. They happily live together all up in each other's lives to the point neither have outside friends or interest. To them me being odd man out wasn't a problem. I too know the pain that comes from trying not to be jealous of your own child. It is like maddness after all I should be happy she has such a close relationship with her father until it comes to the abuse you start to take. I was like a rat on a wheel trying to keep them both happy while starving for affection myself.

Married for 27 years with “his, mine, ours, and even theirs” (as he had a daughter I didn’t even know about until after we were married!). I survived the years of raising our blended family with my narcicist husband (hardest thing I’ve done in my life), though our youngest son (adopted by both of us) is just turning 14. One would think the hardest part is over, but now his thirty something, golden daughter (in his eyes only) has three children of her own and he treats them better than our own child still st home. His “special” daughter and her husband live within miles of us and our home is their daycare. I don’t blame the daughter nearly as much as my husband as my husband insists on having her three kids here as much as possible. However, his daughter uses this to her advantage. Holidays (including my birthday and Mother’s Dsy) revolve around his daughters needs for a babysitter. Our vacations revolve around his daughters schedule because of course, they must go with us (which means it’s no longer a vacation for me). I’ve accepted he loves her more than me and will continue to give priority to her family over our own, but it makes me so resentful that I’m very unhappy (depressed and resentful) most of the time, just putting on a happy face to keep the peace. It wouldn’t be so bad if the grandchildren (and their mother) treated me with any respect, but I’m treated as just the lady that is married to their papa. They don’t even speak to me on many occasions unless I force them to. I’ve lived upstairs for years now. Divorce is really not an option. I’ve put way too much into this to leave now (which I wish I’d done years ago). I would love a recommendation of books that might offer encouragement or ways of having some sense of control of my life again. Thanks for any insight.

OMG I came across these post and my stomach is weak. They are eye opening for I felt for years as I was going crazy. I was even told that I was jealous of my ex daughter. I always had this strange feeling something wasn't normal about their relationship, but I guess I toss it to me not understanding because I was raised without my father so I thought that's how girls are with their fathers. I was with my ex for six years and it was HELL I couldn't put my finger on what was going on. I thought it was his ex-wife that was causing all the problems between me and my ex, but it was his youngest daughter of four children that he have. My ex was only close with the yougest daughter and treated her very very very different from his oldest daughter and two sons. I remember he told me his closer to her then the other childern because he only had a chance to watch her be born

I have read some of your replies and totally relate to the complexity of father-daughter relationships, especially for a dad who raised two girls alone. As a new wife, not the daughter's mother, I feel that one daughter is overly dependent on her father at the age of over 30 and the other daughter attempts to manipulate him by making him feel quilty if he hesitates or refuses to comply with her wishes, over 30 as well. This is very difficult to watch. I tend to stay out of it because they are his daughters but sometimes it is ridiculous as my husband wears himself thin trying to be superman to his two daughters to compensate for a mother that walked out. It also makes me feel awkward as his current wife as I watch this unfold much too often.

Current Wife

It’s obvious they have something going on, He is your husband there should be boundaries .. listened to your gut!!’move out an be happy

Yep that is why I am here right now. I do I change of fix the problem

Reading your post confirms what I've been dealing with. I'm almost out the door. I see him once a week. Although we aren't married I have acted as a wife. My boyfriend's relationship with his daughter is like a marriage. Her behavior is so disturbing for someone over 30 as she behaves provocatively around him. In the beginning he doted on me and she did everything in her power to push me away. Now he waits on her hand and foot and treats me like an assistant. He even allows her to disrespect me. I have pointed out their covert incestuous relationship but I am told that I am jealous. She runs his life. She actually had the nerve to advise me on relationships but tries to get me to do things for her. I can't stand being around her anymore. She is a narcissist. The best thing to do is to leave. I know that now. Like I said, I'm almost out the door. I wish you all peace and remember that these situations only change when you leave. Leave for your own happiness.