Im only 14, and Ive had numb emotions since I was 13. My first boyfriend went to a movie with me then left because his friend was gonna get beat up or something. Then about 20 minutes later, my 2 friends that were with us came back and told me he broke up with me for this older girl. The second they told me, I couldnt move, I couldnt speak. It was like my whole body shut down. Then when I got home I noticed something weird. When he apologized for doing it, I laughed so hard I fell on the floor. I noticed that I couldnt feel a few months after it happened.
Now I cant feel anything. I cant stay in a relationship for more than 3 weeks without getting uniterested. Its just like.. Im nothing. Like Im floating. I get so pissed off at the smallest things. Im always angry and when Im not angry I just feel empty. Like Im just skin wrapped around fog-confused, vacant, transparent. Ive lost friends with my temper, and Ive gotten in trouble for cocking off to my parents and teachers all too much, almost everyday.
I cant even remember what it was like to feel. I cant remember a time when I was truely happy or exited or passionate. I just grope through life, not caring about what happens. Just not caring in general. Ive been failing school since I became numb, because all I am is tired. All I do in class is sit and daydream. I started cutting to see if I could feel pain and it didnt work. Nothing works.
Im sick of this, but Im not sure if I want to get my emotions back. Im scared of getting hurt.
I dont want to go to theropy because I dont want my parents to know. Its too personal, and I would feel way over violated and I wouldnt be able to be with them or look at them or talk to them.
Im rejected at school by alot of people, homework, teachers constant pressure, maintaining friendships, maintaining a social life, its all very stressing. It feels like I have no time, that Im always rushed. And when Im too tired, I lay down. But I cant sleep. Ive also had a heavy case of insomnia since I became emotionally numb. All Im focused on is sleep.
..What should I do? Im so confused. D':
Now I cant feel anything. I cant stay in a relationship for more than 3 weeks without getting uniterested. Its just like.. Im nothing. Like Im floating. I get so pissed off at the smallest things. Im always angry and when Im not angry I just feel empty. Like Im just skin wrapped around fog-confused, vacant, transparent. Ive lost friends with my temper, and Ive gotten in trouble for cocking off to my parents and teachers all too much, almost everyday.
I cant even remember what it was like to feel. I cant remember a time when I was truely happy or exited or passionate. I just grope through life, not caring about what happens. Just not caring in general. Ive been failing school since I became numb, because all I am is tired. All I do in class is sit and daydream. I started cutting to see if I could feel pain and it didnt work. Nothing works.
Im sick of this, but Im not sure if I want to get my emotions back. Im scared of getting hurt.
I dont want to go to theropy because I dont want my parents to know. Its too personal, and I would feel way over violated and I wouldnt be able to be with them or look at them or talk to them.
Im rejected at school by alot of people, homework, teachers constant pressure, maintaining friendships, maintaining a social life, its all very stressing. It feels like I have no time, that Im always rushed. And when Im too tired, I lay down. But I cant sleep. Ive also had a heavy case of insomnia since I became emotionally numb. All Im focused on is sleep.
..What should I do? Im so confused. D':
It sounds to me like you might be depressed which is why you are having an issue with relating to people and feeling disconnected. Have you told an adult about this? I think that's a good idea if you haven't. Do you know someone you could talk to?
I agree with healthfitness guy. It seems like you are very much depressed. And you say you did not have this "numbness" before the boyfriend broke up with you? I know that you probably don't want "parental" advice, but I am looking at this from two different perspectives. 1. As a person who once was 15 and went through all the ups and downs of "growing up" 2. As a parent (of a girl)...who would be devastated to know that her daughter was feeling this way and had no idea.
You need to get help before it is too late. It could take therapy or it could take a combo of drugs and therapy, but you have to do something now. Your parents are there for you through thick and thin, and I know, for a fact, that they will not love you any less, they will not banish you...they want you to have a "normal" teenage life, and there is no reason you should feel violated if they know what is going on with you. Why would you feel this way?
From the teenage perspective, oh boy, you are going to go through so many things in your teenage years and there after. These are not even close to the best days of your life...you have so much ahead of you. I know its hard to focus on the future, when you can't even grasp the present. But just remember, friends will come and go, you will move to new schools, boyfriends won't stick around forever, and you have to live life for you. Do things you enjoy, and even though you are having a hard time knowing what you enjoy, I am sure there are things out there that would bring you joy...you just have to start from the inside of YOU. Find out where this "numbness" has come from, which may take some extensive therapy.
I think I sometimes have the opposite problem...I feel too much. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but a lot of this comes from the fact that I LOVE LIFE and I cannot imagine not being here with the people I love. It scares me to death to think of death and not being here to live another day.
Good luck sweetie...please keep us posted...and if you have any questions or need any more advice, just ask!
PS Keep in mind, I'm not an old fogie...I'm only 28...if that makes you feel any different with what I have posted :-)
You need to get help before it is too late. It could take therapy or it could take a combo of drugs and therapy, but you have to do something now. Your parents are there for you through thick and thin, and I know, for a fact, that they will not love you any less, they will not banish you...they want you to have a "normal" teenage life, and there is no reason you should feel violated if they know what is going on with you. Why would you feel this way?
From the teenage perspective, oh boy, you are going to go through so many things in your teenage years and there after. These are not even close to the best days of your life...you have so much ahead of you. I know its hard to focus on the future, when you can't even grasp the present. But just remember, friends will come and go, you will move to new schools, boyfriends won't stick around forever, and you have to live life for you. Do things you enjoy, and even though you are having a hard time knowing what you enjoy, I am sure there are things out there that would bring you joy...you just have to start from the inside of YOU. Find out where this "numbness" has come from, which may take some extensive therapy.
I think I sometimes have the opposite problem...I feel too much. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but a lot of this comes from the fact that I LOVE LIFE and I cannot imagine not being here with the people I love. It scares me to death to think of death and not being here to live another day.
Good luck sweetie...please keep us posted...and if you have any questions or need any more advice, just ask!
PS Keep in mind, I'm not an old fogie...I'm only 28...if that makes you feel any different with what I have posted :-)
Well all I know is that if u really want to get rid of the numbness a then u should go aand see someone otherwise u won’t know what to do to urself and ur thoughts