My son is hitting puberty this summer, and as a result, I'm struggling with when and how to talk with him about the changes in his body.
Specifically, about wet dreams and how to cope with them, etc. He's also having a problem with wetting the bed... which I think is connected. As I recall, I would wake up wanting to pee, or just starting, and grabbing for my penis to stop it. But I don't recall if it was due to an ejaculation or peeing or if they are both related. My memory of those years isn't quite as sharp as it was...
My wife thinks the bed wetting is from staying up too late, but I think that may be that he's deeply asleep, and so when "morning wood" occurs, he's still asleep.
All this is stuff that guys will know about and remember...and gals probably are not aware of... just as there are some mysteries of being female that we'll never quite understand or ever experience.... 8-|
I'm aware of this cause I'm doing laundry and have found that I must do a load almost every third day, as my son is getting up, changing his underwear, and leaving the soggy wet ones in his hamper... which then reek of urine if not laundered within a day or two. And I'm finding two or three sets of shorts and underwear soaked, at a time... So, I'm stumbling onto it and the need to speak with him.
As I recall, I started masturbating when this happened to me, and so, that kept my "sperm supply" low enough that I rarely had wet dreams due to a back-up of sperm... but I do vividly remember my first such orgasm and the terror that it caused me, as I thought I had "broken" something and was terrified when my body would stop "trying to pee"... which was how I interpreted the sensations of ejaculation that first and second time. It was a little while before I began to associate it with pleasure.
Any advice from men about how they handled this or how your folks talked with you would be a great help.
I'd really REALLY like some advice from you guys... 8)
Specifically, about wet dreams and how to cope with them, etc. He's also having a problem with wetting the bed... which I think is connected. As I recall, I would wake up wanting to pee, or just starting, and grabbing for my penis to stop it. But I don't recall if it was due to an ejaculation or peeing or if they are both related. My memory of those years isn't quite as sharp as it was...
My wife thinks the bed wetting is from staying up too late, but I think that may be that he's deeply asleep, and so when "morning wood" occurs, he's still asleep.
All this is stuff that guys will know about and remember...and gals probably are not aware of... just as there are some mysteries of being female that we'll never quite understand or ever experience.... 8-|
I'm aware of this cause I'm doing laundry and have found that I must do a load almost every third day, as my son is getting up, changing his underwear, and leaving the soggy wet ones in his hamper... which then reek of urine if not laundered within a day or two. And I'm finding two or three sets of shorts and underwear soaked, at a time... So, I'm stumbling onto it and the need to speak with him.
As I recall, I started masturbating when this happened to me, and so, that kept my "sperm supply" low enough that I rarely had wet dreams due to a back-up of sperm... but I do vividly remember my first such orgasm and the terror that it caused me, as I thought I had "broken" something and was terrified when my body would stop "trying to pee"... which was how I interpreted the sensations of ejaculation that first and second time. It was a little while before I began to associate it with pleasure.
Any advice from men about how they handled this or how your folks talked with you would be a great help.
I'd really REALLY like some advice from you guys... 8)
Kids nowadays are much more sophisticated than when we were kids. So don't be surprised if your son already knew what wet dream is all about. To illustrate how sophisticated kids are nowadays, I recently came across a post concerning "ballbusting". I was so ignorant that I had to google it to find out what it was. This appears to be the kind of things kids have fun with these days. You ever heard of "ballbusting" when you were a kid?
My dad caught me masturbating when I was 10. He told me it was a bad thing and told me not to do it again. From that point on, I associated masturbation as something that I should hide from my dad. I had my first wet dream when I was 13. As dumb as I was at that time, I instinctively knew what it was. I washed my soiled underwear clean and told my dad that the reason it was wet was because I accidentally dropped it into the bathtub. My dad did not say anything, but I suspected that he already knew. My advice to you is, don't worry about it. If he needs your guidance, he will come to you.
For the sake of cleanliness, you can ask your son to wash his soiled underwear with some detergent. This will teach him responsibility. And you won't have to deal with the mess.
My dad caught me masturbating when I was 10. He told me it was a bad thing and told me not to do it again. From that point on, I associated masturbation as something that I should hide from my dad. I had my first wet dream when I was 13. As dumb as I was at that time, I instinctively knew what it was. I washed my soiled underwear clean and told my dad that the reason it was wet was because I accidentally dropped it into the bathtub. My dad did not say anything, but I suspected that he already knew. My advice to you is, don't worry about it. If he needs your guidance, he will come to you.
For the sake of cleanliness, you can ask your son to wash his soiled underwear with some detergent. This will teach him responsibility. And you won't have to deal with the mess.
I forgot to mention that bed-wetting is an entirely different thing. Bed wetting in an older kid usually has an emotional element in it. I wet my bed until age 10. I was bullied at school and I dreaded going to school everyday. The bed wetting stopped as soon as I was getting bigger and stronger, and more capable of handling myself.
Easily, talk open to him and tell him this. I don't see why you should hide it what you see from him. I think that he is aware of this as well. Anyway, it is nothing that is not normal, children masturbation is a perfectly OK thing, but if you are worried because he is "messy", you should tell this to him. I mean, there is no reason for him to be mad, he can only feel imbaresed. Your son is in the puberty and you will deal with more things with him, trust me, I am a father of three sons and I know what I am saying.
Nope, "ballbusting" is a new term for me. When I was younger, it meant a woman who deflated or emasculated men... ("a real ball buster, that one is...")
I guess I'll have to go google it too...
I understand about the bedwetting at an older age, but I don't think that's it. he seems extremely well adjusted and confident.
YOU may have felt that you grew out of it as you were getting more capable of handling yourself, but I wonder if it was also a case of you growing bigger and stronger, and your body maturing and getting better control over your "automatic" responses.
Not arguing here, just something to think about.
PS: I'm pretty sure he's not familiar with the term "Wet Dream", as he just looked over my shoulder and asked what that was, and I chickened out and told him that it was something that boys going through puberty go through... and he dropped the topic and asked to get on the computer instead. (He's an on-line game player extrodinare!)
But perhaps the ground has been broken for a future discussion. (I just didn't want to admit to him that I was on-line asking for advice on this, or else I would have/should have tackled it then.)
I guess I'll have to go google it too...
I understand about the bedwetting at an older age, but I don't think that's it. he seems extremely well adjusted and confident.
YOU may have felt that you grew out of it as you were getting more capable of handling yourself, but I wonder if it was also a case of you growing bigger and stronger, and your body maturing and getting better control over your "automatic" responses.
Not arguing here, just something to think about.
PS: I'm pretty sure he's not familiar with the term "Wet Dream", as he just looked over my shoulder and asked what that was, and I chickened out and told him that it was something that boys going through puberty go through... and he dropped the topic and asked to get on the computer instead. (He's an on-line game player extrodinare!)
But perhaps the ground has been broken for a future discussion. (I just didn't want to admit to him that I was on-line asking for advice on this, or else I would have/should have tackled it then.)
I had a father who was very distant, and as a result, I had to sort of wing it through puberty. It seems to me that you're already a caring and active father so I don't think there's any reason why you can't just bite the bullet and launch into the whole dang sex talk right now. Don't just talk to your son about wet dreams but do a whole spiel on sex in general. don't make it a special talk though--be open about it in general! Talk about it over breakfast. You'll probably be discussing it all the time for awhile since he'll have questions. Just try to make yourself a resource to him and also take all the mystery out of it for him. You really can't discuss this sort of thing with kids too much because lord knows they'll go off and try to get someone pregnant otherwise. :-) I think it's great that you're such an involved dad, so just keep that up and be involved in talking about puberty with him too.
just take him aside and make him take his pants down. then point out to him what every thing really does and what they are used for. if you must show him your tools to let him see how the body changes.
it worked for my son and he doesn't talking to me about these sexual issues
I'll answer this but since it was a year ago the problem might have cleared itself up. If not, here is my experience and what I know.
Wet dreams are not the same as bedwetting, but obviously they have the similarity of involving the same body parts, happening while sleeping, and resulting in wetness. But wetting the bed involves urine and does not require sexual maturity, and wet dreams involve the ability to produce semen (the nature of the dream is irrelevant).
I am curious to ask if you noticed how much wetting your son did, and if it started recently. If he was, like me, NOT a regular bedwetter before this happened, and only wet for a few seconds before waking up, then he might have experienced the same thing. You say his wet underwear were in the hamper, but anyone who has truly wet the bed or has a bedwetting child knows a full bladder's worth of urine being urinated in a bed leaves much more to be laundered, including the sheets and some serious soaking up to do with the mattress, if there is no plastic pad on it.
In my case I would dream that I would begin peeing and in seconds snap awake to luckily stop, but not before the front of my briefs and pajamas (and if I was laying on my stomach a similar spot of wetness on the sheet) got wet. I was so confused about why this was happening.
Fast forward several weeks after this happened a few more times and I had my first wet dream. Oddly it felt much the same in the dream, the main difference being that it felt nicer and I slept through the entire wetting process, aware of the sensation the whole time, but seemingly not worried about it. The other mysterious aspect of it was the "trying to pee" sensation you describe, which in the dream was much slowed down from what I later learned were ejaculation contractions. I simply felt the tension and urge to pee (a lot!) followed by a relieving flow, but it would stop before it was finished, and then it would begin again with another surge. While it was happening it was mildly strange but not too freaky - until I finally stopped several pulsations later and it dawned on me that I was actually in bed and I "allowed" myself to wet it! (No matter that before this dream I dreamed I was innocently hugging an unknown girl who appeared to me and we seemed to "melt" into one being before the urge to "pee" built up in me.)
So, to go back and explain the urine problem, as it was explained to me, during puberty boys (and girls) need more sleep and do sleep more. A side result is a more full bladder. Boys also experience erections during REM sleep from high hormone levels. Once in a while in a few boys these coincide and the developing valves and mechanisms for detecting and controlling them don't line up perfectly and slight accidents occur. An erection naturally creates a shut-off valve to stop the slow of urine. If he was not yet ready to ejaculate but had a full bladder, a pre-sexual sensation may have relaxed him and triggered the flow of urine, where his quickly erecting penis managed to shut off the flow, albeit a few seconds late, creating an accident, but a relatively small one.
Hopefully this helps.
Wet dreams are not the same as bedwetting, but obviously they have the similarity of involving the same body parts, happening while sleeping, and resulting in wetness. But wetting the bed involves urine and does not require sexual maturity, and wet dreams involve the ability to produce semen (the nature of the dream is irrelevant).
I am curious to ask if you noticed how much wetting your son did, and if it started recently. If he was, like me, NOT a regular bedwetter before this happened, and only wet for a few seconds before waking up, then he might have experienced the same thing. You say his wet underwear were in the hamper, but anyone who has truly wet the bed or has a bedwetting child knows a full bladder's worth of urine being urinated in a bed leaves much more to be laundered, including the sheets and some serious soaking up to do with the mattress, if there is no plastic pad on it.
In my case I would dream that I would begin peeing and in seconds snap awake to luckily stop, but not before the front of my briefs and pajamas (and if I was laying on my stomach a similar spot of wetness on the sheet) got wet. I was so confused about why this was happening.
Fast forward several weeks after this happened a few more times and I had my first wet dream. Oddly it felt much the same in the dream, the main difference being that it felt nicer and I slept through the entire wetting process, aware of the sensation the whole time, but seemingly not worried about it. The other mysterious aspect of it was the "trying to pee" sensation you describe, which in the dream was much slowed down from what I later learned were ejaculation contractions. I simply felt the tension and urge to pee (a lot!) followed by a relieving flow, but it would stop before it was finished, and then it would begin again with another surge. While it was happening it was mildly strange but not too freaky - until I finally stopped several pulsations later and it dawned on me that I was actually in bed and I "allowed" myself to wet it! (No matter that before this dream I dreamed I was innocently hugging an unknown girl who appeared to me and we seemed to "melt" into one being before the urge to "pee" built up in me.)
So, to go back and explain the urine problem, as it was explained to me, during puberty boys (and girls) need more sleep and do sleep more. A side result is a more full bladder. Boys also experience erections during REM sleep from high hormone levels. Once in a while in a few boys these coincide and the developing valves and mechanisms for detecting and controlling them don't line up perfectly and slight accidents occur. An erection naturally creates a shut-off valve to stop the slow of urine. If he was not yet ready to ejaculate but had a full bladder, a pre-sexual sensation may have relaxed him and triggered the flow of urine, where his quickly erecting penis managed to shut off the flow, albeit a few seconds late, creating an accident, but a relatively small one.
Hopefully this helps.
I am 20 and my little cousin who I legally own is 13 and is just starting to hit puberty. (we are both guys) One night I was in my room watching tv when he came in. He had scared face on. I asked him whats wrong and he pointed to his penis. I didn't get it at first but then I realized. He started freaking out and I picked him up and carried him over to the bed. He asked me why it happens and I gave him the guy talk. We are now closer then ever. He does get curious sometimes and asks questions and I answer them. One night I heard him crying in his room so I went in cause the door was open. I asked him what was wrong and he said that while he was peeing at the urinal a group of boys his age pulled him down and kicked him a bunch of times in his penis. They said that he had a small penis. I talked to him about it and made sure he was ok. Another time he told me that he masturbates and I tild him that it was private and that I didn't need to know it. I went out and bought lotion,kleenex,and a towel and I put them on his nightstand. We are super close. We both sing and play an instrument. We also play hockey and football!!!
Congrats !!! You're doing a great job of teaching your lucky cousin about sex and manhood with no shame or embarrassment and just like men should ideally do for their own sons. Wet dreams can freak a boy out if he isn't expecting them and if he doesn't know what's happening to him. Talking to him about puberty and wet dreams beforehand helps him know what to expect and that its normal and healthy and he didn't piss in his sleep and why his semen is white and thick. Getting your son (cousin) masturbation tools like lotion and clean up towel is a great idea and way to let him know its OK and healthy to masturbate and shoot his loads regularly to keep his sexual organs healthy and fit. Men shouldn't have any more problems discussing wet dreams and masturbation than talking about bruises, bleeding, sweating, pissing, or any other natural male body functions with boys. Boys need men to tell them what to expect and what's normal and OK as they grow and become men.
Maybe it is just me but I don't think when I was younger that I would ever want my dad to talk to me about anything regarding masturbation or my penis size, etc if it was not from my mom I would not want to talk about it. But I also kind of grew up in a world of you were gay if you did or talked about anything naked with another male. So for me anytime I had issues with my penis, etc I only went to my mom never dad.