Would never do anything like that and I have no memory of anything like that or even being with anyone. But it won't leave me alone.one was in August this year and the other around 4 weeks ago. I am aware I need to stop drinking so not looking for a lecture,but it's nice to talk to people who understand like you guys. I have been on citalopram for 9months I know drinking and the meds don't mix well,it's hard tho when u rely on something so much to make u relax even for just a bit. Iv gotten so much worse the older Iv got,I hate feeling this way and just want to be normal. I think Iv signed in as a guest by accident but this is Jemima.hope you guys are having a better time than me at the moment. X
Hello everyone, on one hand I found it comforting that I am am not the only one who feels like that and on the other hand I feel sad that we all have gone through this. I know that this leaves a filthy memory, which can pop into head anytime and can make you feel sad about yourself. There is a girl I just met a few months ago, after just 15 mins of meeting her I realized that I truly like her ....everything was going smooth for next few weeks, until she invited me over at her place for dinner with her friends. I was a little bit nervous about making everything right so that she and her friends like me and in pursuit of doing that I went hard on wine and whisky. I wont say I was totally wasted but yes something happened and when she was me showing her home around I put my hand around her waist and put my finger on her lips and said her to not say one more word(probably what I remember "in a sweet way"). That single moment has changed everything. She now is a little bit reluctant of meeting me. This single incident changed the course of everything that could have lead me to happiness and now I am terrified of drinking at all.
Any word of advice will be appreciated.
Incidentally, I shook his hand and thanked him as we left the court room. I feel he truly saved my life.
So here's my story:
I don't drink often because of an anxiety disorder, but this past Thursday I drank more than I had planned on and, because of this, I experienced short periods of black outs. It seemed like a normal night; a group of friends I'm comfortable with, no funny business, everything seemed fine. I woke up the next morning super early, as I usually do when I drink, took a shower at 6 am to wash the smokey smell from my hair and went back to sleep. But I woke up again, I felt some discomfort; albeit not right away but in the morning. Long story short, I woke up with a vaginal infection and now I can't stop thinking those two horrible words: "what if". What if something happened and I just don't remember it? Despite the fact that I felt I was getting a bacterial infection earlier in the week anyway, and the fact that all of my friends have reassured me that there is no time, place, or person that I could have done anything with and that I was acting normal and fine all night, and the fact that hooking up with someone would be completely out of character for me, even in a drunken state... But I still feel so paranoid that something happened. Let me rephrase that, I don't actually feel like something happened, but my mind keeps telling me, "it could have happened and you and everyone could be wrong".
And I know it's not logical but the sheer coincidence of the infection worsening after that night has me paralyzed with fear I can't shake. I keep trying to remind myself that it's all in my head but I've never had post-drunken anxiety this bad. Is it all in our heads? How do you deal and move on / shake that horrible, nagging, guilty, "what if" feeling? It's been a week now and it has me completely crippled with anxiety to a point where I can't sleep or function normally. I know I wouldn't be feeling this way about that night if the infection hadn't worsened the next day. But I still can't help but wonder "what if". What do I do? How do I get rid of this anxious worrying and move on? Please help.
I've just read through this post and feeling so much better. I feel horrendous after drinking and experience all the same stuff, panic, disgust with myself, the fear I've ruined my life with the stupid stuff I do when drunk, I also make things up and panic I've cheated or been really rude to someone even though these things aren't in my nature. I got really drunk last night and haven't done this for years. I'm so ashamed. I hate being this person and living like this. I'm definately going to try not drinking. Good luck everyone and thanks for making me feel better! Xxx