Whats Mono?
When I yell at him-its usually because I want him to help out-responsibility. at the moment football takes priority over everything and not a word is spoken to anyone from him , rarely to the children. When I tell him that its unfair that hes quit his job and that id rather not quit mine even if it is just little ( as I like it) he tells me its all in my head and that , its only a pathetic job , only 4 hours now and then and that his should take priority....thinkning i can fill that time in any time ( but it doesnt work like that)...
The thing is , I dont see it like this either, I see it I question the unfairness of the sexes here, I mean did he have to give up work to bf his abbies, did he attend to them night after night etc when they were colicy etc -no! He didnt even ever give us money when we were visiting folks. I never asked for any so we got used to that existence, then I started to work part time because , it worked without childcare costs -childcare costs are whet too high. What i am saying is that no man should be allowed to put a small pmothers part time job down in the face of everything ( only when a man can give birth is he , in my opinion ever allowed to do it) huh-bring on the cessarian sections and moobs and see how they like it-and then roll it on ...go get a career ...thats right feel the pressure...then get sucked into socities ways........god, ive not kept up with the pressure I can barely hold my little job , but thats not the point!Grrr!
When I yell at him-its usually because I want him to help out-responsibility. at the moment football takes priority over everything and not a word is spoken to anyone from him , rarely to the children. When I tell him that its unfair that hes quit his job and that id rather not quit mine even if it is just little ( as I like it) he tells me its all in my head and that , its only a pathetic job , only 4 hours now and then and that his should take priority....thinkning i can fill that time in any time ( but it doesnt work like that)...
The thing is , I dont see it like this either, I see it I question the unfairness of the sexes here, I mean did he have to give up work to bf his abbies, did he attend to them night after night etc when they were colicy etc -no! He didnt even ever give us money when we were visiting folks. I never asked for any so we got used to that existence, then I started to work part time because , it worked without childcare costs -childcare costs are whet too high. What i am saying is that no man should be allowed to put a small pmothers part time job down in the face of everything ( only when a man can give birth is he , in my opinion ever allowed to do it) huh-bring on the cessarian sections and moobs and see how they like it-and then roll it on ...go get a career ...thats right feel the pressure...then get sucked into socities ways........god, ive not kept up with the pressure I can barely hold my little job , but thats not the point!Grrr!
Oh no. Stomach cramps- really bad-this isnt a nice one!
Mono is a viral infection that makes people have the chills, temperature, painful throat, vommitting etc, it is was called "the kissing disease" and it is easily spread!
What did you tell the doctor and what did he say to you?
What did you tell the doctor and what did he say to you?
Is Mono the same as Glandular fever? "The kissing diease" is what that is known as here.
okay I showed the doctor my foot-and I dont know what to fo about it-he asked if I wanted him to refer me to orthopedics or something, i said "No" as that would mean more pain, but now regretting that as my foot is really sore and has been for a while now-ive got used to sleeping with a cool blamket puffy thing that I had as a child ( shh :$ ) and put it on my toes at night to take the painaway , but it doesnt really help.
I didnt mention about family stuff-here because its rhubarb, and the only way I can get out is when i have enough money and stop with the insecurity- though I think thats somewhat dangerous for me and my stupid mind- Inow know that I am ready to moveon though- but physically ready, like maintaing a balance with head and staying calm with the children would be so much to ask right now of me to walk away, I need to be more confident about it without relying on ANYONE elses help. In the meantime im thinking stay by my friends. Most do know and at the moment it doesnt make me feel dignifie. Im ow the topic of discussion :what a slapper" theres that mum that got so pissed she snogged the face of a 22 year old-eh whoops so I did, and enjoyed it.Cant believe he was only 22...I thought he was at least 30 b****r and I would have done more had I been goven the chance ( he he-just to live up to the reutation you know) I hate chin waggers. eff oof ppeople need to open there minds up a little and stick there noses in at the points where they are needed , not for small talk and entertainment. Plus I cant still quite believe what im doing. Right now I feel like lim iving a total lie , pretending "its ok" I know its not...but I have to to keep things struggling for everyone elses sakes-does that sound mad?
I told him anout the sickness etc and ive a beconase, its actually worked so far, though my eyes were watering and Ive slept all day.
I told him about my outside family matters too as I was wanting him to reduce my dosage of cit so i could feel less of a weedoo.
Talking of whihch my sister had my dad stay and told me such a funny story. Im going there this weekened im dreading it in case I enjoy myself then get letters home criticising me of my parenting skills, under the watchful eyes and all that-who cares.Im going to start enjoying myself regardless of what others think, most people try to so why cant I?
I cant really remeber what ekse i said because I wound mysekf up before going. id rather be in tital discomfort so they dont think im vrying wolf-but I dont think they get that just even that little bit of reassurance helps- though thats crazy too.
yeah, my dad, was so funny, i nearly peed myself laughing when my sister told me what they got up to. I guess icanr reveal that here, but boy o boy is it any wonder I am the way I am?
I know this is over, and im not panicing about it so much or for the girls sake, alex spoke her feelings to me about it today, she said"please never leave us mummy, we were watching something and she said such and such is being a bad parent, I explained how its often hard to act more adult than the child within us, adults can be overwhelmed and utight about things jsut as she gets uptight about her homework, or school swimming. though I did ask her why , dont you think im like that sometimes/ She said mummy stop it-yoube never been like that? thats the thing I over compensate for my drinking around them the next day but run out of fuel in other places. but I think ifd be like that anyway.
okay ill leave you in peace to enjoy the footie ( ha ha) hope your doing well-how are you doing?
okay I showed the doctor my foot-and I dont know what to fo about it-he asked if I wanted him to refer me to orthopedics or something, i said "No" as that would mean more pain, but now regretting that as my foot is really sore and has been for a while now-ive got used to sleeping with a cool blamket puffy thing that I had as a child ( shh :$ ) and put it on my toes at night to take the painaway , but it doesnt really help.
I didnt mention about family stuff-here because its rhubarb, and the only way I can get out is when i have enough money and stop with the insecurity- though I think thats somewhat dangerous for me and my stupid mind- Inow know that I am ready to moveon though- but physically ready, like maintaing a balance with head and staying calm with the children would be so much to ask right now of me to walk away, I need to be more confident about it without relying on ANYONE elses help. In the meantime im thinking stay by my friends. Most do know and at the moment it doesnt make me feel dignifie. Im ow the topic of discussion :what a slapper" theres that mum that got so pissed she snogged the face of a 22 year old-eh whoops so I did, and enjoyed it.Cant believe he was only 22...I thought he was at least 30 b****r and I would have done more had I been goven the chance ( he he-just to live up to the reutation you know) I hate chin waggers. eff oof ppeople need to open there minds up a little and stick there noses in at the points where they are needed , not for small talk and entertainment. Plus I cant still quite believe what im doing. Right now I feel like lim iving a total lie , pretending "its ok" I know its not...but I have to to keep things struggling for everyone elses sakes-does that sound mad?
I told him anout the sickness etc and ive a beconase, its actually worked so far, though my eyes were watering and Ive slept all day.
I told him about my outside family matters too as I was wanting him to reduce my dosage of cit so i could feel less of a weedoo.
Talking of whihch my sister had my dad stay and told me such a funny story. Im going there this weekened im dreading it in case I enjoy myself then get letters home criticising me of my parenting skills, under the watchful eyes and all that-who cares.Im going to start enjoying myself regardless of what others think, most people try to so why cant I?
I cant really remeber what ekse i said because I wound mysekf up before going. id rather be in tital discomfort so they dont think im vrying wolf-but I dont think they get that just even that little bit of reassurance helps- though thats crazy too.
yeah, my dad, was so funny, i nearly peed myself laughing when my sister told me what they got up to. I guess icanr reveal that here, but boy o boy is it any wonder I am the way I am?
I know this is over, and im not panicing about it so much or for the girls sake, alex spoke her feelings to me about it today, she said"please never leave us mummy, we were watching something and she said such and such is being a bad parent, I explained how its often hard to act more adult than the child within us, adults can be overwhelmed and utight about things jsut as she gets uptight about her homework, or school swimming. though I did ask her why , dont you think im like that sometimes/ She said mummy stop it-yoube never been like that? thats the thing I over compensate for my drinking around them the next day but run out of fuel in other places. but I think ifd be like that anyway.
okay ill leave you in peace to enjoy the footie ( ha ha) hope your doing well-how are you doing?
Okay, feeling much better today, and so is alex-though ive kept her off to get some good food in her.
Hmm felt abit anxious last night before bed-well I was in my bed. i dont know what im doing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
..and researching the library of men , while we both share the same roof is not really a good idea given our history. Oh dear....3 in the bed and the little one said rollover roll over, so they all rolled over, and one fell out? banged his head and gave a shout please remeber to tie a knot in your pyjamas.......
...and I keep getting really nauseated thinking about thtat exam I sat last month. I worte an essay so badly that I put in brackets at the end ( oh dear!)Oh no--the worst of that is to come please god let me scrape a pass because i dont think i could face a resit with the way ia m feeling right now...okay, thinking that another way, ic ould do so welll in a resit, so much better because i now remeber what sitting a written paper is like.
Its weirdDawn- I was lying cuddling Alex watching a movie, and she started to stroke my arm- my arms actually feel sore, sometimes i find myself holding my wrists, but its not like a real pain so i never really say anything of it, because i think its just a lack of affection -it is the bigger picture, she started to stroke my arm, 5 minutes later I was snoring...then got woken by him asking what was wrong with me.....thats it.....im looking for another man!
Okay, that was someone from his work asking me, yes, thats right, asking me what I should get him for a leaving pressie, god, I nearly crippled myself ........I mean, what was the first thing that falshed through my head, Im thinking shot-gun!!!! trigger trigger....oh dear, then followed, by me...thinking I dont realy carem get him ...pff, so anywasy they want to give him a rint of his work building or something, im peeing myself thinking ...I really do not think the last 11 years at that job will erm be remmebered that well..... Did I tell you , hes got a new job as a bus drive. A bus driver....I cant imagine how crabbie he will be....like weve said youended up under one , and i ran down the street with my child becasue the crazy dude didntr check, they have to pass somesort of hard mans psych test........So when I tell friends /family etc-they say oooooow very good, more money blah blahblah. WE WANT SEE IT EVEN IF THERE WAS!!!!!!!!!!!11 and, and one of my neighbours , well he is about my dads age-he asks me "do you really wnat to be going out with a bus driver....?" Oh he calls me ( asbos) because of my panda eyes last year...I used to get called "smiler" by my neighbours as a teenager now itrs asbos.
Anyways, I better go-hope you are well!
Hmm felt abit anxious last night before bed-well I was in my bed. i dont know what im doing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
..and researching the library of men , while we both share the same roof is not really a good idea given our history. Oh dear....3 in the bed and the little one said rollover roll over, so they all rolled over, and one fell out? banged his head and gave a shout please remeber to tie a knot in your pyjamas.......
...and I keep getting really nauseated thinking about thtat exam I sat last month. I worte an essay so badly that I put in brackets at the end ( oh dear!)Oh no--the worst of that is to come please god let me scrape a pass because i dont think i could face a resit with the way ia m feeling right now...okay, thinking that another way, ic ould do so welll in a resit, so much better because i now remeber what sitting a written paper is like.
Its weirdDawn- I was lying cuddling Alex watching a movie, and she started to stroke my arm- my arms actually feel sore, sometimes i find myself holding my wrists, but its not like a real pain so i never really say anything of it, because i think its just a lack of affection -it is the bigger picture, she started to stroke my arm, 5 minutes later I was snoring...then got woken by him asking what was wrong with me.....thats it.....im looking for another man!
Okay, that was someone from his work asking me, yes, thats right, asking me what I should get him for a leaving pressie, god, I nearly crippled myself ........I mean, what was the first thing that falshed through my head, Im thinking shot-gun!!!! trigger trigger....oh dear, then followed, by me...thinking I dont realy carem get him ...pff, so anywasy they want to give him a rint of his work building or something, im peeing myself thinking ...I really do not think the last 11 years at that job will erm be remmebered that well..... Did I tell you , hes got a new job as a bus drive. A bus driver....I cant imagine how crabbie he will be....like weve said youended up under one , and i ran down the street with my child becasue the crazy dude didntr check, they have to pass somesort of hard mans psych test........So when I tell friends /family etc-they say oooooow very good, more money blah blahblah. WE WANT SEE IT EVEN IF THERE WAS!!!!!!!!!!!11 and, and one of my neighbours , well he is about my dads age-he asks me "do you really wnat to be going out with a bus driver....?" Oh he calls me ( asbos) because of my panda eyes last year...I used to get called "smiler" by my neighbours as a teenager now itrs asbos.
Anyways, I better go-hope you are well!
Glad you went to the doctors! Go find yourself another man then :-D , like bambi said, surprised you didn't do anything more XD you need affection!
Hopefully you hear back about your exam results soon.
more quotes...
On and on you will hike, And I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems whatever they are.
You’ll get mixed up of course, as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
And remember that Life’s a great balancing act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left
and...
"Don't give up! I believe in you all.
A person's a person, no matter how small!
And you very small persons will not have to die
If you make yourselves heard! So come on, now, and TRY!"
and...
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
nothing is going to get better. It's not.
and..
Will you succeed?
Yes you will indeed!
Sorry, i read too many Dr.Seuss books to the kids at my work, but are you feeling inspired!? XD
Do you remember my first posts? where I asked you to say something nice about yourself daily? Have you done that recently?
Glad your done taking his sh*t! And want to move on, now to only do it...sounds easier said then done, but its got to be done!
Hopefully you hear back about your exam results soon.
more quotes...
On and on you will hike, And I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems whatever they are.
You’ll get mixed up of course, as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
And remember that Life’s a great balancing act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left
and...
"Don't give up! I believe in you all.
A person's a person, no matter how small!
And you very small persons will not have to die
If you make yourselves heard! So come on, now, and TRY!"
and...
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
nothing is going to get better. It's not.
and..
Will you succeed?
Yes you will indeed!
Sorry, i read too many Dr.Seuss books to the kids at my work, but are you feeling inspired!? XD
Do you remember my first posts? where I asked you to say something nice about yourself daily? Have you done that recently?
Glad your done taking his sh*t! And want to move on, now to only do it...sounds easier said then done, but its got to be done!
"...and never mix up your right foot from your left"....uh huh,,,,I still get them confused-do you think thats the symbol for not knowing the difference from right or wrong as well?
Okay dokey, rightwoke this morning ( damn it) in a total bad bad mood-like you wouldnt believe, im angry at the same time as hateful at the same time extremly fearful, and just full of anger and resentment towards him. Its almost as if I want to tell him, "look matey, i might not be the most attractive but its inner beaty thats the quality etc, and people do find me okayish, butwhat would the point be-he doesnt hear my words he only hears what he wants to hear or what he thinks he hears..
But I was just thinking, Id absolutely HATE my children to live this life. I cant get these last 12 /13 years back, in fact ive probably lost a few more on the way withthe stress and drinking and damdage ive done ( thats a life sentence in itslelf- and i havent commited a crime other than perhaps kill my twin) I know im not the nicest thing to look at, but I take pride in the fact that once i kissed a really handsome guy, but he was a disgusting evil basttard when you got to know him. And I have a true regret-there was a guy I used to date onmy course way way back , and honest to god he had the cutest eyes but walked with his legs and feet like :-) @ he was clever ensitive and good looking and he got a firtst class and hes doing all right...I couldnt marry him ( as he had asked because he was so introvert around me) It makes me wonder about always avoiding someone who cracks too many jokes at the top of their voice ( which is what I found funy about my ex-he was just a joker-he and he has made a ful out of me-but now I know that these people really do have some sort of meaning in their that htey really do just mock the world.
There are no council houses and im upset as ive ran out of money, my dads set me on a mission for my stepmum and I cant pick up the phone to say look I cant afford it. Furball want go away and finding it painful to swallow! how am I goign to get another house-the only way I see is to find myself a squat. i probably want have to wait that long for one of these htough in this climate.
Though, as he is not iinvited to my dads and has made such a noise about it, i think i should voice this to my dads, what is it the free grub-the comfort , what is it that he wants from them , and hwo dare he want to come when he taken such advantage of me and others......why o why does he dig such a deep burrow into my skulll and I burn all this energy thinking about him? Grrrr!
Ive spent the last 2 days sleeping, when im a wake I have heart palpatations, nausea, and so irritable..I try and escape my body , Chant "take me please hurry up ..theyre actually peopoe out there who are dying but would lovet o live: Then this morning really angry for this..I do like life I just need to get out this mess..Si I chant "just believe in yourself" But it got me going "How can I believe in myslef , look what happened the last time I went it alone 8-| My fault , I know but grrr! Right what am I going to do, I ltiteraally need a serious lottery win, I erally do :'(
Okay dokey, rightwoke this morning ( damn it) in a total bad bad mood-like you wouldnt believe, im angry at the same time as hateful at the same time extremly fearful, and just full of anger and resentment towards him. Its almost as if I want to tell him, "look matey, i might not be the most attractive but its inner beaty thats the quality etc, and people do find me okayish, butwhat would the point be-he doesnt hear my words he only hears what he wants to hear or what he thinks he hears..
But I was just thinking, Id absolutely HATE my children to live this life. I cant get these last 12 /13 years back, in fact ive probably lost a few more on the way withthe stress and drinking and damdage ive done ( thats a life sentence in itslelf- and i havent commited a crime other than perhaps kill my twin) I know im not the nicest thing to look at, but I take pride in the fact that once i kissed a really handsome guy, but he was a disgusting evil basttard when you got to know him. And I have a true regret-there was a guy I used to date onmy course way way back , and honest to god he had the cutest eyes but walked with his legs and feet like :-) @ he was clever ensitive and good looking and he got a firtst class and hes doing all right...I couldnt marry him ( as he had asked because he was so introvert around me) It makes me wonder about always avoiding someone who cracks too many jokes at the top of their voice ( which is what I found funy about my ex-he was just a joker-he and he has made a ful out of me-but now I know that these people really do have some sort of meaning in their that htey really do just mock the world.
There are no council houses and im upset as ive ran out of money, my dads set me on a mission for my stepmum and I cant pick up the phone to say look I cant afford it. Furball want go away and finding it painful to swallow! how am I goign to get another house-the only way I see is to find myself a squat. i probably want have to wait that long for one of these htough in this climate.
Though, as he is not iinvited to my dads and has made such a noise about it, i think i should voice this to my dads, what is it the free grub-the comfort , what is it that he wants from them , and hwo dare he want to come when he taken such advantage of me and others......why o why does he dig such a deep burrow into my skulll and I burn all this energy thinking about him? Grrrr!
Ive spent the last 2 days sleeping, when im a wake I have heart palpatations, nausea, and so irritable..I try and escape my body , Chant "take me please hurry up ..theyre actually peopoe out there who are dying but would lovet o live: Then this morning really angry for this..I do like life I just need to get out this mess..Si I chant "just believe in yourself" But it got me going "How can I believe in myslef , look what happened the last time I went it alone 8-| My fault , I know but grrr! Right what am I going to do, I ltiteraally need a serious lottery win, I erally do :'(
Hmmm I have a sore side.
Having lunch, ex says I have an eating disorder because I am so fussy about what I eat. For lunch im having a bowel of sweetcorn with a little bit of butter and salt and pepper-its just the same as having corn in the cob without the hard working of getting out of your teeth..
I think im fine that way, im even growing bingo wings so dont know what his problem is-just dont want anymore things thrown against me - to mention im a bad mum etc.
Having lunch, ex says I have an eating disorder because I am so fussy about what I eat. For lunch im having a bowel of sweetcorn with a little bit of butter and salt and pepper-its just the same as having corn in the cob without the hard working of getting out of your teeth..
I think im fine that way, im even growing bingo wings so dont know what his problem is-just dont want anymore things thrown against me - to mention im a bad mum etc.
OK! I HAVE to get a life! So Last night I'm fast asleep then YOU Miss Katy came to my dreams holding a cat and coughing like Puss In Boots on the Shrek Movies! And I said to you "Katy ALL your symptoms are related to that darn cat" So I just found this website, I'm not supposed to put links, but this is pretty good about no adverts so here it is
http://www.catallergyfree.com/Cat_Allergy_Symptoms.html
IF this isn't you I WILL eat my hat! As I stated to you about 78 pages ago, I thought you have allergies - remember I thought it was mold or something else!? I think it's the cat and stop taking that syrup thing, you need real allergy medications! Check this out! OH and one other thing, phone back to your doctors and ask to see an Orthopeadic specialist for your toe! I'm serious! And when you phone him, ask if you can get an allergy test? 2 simple things that could bring you SO much releif - NO excuses Katy! I mean it!
http://www.catallergyfree.com/Cat_Allergy_Symptoms.html
IF this isn't you I WILL eat my hat! As I stated to you about 78 pages ago, I thought you have allergies - remember I thought it was mold or something else!? I think it's the cat and stop taking that syrup thing, you need real allergy medications! Check this out! OH and one other thing, phone back to your doctors and ask to see an Orthopeadic specialist for your toe! I'm serious! And when you phone him, ask if you can get an allergy test? 2 simple things that could bring you SO much releif - NO excuses Katy! I mean it!
Do you find that you feel better when your outside and worse when your in your home!? And an orthopedic specialist would be a great thing!!
Dawn-Im taking a break from here. Cant talk right now. take care!!
WHY? What's going on?
dawn- its a nightmare! Im going to pm you okay-please respond!
Any updates? How are things going? How are you doing?
She's doing a LOT better guest! She just wanted to speak privately that's all! I'm sure she will be back on here soon!