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I'm so glad I found this site. It's a huge relief to know that I'm not the only girl who feels this way. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and he was the one I lost my virginity to (he only had sex with one other girl before me). My boyfriend is very sexual, and tries to engage me but...i'm just really not into it. As people have said before, it feels like I have to, like it's a chore. Sometimes I just cave in and have sex with him because I feel bad that we haven't had it in like a month. I was sexually abused when I was younger by another girl, and I know that that has something to do with my sex drive, but I can't blame it entirely on that. It just sucks and I feel like my boyfriend will either cheat on me or break up with me because of our lack of sex. Ugh
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Everyone in this thread (and every other one) is agreeing to the problem, but there is never any advice or ways to fix it!!
I don't know what to do!
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I dated a guy for 3 years Nd could count on one hand how many he got me off and another for 2 and he got me off twice so I get the frustration. Now I have someone willing and able to and I just don't want the sex :(.
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My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship (He's in Western Canada, I'm in Eastern US). I visited him back in January and we lost our virginity together. When I was a virgin, I was very intrigued by sex and I wanted to have it badly, mostly out of curiosity. So we sort of rushed into it. It was very uncomfortable for me. Though eventually I did loosen up a tiny bit. We ended up trying about 3 times. Aside from being stretched, my discomfort comes from my cervix since it seems to be very low. My gynecologist said most girls can't feel theirs, but I can feel it without even putting my finger entirely in. She still says there is nothing wrong with me, but I feel there is.
I should also mention that I discovered I had a cyst on my fallopian tube after I returned from Canada, which did a number on my sex drive. It returned slightly after it was removed, but not much. I found that when I reach orgasm while masturbating, I completely lose interest in sex and feel disgusted with myself.
Anyway, he flew over here this past week and had sex once. I thought I felt something physically, but it still wasn't very good. He managed to make me orgasm from foreplay, but like with masturbation, my interest completely died out and I tried right up.
Much like a previous poster said, I also seem to lack emotional connection during intercourse, which honestly makes me worry if I really love my boyfriend or not. It isn't all the deep, romantic, tear-shedding love making that I imagined. The only reasons I really want to have sex is to discover what is so great about it (which hasn't happened yet) and because in a way I feel obligated to. I don't really have many opportunities to find out in the first place since I never know when I'll see him next, and the idea of practicing vaginal insertion in the meantime doesn't sit well with me since I consider it a chore and I don't get much out of it.
Ever since I lost my virginity, I haven't been interested in having sex with him. I find masturbation and watching pornography by myself to be a lot more pleasurable, even though my interest is short-lived. I much prefer cuddling and having fun (thankfully, so does he), but I can't help but feel like there is something wrong with me for not enjoying sex. It really does suck, but it's also a relief to see that there are others like me. I just wish we could do something.
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