first off, i am a 15 year old female.
I just want to comitt suicide. I don't know what to do. I mean i have a loving girlfriend, a good family, good'ish friends, but somehow i managed to end up with depression. My mum and dad divorced before i was born. I think this started when i was in year 6 when my mum first started dating again. She met this guy, who had icky teeth and all he ever talked about was fishing. They married in 2010 and divorced early 2011. It really set me off. I started to cut in 2010, and it gradually grew worse. I have over 60 cuts on my body now which are the scars that tell my story. I do sometimes stab myself.
I went to a physcologist but i can never ever speak out of my own mouth about my problems. What do i do when my cutting has gotten out of control? I can't stop cutting...
I'm so confused.
When my depression was at it's lowest I used to just write whatever was in my head down and it would distract me for a while. I know lots of people listen to music, another method of mine is to watch YouTube or something to just get out of my own head. I don't know the situation with your friends but I always found it a way to get it off of your back, I am very shy and I always feel like people are judging me (even my friends), this made it had to talk to them but once I did I found it a lot easier to cope with because I knew that I wasn't going through it alone. Talking to strangers online helped too, I know people say that that is a bad thing but if you get into a community they are all going through the same thing.
Are you okay?