I want a baby, but my husband "isnt ready"

hi, i cant believe how common this problem is. i know men usually have a hard time with the baby thing but i agree with what was said about the husband focusing on his timeline, but not putting any consideration into the time we have given up in order to compromise.... and if he does come around to talk about a compromise, he makes me feel soo guilty about pushing him to do something hes not ready to do. what hurts the most is that he keeps getting my hopes up into thinking were finally on the same page, but when i think were going to actually start to try, he refuses to come close to me without contraception.it feels like every time we talk about it, 'were getting closer to being ready', or 'he needs 5 more months to get mentally ready" but five months later, were still at five more months. it feels like hes just trying to fool me, and keep me thinking of a date later so i stop bothering him with the subject. its has now gotten to where i'ts NEVER the time to talk about it, at night hes too tired, and during the day its wrecking his mood and at all other times hes so intently focused at something(anything) that he cant even comprehend what i'm saying. and even when i push to talk about it he completely shuts out and doesn't answer, and before you know its hes fast asleep. worst of all his family keeps bugging me about when well have kids. please help, i cant take this much longer!

Hey guest. I am alittle bit different different because I do not swallow large pills. The biggest pill I can swallow is an ibuprofen so it had to either be a gummy or chewable. He told me the best for me to take before pregnancy is Vitafusion Prenatal gummies. It does not have iron in it. High levels of iron can cause buildup around internal organs. It's normally up to your OB/GYN how much iron you need on a daily basis after a blood analysis. But since, I am not pregnant, I do not need the added level of iron. The Vitafusion gummies are at any drug store, Walmart, and Target. You take two per day, and 90 comes in a bottle. It is about 10.00 per bottle. They actually taste really good. I was pretty shocked!

Thanks Lynxika, I will look into reading those books.

And for the last post, it is not fair. My husband has been able to do everything he wants to do without my wants and needs being taken into consideration. Men need to realize it is not ALL about them. I understand they are scared. Oh and even though he has decided to start to try this September or October, he put up a hard battle. A couple of weeks ago I told him that we would probably use his man room for the baby room since it is the smaller of the other two. ( Bad idea by the way, he told me this was one of his reasons to not have a baby right now), so I then changed my mind and decided I rather use a bigger room. He said how relieved he was and now excited for a baby. what? That makes no sense I know but that's a husband for you. His family is the opposite. He has two older sisters, one with a one year old, and one that is 30 and has been TTC for over two years. She found out she may never be able to concieve. His family feels we should wait to respect his sister. Im sorry but this is my life and I am not waiting for any more people. It took long enough for my husband to decide he was ready.

Good luck girls! Thank you all!

 

i absolutely agree, i don't think its fair for his family to expect you to wait because of his sister, what if she is never able to conceive, does that mean u cant have kids either to make her feel better??? and your right about the husband doing thing without consideration, it took me the full first 2 years of my marriage to settle with the fact that i have to stop having expectations of him pushing aside his activities to make extra time for me without me having to ask for it. and the fact that i planned my whole life out for the past four years, started a business got it going, just so that when we have kids i can stay at home and raise them properly, while at the same time have a good income so that the burden wouldnt be all on him, you know what he's worried about?... having to miss soccer practice if i need a break from the baby.

In this day and age of INSTANT gratification and selfishness, people are forgetting about the most important thing! Happiness! Happiness of self, and happiness of a love partner! And don't get me wrong guys, I know PLENTY of women who are selfish as hell and just do whatever they want and their husbands pick up the slack! I know mothers who have gone to Vegas - to "get away" - when their baby was 4 weeks old!!! It is EVERYWHERE! And it usually comes from families and their environment! Take a look at your partners parents - and their dynamic - and REALLY listen to his stories about "growing up" IF there are any! Men - unfortunately - feel weak, talking about bad childhoods! So usually you don't hear a thing, and it takes a moment to realize "You know what! I NEVER hear him talk about his parents" A LOT of men and women take their upbringing as a "sign" of things to come! Eg. My dad was an alcoholic, which means I will be! My mom was HORRIBLE as a mother, so what happens if the same happens etc. etc. etc.! Selfishness goes only a certain way - in explaining THEIR selfishness! BUT history usually prevails in explaining a lot of things in the present and for the future! So take a look at their lives upto meeting you, and after meeting you! As most with a bad childhood, try to look like "winners" in their families eyes, by showing off more with a wife/husband! So the stories you might have heard before, do they match up with what you have experienced since? And WILL his personality of old, follow him through his life? Because IF he is following in his mothers/fathers footsteps - regarding relationships with you and others! This is a VERY important thing to take in! It is fine to "think" he could be a great father and spouse, BUT to be definite that he is going to be a great father and partner, is the sign you need to know you are on the right path - together!

wow. thank you bambi...

Replying to Bambi:

Dear Lynxika! I understand how you would be offended - so to speak - about my theory! BUT it was kind of true for you guys! You both came from bad backgrounds, but you both made a point to make sure this didn't define you as parents! BUT as the other person said, IF a person - who had a terrible upbringing - didn't have a role model! They always knew that it was wrong - but how to change it? Have you ever seen several generations together, where they look like duplicates of each other? It's because they know what they were taught, and personally it takes a hell of a lot to overcome trauma - be it mental, physical, emotional etc.