I want a baby, but my husband "isnt ready"

Hey. I feel like you do. I am 29, been living together 6 years, finally getting married. he is no where near ready for kids, he is such a peter pan with his i don't wnna grow up sh*t. he coaxed me to go back to school and get another degree so we can increase our income beyond retail-job paychecks, and he is a college grad & makes a fine living. I graduate in 2 weeks, we are getting married in august. we decided to wait 1 year after we get married for me to go off of my birth control. I know 2014 will be here before i know it, but i have wanted kids for so long, the feeling has started to actually fade away. i am so angry and resentful when i actually think about it, its so unfair. I am so in love with someone and this is our only bad issue. we are so good together if the children issue wasn't a factor. BUt i am the last f*****g person to have babies in my family and of my friends. tonight, he just emailed me that another couple we know is expecting and they got quick-married at the courthouse last weekend. How can all of these bit***s get accidentally pregnant and I am my 'such a good planner, know my body too well' self is going to be so old when it finally happens? it makes me so angry. I even have friends who get pregnant on accident who say they don't want a baby, and i way to slap them in the face. I love my man, but he is so selfish and seriously only cares about how much this will age him and how it will make his whole life settle down. he sees it as the end of the world. i could never get pregnant without a plan or without him knowing and agreeing to it....he would hate me and hate the baby. i am in tears as i write this, i am so sad and sick when i think about it. I feel like by the time i am 31 and getting started on all this, my metabolism will slow down even more and I will be so fat afterwards, which he thinks is going to be so easy to control and del with {not like i've ever had a weight problem} but i worry that the motivation and good energy i would have had to give to a baby and a pregnancy. I am going to be so old when i have kids. 31.....32...i can't even listen to c**p about friends accidentally having babies. feel sick when i think about the mismatch between him and i .....

maybe someday.

Hey ladies, even though the situation is a sticky one..it's still good to know that i am not alone. Kinda felt the urge to vent and found you guys, lucky me :)

I'm in the same boat as you all. I've been with my husband for 8 years, married for 5. I'm 25 and he's 24. Since we met he's known I want a family more than anything.

4 years into our relationship we found we couldn't conceive naturally (low sperm count) and sort of ignored the topic for a few years as we weren't in the financial situation to go through IVF. Late last year I really decided now was the time and the hubby agreed to start trying. 2 months ago, we went to the fertility specialist and started the process. Last week we got great news and worked out that financially we could start our first round of IVF this august.

Tonight the hubby drops a bomb and tells me he's not ready for kids yet, and isn't sure when he will be (he's says one day he will, he just doesn't know when). I'm lost. I am glad he has told me how he really feels, but I'm literally heartbroken. The last 6 months have been horrible, I cry at the Dr's, the supermarket, when watching tv. Whenever I see children it breaks my heart. And then the hope came last week, I could see the end game. But he's not ready.

 I don't know if I should stay or go. He said he will understand if I leave, he knows how much I want this. But I just don't know what to do. I don't want to stay and hate him - but I don't want to leave and lose him forever. But I can't turn off the way I feel. I'm shattered.

i'm totally in the same boat. i'm 24. me and my husband have been together for 5 years (married almost 1 year) and we want kids. he keeps teetering in between being ready and wanting to wait. like everyone - i feel like that's what i need to be complete. i want the whole package. i'm so glad i'm not alone. i wish there was a switch we could turn on for them to be ready. :( it's so upsetting.

A switch is exactly what they need!! i was supposed to go back for blood work--MC on easter--but i completely bailed on everything, sorta just turned life off for a bit. I've heard everything from this could cause infertility and blah blah but i really dont care!

To update from my previous post a few days ago, I didnt b***h at him like usual lol and i did this over texting which made it slightly less personal, possibly what we needed? but anyways...

He was away for the weekend and keep in mind TOTALLY anti-TTC at this time..well, i texted him and asked if i could be honest ( he has communication issues might i add!) he said yes, and i said " I love you with all my world but i have been having feelings of resentment towards him because he said something that meant alot to me and then just took it back on a whim, to my surprise he was completely understanding and for once, not on the defense. we texted for a while then he called me and said that i was his everything and he would do anything to make me happy. :) so we have started to try again

I know some of you ladies are thinking " that lucky b, she must have a great guy" BUT on the contrair lol my hubby is... difficult--the type that does what/when he wants, doesnt matter what i say.

I have been hearing that most guys are nervous to father especially the first time so you have to think of every possible worry/fear they might have and think of the most smooth rebuddle you can. Also, talk to him non chalantely, try not to make him feel like it's do-or-die.

@ SHATTERED, trust me- i know how discouraging and down right nerve wrecking this process can be girl but dont give up! especially if you love him, it really does suck thought knowing that it is due to low sperm count but the best part is, atleast its not on your end ya know?

@guest 87- the ones that teeter are the easiest to convince so take advantage of that!!

I momentarily felt like i was pressuring him but my man has no filter and surely would have let me know, plus if he was set against it he wouldnt so it.

IF I CAN CONVINCE THIS ONE YOU CAN CONVINCE THAT ONE!!!

hugs to all you ladies!

Just fall pregnant stuff what they want. Tell him honey im pregnant see how he reacts he may take u off to the bed room to celebrate.

okey dokey, ladies, another update.

So, a couple months ago I had a phone conversation with my sister (she's two years younger than me and her little boy turns 5 this year) and she told me that she wants to have another baby and the more i talk about it the more she wants one. by the end of the conversation, we had convinced me to tell my partner that i wanted to stop taking the pill. And since my sister wanted to do the baby thing too, i told her that when my partner and i decided to stop the pill she had to make an appointment to have her implanon taken out so she could start trying too (she wanted to but was nervous about it, and was worried about what her doctor would say because its not due out for another year and she's so young and yeah, like i said, nervous). After i hung up, i was so excited about the prospect of having a baby, i went straight to my man and told him i wanted to stop taking the pill.

I was so shocked when he turned to me (he was playing Oblivion and got mauled to death by a dog when he did, it was funny) and said "alright. i heard you talking to your sister, and if you want to go off the pill, thats fine with me". i was so shocked and happy, i was so close to crying, it was such a surprise to hear him say it so straightfaced and serious. I'd just started a new round, but i stopped right then. i didnt take them any more, and i've been off the pill now for about 2 months.

My partner's job didnt work out so he's still unemployed, but im still going to TAFE to get my education, while applying like mad for work on the outside- if i get a job, i've organised already what i'll do about completing my diploma while working. i'm still determined to get my diploma and the prospect of having a baby doesnt change how i feel about the future and the need for a good education and career. if i get a job, i'll be saving half my wages so i can afford all the things i would have to go without if i were to have a baby now (as in, im POOR).

the problem now is my health. I wont lie, im fat. like, no kidding, i weigh over 100kg ( i think thats like 225 pounds for you guys in america). dont get me wrong, i know im fat, but because of my mental health history i have regular checkups with the doctor and according to him, i'm actually pretty healthy. no high blood pressure, good flexibility, normal fitness levels. i can run further and for longer than my sister, and she's only like 68kg. i walk a 5km track at least once a week and dont drive, so i bike or walk everywhere i go. i eat well enough. im paying extra attention to the exercise and the diet, just so i am as healthy as i can be in the leadup to baby time. if i lose weight, all the better, but my doctor thinks i'll be fine if i get pregnant now, i'll be able to handle it physically. which is a relief.

so. im off the pill, not trying but not not trying, being as healthy as i can, and adding to my stockpile of baby gear (the other day my partner brought home a high chair offered to him by some friends. his mum saw it but he said it was for my sister. we arent telling them until we're preggo. so sweet of him to lie, but honestly, if they havent clued in they must be SO dumb).


i like this feed. i dont talk about this with anyone except my sister, and sometimes i need other people. my family and i dont talk, and my partner's family wasnt really supportive last time the word 'pregnant' was brought up. i've lost my two closest friends this year, and its just comforting to know that there are people out there who can understand the journey. thank you for being there for me, even if you only listen.

i love the fact as well that this thread exsists. there should be more places on the web for people like us.

@ ANGELICA! you should be my ttc buddy!

I thought I was so alone. Ive been with my husband since middle school and have been married quite a while(getting ready to graduate college). He always told me that he wants to start a family and that hes ready and wants kids but I feel like he flip flops all the time and now were on the side of "I dont think Im ready". He was ready a week ago what has changed? I want my promises to be kept and I want a commitment from him not just some halfway maybe scenario. Its tearing me apart and he cant see what the big deal is but it is breaking me down bad on a daily basis. Were starting to fight more and Im getting angrier and angrier with him because I cant see why he wants to wait. Im so upset with all these broken promises, I want a family. My mommy itch has been itching for a while and Im just scared that he will drive me away from to where I dont want kids at all.

oh no!! dont let him scary your mommy itch away!! like i said before the flopping ones are easiest to convince and ive heard lots about how men are never actually "ready" to be daddy's until they have no choice but thats bull that he breaks promises!! Tell him how that makes you feel, its one thing to not be ready at all but dont say you are then take it back, that doesnt make sense and causes mixed signals, us women are sensitive!!

also to all you women who have "flip-floppers" here is what i honestly suggest..

just Be strong

When I first started reading this thread I didn't think it was possible that people were still posting here since it was started so long ago. I'm feeling lost and just want to vent and see if anyone has an opinion on my situation. Some of the best views and opinions come from people on the outside looking in! Just over 4 years ago I met my current boyfriend. He was just coming out of a bad marriage and I was an ear for him and moral support since I had been in the same sort of situation he was going through. After a few months of supporting him online (this was our mode of communication as we lived over 2 hours apart) I admitted that I was attacted to him and he stated he felt the same way. We talked about everything! What our views were on future marriages and children among other things. Marriage is not a big deal to us, we've both had bad experiences before. He came to visit me during a long weekend to just get away from everything he was dealing with and to relax, we'll we've been together ever since. I have 2 children from a previous relationship and they just turned 12 and 9. I have always wanted 3 kids 3 years apart, obviously that didn't happen. We both knew that we didn't want to rush into having kids because of the bad experiences we'd been though. I devoted myself to my kids and working on our long distance relationship, threw my self into my career. I had an amazing job that I could see myself at until I retired! I was making $22/hour and loving every minute of it. Within 6 months we knew we had found our forever relationship, after a year we were looking at houses to buy so we could finally live together and in a good area that we could both stay at our jobs. The baby talk came up from time to time, I knew I wanted to be done have kids by 30 but it wasn't a big deal yet. We were having trouble finding the right house so we put the seach on hold for a few months, until he came to spend a weekend with me and told me he'd bought a house!! Behind my back!! I was beyond hurt, but what was done couldn't be undone. Well, the house he'd bought meant I had to leave my job, my family, my friends and my entire support system if I wanted to be with him. So I did. We've been in our house almost 2 years now and it's been nothing but stress. I've only worked 3 months since being here as it's a little tiny town in the middle of nowhere and there aren't many jobs to be found. .y stress level has caused me to lose all my hair (alopecia arreata) and caused some other issues that make it hard for me to work outside the home. 6 months after we moved in I brought up the subject of having a baby and it's the same old story, excuse after excuse. He wasn't ready when I'd had an amazing job and lots of money and he's still not ready. I dropped it for a while but the last year or so the baby fever has been eating me alive!! His mom was diagnosed with Leukemia last year and in January we found out it went into remission! Yay right? Wrong. In February she was diagnosed with Lymphoma and she doesn't think she'll be able to win this time. My boyfriend is an only child. He's used to getting what he wants, which just makes things so hard. I want to have his child and he's being a child instead. He is an amazing dad to the kids I have already so I don't understand his hesitation. I would really love for his mom to get to meet her blood grandchild before we lose her. My boyfriends dad passed away when he was 33 and my boyfriend was only 4. It would be horrible if we have a child that never got to know either of his/hers fathers parents! He knew I wanted to be done having kids at 30 but that time has passed. I'll be 31 in a few months. I compromised and said 32 and he said ok. I also told him that when that time comes I'm not extending the timeline again. So it's now or never! I feel like I've given up so much for him and he can't give me this one thing. Do you think he's being stubborn or am I being unreasonble???

Hi like all of you ladies, I too want a baby. Desperately! I'm only 20 and my husband is 21 and yes I know we have plenty of time to have babies on the mind but all my life I have dreamed of being a mother. It's not just ecause they are cute. It's because I need someone to depend on me and I want someone other than my husband to love and cherish. I want to expand our family. I have left hints to let him know I want a baby and I already have names picked out and everything. So finally I say him down after segueing with him to have a serious conversation. He told me that he doesn't want children until he is 30 or even 40. I was appalled! I told him I want to be a young mom. I want to have the energy to play with my child. And I explain this and then he makes up some excuse saying that there are plenty of parents who are older. So I added yah and we would be 60 by the time my child is 20. I might be to old to even see my grandchildren. I dont want that! So him being so incredibly insensitive told me that I should go and find a husband who wants to have kids with me. I was so upset. I don't want to have children with someone else, I want us to be a family. I started balling because this is not the future that we together had planned before we got married. I don't want to trick him but I told him that once my mirena is no longer effective I'm not using any type of contraceptive. I just hope that he will still want to be with me.