I want a baby, but my husband "isnt ready"

asterix86, I feel your pain. It seems as if you and I are in similar situations. My husband and I have been married for almost a year. I've wanted to start trying for the last 6 months, but he has been scared for one reason or another. Money, responsibility, lack of time, not being married long enough, and my favorite... someone he talks to tells him we're young and that we should wait. My husband and I have  been going back and forth on this for the past 6 months. I've been off BC since then, but we use the POM. He will decide we can try in Sept. after our anniversary cruise, and then the slightest thing can change his mind. He is back on board right now... but we'll see. All you can do is stress to your husband how important it is to you. For me it's helped not bringing it up everyday. Instead I've tried focusing on being the best wife I can be... cooking dinner, cleaning the house, loving him (if you know what I mean). I've brought it up every once-in-a-while, but not as much as I used to. Also it has helped that we created a budget and have cut back. We make sure we have a certain amount saved up each month in our "baby fund". I hope some of these suggestions will help you. Your husband will come around. The worst part about all of this is the waiting and patience it takes to get through it. As much as I want a baby, I also don't want a resentful husband that wasn't ready. He will come around. Keep praying. I say a prayer for all of you ladies. And for my husband, that he will stay on board this time...

I can relate to how you feel!I am 20 years old(will be 21 in February of 2012), and my husband is 23 years old, and will be 24 in October. It didn't really hit me until now, that I wanted to be a mother. I have always agreed on the waiting part, but even more so now I want one more than ever. We have been married since June 21st,2010, and have been together two years as of May 8th 2009. I was young when I got married. Was 19 to be exact, and my husband was 22 when we got married. It just kills me more so now, that all of my friends have children and some aren't even married. My sister has a a little girl. She had her when she was 22, and my parents were okay with it. But for me however, my parents would not be okay with it, if I got pregnant now!I don't get it. I desperately want a son so bad. I would be okay with a little girl, as long as the baby is healthy. I have discussed my feelings with my husband, and he keeps saying that we should "Wait" until he is out of debt. He says he will be out of debt by August of next year, and then we can start trying. I just feel like he is using those as excuses. We have our own home, good jobs. I don't understand it. I know I am young, and I am trying to go back to school to give my child everything that he/she will want out of life, but its just so aggravating seeing other mothers with their children, and I don't have one.I know having a child is a huge responsibility, but I feel like in my heart that I could handle it. My husband works 7 days a week, and gets lonely sometimes. If having our first baby, and I stayed home with the child, it would fill an empty/lonely feeling in my heart and it would motivate me to do better. If he really means we can try next year, it just hurts because its still a year from now and I want one more than anything now. Has anyone else ever had this experience or felt this way?

I'm 20 and my husband is 25. Everyone keeps giving me the oh you're too young speech.. Being a mother is all that I've ever wanted and well my husband is trying to comparing in the USAF. I feel that we are both ready and we have the finances for it.. I just don't see the issue. I work as a teacher all day and I love it. I love children and since I was young I've beenWere so beyond help, we just can't stand each other anymore raising children on my own. I would simply just love to have my own. Any suggestions?? Please help me out. I grew up with a rough childhood and I just want some brightness to my life. A child of my own would be the best gift in the word

Hey everyone! I haven't posted in about 3 months. I do want to give an update. My husband went through with trying this month. We started trying the end of August. We don't know anything yet but we have our fingers crossed. I was nervous that he would change his mind but he kept his word. We decided on September to start trying over 6 months ago. So there is some glimmer of hope for those of you struggling. I know what you are going through! Hopefully we will have a baby in there soon. We need lots of prayers! Good luck to all of you and please keep updating on this forum. It helps others a lot. I will def. keep you all updated! :-)

Congrats HopelesslyDevoted! wish you good luck in conceiving! i also haven't posted for a little while... and have finally seen the silver lining in the dark cloud i had been living in! my husband and i have actually started trying this month. he seems very into it (as in expecting..looking for a new car, place to live etc.)! i'm hoping for a positive at the end of my cycle... and just in time i feel like all of the girlfriends that got married after i did (including those who weren't planning for it), as well as those not married yet are pregnant right now... (well maybe not ALL but it sure feels that way!) so i think my husband had his change of heart just in time because i was on the verge of depression! best of luck to all of those of you who don't have your partner on board yet! keep trying! the idea itself is frightening to a lot of men... you just have to soften them up a bit, and get them used to the idea of having another addition to your family, and once their used to the idea... you have to make them really want it, just as much as you do! ill also keep you posted! and look forward to hearing so many other stories! this truly has been a support group... i don't know what i would have done without the support and wisdom of others i found here!

good luck ladies. it's great and so helpful so see you moving forward. I've nearly saved up to move into a bigger flat so hopefully once we move my husband will be more on board. I'll keep you updated!



Northern monkey x

Hii, I'm 20 and so is my fiancé, i've been with him 3 going on 4 years now. I've wanted a baby since i was about 16 but knew it wasn't a wise thing to do! But now i really feel broody all the time. Everywhere i look someones got a bump, or has a baby in their arms going on about how lovely he/she is its all over Facebook and every time i see it my heart breaks and i get a gut ranching feeling. My Fiance keeps promising me.. 'next year' but we get to next year and he changes his mind. I came off the pill hoping and refuse to use birth control as i get odd side affects and illnesses with them so were using the POM. I always hope this will accidentally cause a pregnancy but it obviously works as a contraception more than i thought :( . I don't know how much longer i can cope with this awful feeling and being messed around! i don't want to resent him, he's a lovely man. 

Hi Holliee, I know how you feel. That's how I was when I was a senior in high school, so my  fiancé and I said 'if it happens then it happens'... and if it didn't then it wasn't ment to be. It actually took a while, and I started to feel sad when I wasn't getting pregnant, but then we had our son who is now three! I was and am so happy to have him! But I have to tell you, don't be fooled by the happy-go-lucky perfect image that is usually portraid about having a baby because it isn't always so easy and fun. It's hard too, wheather parents like to admit it or not! Don't let that be the main reason why you want to have a baby (seeing others). I'm not trying to say to rethink your decision or that it's not 'the wise thing to do' though, I've heard that many times- and I'm glad I didn't listen! I'm sure that's what my family will say when I tell them I want to have another baby! I really do, and it doesn't just go away! I just wanted to say today that it used to be a lot easier to get pregnant... all we had to do was seduce the man! Now we have to convince them they want kids too then get off birth control ect ect, that couldn't have been the plan!  xd;-|

Hey Everyone! It's been a little bit since I last posted. My husband has done a complete 180! I am now 8 weeks pregnant and he is so happy. We talked about how he made us wait and how much he hurt me. He said he isn't sure why he was being so hesitant. He said he was scared of a baby and the responsbility that comes along. He also said it was def. a control thing. He knew he was in control of the situation. Good luck to all of you! You are not alone! I have had baby fever for over a year now and now I am happy we waited this long. It makes it so much more special! I hope everyone keeps us updated as well!

Hopelesslydevoted, CONGRATZ!!! I'm happy for you!! Gratz Gratz Gratz!!!!!:-)

Oh the same problem here, my husband and I are stroggeling about 5 years with this situation, I want to have children for long long time but he said that we can wait a little bit more, I am 33 he is 30 now, he said no yet because we need first be successfull, millionares, have oall things we want and then have the kids... we are working together for that and we have wonderful results but for him is not enought yet, he want more.. and I can barely wait anorher year more... help please

I have quite the same issue. I am only 23, and my fiance is 27. We actually DID get pregnant recently, but we lost the baby. The doctor said it was a common issue, so I shouldn't have any problems in the future. While my fiance was excited about the pregnancy, now that we've lost it he's exercising his control and saying he doesn't want to try again once I've healed. Not right now anyway. It's breaking my heart. I was SO excited about our baby, and after I accepted that I was losing the pregnancy, I looked hopefully to the future to try again, but he's put his foot down. I feel so alienated from him. I'm so miserable and heartbroken. I just want to have a family to love and dedicate my life to.

I too am 24 and going threw the same problem. Me and my husband have been together 8yrs and have been married 2yrs ... i desprately want a baby but he wants to wait a few more years but i tell him i want to have my kids before the age of 30 because after 35 it gets hard to concieve... and then he says that we dont have the money and im with you sunny when u say no one would have kids if it was a money issue... people make things work weather your high class middle class or dirt poor people have kids all the time and manage.... i am really starting to see my marriage fail, some of my friends think im childish that i would throw away my marriage because of lack of child bareing... i can't help that i resent him for not giving this too me, when he knows that haveing kids is the one thing that i want more then anything. It feels so good to vent Thanks bunches.

I am 21 years old and will be done with school in may with an internship in the fall.  I still am cheering at college but I really want to start my family. My boyfriend is 45 years old.  I have never felt this way with anyone and he keeps saying we need to wait till I am done with school.  I do not want to wait!  I know it would be smart but I really want a child and to get married.  Any advice anyone??! please i cannot get out of this baby funk, its all day everyday, I cant stop thinking about it.  

So an update... I've posted a lot on here since March/April when I got baby fever BAD, but my husband wasn't ready. If you've been following, you might recall he's been back and forth about when we could start trying. First it was August 2011, then it was August 2012, then it was January, then it was May... you get the picture. Since March, my Sister-in-law (who is older than me) had a beautiful baby girl and my other sister-in-law (who's younger) found out she's expecting a girl. My husband and I actually went to counseling to help us resolve our disagreements about children and the counselor told us to lay it all on the table. Me choose when I want to try (which was right then) and when he wanted to (August 2012)  and pick the month right in the middle (May 2012).

So picking May as our compromise, I decided to get back on birth control until then to hopefully make things easier. I made an appointment for November 8th, and low and behold I GOT PREGNANT IN OCTOBER!!! I'm about 6-7 weeks right now and have my first U/S Monday. We were both VERY shocked at first, but now we're excited.

It just goes to show... you can plan out your life, but sometimes God has other plans. I feel like in this situation, God is showing us his power and proving that our life paths are ultimately up to him and his will!

I'm only about 12 weeks behind my SIL, so it's been nice being able to ask her questions to know what to expect. We have had a rocky relationship in the past, so I feel that this can bring us closer together.

Good luck to all of you! I pray that everything goes okay with my pg, because I know it's SO soon. Stay strong and I know God has a plan for all of you!