I'm 25 years old, I've been having sex since I was 16 and have never been able to orgasm from oral sex or intercourse. I orgasm after a half hour or so from masturbation but for some reason I have never been able to have an orgasm that wasn't self induced. I've been with 7 girls, have never had any sort of problem getting or staying erect, usually when I have sex with a girl I like to go for at least 3-4 hours. I can't recall a time when I've had sex with a girl and not made her orgasm, it becomes a problem though because apparently I'm on the large side and (depending on the girl) after a while it starts to hurt her because she either has too many orgasms and her clitoris gets sore or even with lube she just gets sore in general but doesn't want to stop because she feels bad that she can't make me orgasm. After the first three girls I figured out that it worked to (sorry if this is tmi) just have sex until the girl wants to stop and then masturbate while she licks my testicles and then finish in her mouth because I really can't orgasm after sex without it being in her mouth. I've been in two long term relationships and this became a problem during both as well as I think being part of the reason the other girls wouldn't stay in a relationship with me. My first long term girlfriend just stopped having sex with me after a year and a half of our three year relationship because she was very tight and apparently even after having sex for over a year it still hurt her every time, I could tell because every time I put it in her face would contort in pain then get better for about a half hour then she would get sore and I could see that it would start to hurt her again and when she realized I was never going to get off just from her efforts she took it personally and just gave up trying to please me even though I always loved having sex, especially with her because she was an extremely attractive model. My most recent relationship I thought we had a great sex life, she acted understanding about me not being able to orgasm and always just told me after she'd had enough orgasms (usually she got too sore after about 6 or 7) and after probably the first three months of our four year relationship didn't complain about the size making her sore and we had sex at least a couple times a week, usually daily, until a month or so before we broke up when she finally started telling me it was too big and apparently even though she would have multiple orgasms it hurt every time and it made her feel bad every time that she couldn't get me to orgasm herself and that had led to a lot of resentment that she had taken out on me in the form of other issues throughout our relationship. It's been 3 months since we broke up and being told that it hurt and made her feel insecure when we had sex has seriously damaged my self esteem because I thought I was pleasing her and I don't understand why I should try getting with another girl if even though they're orgasming the fact that I can't orgasm ruins the whole experience and apparently hurts. I tried not masturbating for over a month while I was with my most recent ex even after having sex and I still couldn't orgasm from oral sex or intercourse which is what I've read as the most often given recommendation and I even tried going to a doctor but he said there was nothing physically wrong with me. I'm really hoping that someone can give me some idea of how to at least orgasm during sex because one girl I dated recently completely lost interest when I mentioned that and asked what was wrong with me and if I'd seen a doctor and even said she wouldn't be interested in being with a guy she didn't feel like she could please. Since hearing that from my ex and basically the only girl I've dated since then looking back I noticed that other than my long term relationships the other girls I've been with really seem interested in me until after we have sex for four hours and I don't orgasm a couple times and they realize I'm not going to then they get insecure and don't talk to me again. I'm really hoping someone could give me some idea of how to orgasm from sex so that I could try to get a girl and not just think the whole time about how if we have sex she's just going to be upset at the end no matter how good it is because I can't finish. Sorry for all the background but I just want it to be understandable how frustrating this has been.
don't you dare feel negative on any of this, you just need to find a girl that loves you for being you and not just the big O's that you can give her- and a girl that likes/loves giving head.
i myself would have no problem getting my man off with my mouth/throat/hand(s) after he loved me like an animal ;]
i myself would have no problem getting my man off with my mouth/throat/hand(s) after he loved me like an animal ;]
I can't offer much except for some odd sort of camaraderie, I suppose, as I have a strikingly similar experience set as you in this department. For my part I think it may be my own inability to really communicate my needs with my current GF, who is very understanding, and who also has trouble continuing after numerous orgasms due to expected soreness. Can't prove it though. The only time that I have finished was about 3 hours in and she was raw for about a week after.
It's interesting to see that this is a more common issue than I had guessed upon looking into it myself. Doesn't make it any better, but at least it makes for some slight relief about it not being entirely unique.
Why don't you masturbate and and let her take over just before you climax?
I used to be unable to orgasm during intercourse and oral sex, and only when masturbating. This problem occured with a few different women, until I started seeing my most recent girlfriend. We were only about a half an hour in, and I felt it start to build and then POP. 'Twas amazing. Through some experimenting as a couple, and alone, I've determined that I was never really comfortable around the women before her. It was all psychological. I have a close friend with who could only orgasm to porn, and that was a problem for him in bed. It took a while to shake his dependancy, but he now has no problems with finishing. Maybe not masturbating anymore would improve your situation. Food for thought.
Moral of the story is; there is hope. You can conquer this. Best of luck to you.
Thanks man, this may help me with my oh-so similar problem. The only way i could ever seem to orgasm was to masterbate to porn and that doesnt take long, but with my girl we would be going at it for hours and i just never get there. Im going to try this and hope for the best that it works.
You don't say what form of birth control you use. If you are using prophylactics, then that may be your problem because prophylactics dull sensation.
I can understand your concerns. I found it hard to ejaculate when given oral sex. It was quite painful if continued for longer spells. Having found a loving girl friend and we were able to work it all out and take the anxiety out of the equation. Ihope all is well now
I can relate to much of what you say...and particularly the inability to orgasm during sex (but doing so by masterbating). I spent a few years in this state until I met a persistent cougar who managed to do the impossible and get me to orgasm. She succeeded by making the scenario more similar to what I did during madterbation. I'm not sure if this is any use for your particular situation, but in my case, she started talking dirty and describing the sorts of scenarios that I enjoyed masterbating to most...so if you have some scenario or fetish that particularly turns you on, you can try asking the girl to simulate it as much as possible...even if just to talk about it.
I also had an issue with getting the girls sore because I'd stay hard for too long (I think have average length but above average girth). For this, the only way I'd come across is perhaps more lube and decreasing frequency/duration of the intercourse. Best of luck!