in my position right now, i feel like im just in a battle with myself to get better. the trauma from the whole experience is making me a different person. i can never be any place at any time without referring back to the depression. the thing with me is... ok well say someone makes me laugh, yes.. i will laugh, but its not the fact that im laughing, its the fact that i cant ENJOY the laughter. do u understand with im saying? same with masturbation, yes... i am feeling the EXACT same pleasure as i always have, its just the fact that i cant ENJOY that pleasure? i hope u can understand what im saying
TOTALLY understand honey! JUST know that you WILL, you are still in the very early stages of getting back to yourself! So it just takes your brain sometime to learn this "language" again! Does that make sense?! You WILL stop thinking about what was and start thinking about what is and what will be! So just try to keep thinking about that OK? Actually try NOT to think about your depression - hasn't it ruled your life and thoughts enough?!!! So just try focusing on the moment! and take each moment as they come and when those thoughts of "How come?" "why not?" come into your head, refocus on the good!
I understand what you're saying completely. Having gone through the same thing you have, it does color your experiences a little. But at the same time, the longer the time you are from the feeling, the less you feel that way. Right now, yes, it's very intense. But the longer time goes by, the more relaxed you are. In fact, me just a year away, things are much less intense. I'd say I'm totally back to normal, really. Does that help?
yea that actually does help alot! thanks for the good words. i want nothing more than to just feel 100 percent normal. but i always find myself worrying that the depression will come back, and i always catch myself telling myself that im NOT normal. this really sucks. cuz this is what i mean by the constant battle with myself.
You ARE normal honey! You just have an illness! That's all! Think of it as a bad toothache, you've gone to the dentist (therapist) he's offered you pills for the pain (anti depressents) and now you just have to live with a TINY little bit of irritation - NOTHING like before! So even though this little pain is still there, you just start living with it and eventually the last of the pain will go and you will be back to the way you were before you got the toothache! So think of it as you ARE normal just with a tootache!!! ;-) XD
ur right, ur right, thats actaually a great way to look at it
i think what bothers me the most is... masturbation. i know its wierd to talk about but its on my mind. ive just been noticing that its taking a lot more to turn me on or "get me hard". usually the only thing that works is porn, but it takes a longer time for me to get hard than it used to. ok so while im watching porn, eventually i will get very hard, but the thing that sucks is that whenever i start masturbating, i soften up, if i never touch myself it will stay hard but as soon as i start, it dies down, until ejaculation comes and ill stiffen up again. i just want to know why this is happening. its also taking much longer to ejaculate. i just want to stay my hardest throughout the whole time, but it never happens.
That is normal too! As you mature, things become different for you while masturbating! IF you are really worried about it - I don't think that the pill would be doing this! Have your doctor make an appointment with a urologist! But I think it's just changes thats all, also remember it can take awhile for the Antidepressents to TOTALLY work! Talk to your doctor about it, and see if he/she thinks you might need to change drugs!
ok thanks i just REALLY dont want to lose my sex drive, and i REALLY dont want to have ED
You're too young for ED honey! And believe me you wont loose it! If you are still overly worried about everything, perhaps you need to talk to your counsellor again and they could change your medications. You've been on them for about 6 weeks now right?! So like I said if you are still in a state of worrying about things - like before when you were worried about smaller things being bigger - it might be time to get together with a psychiatrist and try and get some really indepth counselling on why you are still worried, even on the anti depressents! BUT if you feel they are working and your worrying isn't as bad, just hold tight a bit longer and see if the pills totally do there job! Also know that Anti depressents don't make you like this :-D All day! They just take away the cloud over you! You still are able to deal with day to day ups and downs - just like everyone else - OK? I think some people think that anti depressents or anti anxiety pills will make everything PERFECT!!! and you will live in bliss! this isn't true - if it was we would ALL be on them wouldn't we? ;-) So have realistic outcomes for this OK?
I know that you are really concerned about your health, but be realistic. ;) ED is not even prevalent in one HALF of one percent of all men your age. You are fine. You know, that's why I say to joke around about it. The next time you have a scary thought, make a joke. It has an incredible effect on your anxiety. If you're worried about being impotent, make a joke about at least being a good cuddler. Just try that out for me, yeah?
thanks u guys have good words. i had an appt with the psych today and we talked for a while. i didnt mention my impotence problem, i just told him about the trauma i have from the whole experience. i find myself worrying when the next down will come. im going to start goin to talk therapy sessions. he says they have a TREMENDOUS impact on depression and it works incredibly well with medication. he says that medication without talk therapy is like goin into a boxing match with one arm behind ur back. so i believe him. im goin to go to these sessions and hopefully they help!
Totally agree!!! good for you honey!
Therapy sessions ABSOLUTELY have an impact and the longer you go to him, the more you'll start to open up and tell him things. The first few times i was a pretty guarded person when I went to a therapist, then I told him everything. Even though I don't go any longer, he basically is like a dad to me. Does that help?
I also went to a bereavment counsellor - as my mom was terminally ill with cancer - I was NOT dealing with this at all, and my anxiety was out of control! She helped me SO much! They are strangers, but at the same time "family" - if that makes sense! They have empathy and just listen! And give you techniques on how to deal with things! They also help you play out the most frightening scenarios! So you FACE IT DEAD ON!!! That was so HARD for me, but it works! They are professionals and totally know what to do! Good luck honey, it will be FANTASTIC for you!