It may be a tightness of grip, a degree of friction, a speed of movement, or a particular way of holding a foreskin, for example.
I remember being told by a teacher once that masturbation was fine, as long as it didn't spoil sex later. As a result I was always careful to do it in a way I thought was similar to sex. I always used a lubed hand etc. I think it's an important factor to take into account.
Before we met, it had been 8 yrs since he'd been with anyone and it took him awhile to get back into the swing of things. We've been together now for 1 1/2 yrs.
We were very active sexually with each other until this past January when we decided to abstain until we get married in July. We live together and still sleep in the same bed, but all we do is cuddle. No sexual touching, no sex, no masturbating.
We are very close and very much in love. We hope this time of abstinence will break whatever barrier there is for him about cumming inside me. We are both in our fifties and this will be the second marriage for both of us. If anyone has any helpful ideas, I am willing to listen. I very much want to please him at least as much as he pleases me.
My boyfriend and i have been having the same problem.. we've been together for 6 months now and we've been having sex at least once a week. I've reached orgasm many times but he can't seem to. Most of the time he can't even climax. He always seems very willling to please me but i want him to enjoy himself just as much. I feel kind of hopeless when it comes to sex now. When i give him hand he can't cum, neither with a blowjob or sex. NOTHING. i feel horrible, like i'm bad in bed or something. he keeps telling me that it's not that.. but idk, he can only get off by masturbating. i suggested thinner condoms and different positions, but he says thats not the problem, yet he doesnt know what is.
Im confused about this because we are a great couple, we get along, we dont fight, we're happy and comfortable with one another, so idk what's the problem. Not sexually compatible? idk.. is there anything else we could possibly try to get him to orgasm? Maybe something i can suggest to him to try? I'd appreciate any sort of advice. Thanks :)
Did you cum during masturbation? If so, then there is nothing physically wrong with you. If you can't cum even when you masturbation, then there is something physically.
Ok, assuming you can cum when you masturbate, then your brain is probably conditioned to expect that kind of friction before it can send a signal to the muscles to contract for expulsion of semen from the penis (orgasm). Normally, you don't get that kind of friction in normal sex , so that could be the reason why you can reach orgasm.
On the other hand, if you really cannot cum, no matter what you do, then go see a doc asap.
Take care!
btw I once told a doctor the issue I was experiencing and he told me that it was impossible...alot of help that was
Hi guys
I am a 40 year old women who did not experience this with anybody until my last partner. It is very dificult for him to come, it did happen occasionally but it took an extraodinary effort, level of intensity and concentration on his part. We were together for four years so it wasn't just a getting to know eachother thing. He said it had always been difficult and got increasingly difficult as he got older. He was unable to cum during oral sex and said that had only very rarely occurred in his entire life, he was in his mid fourties so we are talking about thirty years experience here.
So what did I discover, he had low sensitivity around his frenulum compared to all the other men I had been with, infact his was basically non existant. Every other man I had been with I could make cum with sustained direct attention to this area. On further investigation we discovered this was due to aggressive circumcision which cut off the majority of his sensitive frenelum and foreskin tissue. Secondly over the years he had started to watch more and more hardcore pornography nad also due to the lower sensitivity of his penis he masturbated in a very aggressive manner.
We believe that these three factors contributed to his situation but that any one could be the major contributer . We have taken away the pressure to cum during love making we are just enjoying eachother and the intimacy.
He is no longer watches porn or masturbates to try and help break the extreme stimulation requirement. Also he has started a process called restoration to try and regain sensitivity by restoring foreskin to cover his penis. He said over the years he has slowly developed a very thick rough skin over the head of his penis rather than the glossy thin skin of an uncircumcised penis. No wonder his sensitivity has been getting worse. It has been four months and he has regained some sensitivity as the skin has started to soften as he using a cap as a replacemnt foreskin while he tries to grow another. I know this all sounds very brutal, but we had reached a point where our love making was very brutal and unsatisfactory. We are ont he road to recovery and are very hopeful, he is slowly gaining sensitivity but we are aware it will never be that of other uncircumcised men I have been with but we are happy with our road to intimacy we have found, without these troubles I'm sure we would never have gone down this path which has lead to more openess and connection.
I hope this helps.
this sounnd just like me
Yup you have it 100%. Masturbation changes the feeling you are used to. So if you are used to it really fast when you are masturbating then it will be hard to reach orgasm during sex. Thus giving you the "stud" effect, where you can go with a girl for a LONG time but not quite because you want to lol.
It's not all about the sex. I guess you can just be friends, right?