Mom's an Alcoholic - What can I do??

I'm 17 years old. I don't know if my mom can be considered an alcoholic, but she drinks pretty much everyday. She's a single mom, my parents have been divorced since I was 4. She didn't used to be this way. She was loving and supportive and happy. She remarried in in 2009. But a few years ago, around the time that I was about 14 she started having major problems with her husband. He was never around seeing as he was fixing up his house over an hour a way to sell it so he could move down here. They starting fighting all the time and about 2 years ago they separated and a year and a half ago she filed for divorce. This is where the major drinking began. She would come home from work and start to drink right away. If she got me in her sights she'd find anything and everything I'd do wrong. She would yell and say things like I'm selfish and spoiled. I'm an only child so I am completely alone in this situation. When she got a new boyfriend a year ago it stopped for a while and even though she still drank he would be there and help me and make it easier. But soon they started to have problems which somehow would end up being my fault. She would get out of work and go to the bar, she would drive home drunk and when she would get home she would throw things and break things and I would pick up the pieces. She cries and says she doesn't want to live. She has threatened to kill herself many times and it scares me. I don't yell at her as it just causes more trouble. A few months ago she found out her boyfriend had cheated on her and they broke up. Ever since then it's escalated. I get nervous when my friends come over at the chance that she might say or do something while drunk. I have my license now and since I got it she has me pick her up at bars all the time. She is usually angry or crying when I pick her up and it usually ends with something being my fault and her yelling and screaming at me, making me feel worthless. Once she had me waiting two hours in the car outside of the bar. She is constantly having my boyfriend of two years drive me to go pick her up and take her home and I'm tired of him having to put up with it as he is so amazing and shouldn't have to do it. Another time she had me come to get the car and drive her home and somehow got angry at me and wanted to drive herself. I said I would drive and wouldn't give her the keys she just kept yelling and people were staring. I asked her please to just let me drive but she wouldn't have it. She screamed "f**k you" in my face and stormed off. I had to call someone to come get me from the bar. It's my senior year and I'm falling apart trying to keep her together. It seems like my mother is gone and I'm trying to raise a stranger. I'm always trying to make her happy so she won't drink but she's always depressed no matter what. She's had a second job for a while now and there is a bar right next to her restaurant that she works at which doesn't help anything. Most recently, yesterday I got out of work and was dropped off at the restaurant. I went inside and could tell she had already been drinking. She said I had to wait cause she had let her friend borrow her car for a few to drive someone home. She went into the bar. I sat in the restaurant talking to one of the owners as she was one of my moms best friends. I was in my work uniform and I smelled overwhelmingly of mcdonalds so I walked into the bar and asked my mom if I could borrow her jacket because my undershirt was only a tank top. She got angry saying that I was spoiled and get everything I want and how he has always given me everything I said never mind and she said "one f*****g night a week I wanna have a drink and you treat me like this?" so I walked away. She came towards me and threw her jacket on me. She then went outside to smoke. (she had quit for about 6 years but started again around the time the drinking got bad) I went out to give her her jacket so she wouldn't be cold and she said i had embarrassed her and that I would pay. I told her I didn't understand what I did wrong and she said I only care about my self. I went inside and took off her jacket. She came inside and started yelling at me in the restaurant saying to put the f*****g jacket on since it was such a big deal I said I was fine and walked into the dinning area she followed and started saying that I was making a scene so I just stood there and she began yelling at me. I just said the same thing that I didn't know what I had done. She grabbed me hard my the arm and pulled me into the other room and started yelling at me. Her best friend came in and told her to stop it and my mom said she was tired of me and how I'm a spoiled brat. My moms friend took her outside to talk to her and when my mom came back in he said to come on she would give me the keys so I could go to my friends. We went outside and she said j would pay for humiliating her in front of her best friend. Her friend came with the car and she got in the drivers seat and told me to get in the back seat. I said no cause I didn't know how much she had drank. She got out and opened the back door and grabbed me to try and throw me inside but I stopped her. She went to get in the drivers side to drive off but I held the door opened cause I didn't want her to drive and hurt herself. She grabbed be and threw me backwards into another car and I hit the ground that's when I couldn't take it anymore and ran off. She followed and told me to come get in the car her friend was driving. My moms best friend cane out and was trying to talk to her. My mom got into the passenger seat and said "go to he'll you brat" to me and her best friend got mad and said she was a better mother than that. Eventually I got in the car with her and her friend drove and took me to my friends house the whole way saying that it was my fault and how I would pay for this. She texted me saying how I only care for myself and how she is done with me. Even saying if I have it so bad to pack my bags and go live with my dad. My dad has a girlfriend that I don't get along with so he acts like I don't exist. Now I'm home and she is sleeping and I'm sure she'll put this all on me. I don't know what to do anymore. She's my mom and the sober women who raised me is nothing like the women she is after a bottle of wine. I'm so depressed now that I have hurt myself. I have NO self confidence and think of myself as worthless because of her. I can't handle living here anymore but I love her and don't want her to hate me. She denies having any sort of problem and I am losing my mind. Please someone help me. I don't know what to do anymore. I am completely lost and just want my mom back. :(((

I don't know. My mom has the same problem. She almost killed me today. And i am 11.

Just hang in there. Remember it's not your fault. Try to avoid her when she's drunk (I know that can be impossible) but just keep trying to tell her any minute when she's sober that it hurts you so much. That you miss who she was and please will she get help. Then just try to avoid talking to her when she's been drinking. Keep on working. keep on taking care of yourself and try to find those friends or mom's friends who you can ask if you can hang out at their place when she's been drinking. You can also try to find an ala-teen group where you will find friends going through this same nightmare. Know that there are people who care about you and places you can find to hang out that are safe. all the best wishes for peace and love.

hi my name is morgan my mom is always depress so she drinks and gets mad eaisly also im 12 years old like you iyt make my depress please respond.she also inbaresses me when im leaving school shes drunk and my friend meets her and tihing bad stuff please reply!

Some time ago, my mom started get drunk various times in front of me and my friends, of course at first she said she was sorry and that it would not happen again, but it did. I spoke to my dad but he never wanted to accept that she had a problem and kept giving excuses for her such as her taking pills with the alcohol. After it kept happening i confronted my mom with my dad and she denied it all and said that i was lying when i'd say that she was drinking all the time and would storm out of the room and get man. Since my dad denied her problem i was always the one who was wrong and said things i shouldn't. Finally my dad started realizing that her "episodes" were happening more and more so we decided to count them. Today she said she's take me and a friend downtown and when she was driving i realized she was drunk. She was driving horribly and couldn't understand anything, i was so humiliated because my friend was there so i called my dad. When i got home my dad and i spoke and he told me he had realized she had a problem but that there wasn't anything we could do until she accepted it, but she doesn't care about what I or my dad say. The worst part is that my mom isn't the person she was before, I don't even want to talk to her or to see her because I'm so mad that she could even put my life, our life, in danger by driving in that state. I don't know what to do and i am so scare for my mom and my family in general. I always saw my family as perfect and that it would always be that way and now everything is falling apart and I am just there in the middle without knowing what to do. Can anyone relate, have advice or want to talk about something that is similar to my situation i would be glad to because i know how it feels. 

I used to have the same problem as you, I'm 18 now but lived with my mother for 7 years while she drank two bottles of wine every day. The worst thing in the world was having to get off the school bus to come home, where all she would do was yell at me, or be passed out somewhere. I was embarrassed because anyone that met her could see she was plastered, but I couldn't tell anyone for the longest time, but then I told my best friend, and things got so much easier. Her mom would help my brothers and I by giving us a place to stay when my mom got too abusive. Try talking to a counselor, or other responsible, and though it might seem scary, they can help you figure a way out. I did this, and my dad took us away 5 years ago, and it was the best decision of my life. I can see the change in my personality; my self esteem has improved, and I've come out of my shell so much. This is not a healthy situation for you, so try to seek some kind of help, even if it just means talking about it.

I am 25 years old. My mother has been an alcoholic since I was a young teenager. My father died from cancer at the age of 54, when I was 17, and he too was an alcoholic. At the time you don't really understand alcoholism . You're not sure why mom was a monster the night before. One thing that I have come to understand is that people who are addicted to alcohol are simply ill. They can't help themselves. Their own mind convinces them that they "deserve" a drink; That they haven't had one for 12 hours - its long enough; That they like to wind down after the day; Or that they need it to sleep. It doesn't mean that they are selfish. It doesn't mean they are bad people. Alcoholic mothers are just that - mothers. They still love us with all their heart. They will still die for us. They want the best for us, but they are unable to help us in their broken state. They may appear to be filled with anger. They may run you in to the ground, shatter your self esteem, but you young people must not pay attention to it. Deep down, they ARE the mother you remember. They ARE there, somewhere. You just have to find them and pull them back. Don't get consumed by this other side of them. If they drag you down, leave. Come back to them when you are strong; when you can pull them back to you; Back to themselves. FIGHT for her. Make a plan.I tried everything under the South African sun to get my mother off the booze. Unfortunately, a parent will almost never listen to a speech about their own problems, let alone from their very own child. I have screamed. I have showered her with love. I have roped in her friends to help her. The frustration is overwhelming, but I had to remind myself that my mother was sick. She can't help it, and she needs the help that I, as her son, can not always give her.Happy ending? Yes. She recovered. How? Continuously reminding her to give up. Physically being present. Convincing her on a continual basis, despite her rage. Talking to and involving family and friends. Getting her to talk to someone other than myself. Continuously telling her how it makes me feel. Support groups are a very good recommendation. You ABSOLUTELY can not talk to them when they have so much as sniffed alcohol. I've had wrestling matches with my own mother prying the bottle from her hands. I do it not because I have to, but because she is my mother. You only have one mother and you better fight for her - or be prepared to lose her to the devil at the bottom of the bottle. However, it does come at it's cost to yourselves, but you will be much stronger for it. You will know so much about the illness that to write it all down will take an age. You will come out of it more confident than you were. It is also important to know that you MUST live your own life. You must never carry the burden of your parents. I found that being supportive, while living my own life is essential. Overcoming alcoholism is one looong fight. You will fail many times. You will feel helpless most of the time. She will most likely relapse. It is so difficult to be strong when you are still so young and dependent on your mother; When you have barely found yourself. Life throws you curve balls. It throws you punches. Roll with them. Keep your chin down and play the hand life gave you to the best of your ability.Remember a few things; You can not help someone who does not help themselves; you must understand that your mother is ill, that she loves you so much but she needs proper help; talk to someone, involve your family to recoup your own strength. Get a solid foundation. If your family are not there for you, go to your friends, go to your councilor, go to your church (priest, pastor, imam, etc), join a support group for your situation. Get involved in sports. Talk about it. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed. My friends have become my family through being there for me. It took 7 years for my mother to recover, and even now it looks like she is sliding back to her old ways. I will be here to help her find herself once again. I will always be around for my family. Sometimes you just have to grow up sooner than others and realise that mom isn't the rock she should be. It's tough when you're young, and there are people out there to help you. Everyone needs help.If you fail to help her, you must remember that you have not failed yourself. Not everyone is recoverable. Sometimes it is beyond you or me. I was lucky that my mother realised her problem and ended up getting through it, but I remember it being so tough realising my mother is not what I thought, and hoped, she was. I am now doing my masters degree, own my own business and  helping her financially until she gets back on her feet. You will get through it. You must realise that you are a victim of this terrible disease. You must get your mom the help she so terribly needs. If you have exhausted all options in helping your mother, then you must move on. There is a limit to the amount someone else can help. You can take a horse to the water, but you can't make it drink.I truly hope this letter finds you in good spirits, and know that you are not alone.

Your story sounds all to familiar, i grew up with an alcholic mother. She battled her alcholism on and off for years and as it progressed we lost little bits of her along the way. Unlike you, i was very young when her addiction began and sadly this sort of abusive behavour you may sometimes be experiencing became almost like second nature and both my sisters and i learned to practically ignore it and get on with our day to day lives, just trying to hide it as best we could from our friends and be like other normal teenagers. Mom was in and out of rehab a couple of times and attended the local AA meetings but sadly could not overcome her addiction and died 5years ago now. Im not sure what stage your mom is at at this point, but what i do know is that as my mothers problem worsened she got better at hiding it, better at lying both to herself and others around her. This made it almost impossible to put to rest as she was not willing to help herself. Looking back now, im sure that if we had done things differently would it have made a differnce, but just know that you are like your mother, a victim of this terrible disease, all you can really do is be supportive and be there for her. Try not to let anything offensive she may say while she is drunk to heart because i can assure you she does not mean it, it is hard for her too, she is battling her own demons and hurting in her own way. There is no perfect solution to a situation like this but i suppose it may be nice to know that you are not alone, I sincerely hope that your mom gets the help she needs and the strength to be able to overcome this. xx

i know how you feel my mom gets drunk most holiday and mostly when she picks me up, one time she was so drunk she almost dropped my sister in a campfire!

 

i have not as quite as mom as u guys but i still sit in my room and cry when she gets drunk

 

This...This is exactly what my life is like...
It's summer vacation and I woke up an hour ago (4:00 PM) and my mum was already drunk.
I don't know what to do.
She sometimes starts hitting me and screaming at me and when I ask her what I did wrong she just says 'Nothing.' and continues screaming at me.

Hi. I'm 45 years of age and my mum is an alcoholic.  It doesn't get easier as you get older, shes in her mid 60's and has drunk to excess for years.  I call home most days after work and she is slurring her speech, falling about and can be horribly abusive.  She hardly eats anymore and has lost loads of weight, if we try to broach the subject she either loses the plot or gets upset, its impossible.  We all try to look after her and make the most of the odd times she is cider free, but I feel like I lost my mum and my kids have lost their grandma.  Its like losing someone to Altzheimers but self inflicted, I wish we were worth her while to stop but nothing seems to be enough to make her change. 

The kids don't want to visit then she gets bitter because they don't go... she just doesn't see the link.  They hate seeing her falling about and when she gets abusive towards me it upsets them too.

 

Yes, darling. I am sorry, but she is an alcoholic and alcohol is her main priority. She will only change if SHE wants to and if she seeks help. My heart goes out to you.