My 14 yr old is pregnant

I think that if you talk to your daughter and ask for forgiveness for whatever you may have done to offend her that is a start to reconciliation. Also, not condemning or judging her for wanting to keep the baby and letting her know you won't criticize her for that anymore will probably help as, from what I've read, that is one principle reason for her distance. Letting her feel your love instead of your anger is what will allow you two to get back together.

Also, she may have been most offended by your suggestion that she abort the child. Not only is this something most rape victims do not choose to do, it can be personally offensive that your own mother wants the life inside you to die for convenience. There are also physical and psychological repercussions of rape, such as post-traumatic stress disorder and infertility, that you may have failed to consider when suggesting abortion. Give her a chance to bond with you through this new child and make her feel accepted for who she is, not what she can live up to, and maybe she will grow to love you more.

#1 Soos, SHE wanted the abortion in the 1st place. I cannot stand when people make comments on stuff they obviously didn't read. I didn't make any suggestion, I gave her the options! She made the choice at the time. In her eyes she wasn't raped, she's still with this guy and her Father's family is letting her. All of your comments are BS.

Ddexter69, the police told me they couldn't do a damn thing about it unless she goes to them or I get a copy of the baby's birth certificate with his name on it. He could be caught if she takes him for child support, too. I don't think any of those things is going to happen. Unfortunately, I was told her Aunt and Grandmother are letting her continue her relationship with this guy. I've been writing to her at least 3x a week for the past few months, basically saying the same things over and over, I love her, I miss her and most importantly that I'M HERE!!! With Mother's Day approaching I'm hoping she will have a change of heart because all I want to do is be there for her. I mean I know she has "great" role models over there, her aunt and grandma, and I just don't get how she sees them as normal. Regardless, I still want to be there for her.

I want to thank the people who actually read my ENTIRE post and can understand what is going on. I'm not giving up on my daughter. Kids do and say things that they will regret later on. I know that my daughter will never regret having her baby, which she did this past weekend without me, but she will regret the way she did things. By the time I found out she gave birth it was too late for me to go to the hospital. She even named the baby after her grandma. I don't know why this is happening to me but she is letting everyone else fill her head with c**p. I lost my daughter to the BS of the world and it hurts and I'll never be the same but it doesn't make me love her any less. I want to be a part of her life and I miss her every damn day.

When outsiders take the time to read your posts (as I did) and reply, at least be considerate and think about what they have to say. It was not clear to me from what I read that she made the decision in the first place. Perhaps if you are more careful to speak to others (including her) with a kinder attitude that is less judgmental and more understanding, it will be easier for you to resolve such issues. Even so, I am sorry you are having to deal with such an issue. As a person who has been through similar issues in the past (in her shoes), I can relate and also say that rebellion is a hard and difficult thing to work past. I wish I could give you the right answer, but all I can do is try.

"My daughter wants an abortion and is scheduled for tonight to have one. I explained her options in detail and she made her choice."

That is what I wrote in my 1st post, so how can my daughter be "offended" by a suggestion that I didn't make to her? To mention that my daughter could be "offended" that "your own mother wants the life inside you to die for convenience" when I didn't even suggest it is offensive to me.
Even so, I appreciate your post and your concern, but being kinder and less judgmental is what got me here in the 1st place. I never should have trusted her grandmother in the 1st place but I figured she was an adult and wouldn't betray me as she did. I know that no one has the answer, not even me and when people talk out of their behinds I will defend myself.

i will anwer your post with the rigth answer seek the lord and he will do the best for all of you and he is the only one that can heel al the bad feelingshe can clean any tears or anything that is making you upset

i am a 13 yr old and i have this girl in my school who is pregnant and her mom kicked her out so she is currently living at the bf's home with is mother she is keeping the baby and is failing the 8th grade ur daughter is lucky to have a mother like you and the 1st person was right mistakes happen if she is dumb enough to let it happening again then what she needs to learn that she cant always depend on you to always have her back and have her think that it is ok and the girl that is pregnant in my school told me that she if she had the chance to say no she would because she probably would be graduating and her mom would still "love" her she said she knows her mom is doing this to teach her a lesson but its to late now obbivously but what if this does happen again  %-)
Quote:

you never know till it happens

  

I think that you should lessin your msgs to her and see where it goes from there, try to visit randomly and see if she is there, dont get mad at her, shes young and can do stupid things

Rapist? Now wait just one minute.

Me, as a fairly responsible 17 year old girl, A+ Grades, loving family, ect. Has had sex with a man who was in his 20s.

I'm carrying his child and we're ready for the life, so I understand this mindset... but Rapist he is not.

A Rapist would not have stayed with her this long. Now please people... keep your minds open. My mother has done the same thing... So now I'm stuck living with him.

Life's a b***h, eh?

Stop blaming her Grandmother for this. You're less of an adult than she is!!

Please. Stop. It's no one's fault. She's a teenager... we all did stupid sh*t in our teen years... Don't try to tell me you haven't.

You're trying to blame everyone else for something that couldn't have been prevented. Calm down.

i hope you and your daughter are ok and i am very sad for you. i know she did something wrong and im sure my mum would never speak to me again, however, think how she feels. she must feel so alone on this one. if i were her i would think the whole world has turned against me. im not saying your not there for her, but you need to support her as well as tell her off. mum's arent just mums in a daughters eye, they are your best friend too. make sure you stay her best friend not just her lecturer.
i hope she is ok and i hope you are too

all the best
x

Rapist, yes, my daughter was 13 and he was 18, that's sick.

palani1944 wrote:

SaddenedMom wrote:

She did not have an abortion, in fact she is due next month. Life is great, huh? After my last post, she told me she was embarrassed, she wanted to give the baby up for adoption, and she wanted to stay at her dad's until after she gave birth. She made me promise to come visit her every weekend. I agreed, but when we got to her dad's doorstep she told me she was keeping it and wasn't coming home. I was crushed. About a week later I found out that this 'boy' was actually 20 years old! Needless to say I called the police. I also asked her Father to go with me and he told me the only thing he needs to do "is go c**p". Yeah.  The police told me unless she came down there and pressed charges herself or unless I had proof that he was the Father, they couldn't do a damn thing about it. So after that a lot happened. I was calling her dad everyday with more things that I found out, like she had a secret facebook account and their love was plastered all over for the whole world to see, pics of them kissing, etc... not enough for the police. I found out that the guy had gone to her school and given her a phone to use a few months ago. I also found out she never planned on giving it up! I took her to Adoptions from the Heart a week before she left here and she made specific decisions on what type of family she wanted the baby to go to... all that was a lie. Now it's come to this, she hates me, never wants to speak to me again, because I went to the police and now Children and Youth are harrassing her dad over everything, and the police came around questioning everyone, but nothing can be done. So she won't speak to me, see me, hear me.. nothing. And her dad says 'I'm not gonna make her do anything'. What a piece of.... yeah. I am reduced to writing her letters now, and get zero response. They don't answer the phone, no texts, no emails, for Christ's sake they don't even answer the door!!! I have had zero communication with my daughter and that's how her immature mind wants it. She's 15, she's a child, she doesn't know what's best for her; and I've been where she is right now, I know what she's thinking. She thinks everything is gonna be hunky-dory, and the sad truth is that it's not. I don't even know her exact due date. I force myself to live everyday, there are other people in my life who need me to continue being 'me', being mom, you know? I think about her almost all day long, I write her letters, I don't know why I am the one being punished.

I read your detaIled reply.
I am very sorry to know the relatonship now you are having with your daughter
I pray LORD that peace may pevail upon with all yhe members of your family.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
RAMAKRISHNAN.

yoru daughter will come back.where else is she gonna go when she needs someone who has commom sense to show her how to be a good mother?she knows her granny loves her but she will realize soon enough that her granny cant make healthy decisions for her bc shes afraid of losing her.when that happens yoru daughter will come back with your grandchild.continue doing what you can and put to the side the baby necessities she will need. in the end she will see that you were waiting for her to realize who loves her and her baby regardless of how long it takes to maek amends.CONGRATULATIONS GRANDMAMA!!

i just read through your post, your life sounds like a book or movie right now and I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I'm 19 and I've been away from my mom since February and it feels like a lifetime. I hope your daughter comes around soon.

This is the first time on this website that ignorant responses such as this have irked me enough to comment.


Did you even read the story? This loving mother had her heart broken by one of, if not THE most precious person in her life. She understands that teenagers make stupid mistakes, hence why she has only attempted to support her daughter in any way she can.


Try to fully comprehend what is going on in her life; put yourself in her shoes.


By all definitions of minors under the age of consent, her daughter was legally raped. She feels utterly helpless! Her daughter's Grandmother condoned the relationship, and what's more, helped keep it a secret! The police say there is nothing they can do, and the child's own father is clearly a piece of the sh*t that he is so fond of referring to - pardon my language.


Whether it not it could have been prevented, she is ABSOLUTELY putting blame where blame is deserved. She is still a child and stayed with her father and grandmother because they allowed her to do what she wanted to do - which more often then not at her age, is not what is best for her.


How many times growing up, did you ask one of your parents for something, and if they said no, you immediately went to the other. Due to the geographical separation of the father and grandmother, as well as the apparent incompetence of them to decide what's best for a young teen, the child was able to use this childhood tactic for a life-changing decision.


SaddenedMom:


Please attempt to fully disregard posts from those who are clearly ignorant to your troubles. Your situation and the sheer feeling of hopelessness you must feel is too much to comprehend. Please don't add any more frustrations to your plate due to barely literate internet users.


Hearing about how you are constantly trying to reconnect with your daughter is truly inspirational. The fact that you are able to stay sane and remain strong is absolutely astonishing. You are the type of mother that those less fortunate wish to have.


I wish I could give you your next move, but unfortunately the only things I can thus far come up with is going to the media - which, if you're willing to tell your story publicly, could potentially result in a court-ordered paternity test. You would be surprised how much sway the media has.


In addition, I of course do not know all of the parameters involving the custody situation of your child, however it seems to me that if going to court over the matter of custody is still a possible option, this story would have a huge sway over the judge - especially since you're the mother.


Also, WHEN your child comes back to you, I would strongly recommend speaking to her about adoption. Not to mean any disrespect to you or your daughter in any way, I truly believe that the adoption of the baby would lead to a better life for both your baby, and your grand-baby.

I would also like to add that I myself was adopted. My birth other at the time was single, 18 and living out of a car, and my adoptive parents were settled in a home in their 30's with stable careers - they just biologically could not have a child of their own. Now 21 years later, both of my mothers are good friends who have just recently [finally] switched from constantly writing letters back and forth to e-mailing. My adoptive parents supported my birth mother since the day she handed me over to them, and my birth mother now has a home of her own and a stable job - and two more kids!


I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers. Even if you are not religious, it couldn't hurt.


For anyone curious, I am a 21 year old male and will soon be graduating from college with a degree in engineering. I've been dating my girlfriend, who is 17, for over a year now, and she is skipping her last year of high school so that she may begin her undergraduate Pre-Med program at a University close to my own, where she is receiving a full-ride from both sports and academics. She and I remain virgins by choice.


I will leave you with a quote I heard for the first time this very morning, believe it or not. I am unfamiliar from whereabouts it originated, but I feel it is incredibly apt:


"A Mother Is God In The Eyes Of Her Child"