their lives that I put up with my husband's emotional and physical abuse. I am a home mom and I also work for my husband's firm at home. I do typing, computer work and bookkeeping. I do not have friends and I have to make sure dinner is made every night so that my husband does not get upset. He tells me that he works 10x more than me. I also do not have any access to any form of finances. He gives me an allowance every week to cover up the food expenses and if I need something, I need to ask him. His bank accounts are only under his name since he is the one that brings money home.
Outside of the home, his friends and family think that he is the perfect husband and father since he works very hard to provide us with all of the basics. Yet at home , when something does not go his way, I am the one to blame and if I confront him, he threatens to hit me if I do not go away or stay quiet. When things do not go his way, he withdraws and tells me I am his biggest mistake. Sometimes I think he feels trap with us and that is why he hates me. He knows that if he leaves me and the kids, he will be judged by many but since I have stuck it out for so long, he hates me for not making him problems with the kids or taking them. He plays the victim role and I am the bad one. And I swear to God, all I do is keep the home and cook for him and the boys. I rarely go out and if I do, it is usually with the kids. And if we go out, it is usually as a family and those outings have become less and less.
The problem is that he is much older than me. He is currently 61 and I am 44. Currently, the economy is very bad and his friends and family are putting pressure on me to find work out of the house now but I look at myself in the mirror and know that no one is going to hire me. I have a college degree but somehow I feel that the only job I qualify for is cleaning. He is currently my only source of support and I am scared to break away since I have nowhere to go to and am scared that somehow I will disrupt my children's education. They are doing really good in school and I do not want them to suffer.
Yesterday my husband hit me just because the tv remote control was missing a battery. He slammed it and I followed him to the room and I told him that there was no need to slam the remote control at the floor and start cursing. He told me to get out of the room and I told him i was tired of his tantrums. He then hit me in front of the kids and I hit him back and he hit me again. When my son got involved, I then told me kid it was not right to conform his dad and we went to the living room. My husband turned our bedroom into his own private office and I sleep in the kids room or in the living room. Yet he demands sex from me since he is the breadwinner of the house.
I am very confused and I do not know what to do. Is it my fault? He always tells me he is better than me and that his intelligence is above average, not like mine. He calls me stupid.
I do not know what to do...
I think you should take the suggestions of his friends and family.
Get a job ---------- then leave him. You are being used and abused and your kids are learning how to do that by watching him.
Hi, Please understand that you are not at fault, did nothing wrong, and are NOT trapped to stay with this monster. Unfortunately, women who are beaten and controlled by their men develop "Battered Women Syndrome". He has scared you to the point where you feel without him you would not survive. In reality, if you left him, he is the one who would have a hard time standing on his own two feet. Men who beat women do so because it makes him feel like a man, if confronted by anorther guy your husband would run like a little girl. Since you are outside the US, does this mean your children are not US citizens...are you? If I was in your situation, I would look to get back to America or come here for the first time. I know nothing of immigration laws, but you can find out everything on the internet or via telephone. You first step is to ensure safety for you and your children. Therefore, call your domestic hotline societies, talk to women who have been in your situation, and they can offer you great advice. Next, if you can get an "order of protection" get one fast. Go to the police, file a report telling everything he does to you and they can issue the Order for him to leave you alone. If he hits you again, he goes to jail. Please do not worry about what his family, workers, friends or neighbors might say...they are meaningless to you at this time, unless they will help you they will only be annoying. Start to armor yourself with resources. If he will not give you money willingly, then perhaps you can take some from him without him knowing? Very small amounts will add up very quickly. Also, apply for a major credit card in his name, but also asking that they give an additional card to his wife. When you get the card, hide yours, but have it on you at all times....and bury his card. To avoid him ever finding out about this you must make a charge, get the bill in the mail, then buy a money order to pay the bill and change the mailing address for them to use in the future. Since you have no one to trust, open a PO Box, it is very inexpensive, and send the mail there. Try to get help from any and every resource available. Call the red cross, the American Embassy, etc. Also, make sure to speak to a lawyer...find out exactly what your options are. Lastly, but very important, write a very detailed letter of every thing that has been done to you. The physical abuse, mental abuse, the isolation he forced on you, locking you out of the bedroom then beating you into sexual submission. Write it all, and address the letter to the Attorney General, so if anything happens to you the law will have a full account of your life with this creep. When men are our abusers, they will promise over and over that it will never happen again, but it does. Once they start, they never stop. I am praying that you find safety. Please be very careful in anything you do. You may want to consider going back to work. I know you feel ill equipped to do so, but thats the voice of your husband in your head. I promise you...you will get a great job in spite of him. Please get close to some other women, their strength, advice, and loyalty will be a blessing to you. I hope and pray all gets better for you. Love, Linda
Hi, I think it is time you gather as much courage as you can and face him. He should be made to know that any reproach should be made in the bedroom not in the presence of the kids of the family you are bringing has a very dangerous future. I think he regrets being with you and the efforts you take in calming him down proof fruitless, then you better part ways and agree on contributing to raise the kids. There is nothing as painfull as leaving with someone who makes you bitter most of the time. Better to be alone and feel at ease. thanks.
If he was younger, I'd say mid-life crisis.
Is he suffering from a tosterone drop? Is he getting enough sex (regular enough)?