I am not a religious person but I NEVER thought I would have an abortion. I had an abortion one year ago. I used a condom and got pregnant. The guy did not want me or the baby. I was so broke, I had to ask my friend for money to have the procedure done. Things are better now. I met a GREAT guy almost immediately after and I wished it had been a month sooner. I now live with him and love him and we plan to get married.
The problem is that nothing is fast enough for me. I want to be pregnant, and married sooo badly. I justified the abortion saying that 'next time' everything would be right. I'm obsessed with babies. I have nightmares that he takes my baby from me, or leaves me and the baby without ANYTHING! When he says he wants to wait a year or two, I become depressed and suicidal. I have tried doing crazy things and have stayed up some nights crying for 3-6hours straight.
I have been to counselling but they only make me feel more guilty and unworthy of EVER being a mother. They try to distract you with stupid things like starting up a craft or something. Well, I craft. And it doesn't help. I avoided 'baby activities' but it was worse. I would see a pregnant woman in public and become jealous and angry.
I am seriously depressed and eat more than I ever used to. I'm afraid I'm going to drive my bf away with my craziness. Does anyone know of any healing tools that REALLY help? Please, I don't know what else to do.
The problem is that nothing is fast enough for me. I want to be pregnant, and married sooo badly. I justified the abortion saying that 'next time' everything would be right. I'm obsessed with babies. I have nightmares that he takes my baby from me, or leaves me and the baby without ANYTHING! When he says he wants to wait a year or two, I become depressed and suicidal. I have tried doing crazy things and have stayed up some nights crying for 3-6hours straight.
I have been to counselling but they only make me feel more guilty and unworthy of EVER being a mother. They try to distract you with stupid things like starting up a craft or something. Well, I craft. And it doesn't help. I avoided 'baby activities' but it was worse. I would see a pregnant woman in public and become jealous and angry.
I am seriously depressed and eat more than I ever used to. I'm afraid I'm going to drive my bf away with my craziness. Does anyone know of any healing tools that REALLY help? Please, I don't know what else to do.
Post abortions are hard to deal with.I understand what you're going through because i've been there.My advice to you is pray and ask god for forgiveness and ask him to help you put it behind and move on ,this isn't something you can undo,we have to live with it for the rest of our lives .Try to move on i know it's hard. :-)
I wish you the best of luck.