I don't want to be unsupported. I was married to a man that i absolutely loved. we had two beautiful children between us. right before we got married our sex life started slowing down. if i tried to hold his hand when we were walking he told me no it was to hot to hold hands. if i tried to get close to him in bed he told me he wasn't in the mood, or he was tired, or many other reasons. i tried everything to spark some interest in him, i tried stripping in front of the TV and he told me i was in the way. i tried welcoming him home in the kitchen cooking him a steak in nothing. he just walked by and told me i was going to get cold walking around naked like that. i tried lengeree, baby doll stuff, slutty stuff, feathers, leather. he would always tall me no or if i tried to cuddle up to him in bed bed would roll away from me. if i tried to get close to him on the couch he would push me away from him and tell me i was smothering him. after years of this eventually i would start to reach for him and stop myself not wanting to be rejected again, i would just roll away from him and cry myself quietly to sleep. one night he woke up and asked my why i was crying. i told him i wanted to get close to him but I'm afraid hes going to tell me no again. he got mad and yelled at me telling me that obviously he wasn't going to get any sleep tonight so he was going to go sleep on the couch. i didn't understand what i was doing wrong. my son came up to me when i was crying one day and he said something to me that i will never forget. he said "don't worry mommy, daddy will go back on his truck soon and you can be happy again" my five year old told me this. i had never told my kids anything that was going on. he was so smart beyond his years. i left him and after promoting me he would change i went back and it was better for a month but he went right back into it. after another year i left him again. and again i was fool enough to believe his promises. after another year he began to blame me for everything in his life that was going wrong. i eventually left him but not soon enough. i wound up in the hospital. it took him putting me in to the hospital for me to get it that he wasn't to right person for me. he may have at one time but that time was over. after time i realized he had been abusing me for years. i just didn't know what it was at the time. his blaming his problems on me, his manipulating situations so i was wrong, wrong for touching him, wrong for reaching out to him, wrong for being sad to be alone. wrong for feeling alone lying in bed right next to him. it took me quite a long time to learn this. i am skipping over alot of other things that happened because there isn't enough time from me to go into everything i went through i pray this is not what will happen to you. you need to remember. you are a beautiful person, you deserve happiness. you deserve love, don't let anyone, ANYONE no matter how much you love them to take any of these things from you, don't let then kill your spirit.
hey guys or girls,
I read everybody's reply, at least you guys have passed some time with your mates but think about me.
I am 25 he is 29. We have completed one year of our anniversary of our marriage and my husband still not sexually aroused. I have never find him taking me in his arm with that grace or kissed me passionately. even if at the time of sex I have to take first step to make him ready..Aahh I am fed up of this attitude. He works for IT and I don't work but looking for job. Sometimes I want to have sex then I try to touch him, kiss him tickle him but he had hardly responded and he just moves to other room by saying" Not Now"..that sucks
current situation of sex ratio is 1 or twice in month and I want to do it at least 2 in week
For addition I have 5.6'' height and I look attractive. I have athlete build.
Guys I need help. I don't want to divorce him
I read everybody's reply, at least you guys have passed some time with your mates but think about me.
I am 25 he is 29. We have completed one year of our anniversary of our marriage and my husband still not sexually aroused. I have never find him taking me in his arm with that grace or kissed me passionately. even if at the time of sex I have to take first step to make him ready..Aahh I am fed up of this attitude. He works for IT and I don't work but looking for job. Sometimes I want to have sex then I try to touch him, kiss him tickle him but he had hardly responded and he just moves to other room by saying" Not Now"..that sucks
current situation of sex ratio is 1 or twice in month and I want to do it at least 2 in week
For addition I have 5.6'' height and I look attractive. I have athlete build.
Guys I need help. I don't want to divorce him
I am on the other side of that Coin.
I am the Husband with the High sex drive and she just dosen't even think about it. To put things into prespective we were both virgins when we got married. but it seemed like we both could not wait until we get it on hot and heavy. But I don't know what happened. after Marriage things calmed down. I am now up to the point of having difficulty spelling S.E.X. I want to have sex with her she is not interested I love giving oral she thinks it is dirty I love taking my time downthere she would rather just have sex and get it over with. I don't understand I am having sex like once every 3 months and I have enough energy to do it 3 times a day. I read about oh you should be romantic and help her out. well I do all that. I get her breakfast in bes. I cook breakfast every week-end I do the dishes alot of the times and I even help her with the cleaning of the house. I had lots of friends (girls) that tell me they would love to have what my wife dosen't care about and yet I can't do anything about that. my wife keeps on telling me that girls don't have the same sex desires that guys do. I started to beleive her I have been reading on the net and looks like my wife is not the only one with the low (NONE EXISTING) sex drive but then I found this page with many women that have the same desire I have. all this to tell you that your not the only one in this Battle. GUYS all over are having the same issue but with their other half. I don't know why 2 sexually active people don't end up with each other but maybe greater powers are teaching us something. I wish you luck with your battle but I understand your frustration very well.
I am the Husband with the High sex drive and she just dosen't even think about it. To put things into prespective we were both virgins when we got married. but it seemed like we both could not wait until we get it on hot and heavy. But I don't know what happened. after Marriage things calmed down. I am now up to the point of having difficulty spelling S.E.X. I want to have sex with her she is not interested I love giving oral she thinks it is dirty I love taking my time downthere she would rather just have sex and get it over with. I don't understand I am having sex like once every 3 months and I have enough energy to do it 3 times a day. I read about oh you should be romantic and help her out. well I do all that. I get her breakfast in bes. I cook breakfast every week-end I do the dishes alot of the times and I even help her with the cleaning of the house. I had lots of friends (girls) that tell me they would love to have what my wife dosen't care about and yet I can't do anything about that. my wife keeps on telling me that girls don't have the same sex desires that guys do. I started to beleive her I have been reading on the net and looks like my wife is not the only one with the low (NONE EXISTING) sex drive but then I found this page with many women that have the same desire I have. all this to tell you that your not the only one in this Battle. GUYS all over are having the same issue but with their other half. I don't know why 2 sexually active people don't end up with each other but maybe greater powers are teaching us something. I wish you luck with your battle but I understand your frustration very well.
There was a time when we had something of a sexual relationship before and in the beginning of the marriage sporadically, but it was 6 weeks before the marriage was consummated at my suggestion and on our honeymoon in Vegas 6 months later he sneaked out of the room when I was sleeping to go show off his piano playing, so there was no loving making at all during the honeymoon. I consider myself to be highly sensual and excellent at both giving and receiving love. We have intimacy, however. He loves to massage my back and feet for hours to "soothe by stress", so he is loving. He has been on medication now for 2 years after an episode and sex has been non-existent unless I initiated it...I am not the type to pressure and give him leeway to come on to me in and out of bed. I would like just kissing for hours on end or petting. He does not masturbate and I even tried to encourage him to and participate in it with him, but he didn't want to repeat it even though he enjoyed it at the time. I have spoken to his psychiatrist who sweeps it under the rug. I have been to my pastor who informs him that he needs to love me better and meet my needs, that not having sex in a marriage is displeasing to God and that he, himself, can't imagine life without sex. The pastor even told him it was a sin and would throw a permanent wedge in our marriage, but he responded to nothing he said. When he is asked what the problem is he is either silent or just answers "I don't know" Well this is going on year after year and my sadness is deep over it. I want to be desired for the woman I am and I tell him this and that my happiness means nothing to him...he never even attempts to participate. He has had Cialis sitting in a drawer for a couple of years and never took any. Okay, I got a toy and asked if he wanted to participate with me with it and he said "sure", but I am looking for interaction and to satisfy him not just myself! We never tried the toy because it was broken on the 2nd application. I have cried my eyes out about this. I feel like I am being scourged. I have turned over every stone to find a solution and he has done nothing and my compassion for him as a compromised individual has been unending, so tonight I informed him that I am seeking a lover and will have one in two weeks since he broke his marriage vows to be one with me in mind, body, and soul as my soulmate. I can't exactly up and leave him for many reasons. I honestly feel like I am starving and dying and the life has been knocked out of me. I'm an intensely sexual person. Somehow, I think God understands. I have been totally honest and I am tired of suffering without lovemaking month after month with no solution in sight. It makes me unhappy all day long and I am going to have to go outside the marriage with his knowledge so that I can live a normal life.
I feel I am at the end of my rope. If i dont go to bed he complains that i should be in bed with him, but it is so hard to lay next to someone when you want so desperately want to be intimate. I am diing to have sex and in 13 yrs of marriage ive not been unfaithful, but oh my gosh- how much rejection can a woman take. I hear from men that my "husbands a lucky man" and how pretty i am, but why doesnt my husband feel that way. I so often feel like Im just part of the perfect picture. you know, the wife, kids, house and the dog.
what does a person do????
what does a person do????
I understand. I am a young woman 23 and my husband is only 25; yet he wants nothing to do with me! It makes me want to pound his head in. The rejection hurts so bad. 99% of the time when I try to initiate sex I am rejected! I don't even try as many times as I would like it! I get turned on at least once a day and maybe get it once every two weeks and then it only asks for maybe two pumps and he's already came.... It is totally frustrating and like all the rest of these women I have no solution! I want to feel sexy and loved! I want him to come up behind me a give me a kiss or grab my ass or something! I will just keep trying!
well some guys don't feel like having sex because like me we dont feel like we can satify a women. i have some problems that when my girlfriend trys to have sex with me even if i wanted i feel ashamed because its kind of small and i think she would laugh at me or something :-( i think that she just might not get satified. we have been going out for a while now and wea re great together but as we are longer together she try to have sex more often i also dont want to because i heard that girls dont like when men are not circumsied and unfortunatly im not which i dnot know how she would react its not that i dont love her or that i am not interested in her because i think i have high sex drive but i just feel bad when ever we start touching and kissing and i stop. i dont know how to start or tell her.
I must be hearing deja vu because I am in the same boat. I feel hopeless right now as I am typing. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and live together. In the past we have had issues with him and other women in his life. He's let a lot of his past fall into our relationship, exes and secretly talking with them and taking other women out. I've stood by him because I know he's always loved me and I thought maybe him having these past relationships and connections was part of adult relationships. I mean, I can't have him give up all the relationships he has with women but the way he handled it was not very well. We always had a great sex life until almost 2 years ago. We could go 4 times in one night! Now, I'm lucky if it's 4 times in months. I have to ask, I beg and always the excuse of "I'm tired" or "My back hurts." I've been fighting back and forth whether to stay or leave him. One day we are great and affectionate and as soon as I bring up sex he gets a different tone. I think he is going to ask me to marry him and I don't know what to do. I think he is resentful of me for the times I've made him give up his secret friendships or let go of past relationships or connections he always had with women. Now that he finally is the person I can trust and count on, he's not that person. He stays at home, is anti-social and just wants to watch tv. Also, he masturbates to porn and it makes me feel worse when we aren't doing anything. It's a terrible life and I pretty much am hating him for bringing me to where I am today, miserable. What to do?
Hi all...I'm so glad to know that I'm not alone in this situation. I'm not sure what else to do either...I've tried everything, sexy lingerie, dirty talking, listening to him all the time to relieve him of his stress, etc etc...but still no use completely. I'm just so irritated. its like he does't want to or only wants to when he really just needs to. When we do it, I feel like he is just masubating with me on the other end...oh I wish they'd fill men's magazines with some sensible advise, know what i mean....
I can't believe how many women are in the same boat as I am! I love my bf more than anything in the world, and we've been dating for a little over a year (we've been living together about 8 months or so). It's not that we NEVER have sex.....I'd say we average about twice a week, maybe. But I don't ever feel like it's because he really wants to. The only thing he ever gets really excited about, is me giving him oral sex, but I rarely do that because then he's done and what about me?? I don't understand why there doesn't seem to be much passion in our relationship, nor was there ever really.....except for the very first few weeks (and even then it was sparce). I don't even initiate it anymore, because it's such a c**p shoot. Sometimes he's minutely interested (or so it seems), other times not at all. I want him to want me like I want him! I recently found out that he masturbates to porn. I know that most guys do it, and it never really bothered me with my ex's but I guess in conjunction with what I'm going through with him, it's like a punch in the gut. Why can't he skip the f'n porn and jacking off for a while, so he can let it build and we can have some freaking passion upon occasion? I'm tired of feeling like I always want it and he never does. Did I mention he recently made the comment that I don't quite realize how much "work" it is for him when we do it?? While I enjoy giving him blowjobs, it can also be tiresome, but it's something I do because it brings me joy to do something that pleases him. I hate to admit that I even strayed from our relationship about 8 months ago for a combination of reasons, but one of which was what we're still going through. It was wrong, and I'd take it back if I could, but I miss feeling wanted. Women NEED to feel beautiful and desired.
I've been in two marriages previously that ended for different reasons, and I've learned from those relationships that there are more important things than sex. Things were absolutely wonderful in my last marriage (except for the fact that he was cheating on me the whole time...and I had NO clue!). My bf has such a good heart and I know that he loves me and my kids....I just don't understand why he doesn't seem to be that interested in me sexually. A girl needs to feel (and hear) she's pretty upon occasion, ya know? I seem to hear it from everyone but him...and he's the one person I need to feel that way with!
I don't want our relationship to end, and I'm really hoping this is something that can be worked out....but I'm beginning to grow more and more skeptical. I'm so tired of feeling loved but not wanted. It's so hard to lie next to someone every night, desperately hoping that they'll show some passion for you when (occasionally) the best you get is a half-hearted attempt. I can't tell you how much I miss feeling like a woman....right now I don't.
I've been in two marriages previously that ended for different reasons, and I've learned from those relationships that there are more important things than sex. Things were absolutely wonderful in my last marriage (except for the fact that he was cheating on me the whole time...and I had NO clue!). My bf has such a good heart and I know that he loves me and my kids....I just don't understand why he doesn't seem to be that interested in me sexually. A girl needs to feel (and hear) she's pretty upon occasion, ya know? I seem to hear it from everyone but him...and he's the one person I need to feel that way with!
I don't want our relationship to end, and I'm really hoping this is something that can be worked out....but I'm beginning to grow more and more skeptical. I'm so tired of feeling loved but not wanted. It's so hard to lie next to someone every night, desperately hoping that they'll show some passion for you when (occasionally) the best you get is a half-hearted attempt. I can't tell you how much I miss feeling like a woman....right now I don't.
The wife and I hadn't had sex in approx. 30 years, married 43 years. When first married maybe we had sex a dozen times. I wasn't all that excited about sex, I thought it was just something else married people do. The wife likes sex and when we did have sex I was just made believe I enjoyed it. I finaly just decided to stop and I did. I suppose we should have broke up but we didn't and the wife is miserable about making the wrong decision. I won't deal with her emotions, she can do what ever she wants. The past 15 years things have been pretty good. I have a feeling shes having affairs, and if she is thats fine with me. I don't know whether they are with male or female. Again I really don't care as long as she is happy. Some times she won't come home in the evenings or gone for the weekend. The longest she has been gone was three weeks ! She says I'm going out with the girls.
I know and understand what you are going through. I'm 5 months pregnant and I want sex all the time but my husband does not. It's been about a month since we last had sex and I'm frustrated. He says he doesn't want to harm the baby but I assured him that will not happen. I found out that he s been watching porn and masturbating. I looked at the history on his computer and he's been on a site called tagged and various porn sites. I'm disgusted with him and I'm almost ready to divorce him but I don't want my son to grow up without his father around constantly. It's our first child and I want us to be a family.. Not my child calling someone else daddy. Sorry if I didn't help but I have a bigger problem!
Upton O'Goode wrote:
I am in the same boat, a wife who sexually starves me. I have been masturbating a lot since i do not want to cheat as i love her, was just recently thinking of maybe buying fleshlight or something of that nature, like you, i have no idea or i dont think she would appreciate it at all, but i will tell her if she complains...what am i supposed to do? I told her before, even if you dont feel like, you can give me oral or even jerk me off, just shoe me that you are concerned about my sexual and emotional need, that will make me feel loved and show that she care. But NO,nothing! she just lays there like a log, snores and leave me to myself sometimes 2 weeks at a time. What selfish wife does that? I am so sick of it. She knows my drive is more than hers and i am turned on a lot, i am understanding so i am not asking for any excess sex, just 2 or 3 times a week is more than enough for me, i wont ask for more as i know it will probably be too much for her. But does she even care to try to initiate anything or think of the fact that after so many many days, i would be turned on? I have been turned down, when i touch her she does not respond, what does she think is going on in my body if over a week goes by and she does not give me sex especially since she knows my appetite?She is just plain SELFISH and i resent her for it. We have done all the talking blah blah blah, nothing has helped so i have just about given up and i will just settle to masturbation and ignore her. She makes me so mad!! But she wants to act all lovie dovie during other times, but she does not meet my needs where it the most, why should i care then? f**k HER!!!! I will go and buy a toy, and i pray God just continues to help me stay faithful because i am so sick of this freaking lack of intimacy of a marriage! For someone that has orgasm most of the time we have sex, i cannot understand why she doesnt like to do it more. If one can attain such a powerful sexual emotion like orgasm, wouldnt you want to experience it a lot more? I dont know if she takes care of herself behind my back, the only thing i know she loves in this world after our kids is SLEEP!!! Married 17 years, both in our forties. Her appetite has never been high from the start, it has just slowly gotten worse.
Guest wrote:
If you are not happy and fulfilled in the relationship, do not marry him until you guys have found a solution to the issue. Can you really see yourself living through this kind of pain for the next 50 years?
I very nearly left my husband of 12 years for this exact problem. However, we did find a way of working it out. If you guys can get to a place where you are both happy, then go for it.
I realized that what was happening is that my husband was worried that he could not satisfy me, and he had issues with sex because he did not feel like he could keep up. This prevented him from feeling like a real man. Every time we had sex he felt bad about it, so eventually it slowed to a standstill.
I stayed faithful, but I started fantasizing about other guys. Had I found another relationship, I would genuinely have left him. That would have been a real shame, because he and I love each other and get along in so many other ways.
I found a toy that I like very much, and went ahead and used it. He used to gripe at me for masturbating, but I did anyway. One day I asked him for help with the toy, because I just couldn't "get it." It was wonderful that he was actively participating. I loved his participation and he loved my earth shattering response. He felt like he had some power to satisfy me. Afterwards, he wanted to have sex. It's amazing.
Now, when I ask for sex, and he says no, I ask him if he would help me with the toy, and he says I'd be glad to. Sometimes he follows up, other times not, but either way I get where I'm going, and he has come along on the journey with me.
Thank God we found a solution. It truly saved our marriage.
From where I'm sitting it looks like you found a solution. God and your husband had nothing to do with it. Give yourself a little credit.
But as much as I admire your creativity and appreciate the courage it took to do what you did, somehow I don't think it would perk up my wife's flagging libido if I brought home a Fleshlight and masturbated in front of her. Maybe I'll give it a shot--I've tried everything else--but I'm not sanguine about the prospects.
My solution has been to seek out my counterparts--ladies like Kesai, whose partners have retired from sexual activity--for friendship, sympathy, mutual support and sex.
Yes, that's right. I'm "cheating" on my wife--though what she's being cheated of I cannot say--with other men's wives. Double adultery:shame on us! But it's keeping our marriages together, and that's a good thing.
I am in the same boat, a wife who sexually starves me. I have been masturbating a lot since i do not want to cheat as i love her, was just recently thinking of maybe buying fleshlight or something of that nature, like you, i have no idea or i dont think she would appreciate it at all, but i will tell her if she complains...what am i supposed to do? I told her before, even if you dont feel like, you can give me oral or even jerk me off, just shoe me that you are concerned about my sexual and emotional need, that will make me feel loved and show that she care. But NO,nothing! she just lays there like a log, snores and leave me to myself sometimes 2 weeks at a time. What selfish wife does that? I am so sick of it. She knows my drive is more than hers and i am turned on a lot, i am understanding so i am not asking for any excess sex, just 2 or 3 times a week is more than enough for me, i wont ask for more as i know it will probably be too much for her. But does she even care to try to initiate anything or think of the fact that after so many many days, i would be turned on? I have been turned down, when i touch her she does not respond, what does she think is going on in my body if over a week goes by and she does not give me sex especially since she knows my appetite?She is just plain SELFISH and i resent her for it. We have done all the talking blah blah blah, nothing has helped so i have just about given up and i will just settle to masturbation and ignore her. She makes me so mad!! But she wants to act all lovie dovie during other times, but she does not meet my needs where it the most, why should i care then? f**k HER!!!! I will go and buy a toy, and i pray God just continues to help me stay faithful because i am so sick of this freaking lack of intimacy of a marriage! For someone that has orgasm most of the time we have sex, i cannot understand why she doesnt like to do it more. If one can attain such a powerful sexual emotion like orgasm, wouldnt you want to experience it a lot more? I dont know if she takes care of herself behind my back, the only thing i know she loves in this world after our kids is SLEEP!!! Married 17 years, both in our forties. Her appetite has never been high from the start, it has just slowly gotten worse.
dont worry hun it will all pass just focuss on having a healthy baby and making yourself look and feel good and stop focussing on the sex issue,your man will come up soon he just need time, seems like at this time a lot is going through his mind and sex is the last thing. And remember some are turned off by the fact that they have to do a lot of job while having sex with a pregnant woman.