Trying to stay of weed but partner is using in front of me

Hiya,

I read through some articles and thought I'd ask some advice.

Im 24 and female, I have been smoking weed everyday for about a year. On average I have two joints a night and a little more on weekends.

Recently I moved in with my boyfriend who also smokes it, we had been smoking less than normal so I had dropped down to half a joint per night and again more on weekends.

11 days ago I got asked to fight in Thai Boxing, I slowly reduced until the start of the week where I tried to stop completely.

Day one was fine, by the time I got home he was already asleep and there was no paraphanelia about. Then it went downhill, the second day he rolled and smoked but I went outside in to the back garden and that was fine, but I was still craving like mad. From then on he just cassually rolls in front of me and lights up and its absolute torture, it has me in tears it's torturous. Sometimes he will roll and leave it sitting on the desk, its beautiful and I know what feelings it would bring if i were to smoke it, sometimes I stare at it.

So I manage to go all the way to bedtime - not easily but I do. But it's getting harder and harder to do this as he's rolling in front of me more and more. At first I couldn't sleep, I would try everything from clean to cutting my toenails until it's 2am and if I don't sleep soon I wont be able to train - and my training schedule is very intense. At 2am on Monday I had 1/2 a joint and went to bed, on Tuesday I had 3 draws, Wednesday none, Thursday none Friday None, saturday he had smoked all day and we were having a BBQ, I used to love sitting out with him and sharing a joint eating good food and doing the garden, sitting cuddled up - it was nice. I can't do that anymore. I hurt my shoulder bad on Saturday falling and I had painkillers to ease the pain when usually I would have had a smoke, it didnt work, so on two occassions when he was outside I lit his joint that he had part smoked - had one draw and put it back out and that seemed to do me fine. Last night I was upset and went to bed early because all I wanted to do was relax and watch a film but I couldn't (I have severe anxiety issues and my mind is constantly working - I was in an abusive relationship for four years prior to this and I have really bad nightmares and trouble with a lot of things - I was using it to self medicate and help me sleep and also to calm my nerves and slow my mind) So I cried myself to sleep again which I seem to be doing a lot of at the moment.

I didn't hear him  come in to the bedroom but I woke up and he was lying horizontally across my legs on his back, he started moaning and jerking - I put my hands under his head to try and sit him upright because I thought he had fallen asleep and it was a bad dream but he was as stiff as a board. I kneeled over him but couldnt see him because it was dark, said his name a few times with no response just moans and that. I leaned over his face and lightly kissed where his lips would be and usually - sleeping or not, he lightly kisses me back - nothing he continued to moan almost like a nightmare. I sat back and stroked his hair for a few minutes and eventually whispered his name and told him to sit up, all of a sudden he sat up, apologized he was a bit baked and he climbed under the covers and fell asleep. I sat awake watching him terrified for a good while - I work with epilepsy and it was a definite siezure. I went downstairs and googled it, a lot of people report taking one when they smoke far too much. I had the last two draws from my joint thats lasted me the week and went upstairs, in the morning I mentioned it to him and he recalled the same story to me but he missed out the part where he was on the bed, I mentioned it lightly he didn't know what I was talking about. I told him in detail and he was shocked. I told him that I was worried and up watching him all night and that I had the last of my joint as I couldn't sleep, then I told him that if he smokes himself in to a siezure again i'm not going to be pleased.

Today has been fine until after dinner, I started to get restless again and began modelling out of clay. I made an anchor for our bathroom with out initials on it and he rolled and lit up, I immediately walked outside because I didn't want to go to bed upset again I wanted to go to bed with him and cuddle up and maybe have sex...I came back through and he had nipped it, I put vix vapor rub on my nose so I couldn't smell the weed and crave it and did the same again when he relit it. I spent a good few hours doing clay and trying to calm my mind and in doing so tired my mind out. All I wanted to do was have a smoke, I was restless and too early for bed. I started googling bored.com and spent half an hour on that with very little attention span. He rolled again.

I just couldn't take it anymore, so when he lit I stood up and told him I was going to bed, gave him a kiss on  the cheek and came upstairs and just cried. I don't know what to do, I feel out of order asking him to stop or to not do it in front of me because I am the one with the fight not him, I said yes to it - he didn't. But it's absolutely torture and it makes me mad at him even though I know that IM the one with the issue.

It upsets me so much, I want to cuddle and have a nice night watching things but i CANT. We aren't even going to bed together anymore and Im conscious that it will strain our relationship. I am 6 weeks out from my fight and have another 6 weeks to go of this and I seriously don't know how much my brain can take. It's so exhausting trying to busy myself when im absolutely done in from training. I can't possibly exercise the craving away because im exhausted and my brain is to exhausted to make itself useful and not  be so restless.

Please can someone help me - im really in a bad place tonight to be honest and I cant stop crying