Very angry, I need to let off some steam.

I know how you feel. I feel bad for you too. To let a pain go for that long just cuz mom said it was nothing could turn into something bad for you. Where there is pain there is obviously something going on.
If you are not happy with this doctor, you know you can always switch to someone else.
It's a sad thing when a girl can't talk to her mom, bad back or not. Sometimes people get so absorbed with themselves and their problems that they just can't make the room for anyone else's, including their own children. How old are you?
Do you have a sister or a close female relative that you can confide in? I just hate it when young girls can't get tight with their moms, as a mom/daughter relationship is really special. I have 3 girls and we have a riot together. I am not a "stuffy" mom and we talk like we're best girl friends. They are all over the age of 21 so they let it all hang out and it doesn't bother me at all. I hear everything from their love lives to what they had for dinner and everything in between. I sometimes get a little uncomfortable :$ with a few things but...oh well.

I know you love your mom and i am positive she loves you, but sometimes you need to be reminded of just that. I know you say that you'll do no more for her, but i think your just pissed right now. It's okay to be mad at her, just let her know why your mad and maybe you two can talk it out together. On the flip side of that, don't grovel at her feet either. If she has made the choice to sort of poo poo you away, it sounds like it's her loss.
In the meantime, get your health to where it should be, that should be your main concern at this juncture. Hang out with us if you want, we are all helpful and always offer a shoulder. If one of us don't know the answer, the next person usually does.
Feel free to add your own two cents worth too. If nothing else, we are very supportive and understanding. You can private message also if you want some one on one. But we like it when you post your issues so everyone can offer up something.

So, if you just want to chat about anything or something inparticular, feel free to come back. I have had some serious mother issues since i was a little girl so i can probably talk to you about some things as well. ;-)

thank you ever so much for your post it really helps to know there are people out there that listen i mean i have a brilliant set of friends and they are always there for me but when im at home there is literally no one mum constantly moans at me she never listens when i tell her about how much pain im in she just makes me feel like im not important at all and its times like this that im tempted to self harm and even have suicidal thoughts this pain really drags me down i dont get much sleep and im going to have to go now cos my mum has to check my brothers emails cos he is ill and my mum is pandering to him. i will email tomorrow

Listen to me Laura, there is nothing that is that bad in life that would make you want to do something to yourself. Your life is precious and you are a gift. Let mom do her thing and you re focus yourself. You sound like a sweet and intelligent young lady who just wants her mom, that's all, no more, no less.
You can call on me if you like, i will chat with you. Keep those bad thoughts out of your head, what would the world do without you? So yes, please pop back here when you can. I'm always on the other end of your computer :-D

Hugs 2 u

hi i am back on here my mum is off the computer im 20 by the way im going to be 21 on the 14th august and having a bbq in my garden the next day with my friends to celebrate and that it what is keeping me going at the moment im trying to keep the bad thoughts away i did go for a walk which helps alot as it calms me down or just gets me away if im feeling abit trapped that probably sounds weird but never mind i think the pain im in is getting me down today. hopefully they will find out what it is cos when i first got this pain i thought it was my kidneys but the doctor just no its not your kidneys its a strain and it will go away on its own. off course three years later that didnt happen for a while i was to scared to go back as my mum kept saying to ignore it to after three years i had had enough and went to the doctor and told him every thing he did some test which all came back clear then they sent me to physio that failed then i had facet joint injections that failed i had four bouts of cystitis last year that was difficult to treat they tested my urine and there was a high amount of red blood cells in it so i was sent straight to a urologist who was really rude it was hard to look at my sample as i was on at the time but he said it was my back and blamed it on my job (im a carer) and that if there was protein in my urine then my kidneys were leaking he said he wouldnt need to see me again. since then i have had a few uti's s and they have had to test my urine each time there have been traces of urine in it i have told them what i was told but they dont listen one doctor just said dont worry about it but its not normal to have protein in urine.

Wow, i wish you would consider trying another doctor.
21, yippeee, you have finally made it. Now you concentrate on yourself, not your mom for a change.
I wish i could give you a big mom hug, that would make you feel so much better. Moms have a way you know ;-)

Are you financially able to get your own place? Maybe room with a friend? Sounds like you have a bunch of careing friends around you. Keep them close, you can never have enough friends.
Don't think bad stuff either, there's no room for that. I don't want to talk about your medical stuff, tho very important, we should leave that up to the doc's. I think your emotional well being is important to, don't you? You need to discuss the health stuff for sure, but you also need to have a heathy mind and a happy heart. It's comforting to just chit chat with someone about stuff. Even if you don't know who your talking to, it's still quite comforting.
Do you have a partner? Do you go to University? You have a brother right, any more siblings? Mom/dad together? I'm not quizzing you here, just small talk.
Have you always had a "different" relationship with mom?
Janice, (my mother) passed in March of this year. No need to send the old "i'm sorry for your loss" as it's no big deal.
Yikes, talk about issues eh? That's a whole other talk show!!

hi thanks again for your reply no im not financially able to get my own place. i dont have a partner. i dont go to university. i do have a brother only one mum and dad are together. i have had this problem with my mum for the last four years. my mental health issues got out of hand im a self harmer and quite understandable my mum and dad find it hard to deal with it but they dont make it easy to talk about my feelings either. my brother is off sick today and im not working at the moment. im having problems at work at the moment i work for a care agency as a carer and a few weeks ago i was at work the client i used to go to was horrible biting ,spiting ,smacking screaming, racist the toughest carers would go in and they would either walk out or they would be in tears. from the moment i met this client i didnt like going i asked not to be put back there but they made me go then i was asked to go every weekend as before i was only covering so it would only be one day aweek but its a 10 hour shift. at first i hated doing weekends with this person but after a while she got to know me and things settlted the client was really nice and i started to enjoy going then i got asked to got for three days a week sometime for or five days and things started to go wrong when my collegue and i realised the client was making us hoist her wrong so we reported it and we were told we had to tell her we were doing it the way we were trained and thats that i was the poor unfortunate that had to speak out and tell the husband gave me a right earful and said he would complain to my boss and the client blamed me saying that i had only mentioned it now cos of my back problem my collegue did back me up. after that i got treated like dirt she kept saying i was contagious due to my eczema and my collegue had to do all the work she shouted at me for things that werent my fault i had to phone the agency one day for something different and told the manager everything and was quite emotional all she said to me was what are you upset for she is the same with everyone things came to a head a few weeks ago i had been off sick i had come back i had been really nice but again i was verbally abused and she acused me of coming to work to offload my problems and said that she wished the agency had never sent me i ran out in tears my collegue phoned the office and they sorted it and phoned me back and i got accused of offloading my problems at work they said if i need to talk to someone i should so i did i told them how depressed it made me and i was told to go home and they then made me come in the office and told me the client had accused me of offloading problems and that they had another complaint a year ago from a different client and that they were pulling me out of work work with immediate affect and i couldnt work until i saw an ocupational therapist so i got signed off with depression i decided to look for another job i now have a new job havent started though have to wait four to six weeks for crb to come back in the meantime i have found out everything work said was a lie i got phoned up on monday last week and asked when i could come back when i asked about ocupational therapist they said headoffice had given them the go ahead and i was allowed to work so i have not given them the time of day now im not going back to work for them never they basically lied to me

Good for you, stick to your guns. The Health Care field is a tough career. I was a CNA for years, then down sized to an HHA. I couldn't stand being cooped up in an institutional setting so i hit the road and went to clients homes instead. I didn't mind it much. The clients were wonderful but it was the families that got on my nerves. I have always been interested in anything to do with geriatrics.
Just so you know, i know there are times when you need to vent to a work mate or even a client who is "with it" but this will always come round and bite you. Seek out just one person that you could trust with your life and make them your sounding board. I don't even trust my husband with my "secrets" if you will, as he is sometimes gossips too.
Did you have to use a hoyer on this client or is she a 2 person lift? If your alone with a client, many times a family member will help with the transfer. As far as her shouting at you and accusing you and thinking she may catch your skin condition, you have to remember that many of these folks aren't all in their right minds. One minute they are sweet and filling you full of cookies and the next minute they are screaming that your trying to kill them. I had a lady once that insisted on clear garbage bags because she was positive that the girls were stealing things. She wanted to see what was in that bag besides the trash. She accused me of stealing ExLax of all things, then she was positive i stole a canned ham!!
What drew the line for me was my 16 year old client. He had a mental handicap and i would see him in the early morning. Getting him out of bed, showered and dressed, breakfast and then on the bus for his program. Once your client is en route for their programs, we were to leave the house straight away. One morning i had been folding towels when the bus came a few minutes early. I ran him out the door and came back in to finish my task. The father was upstairs and he hollered down and asked me if his son was gone, he then asked me to throw a towel up the stairs to him. I grabbed a towel and walked to the landing and looked up to the top, he was sitting on the steps, stark naked, and was masterbating himself in front of me. I dropped the towel, grabbed my bag and ran to my car, he ran after me begging me not to say anything. I went back to base and filed an incident report and talked to my superior, do you know that nothing was done, nothing at all. I quit.
That is why i say going to homes is tough and you can't let yourself get into a situation where you can't get out.
I then found a lovely job with a wonderful family who's mom was a stroke patient. I held that position for 5 years until she passed but i still maintained a cleaning position for the family which lasted another 3 years.
Have you ever thought of going off on your own as an independent?

Depression can floor a person. Have you looked into a little help? Maybe a low dose anti depressant. Taking a medication like that doesn't mean your nuts or crazy, it just helps keep you grounded and lets you see things a bit more rational. You would feel lighter and calmer, and things wouldn't look so dreadful.

hi my god i cant believe that person got away with that that awful yes i had to use a hoist on this person its always two carers to a hoist i have found a nice new job which is going to care homes and working with the elderly which sounds alot better than homecare as homecare most cases you are on your own where as at least there is more people. i have seeked help i was on citalapram for two years then got weaned of now im back on it again as a few weeks ago i was feeling suicidal i went to my gp he signed me off and i went back to counselling which i go to every friday everning which helps alot.

Hi Laura. I sympathize with you problem with your Mum. Mine was the same way. I had similar pain problems growing up and she was NO help at all.



Come to find out, later in my life, I have a hip deformity. Nothing anyone would notice but I have limited range of motion in the right hip socket. I can't stand for long periods of time because of the pain. It does radiate into my lower back too and sometimes it goes higher. You just have to assume there is something wrong in there that no one has diagnosed yet and act accordingly. You must know what aggravates the problem by now or if you don't start a journal about what you did or were doing when it started. Be aware of your posture and any unusual stresses you put on your body that brings on the pain.



I have realized that we all need to be our own best friend and look out for OURSELVES. No one cares for YOU like you SHOULD. Take care of Number ONE. No one feels what you feel. Trust yourself.



I once sat with an old neighbor. He was quite old and laying in his bed sick. I sat there, I was quite young at the time, he was obviously in some kind of distress. His wife tried to get him to eat but he was involved in something INSIDE his body that was keeping him from us around him. Her and I sat there for a long time. I sympathized with the fact he wasn't doing very well and really didn't even know we were there after a while. I couldn't feel what he was going through, neither could his wife. As the day turned to night we stayed. She was upset so I tried to comfort her hoping he would snap out of whatever he was going through, he didn't. He started to gurgle and rattle. This went on for a while until finally it stopped and he was gone.



I am telling this story because I sat and watched a man die. I couldn't possibly know, feel or understand in anyway what he was feeling. Only HE could know.



So trying to get others to understand your pain is really a waste of time. Only YOU can know how you feel and only YOU can do what you have to do to make yourself feel better and/or prevent your pain{s} from coming back. Do what you have to by trial and error and write everything down. This will give you an idea of the pattern that gets the pain rolling.



In my case, as I mentioned before, a hip deformity from birth was the culprit. Over time I realized there were many things I couldn't do so I stopped. I had to learn how to stretch out the contracted muscles that were spasming and causing me so much misery and pain. Long, hot soaks, heating pads and Bengay became part of my life at an early age. Maybe what you need to do is go to a physical therapist for an evaluation and they will give massages and give you exercises you can do to help with the pain. Laying in the sun REALLY helps me too. And swimming is great for this problem too especailly in a warm pool, not cold, that only makes you spasm more.



I hope this helps you Laura.

Hi Laura. I think what Kwiix is very helpful and I'd like to talk to you to see how you're doing since you posted a few days ago and sounded pretty upset. Tell me how you've been doing! How does your counseling go? Where do you go specifically?

Hey Laura, I know it's been awhile since you've last posted but you seemed really upset the last time you posted. Can you tell me how you're doing? Thanks!!

hi its been awhile since i last posted cos my computer was playing up but not doing so good at the moment i was signed off work by the gp and was told by job centre to claime statutory sick so i did the other day i gotn a letter with my sick note back aswell saying they had no live claime i was fuming so i went straight down and gave them a piece off my mind i spoke to an adviser who said that i needed another note for a few weeks ago and that when i bring that back he would try and get me an emergency payment i went down yesterday and had to see a different adviser she said that i should go to my employer for statutory sick pay and to phone them and ask. and if they dont for what ever reason they have to send jobcentre a form and then the jobcentre step in and will pay. i phoned work and told them what the jobcentre told me and they said they are not sure if they still can pay it as i have been off for six weeks and they cant back date it so i said can you do me a form for the jobcentre then so they can do it and i was told i would have to wait for management and they are going to ask headoffice if they can pay me sick pay. so basically in the mean time i have no money coming in what so ever i dont know what to do or anything my mum has got a problem with her joints and its caused by stress she said she doesnt want to here problems she just wants the positives so i feel more alone than ever :-( :'(

Gosh, I'm sorry that things aren't going so well right now and it really sucks that your mom doesn't want to hear 'problems' even though that helps. You know what? When you feel like you need to vent, come here, okay? I know that you're frustrated right now but things will get better. Let me know how you're doing okay? Just keep us updated.