I have a dilemma. I am 15 and I have a 19 years old boyfriend. We are together for past 4 months. I really love him but I am afraid to have sex with him. I am scared that I will get pregnant. That happened to my best friend and now she is a single parent. How can I tell my boyfriend that I am still not ready?
You are still so young to be thinking about sex, at least which is my opinion. Also, your boyfriend is more experienced than you and has to understand that losing virginity is a big deal for every girl. Especially if the girl is young like you are. Fearing the unwanted pregnancy is natural and something like that at your age is not a good choice. Being single teenage parent is very difficult. Teenagers with kids miss a lot of "normal" things that friends their age experience. I advise you to talk to your mother about sex and look for some advice. Ask her when she lost her virginity, tell her to share her experience with you. I know that you are feeling confused at this moment. You love your boyfriend and you feel like you are ready to do it just to please him, but on the other hand you are scared. And it is normal to feel that way. You have to make a right decision and I am sure that you will. However, don't be blinded by the love because love can make us do some crazy things. I am not saying that making love is crazy, but doing it when not ready is. The only person who will end up hurt is you. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you want to wait. If he doesn't understand that, then you are better off without him.
Is it legal where you live for you to have sex yet? In Australia the age of consent is 16. In some countries it is as low as 14 or as high as 21!
If it isn't legal for you to have sex yet, tell him that if you have sex then it will be statuatory rape, and please wait until you can do it legally.
If you are at or past the age of consent, then tell him you just aren't ready yet, you need more time. Four months isn't very long to consider losing your virginity. You need to wait at least SIX months of monogomous relationship before he can be tested for certain STDs - like HIV, AIDS. Tell him you want to get into the habit of waiting at least 6 months into any relationship before having sex, and that he should get tested before you have sex with him.
Let him know your fears about pregnancy, and let him know you've heard that other things are more fun (for the woman) than losing her virginity. The first time you do it isn't going to be great.
If that fails and you aren't ready, don't let him pressure you into doing something you don't want to. Be firm in your resolve. Say no clearly and unambiguously. Don't say maybe, don't say not now, say NO. When you are ready, you can let him know then.
He's not going to leave you because you won't have sex with him, and if he does, then he's not the sort of man you want to have a relationship with!
That's a very normal and reasonable concern.
What you are trying to say is that you are not PREPARED. Remember, no one can ever be READY and there is so much of silly emphasis on being ready.
There is always a chance that you could get caught up in the moment while you are being affectionate and intimate with your boyfriend and that may lead to sex because during those times you may not be able to control your urges to want to get closer.
My advice for you is to get PREPARED. Read up, understand what sex is all about, get on the pill, read up about protection and STDs etc etc. Once you have all this under your belt, you can then prepare yourself for the "what ifs" Then, if sex does happen you will know how to protect yourself, talk about contraception with your boyfriend and take all precautions to prevent pregnancy and STDs.
Don't fret about being READY. Just PREPARE yourself for the big event and if it does happen then at least you are safe and can avoid your worst fear - pregnancy.
That is the way I would approach your fears. From the way you have described, I feel you wouldn't mind having sex but your fear is that you may fall pregnant. Something you are not keen on happening. I agree with you fully BUT please prepare yourself. I can see you love your boyfriend and want to be with him. Sex is a natural and normal need when in a close relationship and there is nothing bad about sex. You don't need to fear if you have PREPARED yourself and have taken the right precautions. Sex is like the glue that makes the bond stronger. It is a beautiful experience and very addictive.
You may not be ready. No one is ever ready BUT you can be prepared and prevent any unwanted consequences. If you like the guy and you wouldn't mind having sex then take necessary precautions, be PREPARED ( condoms, read up, understand your body etc etc) and enjoy the intimacy and togetherness.
I think too many teens are unnecessarily preoccupied with the idea of " readiness" and deny themselves that wonderful experience with someone they enjoy being with. Try and focus more on PREPAREDNESS not if you are ready or not.