dating a bipolar girl and i am at my wits end

jsctt5891 · Newbie Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 2

I been dating a bipolar girl for past two months. Everything was going well, up until last friday the 13. The two days after work each night, she spent all day at a guy friends house. Apparently from what i gathered, she and him fell asleep in bed. Nothing happened, just fell asleep. Since then she's been sick and hasnt really wanted me around for the past 3 days. I visit her daily to see how she's doing. She doesnt protest to me being with her, but she wont let me touch or hold or cuddle with her. She says we're still together. I'm a forgive and forget kind of person, and i believe her when she says nothing happened at the guys house. But the only way i can communicate with her is to drop in and see her at her house. She doesnt answer my calls or IM's. I tell her i love her and want nothing more to be with her to love her, and comfort her. Is this semi-normal for bipolars to behave this way? This is my first relationship with a bipolar person. Any words of wisdom are greatly appreciated. Thanks!

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You should be the one who she goes home to, not him. Who is this guy by the way? Is it a close friend? If not, she's probably sleeping with him, and I don't mean the kind with your eyes shut and you dream.
It's very sweet that you trust her, but if she is having episodes, she is not in her right mind and her judgement is impaired. If you can, try to get her to open up to you, and better yet, get her to see a doctor.
This is coming from a bi-polar girl, so I'm not just talking out of my arse.
You have to have a great deal of patience and understanding to be in a relationship with a bi-polar individual. And a bi-polar individual must have alot of support and be able to trust their significant other.

Babylon_Angel · Newbie Joined: 01 May 2007 Posts: 23

It's sounds to me like she's using avoidance to not face guilt feelings. As a bipolar person myself, i know that when being silly enough to get yourself into a situation where another man may want something from you, it's hard to then say no. It common for bipolar peeps to make bad desicions in regards to sex etc. recklessness and promiscuity are typical behavioural traits.

Thats not an excuse, just immediate situations overcome potential consequenses. It's entirely possible that this is not the case with your partner, this is just an opinion. She may just be experiencing a mood disturbance.

Bipolar peeps are particularly good at denial. There's a mental process that isolated something that happens, and deny it until they almost believe it themselves (to cope with guilt feelings). It's a strong enough emotional pain that stops you ever wanting to go through it again.

It can be a roller coaster ride being with a bipolar person. and sometimes bipolar peeps crave the turmoil. open communication is the key, and letting go of fear that the relationship is about to fail, That can lead to possessive thoughts and co dependency.
Even if you imagine the worst to have happened, it sounds like your the sort of person to be able to move on from it, so waiting it out may be the best choice. pushing for the truth now could force a strong denial that will be difficult to reverse at a later, more open moment.

I hope that may be of some use to you, everyone's different though so interpretations are subjective.

Arizona Granny · Newbie Joined: 02 May 2007 Posts: 2

I'm a bi-polar grandmom on lithium for over 25 years. I'll talk to you as I would one of my sons. First of all spring and fall are the worst times for bipolar patients. Is she taking her meds right? It sounds like she is trying to leave you but doesn't have the heart to tell you goodbye.
You sound like a really special person, I think there is somebody else out there waiting for you.
Don't be overprotective because she has a mental illness. Bi-polar people are very strong, we don't need to be coddled. Don't be afraid to confront her with your feelings, in other words, treat her as a "normal" girl, not as someone who is disabled. I hope you know what I mean. Be loving but not enabling.
I might be bipolar, but I'm a deans list college grad, and have an active life.
Bi-polar doesn't mean fragile. Smile

jsctt5891 · Newbie Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 2

She isnt on meds as far as I know..A friend of hers she confided in told me she said she had meds at first, but they was causing some bad side effects, so she stopped taking them. She seems fine, just the brief 2-3 week periods here and there. And, I believe you was right, Arizona Granny, in that she may have been trying to leave me but didnt have the heart to tell me. When She and I started dating, it was a week after she said she "sorta" broke up with her previous ex. He came around and is still bothering her, wanting to spend time with her. I believe she never told him. Same with me. I told her that given the situation...going on 3 weeks..I guessed the relationship was over and shed rather be with the friend. But, ways she's seemed when I left her house with my stuff, and the past week when ive bumped into her around town, and ive been talking to her as a friend now, she seems like she may still have feelings for me. Even now, I know she's cheated, I still love her. And Ill be willing to do anything to get her back. Thanks for all you for writing.

KimD · Newbie Joined: 24 Apr 2007 Posts: 25

You may want to be careful that you don't get your feelings hurt by her anymore than they already have been. I have been one situation also where one guy wanted me back, but I was still seeing someone else. I found myself in a comfy position to have one waiting in the wings just in case the other relationship broke down. You really don't want to be that person just waiting because its not fair to you. I realized that what i did wasnt fair to either of the guys and I don't think I ever want to do that again. Just be careful, I kind of know how she feels, especially being bipolar as well.

Spyderdude · Newbie Joined: 26 May 2007 Posts: 6

This doesn't sound like an bi~polar person afterall cause if this the case then all the wives,girlfriends,husbands, and boyfriends that cheats then all of them has bi~polar.
Basically she lied to ya in that time span and yeah she cheated on ya with that dude. I think most folks that cheated on someone is feeling guilty and don't want to talk about it and also they don't want to talk or want to be around ya. That right there is not bi~polar.

dating a bipolar girl and i am at my wits end

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