So, You're Thinking Of Having Your Older Kids Attend A New Baby's Birth?

Siblings have a tremendous impact throughout our lives. Not only are more US children now growing up with siblings than with father figures, kids also tend to spend more active one-on-one time with their brothers and sisters than with their parents. Fully two-thirds of adults consider their siblings to be their best friends, indicating that though parents of small children are often worried about sibling rivalry, there's no other bond that can replace this one. 

Welcoming a new baby into the family can be exciting and tough for young kids at once, of course — and that special bond may not develop right away.

Siblings At Birth: A Divisive Topic

Ask anyone, lay person, medical professional, or psychologist, how they feel about the idea of children attending the birth of their younger brother or sister, and you will get many different opinions.

What is so divisive about this topic? First off, we can't ignore that childbirth is inherently dangerous. Many things can go wrong, and go wrong really fast! Parents who would like their older kid(s) to attend the birth of a new sibling do so because they hope it will be a positive experience — but there's also the possibility that they end up witnessing part of a very scary emergency instead. Secondly, non-cesarean births involve genitals, and this certainly plays a large role in some people's strong visceral opposition to the idea of children present at childbirth. Finally, childbirth tends to hurt. "Do you really want your young child to hear you scream in agony?", nay-sayers will inevitably ask. 

READ How To Choose A Homebirth Midwife

Those who have had their children at labor and delivery or have been present for their own siblings' births, and those generally in favor of the practice, will quickly point out benefits as well. Seeing a sibling being born helps a young child understand that the new baby is a part of the family, not a being that appeared seemingly out of nowhere. It can also help a child understand how they, themselves, were born. Childbirth, advocates of the practice hold, is a natural and positive experience, not something that need to go on behind closed doors. Then, there's the fact that kids can easily be present at the "head side of things" rather than looking at the bits where the action will take place!

Preparing Yourself And Your Child For Their Presence At Your Labor And Delivery

Learning About Pregnancy And Childbirth

Are you thinking about the possibility of your older child or children attending the birth of a new sibling? Including them in your pregnancy as much as possible, taking them to ultrasound appointments and showing them how big the baby is now with the help of tools on the web, will help prepare them, as will learning all about the process of labor and birth. 

Telling your children about their own births is a great starting point. You can pull out their newborn pictures, tell them how you felt after they were born, and encourage them to ask questions. Depending on how old your kids are, clinical or story-telling books about pregnancy and birth are available for informative purposes. Regardless of your children's ages, watching videos of the kind of birth you are hoping to have is another very educational experience, one that will help them them understand what they can expect. Do prepare your kids for the fact that labor and birth can be incredibly messy, in no uncertain terms. 

Your Hospital's Policies

Many hospitals allow the presence of older siblings at a new baby's birth, but only if a separate support person is available for each child. This allows each child to leave the room and do other things if they get bored (birth can take a rather long time, after all!), if they're sleepy, if an emergency occurs or if they simply don't want to be there any more. Check your hospital's policies and discuss the rules for siblings attending labor and birth in advance. In some cases, there simply won't be space for your kids and their support people to be present, and you will need to shop around for other facilities if everyone in your family is set on the idea. 

READ Homebirth: What Kind Of Midwife Should You Choose?

Homebirth midwives and birth center staff, too, will have their own policies regarding the presence of children at childbirth. Discuss your options way ahead of time. 

Making Your Birth A Positive Experience For All

The keys to making the presence of other children at your labor and birth a positive experience are respect and freedom. A child may think that attending the birth of their brother or sister will be fun, but feel differently when the time actually arrives. Children may get bored, become frightened, or simply feel uncomfortable. You, too, may suddenly prefer that your children weren't there, and want privacy.

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By discussing these possibilities well before your due date, and making sure that everyone is free to change their mind at any point, you create an environment in which both you and your kids can feel at ease. 

Because labor can go on for a long time, you may also consider having your children come only towards the end, when the baby is about to be born. If they are present throughout your labor, provide plenty of toys, electronic devices, board games, or books — depending on your kids' ages. You can also hand your kids a camera so they can document your birth and so that they have something to do.