What You Should Know About Depression

If you have ever felt depressed, you know what a lonely and isolating feeling depression can be. People who are depressed don’t want to feel the way they do. Telling someone that they have no reason to be depressed, that they are hurting their loved ones or that they should just “will” themselves to be happy can make matters worse. When you say these types of things, however well-meant, you are in effect blaming the victim. You would not say such things if the person were suffering from a physical ailment; a mental ailment is no different- it can’t be wished or willed away at a moment’s notice, and implying that it can is detrimental rather than helpful.

Supporting a loved one who is suffering from depression can be extremely difficult. We often feel helpless because we are unable to “make it better”. We may also feel anger or resentment if the person who is depressed is unable to function as they normally do, placing additional burdens on our lives. We may also feel scared if the person is severely depressed and is or has been suicidal. We may feel somewhat depressed ourselves if our loved one’s depression is long standing. However, one should be cautious not to place blame on the person who is depressed, or to project our own feelings onto them.

Many people have the mistaken belief that bringing up the issue of suicide will put the idea of suicide into a depressed person’s head. This is not the case- if someone is contemplating suicide, your mentioning the idea will not drive them to complete the act. In fact, you should ask the person if they have a plan to commit suicide. If they do, you should seek professional help immediately. If they are not thinking about suicide, ask them to tell you if that changes. Ask them to promise to tell you if they are contemplating suicide- make a “contract” with them.

If you feel that someone is severely depressed, you should encourage them to seek help. There are many avenues of professional help available. They may be encouraged to join a support group, speak to a counselor or have their doctor refer them to a psychiatrist. Online support is another relatively new phenomenon that many people find helpful.