i started doing it socially round 16ish never was a problem until 18 19 i started to try and sell it beause i FIGURED if i can sell some and snort the profit i would be good i wasnt feeling the negatives yet. worse move i have ever done i was snorting minimum 4bags a day for monthssss straight. the paranoia gets worse and worse. If im doing it in the car im constantly checking if the doors are locked looking in the backseat just incase. If im home i feel someone is in the other side of the house waiting for me to walk by and do something. Its crazy how it gets your mind. I stopped after a while because it was affecting my heart when i mix with weed while on it. I constantly yawn hard to breath last time i did it i seriously thought my heart was going to stop the paranoia was getting to me. I took that as a sign for God.
EVERYONE !!! PLEASE READ !!!!!!!!!!! if your using coke and feel you ¨have control¨, please read...
- I will talk about paranoia
- I will explain how it took me over and still has a strong grip
- I will point out how it effects you and your surroundings
- Most of all, I want my story to be heard for those of you seeking answers you cant seem to find...
Lets begin......
I´m Jason. 29 years old. a dad of a 2 year old son and now (as of January of 2013) sadly divorced and mid January lost my job at the time as a CNC Machinist.
I´ve been using coke since i was 19 (off and on small amount) and almost every weekend or every other weekend from 23 and up.
Ill tell you straight up where this is going, I lost everything... EVERYTHING !!! I had developed my life the way i wanted it over the course of 7-8 years. I had a hard working career I´ve invested 6 years of my life to making $25.00/per hour + overtime, and three years ago i had finally meet the mother of my son (who I´m still very deeply in love with, but she left me...)
I've been using coke to fill a hole in my life... a hole that the woman of my dreams came to fill 3 years ago. when we met, i had kicked it because the value of happiness i had from spending quality time together was way more worth it. Keep in mind prior to her and i meeting, i was constantly using and spending money each and every weekend. My ¨hookups¨ all loved me cause every time they saw me, they saw money... It was not uncommon to drop easy $300-400 per weekend or thru out the week. (in Houston 1g= $50, and what these crooks call an 8 is really 3g if your lucky)
once we moved in together, i began to slowly use again... AND THAT WHERE sh*t HIT THE FAN !!! I had told my self that i wouldn't let it be a problem. Keep in mind, that the person my ex had come to love was a man who had been clean. What most people fail to realize is, no matter what you do to remain normal, your personality WILL change. they way you react and respond to your life all change, but you dont see it.
I dont want anyone to get the wrong idea, our relationship had taken some hard hits due to change in life by becoming parents of a new born (she already had a son when we met) and the stress of financial demands. thats where we began to fall apart, she would fall asleep on the couch both Friday and Saturday nights by 9-10, we stopped having fun as young adults. I then began to seek happiness and cure my loneliness thru coke... again.
I had then started to become on edge with everything. I was dealing with ass loads of stress and responsibility at work, and our older son with potty training and starting school, plus her lack of care taking for our new born child (my son) i became weak... I started to favor the chance to slip out after she fell asleep to meet up with my hookup and get my b****r sugar.
Ill speed this up. so ill jump a few steps.
Ive always had paranoia with coke, but not always that way. when i started using more regularly i would have a good time and just enjoy the happy feelings of chat and playing pool at the bar. my friend at the time, got paranoia real bad and i truly believe it rubbed off on me at some point. It starts the first time you decide to do it alone. Once you do that..., haha, You´ll NEVER go back. It will not go back. and by ¨it¨, i mean your experience.
I HAVE seen shadow people, ive heard voices in a house i was completely alone in and let me tell you.... IT WILL SCARE THE LIVING sh*t OUT OF YOU !!!!!
BUT............. Its all in your head. It really is, but you can not control your subconscious. Your brain is on overdrive due to the release of dope amine in your system. Just like anything else, with casual use, your body tries to balance it self out by creating a tolerance to it and there for, starts to have less euphoric feelings but instead reacts by starting to feel nervous and eventually full blown paranoia. My experience is, the more quantity you take, the worse it it and keep in mind KIDS, after your first bump or lines, all your really doing is chasing a high you'll never catch. I wish i could lie, but its the truth folks.
Now as far as trying to cure this paranoia that we all seem to have now, try to reprogram your self socially. theres a few things you need to know, and some things to try.
- For one, coke and alcohol DON´T MIX !!! (sorry kids, its fun to do but truth is it causes extra dehydration and even worse effect on the brain)
- Take a good multivitamin or vitamin B and have a good meal prior to use
With that out of the way, try to go easy and get your self what you would consider an average amount based on your own consumption. Go and do what ever outing event it was that you last remember having a blast while using coke. Instead of going big and making rails, start small and do tiny bumps. Keep it down, and try to control the crave. Key to remember is, if you start out big, then you have to keep going big, but if you start small, then you´ll find your supply will last a wee but longer. and HEY, maybe even save a few bucks too !!!
Mind over matter is key. You do have control over your body, keep telling your self that and you´ll start to feel the crave ease up. Try to keep your wondering mind off the thoughts of ¨are they talking about me?¨ or ¨do they know what i´m doing¨... Try to focus on a conversation or playing a game of pool. Hell, pop in some relaxing meditation music like Zac Brown Band !!! lol works for me !!!!
If your still interested in my life story, then keep reading...
I began to slip up and feel i had control. I would be paranoid as hell in our apartment walking around all night while she was asleep on the couch worried if she wakes up, she´ll know im screwed up. And... a couple times she did wake up and god damn, it was hard to stay cool. Then, things started to become obvious when id be up till 5am, trying to fall asleep for hours covered in sweat tossing and turning, then to hear my new born son wake up at 7am crying for a bottle. It was f*****g HELL... and yet, i continued to do it. Why you might ask? cause i was trying to escape reality... Plain and simple. I had slowly lost control of the time managing for responsibility and play. I had started to inconvenience myself by allowing my habit to effect my performance the following day by lack of sleep and feeling strung out. I worked 50-60hrs a week and yet, i was burning damn near 24hrs a day on weekends. There was no time to refuel the body. Then in july of 2012, we moved into our house im in now as im writing this ¨story¨... Once we moved in to the house, we started to fight alot about money issues, about who does what tasks and most of all, about intimacy... She and I pretty much stopped having sex. All the while i was still choosing to use on the weekends and do my own thing. It became a vicious cycle of our problems and growing apart fueling my desire to use, but my use fueling our growing apart.... And I could NOT see it. But, monday-Friday i did my job, came home to a family and in my mind all was good. Well.... Not her.
In November, i had noticed her and a coworker had began texting back n forth quite a lot. Thats where my life began to fall apart. This man and his wife separated that same month, so the jackass starts talking to my wife !!! f*****g really?? BUT, thats where her decision of where our life had gone made her make the choice to seek out his attention instead of us working on our relationship. It eventually came to a head in december. I had discovered she had been to his house 2 times and BOTH times i watched the kids. I had backed up her iphone and restored my iphone as her back up and found all the messages to him about how we were just a ¨convenience relationship¨ and that she had never felt the way she did for him for anyone before.... Oh yeah... that still hurts.
So, of course i confronted her and we fought, then I tried to make things work, and of course... i just started to use heaver. Her and I were completely over but the course of everything took its toll on me and i allowed it to take over my head and slipped up at work, started to show up late and then got fired the last week of January 2013. She is now happily living in this mans house with my kids and has left me high and dry for the rent for the last 4 months and has slapped me with child support of 20 percent of my monthly income. I make $5500-6000 a month, Do the math. Ouch.
I have been using coke multiple times a week, I have had some nights ive stood at the window in the front room completely still with my gun in my hand for 2-3 hours so paranoid i couldn't move a muscle because i thought if i moved ¨they¨ would hear my movements outside... lol
Ive been on a 4 day straight binge and have spent over $400 bucks. I am not proud of that at all. I have been walked on by the person i loved, and when she tried to make small attempts back before we grew apart i was too busy craving to get some goods later that night, and its like she felt she wasn't my interest at that moment. Its the small things you dont realize or pay attention to when your mind is poisoned by the crave of your wonderful coke, you start to put a higher value on getting your fix instead of getting your fix on life and responsibility or that wonderful ass that you now no longer have... and Who do you have to thank for that ??
Coke......................................... The End.
Take care of your self, because no body else will, but yourself. If you haven´t gotten as bad as i have, Please..., Quit NOW !!!!!!!!!!! Its all fun and games until you hurt your self or the ones closest to you.
EVERYONE !!! PLEASE READ !!!!!!!!!!! if your using coke and feel you ¨have control¨, please read...
- I will talk about paranoia
- I will explain how it took me over and still has a strong grip
- I will point out how it effects you and your surroundings
- Most of all, I want my story to be heard for those of you seeking answers you cant seem to find...
Lets begin......
I´m Jason. 29 years old. a dad of a 2 year old son and now (as of January of 2013) sadly divorced and mid January lost my job at the time as a CNC Machinist.
I´ve been using coke since i was 19 (off and on small amount) and almost every weekend or every other weekend from 23 and up.
Ill tell you straight up where this is going, I lost everything... EVERYTHING !!! I had developed my life the way i wanted it over the course of 7-8 years. I had a hard working career I´ve invested 6 years of my life to making $25.00/per hour + overtime, and three years ago i had finally meet the mother of my son (who I´m still very deeply in love with, but she left me...) <-- and ill tell you why right NOW !!!
I've been using coke to fill a hole in my life... a hole that the woman of my dreams came to fill 3 years ago. when we met, i had kicked it because the value of happiness i had from spending quality time together was way more worth it. Keep in mind prior to her and i meeting, i was constantly using and spending money each and every weekend. My ¨hookups¨ all loved me cause every time they saw me, they saw money... It was not uncommon to drop easy $300-400 per weekend or thru out the week. (in Houston 1g= $50, and what these crooks call an 8 is really 3g if your lucky)
once we moved in together, i began to slowly use again... AND THAT WHERE sh*t HIT THE FAN !!! I had told my self that i wouldn't let it be a problem. Keep in mind, that the person my ex had come to love was a man who had been clean. What most people fail to realize is, no matter what you do to remain normal, your personality WILL change. they way you react and respond to your life all change, but you dont see it.
I dont want anyone to get the wrong idea, our relationship had taken some hard hits due to change in life by becoming parents of a new born (she already had a son when we met) and the stress of financial demands. thats where we began to fall apart, she would fall asleep on the couch both Friday and Saturday nights by 9-10, we stopped having fun as young adults. I then began to seek happiness and cure my loneliness thru coke... again.
I had then started to become on edge with everything. I was dealing with ass loads of stress and responsibility at work, and our older son with potty training and starting school, plus her lack of care taking for our new born child (my son) i became weak... I started to favor the chance to slip out after she fell asleep to meet up with my hookup and get my b****r sugar.
Ill speed this up. so ill jump a few steps.
Ive always had paranoia with coke, but not always that way. when i started using more regularly i would have a good time and just enjoy the happy feelings of chat and playing pool at the bar. my friend at the time, got paranoia real bad and i truly believe it rubbed off on me at some point. It starts the first time you decide to do it alone. Once you do that..., haha, You´ll NEVER go back. It will not go back. and by ¨it¨, i mean your experience.
I HAVE seen shadow people, ive heard voices in a house i was completely alone in and let me tell you.... IT WILL SCARE THE LIVING sh*t OUT OF YOU !!!!!
BUT............. Its all in your head. It really is, but you can not control your subconscious. Your brain is on overdrive due to the release of dope amine in your system. Just like anything else, with casual use, your body tries to balance it self out by creating a tolerance to it and there for, starts to have less euphoric feelings but instead reacts by starting to feel nervous and eventually full blown paranoia. My experience is, the more quantity you take, the worse it it and keep in mind KIDS, after your first bump or lines, all your really doing is chasing a high you'll never catch. I wish i could lie, but its the truth folks.
Now as far as trying to cure this paranoia that we all seem to have now, try to reprogram your self socially. theres a few things you need to know, and some things to try.
- For one, coke and alcohol DON´T MIX !!! (sorry kids, its fun to do but truth is it causes extra dehydration and even worse effect on the brain)
- Take a good multivitamin or vitamin B and have a good meal prior to use
With that out of the way, try to go easy and get your self what you would consider an average amount based on your own consumption. Go and do what ever outing event it was that you last remember having a blast while using coke. Instead of going big and making rails, start small and do tiny bumps. Keep it down, and try to control the crave. Key to remember is, if you start out big, then you have to keep going big, but if you start small, then you´ll find your supply will last a wee but longer. and HEY, maybe even save a few bucks too !!!
Mind over matter is key. You do have control over your body, keep telling your self that and you´ll start to feel the crave ease up. Try to keep your wondering mind off the thoughts of ¨are they talking about me?¨ or ¨do they know what i´m doing¨... Try to focus on a conversation or playing a game of pool. Hell, pop in some relaxing meditation music like Zac Brown Band !!! lol works for me !!!!
If your still interested in my life story, then keep reading...
I began to slip up and feel i had control. I would be paranoid as hell in our apartment walking around all night while she was asleep on the couch worried if she wakes up, she´ll know im screwed up. And... a couple times she did wake up and god damn, it was hard to stay cool. Then, things started to become obvious when id be up till 5am, trying to fall asleep for hours covered in sweat tossing and turning, then to hear my new born son wake up at 7am crying for a bottle. It was f*****g HELL... and yet, i continued to do it. Why you might ask? cause i was trying to escape reality... Plain and simple. I had slowly lost control of the time managing for responsibility and play. I had started to inconvenience myself by allowing my habit to effect my performance the following day by lack of sleep and feeling strung out. I worked 50-60hrs a week and yet, i was burning damn near 24hrs a day on weekends. There was no time to refuel the body. Then in july of 2012, we moved into our house im in now as im writing this ¨story¨... Once we moved in to the house, we started to fight alot about money issues, about who does what tasks and most of all, about intimacy... She and I pretty much stopped having sex. All the while i was still choosing to use on the weekends and do my own thing. It became a vicious cycle of our problems and growing apart fueling my desire to use, but my use fueling our growing apart.... And I could NOT see it. But, monday-Friday i did my job, came home to a family and in my mind all was good. Well.... Not her.
In November, i had noticed her and a coworker had began texting back n forth quite a lot. Thats where my life began to fall apart. This man and his wife separated that same month, so the jackass starts talking to my wife !!! f*****g really?? BUT, thats where her decision of where our life had gone made her make the choice to seek out his attention instead of us working on our relationship. It eventually came to a head in december. I had discovered she had been to his house 2 times and BOTH times i watched the kids. I had backed up her iphone and restored my iphone as her back up and found all the messages to him about how we were just a ¨convenience relationship¨ and that she had never felt the way she did for him for anyone before.... Oh yeah... that still hurts.
So, of course i confronted her and we fought, then I tried to make things work, and of course... i just started to use heaver. Her and I were completely over but the course of everything took its toll on me and i allowed it to take over my head and slipped up at work, started to show up late and then got fired the last week of January 2013. She is now happily living in this mans house with my kids and has left me high and dry for the rent for the last 4 months and has slapped me with child support of 20 percent of my monthly income. I make $5500-6000 a month, Do the math. Ouch.
I have been using coke multiple times a week, I have had some nights ive stood at the window in the front room completely still with my gun in my hand for 2-3 hours so paranoid i couldn't move a muscle because i thought if i moved ¨they¨ would hear my movements outside... lol
Ive been on a 4 day straight binge and have spent over $400 bucks. I am not proud of that at all. I have been walked on by the person i loved, and when she tried to make small attempts back before we grew apart i was too busy craving to get some goods later that night, and its like she felt she wasn't my interest at that moment. Its the small things you dont realize or pay attention to when your mind is poisoned by the crave of your wonderful coke, you start to put a higher value on getting your fix instead of getting your fix on life and responsibility or that wonderful ass that you now no longer have... and Who do you have to thank for that ??
Coke......................................... The End.
Take care of your self, because no body else will, but yourself. If you haven´t gotten as bad as i have, Please..., Quit NOW !!!!!!!!!!! Its all fun and games until you hurt your self or the ones closest to you.
Sounds like fun.
i hear ya!!!! i have been doing coke and smoking it for 35 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! right now i am tweakin help tell me it will pass
I lost my bf not too long ago ... he was a big user of cocaine for 20 odd yrs.. n silly me only realised it a few mths ago thou i have been with him for a few years... his paranoia makes him think police is coming to get him and he will sit out of the window and get ready to jump off as he thinks he will lose his job n the beloved me if he gets caught n be put to jail.. no matter how many times i assure him its not the true and even if the police does catch him i will still be by his side... and one unfortunate night recently he slipped and fell while he was in his paranoia state (i believe) .. and only when i started to type this search i realise of so many ppl having same symptoms and i cannot explain how much it is still hurting me while i type this.. but i hope if this can make any difference that u reconsider what is important in your life and take control of it and hopefully get through with it... I hope u find that true happiness does not cost as much as Cocaine does and normally does not kill u... and i hope this message will bring u strength to fight against it...
hey man i have been going through the same thing, my constant paranoia and questioning made the woman of my dreams leave me, we had been together since 7 years! she said i became crazy and she would rather die than be with me and I fell even lower and threatened her with all sorts of crazy sh*t, fortunately my parents checked me into a rehab after one night i overdosed....im off the drug now but so depressed and my mind is all cloudy, i can't think straight
So the longer you use it paranoid is worst
I'm 53 yrs old i used coke in my 20s and 30s from small to large amounts trust me when i say it takes over your life - i lost very close friends via death to that evil drug and have some unbelivable true stories of paranoia. stay in prayer and get professfional help and start enjoying a drug free life - you can do it :o)
I'm 30 years old and I've been abusing coke and crack for the past 15 yearsto date I get no effects of paranoia none the less I used to get really paranoid always thinking some ones about to run up on me I've acually heard what I thought was some ones foot steps close behind me but every time I looked back no one was remotly close to me.
I've used coke in all forms snorting smoking(crack) and injection to the vains, I started taking oxycodone to suppress these bad come down trips on cocain that was the next thing for me opiates I became a full blown junkie moving from oxy's to heroine now on methadone.
while I still use coke periodicly never does it give me any paranoia anymore nore keep me awake another less addicting way to take away these unpleasant effects to level you out benzodiazipams like xanex clanazepam valium ativan but this class of drug are also physically dependant so play safe !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it gets worse for some people but for some they become amune to the bad side effcts
I know our brains are programmed differently. But how is it people can still get the full effect throughout. There was a point where it flipped the other way. But like many of you carried on. WHY. because it was the worst thing curtain twitching. Dipping my head in the street so as not to talk because a load of stuttering sh*t came out. Dirty soul breaking sh*t.