Divorce because of husband's computer games addiction

Are you kidding me ," this has nothing to do with god damn you holy rollers. Leave him out of this it's about women fed up because our loved one's play video games all day. Don't give me that sh*t if you believe in god he will fulfill your void. He is not going to say to the men you should stop what your doing and women you just need to pray and believe and it will get better. Where was god when alter boys were being molested in his honor. Or where was god when that maniac went into that school and killed them innocent babies, Stop always trying to make people believe that god is going to change everything and make it better. No I'm not an atheist I'm just a person who is sick of you holy thumper's and always trying to make everything in life about god.

Hi, I found this thread after a Google search for "my husband is addicted to video games". I'm glad I did. At the very least, now I know I'm not the only one. 

My husband and I have been married since August last year, and have been together for two years before that. Before we got married, we lived separately. I knew he played computer games because I'd call him and pretty much every time he'd say he's in a game, but I didn't pay much attention to it. Oh, what a fool I was.

Before he started playing he was my dream come true... a husband straight out of my fantasies. The first four months of our marriage were wonderful. Then he bought a WoW subscription again, and he's been playing it every day for two months straight. The only break he took was our Christmas holiday together, and even though I enjoyed myself tremendously (we went to a small mountain resort) he kept whinging about how bored he was. Happy Holidays to me %-)

He has no friends here, in the real world, but he has 'friends' in-game. I understand the kind of commitment it takes to be a part of a guild in WoW, but I can't accept being second place to his raid buddies from wherever. I tried everything I could think of to get him to stop. I told him it breaks my heart to see him wither away like that, hunched in front of his PC mashing the keyboard and mouse. The incessant tap-tap and click-click noises drive me crazy. I started biting my nails again because of that, a thing I hadn't done since I was a teenager. 

And how did he reply to my concerns? By saying I should stop bossing him around and it's his life to waste if he so pleases. He got really defensive and said he's been playing all his adult life, why stop now, he left his mum's precisely so he could do what he wants and can I please stop nagging him already, sheesh. After a month of arguing I just gave up. Now, when I see him play, I just put on my headphones and go about my business. 

I'm starting to wonder if I should maybe bring this up with the rest of the family. My parents know. His parents love him, but never really gave a rat's ass what he's doing (both working full-time and they let him on his own to 'grow up' at an age when my dad still imposed a curfew).  They don't know yet. I wanted to talk to his dad about it the other day, but I KNOW this'll just piss my husband off so bad. But I don't see any way out other than either an intervention or an ultimatum, and I can't leave. I want to make this work.

Did anyone else stage an intervention for this? How'd it go?

First Its oddly nice to know I am not alone. I have been married 10 years and he has been addicted at least 5 of those years. I should have separated and walked out years ago but didn't until about 4 months ago.

Men who are reading this know you are pushing your woman into the arms of another man who will act like a grown up and treat us like the woman we are. Is it right for this to happen or do? Absolutely not, but is it right for you to neglect and abandon us while you act like boys ?

Addiction kills families and gaming for hours daily is an addiction period. Keep it up and lose your family.

I had an affair because I was neglected, ignored an alone daily due to my husbands job and coming home and playing games.  Be warned...

 

Its nice to know that its not just me, its not just my husband. In the same light it pains me to know that there are so many women out there hurting like I am. Feeling the same neglect, that same unwanted feeling. Ive been married for almost 3 years. My husband is military and as im seeing this gaming addiction is big with the military boys. For the past 2.5 years ive tried to be the good wife and understand that he had this hobby of playing games before we were together and I knew he loved it. I still remember when we were dating how he actual ly felt bad when he would play games in front of me. But I didnt care at the time an hour or 2 was nothing plus I enjoyed watching him play certain games like red dead redempion graphics were awesome. I tell him now I feel as though I was conned... we both laugh but its true. My husband plays sooo much that there are days where he wont sleep he'll be up for 30hours the only time hes away from that computer is to smoke or bathroom. He wont eat unless I cook for him he wont sit at the table anymore either there's always something hes in the middle of. I cook I clean I take care of our dog I do the laundry and put it away. I just cant stand it. I read in obe of the pists someone said gice your man all the sex he wants. Well guess what he dont want it seems. My husband makes me feel so hideous and I know im far from. But ive tried sexy lingerie cute costumes and he just tells me to stop hes in the middle of something maybe tonite. Im so alone I moved away from my friends my godson I lost friends because I chose to change my party life and settle down with him. Im here now in this town where I know only the few ppl I work w really and my hubby. Im so alone. Ive tried talking and he doesn't listen he admits hes addicted he just does nothing to change it hes seen me just cry over it and nothing. There was a nite where I had an ovarian cyst rupture on me and I was just lying on the bed in so much pain I had to text him to come in the room because he had his headphones on and couldnt hear me call. When he came in I asked hin to just be there w me till the pain subsided . He was for about 2 minutes and return d to his game when I brought it up the next day trying to express how much him leaving hurt me he said well there was nothing he could do to help, and he didnt tell his gamer friends hed be gone and they needed him. I just am losing hope that it will ever stop. I meeet people at work and they tell me how special and beautiful I am and that my husband is a lucky man and he bettet treat me right and I lie and say oh he does and the more I say it lately the less I believe it anymore.
Im sorry I never meant for this to be this long. Just I cant seem to stop writing. Its nice to finally put it out there and know someones going to read it and know what im goin though to know im not alone. Especially since all I feel is alone.
Im 22 hes 27 I dont believe in divorce but something has got to change I shouldnt have to be his mother.

Seriously? You don't understand the underlying problems. My husband was out of work, and retreated to playing WOW to feel better about himself. The game is set up so that you will systematically become addicted. He kept trying to stop, but couldn't. Eventually, he was playing every day--lots of times all night. He wouldn't even leave to go to the bathroom. He would fill up tons of cups so he wouldn't have to leave the room all day and night. I stayed with him, and helped him over it. (It took 3 years) He said it wasn't me that caused the problem. The makers of that game have intentionally made it so that if you are prone to addiction, (he was as a teenager) you will get addicted--and continue to give them money. Do a little more research before belittling other woman who are struggling with the effects of this evil game.

There are so many of us women who are hurting and in pain, feeling alone in our marriages. We all are saying the same thing and admitting to loneliness. As much as we need our men/husbands to be husbands to us, we do need each other, as women who can relate to each other and talk things out with each other, but in a healthy constructive way that is restorative and beneficial. None of us in our heart of hearts wants to end the marriage and walk out on our loved ones, but if we are not helped or kept accountable to each other, having ears and hearts that will listen with love, the worst will happen.There needs to be a site specifically for wives/girlfriends to talk with one another, to vent, to listen, to help regarding this issue, or any addiction issue.

Unfortunately this is an age old problem in marriages. There has always been distractions for men. Out with the old in with the new. No matter what the distraction, it will be there and they will find it. Gaming is the distraction of this day and age. The problem is not the game, it is that our men have lost honest ambition, good moral guidance, and have not learned responsibility and most importantly are trying to fill a gaping whole in there lives, and in doing so, destroying the most valuable thing they have, which is their lives and marriage, and if children are involved, the cycle WILL continue. "Train up a child in the way he should go, and he will not depart from it." Very sad, if this is in addictions and self seeking ambitions.

I think I'm going to work on this idea for a site safe for wives with husbands that game, and see if I get bites, and provide a safe haven for women like us to vent and provide honest and good, loving guidance. We need to be victorious and conquerors over this problem in our marriages, and not running from it, only to end up in the arms of another gamer or addict, because the truth is, you will. There was a reason we chose these men to begin with, but they don't see it in themselves, we did. Marriages have huge potential for success when each individual realizes their own worth and their partners worth and determine to support one another's unique qualities and gifts so that we grow as one union that is unstoppable, able to withstand any storm together, building one another up to the best that we can be together. Great, strong, and loving marriages are what make a great nation. We've lost that quality.

If anyone likes this idea for a safe and supportive site, for women, mainly, to converse and/or vent and relate, etc. please let me know, or if they themselves are knowledgeable of how to set it up, or can provide ideas, please reply back to this message. I can see that most of us are expressing the need to share our hurts in safety, and are in need of others who will listen and understand, and relate. This should be completely accessible for the need to talk with others at any time, for support, and to aid us through in those very lonely times.

With love, Your friend in this journey.

Dear Applemoon, With much respect, I completely understand your feelings.

In light of this discussion, you arrived at this topic seeking to find others who are hurting as you are, right? I merely did the same. I read other's posts and felt validated and relieved to know I was not alone, and that many other women were in very similar situations, feeling that same loneliness that I felt. I have a friend, who is a woman, married to a gamer. But, she is a gamer like her husband. Because they game together, they enjoy that time of companionship with one another. Her situation was unlike my own, and because of this I began to wonder if there was something wrong with my feelings about my husband's gaming. But, deep in my heart and given what I know through study, and experience, I knew that there was something wrong about the amount of time committed to this outlet.

There is a purpose to why we all have found this topic and are able to share and read other's experiences. Its to gain insight, to learn we aren't alone and going crazy, and to know there are other women who share in our pain, which is healing in itself. It also strengthens us, and should call us to action. It should stir us up with understanding and compassion to care for one another, knowing the deep hurts we all feel. I don't believe that the way to solve any issue is to run away from it, but to aggressively seek out the best way to conquer the problem, with the goal benefiting both persons in the marriage. For it was in us that we desired to marry, and that is a good thing. We must realize that marriage is for two people to come together, each with unique differences, and learn to blend those differences together to work as one, in unity. It as well is to bring forth a new generation into this world, and continue on the human existence. Unfortunately the reality of this world is growing darker, and families are more destroyed and more unsuccessful than ever before.

Applemoon, if you will give this some consideration, imagine a situation where a young child was given a brand new beautiful bike as a gift. The young child eagerly goes out to begin riding it only to discover that they have no idea how to ride it, given they'd never ridden a bike before. The child had seen other children ridding bikes around the neighborhood with ease. The child thinks to himself, "this should be easy, I'll just get on it and go," with his imagination soaring about all the possibilities. The child proceeds to mount the bike, and falls to the ground, not understanding that balance is a necessity of riding a bike. Once the child is back on, he tries again, and again, until he figures out that he needs at least one foot on the ground to steady himself. So, now that he's accomplished the first step of mounting the bike and steadying himself, he can't understand why the bike will not go. He's on it, like all of the other kids he'd watched, but why is it not working like he's seen. Frustrated and after his own attempts to push it and try moving the peddles, he falls again. Feeling a sense of hopelessness and failure, he begins to cry.

The father stands at the window, observing his dear child, to see his progress, and notices his son's frustration and tears. He runs outside to encourage his son, to bring hope, that all is not lost. His father hugs him and asks the child, "May I help you, son? Would you like me to teach you to ride, so that you may ride like the other kids?" The son, wanting to impress his dad, showing him that he's a big boy, says, "no dad, I got it, don't worry." The boy wipes his tears and starts up again, only to fall back down, and now in the sight of his dad. Feeling ashamed and embarrassed, he says to his dad, "will you teach me?" His dad, with compassion, love and understanding, once himself in his son's shoes, picks up his son and wipes away his tears and begins to show him, one step at a time, how to ride his new prize. Eventually, the boy was off riding his bike on his own; his dad smiling and cheering him on, with an occasional word of wisdom and guidance. The boy now, with attained wisdom of the bike, from his dad's wisdom, now flying around sharing in the joy of riding with the other kids; learning tricks of his own, but the greater wisdom was that he, in his fallen state recognized his need for help and asked. If he had not, his progress would have been long and hard. Maybe he would have given up all together, never knowing the joy that comes out of hard work and accomplishment. Hard work makes success that much sweeter!

I share what I have learned because I understand that pain, but I know a better way, a way that has proven to me and others like me, that if we understand that we have fallen, our dreams temporarily broken, and now need help, we should seek it. We must understand that without work and commitment to the things we cherish, they will be lost. We cannot give up on riding this marriage, or else we will never see our dreams for our marriage realized. When times get rough, you keep on going, persevering for the goal of the prize! We must also understand that marriages are not what we see in the movies. They have plenty of trials and problems that must be worked through and are not meant to look like perfection without struggles, like fairy-tales portray. Sadly, I think that this is what most of us think when going into marriage; we imagine our dreams of what our marriage is going to be, and soon, to our horror find out that our husbands' had envisioned something entirely different. But this should not stop us. Great marriages come out of hard work, through the good times and the bad.

I hurt for these women, because I know first hand their pain and suffering. I don't claim to have all of my marital problems worked out, but I know that I need to seek help, keeping in mind that it could get very rough in the meantime, but the fact is, I made a commitment to this man and to myself, whether he brakes his or not, I must keep mine. I love him for who he is, what he can be, and even in his uglies. This is the vow. When you keep in mind that there are going to be difficulties that will arise when two very differently natured people are joined together, with their own individual ideas of the marriage and how things work, you put your mind in the proper perspective and place yourself in the right direction for success. Now the next step is to look to those who are well weathered in a successful and loving marriage to help give you the right advice to keep growing and pushing through, in the tough times and until little bit by little bit, your own successful marriage is realized. I shared my faith not to force it down anyone's throat, but to share what has provided me strength to persevere, given me wisdom, and a love and a restored hope for my marriage and husband, that i could not have endured through without. Many times I considered leaving, but I haven't because I have the tools before me, am continuing to seek guidance and wisdom from successful couples who have beaten through the many years of hardship, and have come to a state in there marriage that they can whether any storm with ease and triumph.

Peace to you and may you find success for your marriage as well. All is not lost, no matter how dark things look.

Hi I came on this site by chance as I was awake at a very early hour. Im not a gamer never have been but My hubby has always been a computer person . I should say at this point that I have known him for 25 years ( married for nearly 19) and computers have always been his life. I met him at Uni I did law he did Computer science and actually career wise he has travelled massively far wiv IT. But I spent an awful lot of years when we were young and child free sleeping on my own because he just got on to this level with WOW or 'The MUD' Multi User Dungeon apparently and came to bed in the early hours before getting up for work and being grumpy. Then we had our Gorg Daughter (9 this week !) and yes he used to give her her bottle and soothe her to sleep whilst he played but as she has got more vocal and wont (unlike her mum) accept being ignored he has had to change things. He wont ever give up his gaming and still spends his free time in front of a PC but being a dad of a child who can voice her opinions and wants attention has made a lot of difference. I dont know your circumstances and we have been together 4 quite a long time but I knew when I met him that computers were his first love and I accepted that I wouldnt be able to change that. However my daughter as she has got older most definately has so give it time I would say. Hope that helps :-)

My husband has been addicted for video games before I knew him. We have been married 5 years and when he isn't working he is playing his online games on his Xbox. His doesn't spend anytime with me or his son and he buys video games instead of paying the bills. If anyone is being selfish it is them not.US!!! I RAN a non profit and my husband hated it so I gave it up and yet still all he does is play his games. He doesn't even eat dinner with us and he does not provide for his family the way a MAN should! When your husband is obsessed with video games and spends all his time in the bedroom playing his games and the only time you feel loved is when he's in the mood for sex. I am sick of being behind in bills being ignored and him lying and buying video games when we don't have the money but it's ok soon he will be alone and his Xbox can be there for him. I told him I feel like his Xbox is his wife and I'm the mistress. So until you have to live with my loser husband and feel more alone than when you were single than you can give me advice!!!!

i posted awhile back about my husband and the computer game addiction (EVE Online). Since then we have separated and he has moved out of our house. i feel so much relief and happiness. like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. i have surrounded myself with family and friends. this really was a great decision. we will be getting a dissolution soon. he has since, bought more parts for his computer and has been so excited to be able to do so. im very thrilled i get a second chance at happiness in my life. i feel less lonely now, then i did with him here playing that damn game! i wish you all the same happiness and piece of mind.

Congratulations how awesome for you that you were that brave to finally do it. You are a role model for women in that circumstance. Like you said you are not lonely anymore. The worst feeling is being in a relationship and feeling alone. Now you know never to date a gamer ever again. My boyfriend starts his new job Monday hopefully everything will be okay. He games all day long as well so @least while @work he gets a break. I can understand escaping reality sometimes but to always want an escape that's not normal. I wish you the best of luck on your new journey.

(1) Kindly suggest addiction counseling first. Sometimes it takes a 3rd party without any emotional ties to let the addict see what's really happening. (2) Give the ultimatum and be prepared to follow through. Plan out your escape. That's the hardest part of course; making sure you're surrounded by friends and family, otherwise there is no plan. Make no mistake, this is a sickness and should be treated as such. Whether it's drinking for 6 hours at night and being incommunicable, or playing video games for 6 hours at night and being incommunicable....what's the difference? At the end of the day, you're not going to receive any attention. Either way, he's still short tempered,depressed, has blood-shot eyes, not eating well and so on. Stop thinking he's going to magically change. You've done your part as best you can, now it's time to enjoy the rest of your life. If he changes, then it's your call as to whether or not he's really changed. Remember, video games are a constant reward / gratification system. Not unlike Pavlov's dog. There's always an objective and there's never an end to the achievements. That's what makes it akin to drugs. Good luck

I totally understand and I myself thought about it, an intervention, but my live-in boyfriend sought help himself we both sat with his therapist and he signed a contract limiting his gaming. He has broke it somewhat I also hate the sound of the keyboard, he types so fast it drives me nuts I literally have to take my self out of the room mentally. My boyfriend got a job and since he has been working he comes home from work and says he is too tired to go on his game. I must say how happy I am all it took was for him to get a job for him too realize how intense and consuming the game is. Maybe you should really do the intervention because by you expressing your need for time with him he views it as nagging. I totally believe in an outside source to be a help because he needs to hear it from others not just you. Honestly sometimes they are just to dedicated because you said it yourself he has no friends other than the gaming friends. On the game it's fantasy and escape they are somebody on that sh*t as opposed to being ordinary in real life. It takes time to break them out of that gaming but if you love him and think you guys have a chance then go for it. My only advice is if you do try and it doesn't work please don't stay stuck and think that one day he will stop because the more you put up with it the more he will do it. There is a saying( first time shame on him second time shame on you.)Women have a tendency to over stay our welcome based on love but if the love is absent then why are we there.

I understand you all a have a very serious problem.That  i might be able to fix (Hope fully)first of all divorce is not the ANSWER    trust me that would be a decision you and him would both regret.now lets get started.

(1) maybe your husbands play W,O,W because they have a void in there in life and need something to fill it . try filling with a walk on the beach or a trip to the park. Remember don't try to force him to go on the trip and try remind him of the good times you guys had together .

(2) try playing the game the game with him .he maybe more open to talking about why he likes it so much and try talking to them in a calm manor nobody likes to be yelled at .

(3)  try keep trying :D (and if all else fail  get some couple counseling)  

.remember Video games aren't evil shoot my older brother is a video game designer! 

Ladies,

I am 58...my husband is 60.  He is a gamer and exhibits all the behavior that the younger women here describe.  No sex, no help, little outside work, no attention.  I have advice for you if you will consider it...rather than thinking in terms of divorce if you already have children or are pregnant:

If you do not have children and are not yet married...LEAVE and never look back.  He will not change, or if he does, he will find another addiction to substitute for the one he is now obsessing with.

If you do have children, look past the addiction...lower your expectations down to ZERO because that is all you will get until he wants to stop on his own.

Live your life as a single parent and do not look to him to be a companion much less do anything that a man should do because you will only get angry or depressed.

Do not give yourselves permission to commit adultery...he is already doing that via his computer...he is unfaithful in his own "special" way.  Two wrongs do not make a right.

Give the issue to God...yes, to God...and live your life as if God is your spiritual husband and allow Him to direct you and care for your soul and be the best "single" parent that you can.

I am happy now after 7 years of fighting about this and many other addictions such as Porn, alcohol, playing the stock market and losing $30K with the click of a mouse, and now Party Poker.  It wont stop until he wants to quit...and he wont quit until God gives him that insight and strength to do so.

 

Do what you can to insure that the children are well fed and have YOUR attention...they are already "down" one parent, don't let them be down another parent by becoming a basket case or full of anger and self pity.  Find ways to enjoy them and life w/o your husband.

Allow him to pay the "natural consequences" of his "disconnect to life" as well as failures...you are not his mother nor his psychologist...you cannot figure out why he prefers this dopamine rush over real life...so arguing or manipulating or giving him ultimatums do not work for more than one day...okay, maybe two.

Surround yourself with good family and friends...but not potential lovers.  Your sins will not cure this problem, but compound it and make you feel even worse.  They will have no affect on your husband because he is already disengaged from you.  Do not lower yourself to playing with him or acting as unfaithful as he is.

Wait and see if your life will find meaning on its own without having to resort to divorce.  Give it time...lots of time.  Perhaps God will be able to get through to him...perhaps not...but the natural consequences will create the remedy sooner or later otherwise.

God Bless you all...