Divorce because of husband's computer games addiction

I have the same problem! I have twin three-year old girls. Thankfully, my husband is starting to spend some time with me, but I wanted to add one issue. Our sex life is awful, and virtually non-existent. We make love, maybe once a month, and it is very mechanical. My husband plays video games in ALL of his spare time, doesn't clean the house, and used to get very made every time that I asked him to help out with the chores or our children. This past couple of weeks he has been starting to spend more time with us, which is making me feel a little bit better. Anyway, I have heard that video games decreases libido, does anyone else have any problems in the bedroom? I am hoping that he continues to work on his behavior. It is making a difference. It is so hard to believe that he will keep it up, though :(

My husband is the same way with cleaning, really anything that takes him away from his games. As far as intimacy (if you can call it that), its give me what I want when I want. There is no us, most of the time its release and return to the computer

Hi Everyone,

I hope I'm on the tail end of what you are all going through. Been married for 11.5 years, hubby has had a computer addiction for 11 years... (World Of Warcraft) Before the marriage, there was no computer and everything was great. 4 months in, he got a computer and it just died from there. We have three wonderful children. I have left him him a few times in the past but that never lasted. I have now left him again, just last week. Hopefully the difference now will be that I have moved back to my family and I have their full support.

I'm telling you, they will not change. If they promise and fail, over and over, you need to know that it will be like that for the rest of your lives. We've tried three professional councelors, three Christian councellors and heaps of friends and family and there is still no change.

Be aware... he may try to blame you for everything. Regardless of what you do, or how you do it, he will say the problems are your fault. This is typical addiction behaviour and manipulation.

So again, he will not change. This is the way it will be for the rest of your lives so you will need to make a decision. Take your life back. Remeber who you were and what you did before the addiction came into your lives and go and do that again... so long as it's good stuff...

 

 

 

Im in the same boat, i love my husbamd but am no longer in love with him, all due to his gaming addiction, we have been together for 12 years now and have three kids together. He goes through these periodes were he plays for months and then stops when he sees im two seconds from leaving him, and then stays off until everything is going good between us. And then it starts all over again.... I just cant take it anymore. when hes gaming , he is a complete different person, hes angry all the time, hes nasty to the kids, lazy, and dont care about anything. I work seasonaly, because i cant trust him with my kids for long periods of time alone. I come home and the kids are hungry, the house is a mess and hes in the same place as i left him. We dont go out anymore or even spend "time" together all over this gaming. Dont know what to do anymore.....

I wish I wasn't in love with my husband, someone it would be easier. I adore him and there are times when he looks into my eyes and I can tell he adores me.
Unfortunately those times don't happen enough and for long enough. Its a matter of taking things at face value and stop hoping and wishing it will chnage. It is what it is, live with it or don't.

I just can't say that I'm done and leave. i love him so much.
Wish it was easier. Glad I'm not the only one out there

In the same situation :( when I moved here to live with its started okay but 3 months later his friend introduce this online games and sinced then 4 years not bother to work seriously and bussiness declare bankcurptcy twice and debt that I took a loan to pay off all his credit cards :( and me in past four years just load my life on working and he confidently use my salary to pay off his game and wages to his people for his sinking company. Sometime he made up story to get money from his mam..I have never mention to his family about this probs and. I stop nagging years ago cos it just added me a stress I better sleep and be at work than seeing him slowly killing himself with smoke ,online games and food...last year he went to his childhood bestfriend who had 3 children and for some reason he came home with decision to have a child and now we have 4 month old son but I thought it will change him for having a child but never work it just got worse cos when I ask him look after child while I'm going to have a wash he took child in his smokey computer room which has no windows and ventilations which makes me angry:(. Just days ago said to he will clean up his computer room and he did but transfered the rubbish in living room which again makes angry cos I clear up the living room for baby roll around but now space limited and dusty papers ... Honestly I am fed up , sick and tired .. 5 years suffering rarely nagg, helping his out of debt ... I guess is enough is enough ...I don't wanna divorce but It leaves me no choice for the sake of my son health and future..I know one of this days I will divorce him just waiting till my maternity leave is finish and back to ear extra money for moving out.

hi im 45 my husband works until three thirty comes home and will play until eleven only stops to eat smoke use bathroom he wears headphones completely shuts family out gets violent and angry when you ask him or confront him its not normal he even lets his hygene go wont shower for three months i have no choice but to leave him i am human i think better of myself

Hi,
I am reading all these posts here, I am really shocked at how many men in particular are gaming. My husband of 18 years, we have since some what grown apart or at least I have because of his gaming every day/night on xbox. It literally drives me insane, talking to him, forget it, its like talking to a wall, the headphones he has on, he tells me I have to tap his shoulder to get his attention. No... not doing it. I am sick of it. He will game for hours and hours and yell at the game and use every name under the sun. Im to the point I dont like coming home any more. When I say this to him, he says "oh just let me know and I will get off" bull ----, Fed up!!

hi just wondering if you have an update on your situation? I am in the same as you were. Husband in the army, and he plays every chance he can! would like to get some advice?

Hi if u are still around I need ur help! I am married to a guy I won't say man beacause he still acts like a kid but he will sit in front of his comp all day long.

My husband spends at least 6 hrs a day on the computer playing games and i dont know what else he's doing on the computer. Our marriage is disentagrating because of this. He's restless if he's not on line. Pleading and nagging doesnt help. I've never seen anything like this.

I have been married for 7 years and moved to America to be with my husband. I can sympathize with you cause I am living what you are going through right now.. We fought a lot during our early years when I was pregnant cause he is addicted to wow or any other games at that time. His circle of friends are either gamers or drunkards. I eventually gave in and played with him. It was enjoyable I admit but when I got pregnant my feelings change and we argue a lot. Now my kid is 5 years old and he is more than proud that the little girl is playing our game. I have had this nagging feeling that if I don't do something, nothing will change and I want a normal life for me and my kid. I gave him many years of talk and chances but to no avail. Today he is still playing games on his desk, lazy and fat. I no longer fight with him over games, instead, I packed my bags took my kid with me and fly back home to my country. I am no longer in love with him and feel that the separation is good. My daughter now is in kindergarten doing well not playing games anymore and we love a normal life. I am still disappointed to know that he is still playing games when we were gone. I wanted to discuss with him about schools and such, but he is half listening. If he does not want to grow up, it's fine by me. I will cut off any ties between him and the kid. Loosers will never change. Stop wasting your time giving him chances. Move on with your life and take care of your kids. Best of luck.

First of all, let me sympathize with the women going through the pain of having seemingly selfish and self-centered husbands like me. But it's not as simple as it seems, neither is it as complicated either. From time immemorial, men have always been competitive, and would often engage in pointless wars even at the expense of losing their lives and leaving their beloved families behind. The issue here is that men, like me, love to compete, and losing is NOT an option. In our daily lives, competition usually takes center stage. For example, I hate it when my soccer team loses, I hate it when I don't get a job done especially at work, in fact, I hated it when my wife told me NO when I first asked her out and it was my persistence that eventually broke her resistance. So naturally, I am this wild animal who is always looking for a victory that I do not know when to turn off that urge for more conquest. 

Back to the gaming issue, we men really don't have a problem with regards to being competitive driven by the constant desire to win. The problem, however, is when it becomes harmful to the point of not only separating us from the ones we love, but also when it becomes harmful to our own lives. I would at this point ask every woman contemplating divorce to put that thought in the back burner for now, because what I am about to say in the next few lines may just save your marriage. Using my own marriage as an example, my wife has seized my console as I type this, because she apparently has gotten fed up with me playing video games. I do not intent to contend with her to return my gaming pads, but I know the need for conquest will come out in another way: just not sure when or how this will materialize  I'm sorry, but this is a challenge we face time and time again as men. The question in my mind now is "Why is everything so boring? There's nothing to do! I need some challenge!". So what I intend to do now is channel this energy to my family and become more involved with them, whether or not they initiate something challenging/interesting or not, I will take the responsibility. As a father and husband, I have to be conscious of the fact that I do not live for ME anymore (well to a certain extent as I would need me time also), but others need and crave my love and attention also.

That said, my wife is not without her own short comings also. I often do most of the house work, both internally and externally. Inside the home, I take care of the baby, cook, do laundry, tidy up even after her mess, just to name a few. Outside, I hardly get any help doing the lawn. My wife lives for herself during the week all in the name of work. She get's really engrossed in her work and often complains of tiredness when she gets back, which means I have to get myself to the kitchen and do some cooking, even when we both drive home together from work. But she always seems to have the energy to shop and chitchat on the phone non ending! Not to mention watching reality shows that don't concern her. And guess who eats up the food when it is all done? You guessed right! So oftentimes when I turn on the game, I feel totally justified. Why not!

Now, that is my own story, so I will leave it to others to make the right judgement regarding theirs, but divorce is never the way forward. I feel for those, whose men are unwilling to change or make things better and can only hope such men as these find it in their heart to give themselves to those they love and who crave their time, attention and care.

Here are my 10 tips on how to cope with our mental illness:

1) Don't be so desperate and impatient to get us off our games/computers. You will end up doing the wrong thing. Calm down, think clearly before you do or say anything;

2) Consider buying a game with which both of you can compete at the same time. Rather than buying a PlayStation console, why not buy a Wii? You can play tennis together or even Mario!;

3) Spend more time attending to our individual needs. Often times, we relapse or turn to these outlets when we feel we are not being cared for adequately;

4) You need to understand the activities we like so you can be better prepared for us when we have our downtime. There is nothing as frustrating as someone who tries to get you off your game and has no substitute in mind;

5) Find something else to do with YOUR time. This reduces the need for us men to attend to your needs;

6) Spend sometime with us while we play our games. You can better understand how annoying some of our competitors are. When they act like jerks and you can't just wait for another opportunity to kick their butts!

7) We don't do what we do with the intention of hurting you; it is simply a craving we indulge in. So don't get offended, rather, develop a sense of understanding. Just imagine a kid and his toy? Cool!

8) Treat us like kings for heaven's sake! It's about time we get some royal treatment. Do our laundry, massage, celebrate our achievements, sympathize with our failures.

9) It is enough that we have given up our polygamous nature. Taming a wild animal is never an easy task so be patient with us.

10) Seize our games just like my wife has done. It works!

 

Wow! You sound bitter to me; maybe not. Why is this even an issue? If you have a gaming husband, just leave with your kids and go to another man! Simple isn't it?

It makes me wonders, why do you even need us men in your lives? Maybe you are better off without us!