Having a Hard Time!

Your reaction to everything that you went through is perfectly normal and expected – you can’t go through such emotionally hard events like abortion, breakup and everything at your age and expect things to be as if nothing happened. Sure, it would help you a lot if you did have someone on your side who would show some understanding and give you support you need, but, if things are like this, than all you can do is to accept them and try to move on. I know it’s hard when you feel like you’re not worth anything or that you can’t do nothing right, but things will change. They always do, no matter how big a cliché that is. It will take time, but the first and most important step is for you to change the way you think – other’s opinions are just that – opinions, they are not what you are.

i know and i dont expect things to be as if they ever happened, and i dont , thats not what im looking for.

and those things happened months ago like the abortion and the break up and im over the break up and i don care about him anymore and ive moved on from that but its like every guy im with no one ever likes and they get mad at me and i know i shouldnt care what they think but its hard when their with you all the time and stuff. but my parents dont know about the abortion and i came on here for support and my friends mom helped me but i think shes even mad at me now :'(

and i fight with my parents all the time and they sometimes get mad at who i hang out with or what i wear and the makeup and just everything they hate everything bout me. :'( but they never get mad at my siblings and its not fair.

and i feel like you telling me to just suck it up and move on. but i cant and i dont know what to do to fix everything.

I was trying to tell you just the opposite – nothing will change until you change the way you think. It’s not like I don’t know and I would probably have reacted the same way if someone had told me “ah, it will all just go away”. That is why I said it was a cliché – it is, but it’s also a truth. What you need to start seeing differently is how the other’s opinions affect you. Is it worth feeling like this just because of their judgment? You did what you had to do and no one should judge you now because of what happened in the past. I’m sorry that there is no easy answer, if there was, I would probably be doing just that in my life. But rough times are just that – rough times, you will move on past them.

Hi honey! You asked me to jump on in, so here I am! Unfortunately - especially in these times of worries about monies and jobs etc - I would say that the majority of teenagers feel the exact same way as you do right now! EVERYTHING in your world is changing! Your body, your emotions, your paretns seeing this and worrying etc. I know about all the other stuff etc. So I think what you are doing and going through is normal BUT it SUCKS! Even though your parents are good people - from what you told me before - they are VERY strict! So they will see those differences in you that weren't there before! They will notice the little signs you give out that you are sad, so they instantly think it's something major! We have talked before about your parents not really being "with the times" so to speak! And I think they just don't know what to do or say! I know you have had a good relationship with them, so try and get that back! Tell them - sitting down and talking in a regular voice - that you are upset by ALL the fighting and you feel this and this way! They need to know that they might be uncomfortable with your changes, but their being standoffish is hurting you a lot! Being a teenager usually SUCKS the big one! And you wont find many adults who want to relive their teenage years! NEVER mind ALL the things you have been through! Take your time with the guys, the right one might be right next to you! It is easy to be desperate for something over nothing, but sometimes nothing is FAR better than having someone who is horrible to you! And IF that continues you will set a pattern that is hard to kick! So talk to your parents and tell them how you feel, because it's still early on, and if you set off this way the rest of your teenage years wont be so hard!

oh good you do remember :-D I didnt think you would lol thanks

they get mad at me for everything though like every day they say something. like i cant go to my friends house after school, and i spend to much time on the computer, or i why wasnt my homework done after school, or my music, or my jeans are too tight or i sleep in to much or i have to be home at 8 which is the stupidest thing ever, or facebook. it everything all the time and they keep taking my phone away from me and the computer or if i dont delete this person off facebook or change my picture i will loose it. so annoying and its not fair. i never do anything right anymore and nothings ever good enough. and they never get mad at my siblings if they dont clean their room but they do with me. and they took a lot away because they said my report card wasn't good but i thought it was fine and its not easy. its like they don trust me anymore after they found out i was sneaking out but i at least told them and i didnt have to and now they like never let me go anywhere and im trying to not go behind their backs but they make it hard. and they always have to know where im going or what im doing and whos going to be there and they want to call peoples parents and its so embarrassing because no one else does that. and because i told my mom why i broke up with him she thinks that everyone im with thats all they want and she thinks im going to have sex and i havent. its like they hate me because im not who they want me to be and because i dont do everything they want :'( or because i dont always want to be with them. i just want them to be happy with me and proud of me like they are with my siblings. they use to be but not anymore their not. :'(

I want you to tell them what you have written here honey! And of course I will ALWAYS remember you! You need to tell them how their actions are hurting you and that they ask for honesty but when you are they never let you forget it! They are watching things, hearing things - from TV or other parents! And are FREAKING out looking for "the signs" they are so busy trying to protect you from the world, that they don't realize they are pushing you towards it! I crept around the backs of my parents SO much that my life was in danger MANY times growing up! You need to be open enough with them that they trust you, while still keeping things to yourself so they don't ground you forever! ;-) I know you are hurting - just like the MILLIONS of other teenagers just like you, and were like you! BUT the future is in YOUR control! To show them that you can be trusted and ARE growing up, start talking to them like a grown young girl! So they don't keep treating you like they treat your younger siblings! Remember this is the FIRST time they have dealt with a teenager - it sounds like they are being WAY over the top - BUT in this day and age of Oprah and Dr. Phil and ALL the scary people out there, you can't really blame them! I don't know if it's lack of trust of you or more so the creeps out there in the world! I think it's the last one! Sit them down - just the 3 of you and lay it out honey! They can't even try to fix what they don't know about! and IF nothing happens at least you started the convo! BIG Hugs Sweetness and Light!

always? XD 8-|

yeah its just hard to tell them because they dont really get it i dont think. can i ask you a personal question? like what rules do you have for your kids?

because like is this fair or no? like i think i should be allowed out till at least 10 and my bedtime at least 11 and on the weekends i think it should be whenever. and i think i should be allowed to go to my friends house sometimes after school like i know i have to watch my siblings till my parents get home but i think sometimes they can go somewhere else so i can go out. and i dont think my homework has to be done right after school. like whats the big deal? i get it done for the most part so why does it matter when? like sometimes i tell them i have none so it doesnt start anything lol and i think i should be allowed to sleep in on saturday because we go to church on sunday and i have school the other days and im tired. and my dad says that im lazy and waste my day away. and i think i should be allowed to wear makeup and whatever clothes i want to and stuff. and like why do they always have to check my facebook and msn and my phone? i hate that!!!! so i always delete things so they dont see things and i tell my friends not to write me certain things and its not ok. and why does it matter who i hang out with or who i like or what we do? and why do they always have to talk to my friends parents? do you know how embarrassing that is. and we fight all the time about all those things. theres probably more but yeah. o and my cell phone and the computer they get mad how im always on it.

and i even think linda is mad at me too now :'(

and i dont really know how to talk to them. how do i start it and what do i say to them? i hate that my siblings are like perfect. they always say how they just do as their told and blah blah blah and they never get in trouble like i do. and their like little brats when their with me their so annoying. sometimes my sister is nice to me but her and my brother always fight. and then my parents come home and they suck up so bad and act like their little angels >:(

Remember honey I have boys, BUT this is what I expected when they were your age - and I THINK I would have done the same with girls - Bedtime 10pm weekdays - NOT being out till 10 being in bed by 10, 12 Friday and Saturday, they were expected to have a little break when they came home - like a snack etc. - then finish their homework (as I knew IF they didn't do it then they wouldn't) I wanted to know ALL of their friends and have those friends come over so I just don't hear "Oh it's just a friend"! I expected them to do their chores each day and on the weekend, usually this is washing the dishes, making their beds - every morning, dog poop, taking the garbage out, sweeping the snow, and IF I'm having a bad day vacuuming and windexing the windows! ALL of this took about 1/2 hour! So NO biggy! IF they wanted to stay at a friends after school, I wanted them to make arrangements with me before - and if it was unplanned, at least a phonecall! I checked their texts, and facebook's IF I thought there was something going on! I ALWAYS go with my gut instincts IF I think there is, there usually is! And I wish I was more diligent with my eldest, before he got arrested and we found out he was addicted to coccaine!!! and that was after ALWAYS having communication and being there for him!

Your siblings maybe "perfect" for now, but believe me, they will be just the same when they are older and you can sit back and laugh! Your knew to being a teenager and they are new to being teenagers parents! they already have the child thing off, BUT still working out the bugs with a teenager! And remember they are YOUNG and just being kids!

I don't know about the makeup! I know I snook around when I was 14 and put it on! BUT I am also not a big makeup user! So I think I would allow a LITTLE make up - some mascara and some lip gloss and a bit of eye shadow - BUT NOT like some of these girls with black eyeliner and more makeup than a drag queen!!! LOL

Your parents are younger than me, so believe me that they WILL understand your frustrations! So say "Mom and dad I want to talk to you guys about something..." And then just tell them they are making you feel like you HAVE to go behind their back, and you don't want too, you want to work things out so there is a compromise! And it CAN'T all be your way, it HAS to be reasonable to all! Right now you are more interested in your friends and boys, they are looking for your future - which is schoolwork! They know the struggles of being a teenager - we all do - they just need to know they can trust you, and you HAVE to prove that to them and don't be immature and freak out if you don't get your way! Just come to a beneficial agreement and stick to it! Don't think if they say "OK be home by 5!" and you think that 5:30 is acceptable, you already shook on 5! There is an expression "give them an inch and they will take a yard" and that is usually made towards teenagers - they are ALWAYS pushing the boundries! BUT the boundries today are VERY VERY dangerous! So think of what is fair and less unsettling for your parents and then go from there! It works I promise - I did it with my boys and we and they came up with the above schedule!

ok thank you i will talk to them maybe tonight.

well i talked to my parents and we kind of worked it out a bit. like i went with your whole bedtime thing. so basically i can stay out till 9:00 and 9:30 if im doing something or at a friends house and then i have to be home and go to bed for 10. and i have to check in with them, so i told my mom i will text her and if plans change then i will call her. and i can only go out if my homework and chores are done so i guess i will always just have to do it after school. and i talked about having privacy and how i have none. and that if they stopped going through my stuff then i would tell them things and talk to them. and how i fell like they dont trust me and how they make it hard for me to tell them things because i will always get in trouble. i just hate that they always have to go through my phone and facebook. so we agreed if i talked to them and tell them whats going on then they will stop that. and makeup i can use a little my mom said but i don think my dad was happy lol but i dont go crazy, i just want cover up and lip gloss and eye shadow. and we talked about how they cant treat me like they treat my brother and sister. so hopefully we dont fight and i dont get in trouble all the time for nothing.

Communication is key honey! And you just showed them that you are maturing enough to actually have a regular conversation with them instead of throwing a tantrum or lying! I think you WILL notice a difference, just keep your end of the bargain, and stick to the rules and you WILL see a difference! It takes time for parents not to be so nervous and if they think you have your head screwed on straight they are more likely to rest a bit easier!