how to tell my husband my 13yo daughter has had sex

Excuse me lady, but your daughter did not give her virginity to that 20 year old Facebook creep. You should've talked to your husband as soon as you found out about it. Her reputation is already ruined who cares what he says he's an offender. A 20 year old man who likes having sex with 13 year old girls. You, your daughter, and your husband should've reported it. You have an obligation as her mother to protect her. When you're protecting her it's not considered breaking trust.
Your husband should be upset he has every right to be and you should be pissed too! A grown man took away the innocence of a child. Her body belongs to you until she's 18 her mind isn't even developed enough to make those kinds of decisions. She may have let the man into your home, but she didn't give consent. She can't give consent. The situation would be different if you were dealing with two minors. Your daughter said it was "such a bad experience" she is a victim. Your husband loves your daughter and wants the best for her which is why he'll be upset. He'll probably be upset with you for keeping it from him and not stop the Facebook Creep!
You have an obligation as mother to protect your daughter and other young children. Please do something immediately. I think you all will need counseling/therapy to get through this.

God Bless

Right! and he could've lied he may be much older than he says he is

(im 15) Hi I just wanted to say. Ive made pretty much the same mistake as ur daughter. And I've made worst. I've got kicked out of school for drugs. And you know I learned my lessons I shouldn't of got mixed in the crowed I did. And you know I'm not even a trouble maker.
And bc ur daughter made the mistake she did . Doesn't mean she doesn't respect u or care for things u say. She respected u enough to tell u. At the same time she is young and doesn't realize yet that u absolutely know u know what u r talking about bc I sure didn't believe my parents did. I thought they were crazy and sure enough they were . I really think u or someone needs to tell her about stds bc if she already had sex she's not gonna stop. I learned my lesson about stds quick bc I had sex with out a condom and a few days later I got so sick. I thought I had something so I went to the dr. And thank god it was strep throat but it made me think if I did have an std no guy would want to marry me and deal with it. And live with pain and discomfort for the rest of my life. I was so scared of that. And let her know it can happen to anyone. Maybe look up videos with teens talking about them having an std. I think stds are so much more important the pregnancy . I'm not saying that's not important and she should still be careful with that but some stds u can never get rid of. And nether can u get rid of a baby but he or she will turn into something u love and u will love for the rest of ur life and an std u will hate. Feel free to show her this. It might make something click. And hopefully it will teach her to listen to things u say about stuff like lying I learned that gets me no where fast to. Same with drugs that's a dark path she does not wont to go down.
Also dont think u can control ur daughter she is gonna do what she wants in the end ur there to guide her bc if u control her when she turns 18 she will be wild and u don't want that ether. Trust me

I he is anything like me, I would suggest from an undisclosed location with your daughter, and the boy should be taken into the witness protection program.

YES HELLO I JUST FOUND OUT MY STEPDAUGHTER HAD SEX ONE TIME SHE HAS DONE SO MANY THINGS THIS SUMMER LET ALONE BUT I THINK THIS IS HUGE I ALSO HAVE A 13 YR OLD DAUGHTER AND WAS TELLING AND EXPLAINING ABOUT LIFE AND MORALS OF LIFE AND THROUGH THE AGRESSIVE TALKING BLURTED TO ME WELL @ LEAST IM NOT LIKE HER HAVING SEX.  I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO LET MY HUSBAND KNOW HIS DAUGHTER IS HAVING SEX AND IF THIS WILL BREAK HIM IM NOT SURE IF I CAN HOLD THIS SECERT AS HIS WIFEo.O ...WHAT TO DO ANY ADVICE...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP HELP

@GUESTEN YOU STUPID AS HELL,AND NEED YOUR ASS KICKED,YOU ARE RETARDEDWITH NO FVCKING CLUE ABOUT PARENTING,YOU DUMB b***h,HOW ARE YOU AS MOTHER NOT PRESS CHARGES ON THIS SICK sh*t UGLY DUDE,THIS CHILD MOLESTER 20 + PLUS MEANING HE COULD HAVE BEEN 24,26 OR EVEN 29,YEARS OLD WITH A 13 CHILD YOUR DAUGHTER,AND YOU DID NOTHING I WOULD HAVE KICK HER TEETH OUT HER MOUTH SHE IS A FVCKING CHILD,THATS WAS A GROWN ASS MAN,I WOULD HAVE SHOT HIM,I SWEAR TO GOD,THATS IS A CHILD,YOU ARE A MOTHER YOU SHOULD PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN,I HOPE YOUR NOT LYING ABOUT THIS,IF THAT SICK ASS UGLY CHILD MOLESTER HAD SEX WITH YOUR 13 OLD CHILD,HE WOULD GO YOUNGER THAN THAT WHATS NEXT 10 8 7 5 OR 3 YEARS OLD CHILDREN,I SWEAR SOME OF YOU PATENTS DONT DESERVE TO BE PARENTS, YOU SUPPOST TO PROTECT YOUR KIDS, NOT SIT AROUND AND DO NOTHING,THAT SICK MOTHERFVCKER DESERVES EVERYTHING HE GETS, WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUNDTHATS A FACT,DONT LET THAT SICK CHILD MOLESTER GET AWAY WITH THAT BECAUSE HE WILL KEEP RAPING KIDS TILL HES CAUGHT OR DEAD, I KNOWY FAMILY WILL PUT HIM IN THE GRAVE, HE KNOWS BETTER HES GROWN, WHY WOULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH A CHILD,YOU ARE A BAD MOTHER,YES YOUR DAUGHTER WAS WRONG, THAT MAN COULD HAVE HAD AIDS OR STDS,YOU TO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND THAT,OH MY GOD,YES I REPORTED THIS STORY, IM SO GLAD ALL MEN AINT INTO THIS NASTY sh*t ALL THESE WOMEN OUT HERE UST HAVING SEX, AND THIS as****e WANTS A 13 YEAR OLD CHILD, THAT IS NOT NORMAL, PRESS CHARGES OR GO FVCK THAT MAN UP OR SOMETHING, YOU JUST LET HIM GET AWAY WIRH RAPING YOUR BABY, TELL YOUR DAUTHERS FATHERS, SO HE NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING TO THAT SICK MOTHERFVCKER,PEOPLE IN THE STREETS AND IN PRISON LET WILL KILL FOR THIER CHILDERN,KIDS WHATEVER, IF THAT BASTARD CAN RAPE A 13 CHILD, HE WPYLD RAPE HIS OWN CHILDREN, I WAS THAT WAS MY CHILD BECAUSE, I WOULDPUT HIS ASS IN THE GRAVE,I PROMISE YOU THAT, YOU A MOTHER DO BETTER, OF COURSE THE OTHER KIDS PICKING ON YOUR DAUGHTER BECAUSE, THAT IS NASTY, THATS NOT NORMAL FOR A CHILD HAVING SEX WITH A GROWN 20+ PLUS GROWN ASS MAN, THATS.WHAT SHE GETS, HELLO SHES 13 YEARS OLD SHES NOT GROWN, MOTHER PUT YPUR FOOT DOWN $TOP ACTING LIKE SHES THE MOM, GROW UP AND TAKE ACTION,BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY THAT SICK MAN HAVE DONT THIS BEFORE AND IT WONT BE THE LAST, CHILD MOLESTERS NEVER CHANGE,THEY TRY HARDER NOT TO GET CAUGHT, THATS WHY ITS AGAINST THE LAW, MY FAMILY MEMBERS OVER HERE LIKE 8 OF US READING THIS STORY MEN AND WOMEN YES MY FAMILY OVER HERE WANTS TO FIND THAT UGLY SICK,DIRTY,NASTY ASS MAN,WHO RAPED THAT CHILD, WE ALL OVER HERE WANTING TO KILL HIM, YOU LUCK YOUR DAUGHTER AINT RELATED TO ME, BECAUSE WE WOULD HAVE HURT THAT MAN,THATS A PROMISE WE HAS THOUSANDS IF FAMILY MEMBERS and we love one another and we protect the kids in our family which im so blessed with but nobody likes a grown man preying on raping a child, consent or not its still rape, thats way its against the law,

You just did all of this shouting to a post that was made about a year and a half ago. Think you're too late. Bet she didn't hear you.

This is really late, but I'm going to say it anyway. When I was 13, I am now 16, the same thing happened to me, basically. I met a guy on facebook, he was 20, and we started talking. He kept asking me to take my top of on webcam, and eventually I agreed. I had very low self confidence and his reaction gave me a massive boost. He made me feel wanted. I didn't really get on with my parents, and I still don't, but I felt he was someone I could trust. 

One day, we had a snow week, it was the day before my 14th birthday and I invited him over. My sister was in the house when he arrived, and the whole time he was there. We sat on the stairs talking and kissing. At 13 I felt so amazed, if that is the right word, that an older guy was interested in me, a fat, unattractive girl. He went as far as removing my bra, and fondling me with his hands and mouth. Luckily, as I now realize, I was on my period, so he could not go further.

After this incident we had various arguments and both stopped talking. One day, my mother was on my sisters facebook, and read an inbox where she was complaining about me having this guy over. My mum went mental at me, and I was so worried about what had happened I refused to tell her what he did. She eventually realized that something had happened to me, and after a few hours of questioning me she checked through my laptop and found what he had done to me- as we had discussed this on msn later.

She sent him a message telling him to leave me alone, and admits herself that if he had said 'yes sure im sorry' she would have taken it no further. But because he tried telling her off, she spoke to m auntie about it, who said she needed to tell the police. We told the police, I had to do an interview on camera, where they recorded everything that had happened, and asked me questions and ensured they had everything they needed so I would not have to repeat the process. 

Many things then happened over the next year, trying to get him to put a plea in. Eventually, even though the evidence was all there on the computer, he pleaded not guilty. In January of this year, it finally went to court, and my lawyer bargained to get a plea of guilty. He was later sentenced.

When my mum first found that message she told me dad, he was devastated and didnt talk to me for about a week. But the more he found out about what had happened the worse he felt about not being able to protect his little girl. He supported me through the whole case, and it was only due to him that I am now able to go for weeks with out thinking about it.

As for not going to the police, I believe this is the wrong thing to do. I didn't want to go to the police, I begged my mum not to make me, but she still went. I have to say though I am now exceptionally glad that she did. I feel I have closure, I still believe it was my fault because I agreed, and I invited him, and the whole thing still gives me nightmares. But I have to say the police were great, they helped me so much. They made me feel less guilty about the situation and have made sure that I am getting on okay since.

There were so many different things they did to ensure that when at court I didn't have to see him. I also believe that you getting her to see a counselor was a good idea. I was only offered counselling at the police station, but my mum would have to be sat in the room. I was so mortified in the first place, when the police told her all the details, I refused the counselling  I still find it awkward when ever she brings it up, and I try to avoid the conversation and constantly change the subject. But I feel if I had had counselling I would not be having recurring nightmares about the incident.

You seem to me like a very,very strong mother. Friends are assholes people are like. I'm a teen male and do no think u should tell her father.I can tell why fathers are like that.They know how men think. If he's strict and bound to blow up,I would not tell him for the sake of u and ur daughter.I understand familys should not keep secrets but in the case of the sacrifice by keeping the secret I definitely think is better

I had something done similar to me excepted it did not get as far as sex he was 20++ and I was 13 now only 14 but after about 6 months i crashed and told a friend at school and in the end a teacher told my mum which was not the best way so be lucky she told u. We did not go to the police cuz he did not have sex with me.on this one I think u should go to the police I have a sort of ideas what she going though I begged my mum not to tell my dad but he helped and it has brought us closer I think u should tell him and go to the police.

I did not want to talk thought with my mum and dad but we sat down and I when thought t all with them and after that I felt better I think u should do the the same

Hope that helps

although this might sound strange, the best thing you can do for your daughter is to take her to church. She will never be innocent again, but through God she can be pure again, which is even better. There are many people in the Church who sinned sexually in the past, and whom God redeemed. It is possible to find a second virginity through Him. She can also receive God's healing and support from others. What your daughter needs is a drastic renewal, and God can do that for her. you should probably also know that it really does sound like she was raped. Rape is possible even when someone initiated an activity, but did not consent a further one or withdrew consent. Even if she invited him over, and even if she started kissing him or more, the fact that she said that "it wasn't a pleasant experience" sounds to me like he took advantage of her, and if you haven't already told your husband, that is how you should explain it, because that's what it was. Although she is at fault for inviting the boy over, and for whatever activities she consented to, nothing she didn't say yes to was her fault in the least.

if you have your daughter on the pill he should have been told that! if she was not on the pill shame on you! then you wouldnt have this problem! first you must enrollm her in a different school so she can form new friends. 2nd i think you should nave kept this a family matter. or if wanted guidance talk to your minister,priest , i think the man was wrong but what is the age of consent there an did he force her. my daughters both are grown but were on pill at 13. both had sex before turning 16. both are married now with youngsters. i think you have muddy the waters now an i am sorry for you. the main thing is dont treat her like she done something wrong. what she did is have sex was going to happen sooner or later. judy

is the 20 year old guy even arrested and jailed by now, since this is a very old post? any updates? if you do find him , drop him off at harlem, NY. we would teach him :)

I am a teenager myself. I have a pain disorder and depression. Something that might help your daughter is a CD called Honey and Light. You can buy it on Amazon. It is mostly Christian based but would really help in my opinion. It helps with knowing I am loved, relaxingn and other important part/needs in everyday life. Please message me.

Good lord sex at 13? What a s*** ... Some parent you are :/