how to tell my husband my 13yo daughter has had sex

Yeah because God wants you to lower his standard and since every sin is equal murder is okay

I agree with Ellie. Support her and let her open up and confide in you. Comfort her and make sure you are there for her as her pillar to lean on.
Dragging her through courts and police and the trauma that will ensue would be counterproductive.
Just reassure her that it is an experience and though perhaps a bad one, she can use it as a learning lesson to be careful the next time.

yes, great advice. I dont think the dad needs to know especially if the girl has confided in you. What benefit would that achieve if the dad is told? It will only cause more mayhem.

This is RAPE! What is wrong with you people worried about telling your husband. This should have been reported the minute you found out. The police should be called. This 20+ guy could be doing this to others.

Have you been through something like this before? You dont know if it is rape. BUT, I know if you drag this to the cops and then through the courts, the girl's life will be shattered, destroyed and she will not be able to move on.
Sex between older and younger is happening a lot these days. Younger girls seek out such relationships for one reason or another. There is absolutely NO evidence that this does any harm provided there is no physical abuse or violence or introducing the younger person to drugs or alcohol.
If she has confided in her mother and seems to be unharmed then it is unlikely that the girl has suffered any detrimental effects. The biggest harm is done when frenzy is drummed up and the girl is in the limelight, facing the media, the community, her close friends etc etc and all this nonsense starts working on her and destroying her ability to move on. This hype starts slowly wearing her out and eventually gets the better of her leading to issues with confidence, insecurity and depression.
So, thats why you see may advice that if she doesnt seem hurt or abused then leave well alone and be supportive of her.

such a mature, sensible and very practical response. Fully agree with you here.

Horrible advice that could eventually cause a rift between husband and wife...

Hi this is very late but i just wanted to tell you i hope everything has worked out. im 13 and i would have been so terified at the thought of telling my parents. its great you daughter trusts you so much! i hope you bet to read tbis cause i want to tell you i care. i hope that all worked out well. Omg your daughter will be 28!