You know what? I'm sick and tired of hearing people say to the woman...Oh did you gain weight?? Change your hair color?? ETC... And your husband is not turned on by you.. This is B.S. Why do women always have to be blamed for everything...Bottom line is Men are a lot more self-centered than women. We should not have to change anything about ourselves to recieve love, passion, and sex frm our men. My boyfriend is 39 and I'm 27. I am a beautiful girl...he is adorable but could afford to lose a few pounds. I wanna have sex with him all the time!! And he just likes to go down on me and satisfy me and he can't even get hard or stay hard anymore. We have only been together 7 months. Last night we had PLANS to have sex, yes we already make date nights and freaking plan our sexual encounters. He hasn't cum in a month (so he says) Soo he tells me that he woke up the other day with an incredible erection adn of course it was the one day I wasn't with him and he had to masterbate!! I was pissed. First of all, he never wakes up with an erection next to me. Well, I am sick and tired of feeling unloved and unwanted. I always dress up nice for him and always look good and wear sexy clothes and everything else. Theres something wrong with him if he doesn't want me. Last night, I felt like a knife was stuck in my back and I couldn't breathe. I don't know what to do everything else in our relationship is good but this and I feel like he has NO passion and no DESIRE for me... I don't think I can live like this
Ok, by watching porn and masturbating your husband is not saying he doesn't love you or want to be with you, he's saying he's not getting it enough from you! I find many of the women in this post who say they'd leave there husband because he watches porn and masturbates to it very. very selfish. They are only thinking of themselves and not him and asking why he's doing this. The woman who says she's a stay and home mom and she doesn't want to just get on top of him when he wants, well you have your answer why he's doing it right there. You shoot a guy down enough he's not gonna try. You should be happy he found a way to satisfy himself without cheating on you like many guys do. Sounds like you have a good guy there, I was the same way myself, married to my ex for 6 years and we did not have sex in the last 2 years and it was not from lack of me trying. Eventually I tired of her saying, "too tired", "don't feel like it", have a headache", "it's my period" or whatever other excuse she came up with and just started masturbating to porn in my office after she went to bed because I never for once did not want to be with her or be unfaithful to her. I loved her and just figured that the lack of sex was the one negative in an otherwise good relationship. I have a normal male sex drive and pretty much need to ejaculate daily or maybe a bit more. Thank God for porn is all I could think at the time. However, sadly what happens is the mans body becomes so used to only ejaculating from masturbation and the feel of his hand that he needs to do that to get off. There are websites dedicated to guys who have this porn addiction, I know I'm one of them and I have a girlfriend whom I'm love with all my heart and whom I'm very attracted to but because I haven't had sex in 4 years I've became addicted to masturbation and using my hand as the only way I can get off I can when I'm around her. Of course I want to have sex with her but I can't and that's brought great fear, anxiety and depression into my life and guess what I find myself doing, sitting at home alone, looking at porn and surprise I have no issues performing again! Cut the guys some slack, it's not you, it's not that he's not attracted to you, it's not that he doesn't love and it's not that he wants to be with the girls in the porn videos either! The porn just helps him get off, that's it, a tool, nothing more!
I found this reply outrageous, and as much as I hate stereotypes-- perfectly in sync with the male idea that "women don't want sex" (or at least as much as they do).
I'll start by giving a bit of background information. I am 28, married, 2 children-- 4 and 2. I am a college graduate, a competitive distance runner, love fashion, music, comedy, SEX. That's right, sex. Very much.
And guess what? My husband, knowing I'm not an id**t, finds some interesting avenues to watch porn in a sad attempt to hide it from me. Are we having sex? Not often. Sometimes it takes every power I possess to get him to do it once in a week. Do I own costumes? Yes. Do I offer bj's? Yes. Do I sometimes just climb on top and take control? Yes. Does he sometimes resist? You'd better believe it.
And, drum roll, the big question you're probably wondering: "Are you ugly?" Absolutely not. I'm fit. I have a pretty face. I tan. I dress well. My husband does NOT want to have sex with me. He DOES look at porn on a very regular basis.
Trying to get to the bottom of this is turning into a nightmare. I've toyed with the idea that he's just bored with having sex with me (which is sad; he's 31 and I'm 28-- I was banking on at least another 45-50 years with this man). I've wondered if he's cheating on me, or at least wants to (hence the lost interest in me, but interest in sex). I've wondered if he just has a porn addiction and prefers it to real life (unlikely-- the first year we were together we had sex probably 360 out of 365 days, and on some of those days more than once).
At this point, anyone's guess is almost as good as mine. I'd really like to hear a man's response to that, since all I expect to get from other women is an advisory to walk out on my marriage or insistence that they're in the same boat as me (when they're actually 5'4 and 200 lbs and wear sweatpants most days, screaming curse words at their kids and/or significant other-- not a fair comparison).
What do you think the issue is here?
I'll start by giving a bit of background information. I am 28, married, 2 children-- 4 and 2. I am a college graduate, a competitive distance runner, love fashion, music, comedy, SEX. That's right, sex. Very much.
And guess what? My husband, knowing I'm not an id**t, finds some interesting avenues to watch porn in a sad attempt to hide it from me. Are we having sex? Not often. Sometimes it takes every power I possess to get him to do it once in a week. Do I own costumes? Yes. Do I offer bj's? Yes. Do I sometimes just climb on top and take control? Yes. Does he sometimes resist? You'd better believe it.
And, drum roll, the big question you're probably wondering: "Are you ugly?" Absolutely not. I'm fit. I have a pretty face. I tan. I dress well. My husband does NOT want to have sex with me. He DOES look at porn on a very regular basis.
Trying to get to the bottom of this is turning into a nightmare. I've toyed with the idea that he's just bored with having sex with me (which is sad; he's 31 and I'm 28-- I was banking on at least another 45-50 years with this man). I've wondered if he's cheating on me, or at least wants to (hence the lost interest in me, but interest in sex). I've wondered if he just has a porn addiction and prefers it to real life (unlikely-- the first year we were together we had sex probably 360 out of 365 days, and on some of those days more than once).
At this point, anyone's guess is almost as good as mine. I'd really like to hear a man's response to that, since all I expect to get from other women is an advisory to walk out on my marriage or insistence that they're in the same boat as me (when they're actually 5'4 and 200 lbs and wear sweatpants most days, screaming curse words at their kids and/or significant other-- not a fair comparison).
What do you think the issue is here?
I am a man and I used to masturbate after my wife went to bed. She
caught me and we had a huge fight she was hurt and wouldn't listen, we
are now in an open relationship and on the verge of divorce and it is
her fault. ( We have kids and a business together or it would probably
be over already) My first choice was her, but she chose not to have sex
with me so I went and took care of myself. After she caught me she got
furious and told me not never do that again so I didn't but I just got
angrier and angrier at her, it didn't hurt her at all and I didn't want
to bother her about sex anymore and was tired of feeling rejected, then I
can't even masturbate. Little my little my resentment lead to me not
being interested in sex with her. I would do what she wanted , how she
liked it but it was all about her and when I talked about what I wanted,
your a pig, all you think about is sex, blah blah blah. No F that. I
loved my wife, all I wanted was her and to feel loved, to make love to
her, but after this treatment that was the last thing I wanted to do and
we fought constantly hardly had sex till we started talking about
spicing things up, threesomes was my idea preferably with a girl, I
wanted to share something with her, she wanted to sleep with another man
by herself. I caved in to make her happy, she found a 22 year old (we
are 33 and 34) I didn't find anyone, girls are not as into nsa sex, but I
let her continue to make her happy, till it just broke me. I am still
looking for a good woman to take care of and love me. Women I suggest
you take care of your man and men don't waste time making her happy if
she is too selfish to see things from your point of view and try to make
you happy too. I just wanted to make love to my wife, yes a lot but I
loved her...my hand never said no, never rejected me, never made me feel
bad, it was there for me, but all I wanted was her!
Good luck!
Charles Thomas
Good luck!
Charles Thomas
This is an interesting topic. There are times this is a man thing an there are times this is a problem. The question is how do you know the difference and exactly what type of problem is it. Since sex and especially masturbating and pornography are all considered by the moral majority to be evils of society very few people, men, are willing to discuss this situation. Men are always expected to be in control and strong. Men are told that being sexual is a good thing and nothing to be ashamed about but then men are belittled when sex goes out of control.
I can only tell you from my experience there is a question that needs to be asked here. Can he stop himself or not. If a man cannot go a week without sex then there is likely something afoot here. Younger men/boys do have a masturbating obsession because it is somewhat a part of self discovery and perhaps these people are not mentally mature enough for a sexual relationship with anyone else despite wanting one. What needs to be assessed here again is there an ability to walk away from any sexual situation or is it a compulsion.
I know of boys who do not want to masturbate but find that somehow they have no choice. The thoughts compound in their minds until all of their brain power is consumed with sexual thoughts. The only way to get the thoughts out of their head is to masturbate. This is a form of OCD. If not checked and understood the individual can reach the point where they fear sex but still have to have the release in order to function in normal life. This release is tied to the mental problems of not being able to use his brain for anything else but thinking about sex. Looking at pornography is another form of this problem. Does a man spend all his time looking at porn? The more stimulus he has available to him the more he will cycle into OCD type episodes and need release to be able to do anything else.
We are not talking about someone who just likes sex here I am talking about someone that has used the expectation that his simply likes sex to not deal with the issue that he cannot function mentally without releasing his mind from the ODC death grip which occurs immediately following climax. I am not a Dr. and do not profess to be an expert but if you love your man and he is good to you but has this problem you need to find a way for him to see a psychologist who specialized in OCD and sexual disorders.
I was raised in a Mormon household and I wanted to live up to the expectations of my religion. I could not but for most of my life and today remain a faithful member of the Church. I accepted this was the will of God that I carry this burden and that in his time I would be able to overcome it. One day I was put on medication due to a separate health issue and the results were amazing. I no longer HAD to think about sex. I could banish the thoughts unless I wanted to have them. I was given control over my mind that was otherwise not in my control when it came to thoughts about sex.
Admitting to not being in control if a very hard thing for many men to do. You may want to attempt approaching this subject with him and asking him if he can stop. He may tell you he can because he really loves you and wants to be the man you want him to be. If you find that he can't you need to be loving and understanding with him. He has likely indulged in a good deal of self loathing over the years for this situation and it may have cost him many or some important relationships. Your being angry with him will only stir those feeling of self hate that will only send him deeper into the problem or cause him to take a very unfortunate and unthinkable step to resolve his issue.
If you are the love of his life and have been married to him for so many years you need to know this is the most difficult thing for him to admit. It makes him seem weak, small, helpless and how many men do you know that want to look that way to the woman they love. Help him over this and help him to get control of this situation and he will walk barefoot through the inferno of hell for you because you will have given him the love no one else will and you will have given him back his self respect. I hope this does not come too late. It isn't always about someone being a selfish bastard sometimes it is a much bigger problem.
sounds like you cant give that pleasure feeling like he felt when you two were younger. Try to spice it up alittle ;]
Ya initially i also felt dejected when i found my husband masturbating watching a porn movie. It does affect the sex life. But the relationship does not depend on sex alone its the weightage you give to love and sex. Its like how much you want to get from him and how much you want to give. If you weigh love above sex then it does not matter at all. If you weigh sex above love then it does matter.
hi i 've been married for only 1 mth and i already have this problem.many a times i found the history of our computer with porn.
already told my husband it hurts me but he's still doing it.he admitted on jerking off with porn.i understand some guys need porn,but not to the extend of aviding sex..many a times i have to initiate sex but end up being rejected with e excuse of him being tired,blah blah blah...for e record i m not ugly and in a pretty good shape,but why is this happening??????i am so depressed!help!!!
This guy is probably tired with sex with the same old woman. I can't blame him for beating off while watching T.V.
At least on TV the women are young and beautiful. Hes a good man
My husband has a very high sex drive and masterbates at least once a day and keeps me well serviced with no problems at all.I quite often walk in on him when is is in the act and watch him before i take him insise me which can be a lot of fun.Dont worry how much he plesures himself worry how much he pleasures you xx
My husband does almost the same thing and I dont know howto handle it, I caught him late at night after I went to sleep, maeterbating and using a dildo..He told me I wasdreaming and I was crazy. but I know what I saw..I ask why? He said he didnt want to make me. when he goes to touch me it wont get hard, then he"ll say I took to long to get to him. This really hurts me After 22 yrs of marriage.....HELP WHAT SHOULD i DO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And what makes you think that its "Her" problem? Men don't remain the same man all their lives. Men get pudgy and bald and a bit more gross as time goes on when the are married. Don't automatically think that its the woman's fault for a man that can't get the job done.
He's most likely interested in the differences between women having different size breasts and some being larger than others. I know. My ex was that way with me. He was glad that I have bigger tits than his mom but liked girls with even bigger tits than my size. That was his main interest in me was the size of my tits.
Men have hang-ups about women's breast sizes and why some have larger breasts than others or why some grow their boobs at earlier ages than others. My ex and his mom made light of the fact that I have larger breasts than her. His mom told me she was glad not to have big tits like I do and was glad that I have bigger tits than her and her in-laws. We eventually got divorced over it. Afterward I still had other boyfriends whose moms were glad that I have larger breasts than them.
I'm sure the reason for this is that he has a thing about women having different size tits and why some women grow theirs at earlier ages than others. My ex and his mom were glad that I was more busty than her and he and his mom always made light of it to me about my bust(tits)size. He might think you're not large enough.