OH KATY!!!!!!! I was hoping and hoping you would say something and open up!!! :-(
But anyway, what did he "took ages" with you about? It's NEVER about proving anything Katy, it's about having someone put the pieces together, you're NOT saying he did it, you're saying you don't know!
And tell him to GO and you know what about his dinner!!!! Don't do one more thing for him, he's not yours he's not with you anymore. I TRULY TRULY think he did this, and now he knows nothing is going to happen to him, is starting to go back to his normal ways.
Anyword from the council or what it ever it is!?
You are feeling guilty about your sister because that is just what we are about! Guilt, embarrassment, door mats, the one to go to with our problems, and the one to NOT listen to when WE have them. It's classic door mat abuse! Wipe your feet on them, and walk away! Also you deliberately got on the wrong bus! Honest! You were dreading coming forward and seeing him. Did he check your ribs out at least? Do you still ahve the black eyes or did you cover them up with makeup?
OF course you are capable, you just have to start believing it. That's why they are not taking you seriously, because YOU don't believe it. He knows you're not going to report him or go to the doctors about him, your family knows that you wont ever have enough, and that they can always make you feel guilty. Can you remember ANYTHING about the visit with the doctor or is it a blur? Also did he mention anything about your health and dizziness?
Take it easy on yourself Katy, you are obviously not ready to stand up for yourself yet. You ARE getting there though, there are sparks here and there, You just have to be able to have those sparks continually happening. I really HOPE some of what's happened to you got out to him.
But anyway, what did he "took ages" with you about? It's NEVER about proving anything Katy, it's about having someone put the pieces together, you're NOT saying he did it, you're saying you don't know!
And tell him to GO and you know what about his dinner!!!! Don't do one more thing for him, he's not yours he's not with you anymore. I TRULY TRULY think he did this, and now he knows nothing is going to happen to him, is starting to go back to his normal ways.
Anyword from the council or what it ever it is!?
You are feeling guilty about your sister because that is just what we are about! Guilt, embarrassment, door mats, the one to go to with our problems, and the one to NOT listen to when WE have them. It's classic door mat abuse! Wipe your feet on them, and walk away! Also you deliberately got on the wrong bus! Honest! You were dreading coming forward and seeing him. Did he check your ribs out at least? Do you still ahve the black eyes or did you cover them up with makeup?
OF course you are capable, you just have to start believing it. That's why they are not taking you seriously, because YOU don't believe it. He knows you're not going to report him or go to the doctors about him, your family knows that you wont ever have enough, and that they can always make you feel guilty. Can you remember ANYTHING about the visit with the doctor or is it a blur? Also did he mention anything about your health and dizziness?
Take it easy on yourself Katy, you are obviously not ready to stand up for yourself yet. You ARE getting there though, there are sparks here and there, You just have to be able to have those sparks continually happening. I really HOPE some of what's happened to you got out to him.
Hi Dawn, i dont know. Everytime I have to DO something regarding this situation, I am a mess!!! Dizzie, cant do the doing.
Ive not heard from the housing department yet, as Ive not posted my application from , which has been lying with a first calss stamp on it, (next to me bed) for god knows how long...Though, if I dont get myslef in a state, I shall post it today. I woke this morning thinking, ....this is just stupid.I mean, what am i waiting for...Him to love again> :-S What am i holding back for...him to show me comtiment? 8-| What am I waiting for...another black eye >;) ? Then after the dreams I had.....everyone moving on , and good things happening to them...(and of course, not so good), but me leaving myself behind. because of him??/Thats just mad!!! Or , am I waiting for him to get extremly pissed nad find his weight on top of me again? Thats just mad? So, think ing...my children are now suffering anyway...as mummy is not what she used to be. people change and I actually do not think I have changed very much over the years
Anyway...My black eye has practically gone. I cant remeber much about my visit to the doctors...dont know, stress gets me...I did show him the letter from my solicitors reagarding the heresay about what my ex has said to his solicitor. On that point, I am thinking...i dont know have I reversed my own psychology or was it the look the doctor gave me whe I said"acht, im just going to stick around o.O " I dont know what it is. or maybe its , we live in council acommodation, so nothing to loose,, and if i move I dont have to worry about him fighting aginst me being an unfit mother...he will either be to mean to afford it, fall into pits of despair bcause weve gone....or if he has savings and uses them to battle it through.....pfff!! His non commitment to me etc is evidence alone..( welll actually, no its not) but who cares..So Ill poop off to the post today.
There really was no point in showing my injuries , which now are not that bad, as what do they think , what can they prove? EitherA) shes fallen down pissed and hurt herself...Or B) is she completely mad....we all know when someone has hurt us? So eithere way it doesnt look good on me...however, I know just now that I did not fall down drunk...I know I had been trying to help my sister out.Anyway, as before, I will walk away..Just need to get to the post box..Hm, may well have to use the buggie again...Completely forgot to meniton nose and ears to the doctor, and Im all itchy today...but everytime I blow my nose my ribs try to blow outside my body and my ears gocloudy.....its not that bad though...
One good thing is Im not depressed about ths anymore...worried if that will hit again...but yes, I get the argh when are the children going to bed , i cant cope and my head is going to explode....but I am not totally iding , crying, with lead heavy weights that I cant remove from my body under my duvet....Been ther, not doing it.....I remeber doing that asa student , just felt totally left out, id been dumped and I not one to meet people very easily, and not for want either...but anyway....I remeebr 1 month in,,and packing my bags and going home to my mums, I was ready to pack everything in at that point...so not doing that again!!! Never let me go back to those pitts Lamposts can have a good cuddle from me, that not a patch on that :-D Bushes can loose their leaves..Ill buy some baby wipe so I can clean my hands after holding onto bins, Bu I am not going back to my bed.
Its a shame Ill have to move the children, but now...right now I am thinking, its the only way...and nob head, he will have to move anyway..so he is just a ridiculous creator, selfish selfish pig Why would he expect his tea ready for him anyway.its bad enough having to touch his t shirts, listen to him eat, here him pea with the bathroom door open..Its bad enough having to do his dishes, his washing, hoover and pick up his shoes, nevermind the rest.
I am a little concerned about my youngest. She seem s to have gone a--whol, shes eating to much sugar, and now we have an ice crem van that comes round here 3xs a day.It annoys me...and I am thining get out of here before there is anothe rice cream war 8-|
Anyway, I hope you are doing well, how is your head? It must be sore-hope your doing ok?
Ive got ot go now, cut up a pineapple for the kids, they love pineapple, and then pop out to post box with them and then chemist to get pills. Hmm, yeah remebering now, the gp did ask if my panic was better, and i said I have good days and bad ( I think) see I am rubbish ...god forbid if i was a docotr..id have to make everyones medical record up..as Id be to stressed to rmeber what they actually said XD
I dont know though, then tunnel vision and sweary word ...what am i going to do with my life?
Ive not heard from the housing department yet, as Ive not posted my application from , which has been lying with a first calss stamp on it, (next to me bed) for god knows how long...Though, if I dont get myslef in a state, I shall post it today. I woke this morning thinking, ....this is just stupid.I mean, what am i waiting for...Him to love again> :-S What am i holding back for...him to show me comtiment? 8-| What am I waiting for...another black eye >;) ? Then after the dreams I had.....everyone moving on , and good things happening to them...(and of course, not so good), but me leaving myself behind. because of him??/Thats just mad!!! Or , am I waiting for him to get extremly pissed nad find his weight on top of me again? Thats just mad? So, think ing...my children are now suffering anyway...as mummy is not what she used to be. people change and I actually do not think I have changed very much over the years
Anyway...My black eye has practically gone. I cant remeber much about my visit to the doctors...dont know, stress gets me...I did show him the letter from my solicitors reagarding the heresay about what my ex has said to his solicitor. On that point, I am thinking...i dont know have I reversed my own psychology or was it the look the doctor gave me whe I said"acht, im just going to stick around o.O " I dont know what it is. or maybe its , we live in council acommodation, so nothing to loose,, and if i move I dont have to worry about him fighting aginst me being an unfit mother...he will either be to mean to afford it, fall into pits of despair bcause weve gone....or if he has savings and uses them to battle it through.....pfff!! His non commitment to me etc is evidence alone..( welll actually, no its not) but who cares..So Ill poop off to the post today.
There really was no point in showing my injuries , which now are not that bad, as what do they think , what can they prove? EitherA) shes fallen down pissed and hurt herself...Or B) is she completely mad....we all know when someone has hurt us? So eithere way it doesnt look good on me...however, I know just now that I did not fall down drunk...I know I had been trying to help my sister out.Anyway, as before, I will walk away..Just need to get to the post box..Hm, may well have to use the buggie again...Completely forgot to meniton nose and ears to the doctor, and Im all itchy today...but everytime I blow my nose my ribs try to blow outside my body and my ears gocloudy.....its not that bad though...
One good thing is Im not depressed about ths anymore...worried if that will hit again...but yes, I get the argh when are the children going to bed , i cant cope and my head is going to explode....but I am not totally iding , crying, with lead heavy weights that I cant remove from my body under my duvet....Been ther, not doing it.....I remeber doing that asa student , just felt totally left out, id been dumped and I not one to meet people very easily, and not for want either...but anyway....I remeebr 1 month in,,and packing my bags and going home to my mums, I was ready to pack everything in at that point...so not doing that again!!! Never let me go back to those pitts Lamposts can have a good cuddle from me, that not a patch on that :-D Bushes can loose their leaves..Ill buy some baby wipe so I can clean my hands after holding onto bins, Bu I am not going back to my bed.
Its a shame Ill have to move the children, but now...right now I am thinking, its the only way...and nob head, he will have to move anyway..so he is just a ridiculous creator, selfish selfish pig Why would he expect his tea ready for him anyway.its bad enough having to touch his t shirts, listen to him eat, here him pea with the bathroom door open..Its bad enough having to do his dishes, his washing, hoover and pick up his shoes, nevermind the rest.
I am a little concerned about my youngest. She seem s to have gone a--whol, shes eating to much sugar, and now we have an ice crem van that comes round here 3xs a day.It annoys me...and I am thining get out of here before there is anothe rice cream war 8-|
Anyway, I hope you are doing well, how is your head? It must be sore-hope your doing ok?
Ive got ot go now, cut up a pineapple for the kids, they love pineapple, and then pop out to post box with them and then chemist to get pills. Hmm, yeah remebering now, the gp did ask if my panic was better, and i said I have good days and bad ( I think) see I am rubbish ...god forbid if i was a docotr..id have to make everyones medical record up..as Id be to stressed to rmeber what they actually said XD
I dont know though, then tunnel vision and sweary word ...what am i going to do with my life?
Just as i was starting to feel a bit stonger. the phone rings and its my mum. I dont feel like shes supportive of me at all. In fact , the opostie. Also, my sister has siad that weve fallen out...and mum has only her version and now I look realy bad. Then she mutters on about something else...and I cant take it. I cant take her disappointment in me...makes me feel like such a failure. and to be honest all this...you will need your sister if you are going to be on your own....what does she know about it? Its not her that having to spend approx 4hrs every night on the phone to her, listening to her rant on about her day and how bad teaching is, meanwhile have 2 children run un der there feet, and listen to her getting pist and the only way I can handle it, is by having a drink...they werent putting up with that...I was...Apparently thats, just cause shes lonley, well come on...Ive got my life to consider, Ive not even had options like she has had. Though , I mean i do feel guilty for saying all this right now, as she must be ffeling really ill after whats happened...but I cant deal with her...and my mum always takes her side.....I have to think of my own family first. Does that sound absolutely mad? or am I just being a complete b***h? Mum doesnt get it...that nikki hasnt reallly ever helped...she doesnt get that..and now I am :-( %-) :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( into my coffee, and thinking bed ....what a luxury 8-|
OK, well, heres my thinking...i did it before, so I can do it again, except this time with more, all I need is an ok house and some strong men to lift the faltscreen ( only joking!) But thinki should have it for compensation!!!! :D :D :D :D Or if things go really bad i could go here -my grandsads old house! Honestly thats not really an option as its too far away from anything!
Mum would probably kill me for showing you that, but hey its advertising her holiday home.
So feeling a bit better! Though had girls on both sides of me and soon as I got to the post box, Iwas dizzie!!!Anyway, beeter go make lunch.
Im going to ring my sister tonight and apologise!
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Mum would probably kill me for showing you that, but hey its advertising her holiday home.
So feeling a bit better! Though had girls on both sides of me and soon as I got to the post box, Iwas dizzie!!!Anyway, beeter go make lunch.
Im going to ring my sister tonight and apologise!
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Ok, I think its my eyes. Went out again thinking that Id be fine. I think its my eyes giving it wibbil dee wobbily , as I am fine on the right side, but swinging to the left is just no fun. A man that knew me, saw me and shut down his garage to help me home. I feel pathetic, so now going to go to the opticians.
You know what Katy I think it is TOTALLY Ear Nose and Throat, there is something going on here. The left walking the wobbily eye, the nausea etc. If you can't go to the doctors phone his office and ask for them to set up an appointment for you to an ENT specialist. My dad is very ill - like I told you - and I'm not so great myself, but my sister is USELESS and when my dad says stuff like "your both the same etc" I BLOW my lid! Actually it wasn't till recently that I just say "Shut up dad you're SO bloody rude and nasty, if you want me to go and not come back PLEASE just let me know, and I would be MORE than happy to oblige!!!!" He was like this o.O So since then he has he's ups and downs with his attitude but I don't take it. And you WILL get there you just have to build up to it that's all.
So did you mail that letter? What do you think is making you hold off with moving forward? Such as telling the truth, showing the bruises and posting the letter? Do you think you are bluffing? Do you really mean it? Did you call his bluff and now you are like OMG!!!! He took the bait? Because of your panic attacks when you are about to do something, I am starting to wonder if you are just worried about what's going to happen, or you REALLY don't want things to end! Try and take a deep look at this Katy!
So did you mail that letter? What do you think is making you hold off with moving forward? Such as telling the truth, showing the bruises and posting the letter? Do you think you are bluffing? Do you really mean it? Did you call his bluff and now you are like OMG!!!! He took the bait? Because of your panic attacks when you are about to do something, I am starting to wonder if you are just worried about what's going to happen, or you REALLY don't want things to end! Try and take a deep look at this Katy!
Im so sorry to hear about your dad Dawn. That must be so so hard. I dont know how it must make you feel, but I really understand when he says"You are just the same"..it soesnt mean you are-does it not just mean he loves you as much as each other??
Yes, Ive thought of that, call his bluff? and then think OmG..its really happening o.O (Theres a part of me thats thinking this as when I had children my biggest wish was for this to never happen. On the other hand though, it IS happening and theres a part of me that doesnt want to accept it, but then as hes been out all day, I was thinking how much easier things are without walking on egg shells, and just feeling like ICAN DO THIS, ok, that comes and goes, and the fear of being on my own for the rest of entirity..probably holds me bacl...and also, we do have some good memeories, and theres the wish for them to return...though all that thinking is more than daft as I cant go near him, watch hime eat...after everything, so the good news is YES, I managed to post that lletter , squeezed it in the post box, and then clapped my hands together-YEAH!!! Ive started something now, and I just neede a little kick up the backside ( pardon the pun XD )
Its not just that though..its all the other things that knock me back for six...and not been able to moan about my other stressors and the fact that it eats your concentration and focus up.That I am scared , yes very scraed of where we will end and how I will cope financially-but hey...I have to do it now. No going back. i dont feel guilty, just worried and maybe anxious...Its the scraping against the walls and not being able to function like a normal human that makes me think heck, how on earth will i cope on my own, that makes everything seem 10xs worse, but I am not calling his bluff.It is needed, and healthier all round to do this. In terms of seperating and things, even my girls have stated thta they will be with me all the way....so, worry about what damage has been done rather than what damge will be done to them
Anyway, gosh,,, cant believe you even speak to me going what you are going through. it must be so hard for you.....I guess hwat I have to do and what perhaps you have to do is enjoy the precious time you have with each other, and try and keep the agro away. Deep down My guess is your dad will know how much nursing you are doing for him, and not the other sibling...some people runaway from these tings as they cant handle them, others have no choice but to face it head on..so you have my sympathy there...but to be honest I cant imagine what that would be like..i can , in a way, but not the real pain.
Last year, or was it more 2 yrs ago we thought my mum had ovarian cancer..I was terified, couldnt talk to anyone about it....Luckily she was ok...but thats why I cant really be any more supportive, or say the right words to you..I wish I knew the right things to say to you , to make you feel more posititve.
Ill never forget my grandads last words"Chips and Jelly please, and Katy is that the coat I bought you from america". He bought me a coat when I was 5.....at that point I was 20...but I must admit, it was one of the hardest things, watching my mum upset too.Ill never forget him though,he was Mr Industructable ( in my eyes). I ll shut up now, hope Ive not said anythign to upset you.
Yes, Ive thought of that, call his bluff? and then think OmG..its really happening o.O (Theres a part of me thats thinking this as when I had children my biggest wish was for this to never happen. On the other hand though, it IS happening and theres a part of me that doesnt want to accept it, but then as hes been out all day, I was thinking how much easier things are without walking on egg shells, and just feeling like ICAN DO THIS, ok, that comes and goes, and the fear of being on my own for the rest of entirity..probably holds me bacl...and also, we do have some good memeories, and theres the wish for them to return...though all that thinking is more than daft as I cant go near him, watch hime eat...after everything, so the good news is YES, I managed to post that lletter , squeezed it in the post box, and then clapped my hands together-YEAH!!! Ive started something now, and I just neede a little kick up the backside ( pardon the pun XD )
Its not just that though..its all the other things that knock me back for six...and not been able to moan about my other stressors and the fact that it eats your concentration and focus up.That I am scared , yes very scraed of where we will end and how I will cope financially-but hey...I have to do it now. No going back. i dont feel guilty, just worried and maybe anxious...Its the scraping against the walls and not being able to function like a normal human that makes me think heck, how on earth will i cope on my own, that makes everything seem 10xs worse, but I am not calling his bluff.It is needed, and healthier all round to do this. In terms of seperating and things, even my girls have stated thta they will be with me all the way....so, worry about what damage has been done rather than what damge will be done to them
Anyway, gosh,,, cant believe you even speak to me going what you are going through. it must be so hard for you.....I guess hwat I have to do and what perhaps you have to do is enjoy the precious time you have with each other, and try and keep the agro away. Deep down My guess is your dad will know how much nursing you are doing for him, and not the other sibling...some people runaway from these tings as they cant handle them, others have no choice but to face it head on..so you have my sympathy there...but to be honest I cant imagine what that would be like..i can , in a way, but not the real pain.
Last year, or was it more 2 yrs ago we thought my mum had ovarian cancer..I was terified, couldnt talk to anyone about it....Luckily she was ok...but thats why I cant really be any more supportive, or say the right words to you..I wish I knew the right things to say to you , to make you feel more posititve.
Ill never forget my grandads last words"Chips and Jelly please, and Katy is that the coat I bought you from america". He bought me a coat when I was 5.....at that point I was 20...but I must admit, it was one of the hardest things, watching my mum upset too.Ill never forget him though,he was Mr Industructable ( in my eyes). I ll shut up now, hope Ive not said anythign to upset you.
ECH!!! Don't be daft woman!!! I know my dad loves me, he said yesterday when I was about to throttle him after he wandered off in the hospital to get lotto tickets!!!!!!! He said "You're a good girl really Dawn!" I said "Oh dad that almost brought a tear to my glass eye!" ;-) XD If you show people what you wont take they wont give it right? It's hard for us not to feel guilty, not to be door mats etc. But we CAN say NO!!!
You my lovely are in your 30's and I want to tell you that the old addage of "something is better than nothing!" is a totaly bunch of c**p!!!! If that something makes you feel unloved, undervalued, emotionally and physically battered then I would rather have nothing! I found a letter I typed to my husband just over a year ago - on the computer. It was pretty deep and it feels like a distant memory actually. But you know what? He didn't really change that much, it was ME that changed. I refused to be treated like a second class citizen I refused to be talked to like I was a dog. I wanted and rightly deserved more! And if he wasn't going to give it to me then he could you know what! SURE I was worried about finances and taking care of the kids in my state, but I would rather be worried YET solid on my own that be "with" someone that made me feel the lonliest person in the world! I was SO lonely and sad Katy, I just wanted to get on a Greyhound bus and not come back. Because my boys started talking to me the same way.
I came from a VERY abusive home, and I resented my mom SO much for not leaving. I have so many insecurities from my mom not being a "woman" we made up and there was nothing left to say when she passed away! But those memories of feeling last will always be with me! So I looked at my boys and thought "I am letting them see that this is how a woman should be talked to, this is how THEY will talk to their girlfriends and wives!" And It hought NO FRICKING WAY!!!!!! And you WILL get there too, your girls will turn to you and give you that look of WTF!!!!!! And you WILL decide then to do something! They look to you to show them what a REAL woman is, NOT a doore mat! NOT a punching bag! A woman who would stop at NOTHING to protect her kids! And that's what you will eventually do to honey. You WILL show them that hey, mommy has a dizzy problem, mommy can take care of you all by herself AND mommy WILL find you a decent Step Dad who WILL treat me right and show you too what a REAL man is!!!!!
The unknown is terrifying, but isn't lying in bed hearing footsteps up the stairs and thinking "Oh God he's home!!!!!!"?
You my lovely are in your 30's and I want to tell you that the old addage of "something is better than nothing!" is a totaly bunch of c**p!!!! If that something makes you feel unloved, undervalued, emotionally and physically battered then I would rather have nothing! I found a letter I typed to my husband just over a year ago - on the computer. It was pretty deep and it feels like a distant memory actually. But you know what? He didn't really change that much, it was ME that changed. I refused to be treated like a second class citizen I refused to be talked to like I was a dog. I wanted and rightly deserved more! And if he wasn't going to give it to me then he could you know what! SURE I was worried about finances and taking care of the kids in my state, but I would rather be worried YET solid on my own that be "with" someone that made me feel the lonliest person in the world! I was SO lonely and sad Katy, I just wanted to get on a Greyhound bus and not come back. Because my boys started talking to me the same way.
I came from a VERY abusive home, and I resented my mom SO much for not leaving. I have so many insecurities from my mom not being a "woman" we made up and there was nothing left to say when she passed away! But those memories of feeling last will always be with me! So I looked at my boys and thought "I am letting them see that this is how a woman should be talked to, this is how THEY will talk to their girlfriends and wives!" And It hought NO FRICKING WAY!!!!!! And you WILL get there too, your girls will turn to you and give you that look of WTF!!!!!! And you WILL decide then to do something! They look to you to show them what a REAL woman is, NOT a doore mat! NOT a punching bag! A woman who would stop at NOTHING to protect her kids! And that's what you will eventually do to honey. You WILL show them that hey, mommy has a dizzy problem, mommy can take care of you all by herself AND mommy WILL find you a decent Step Dad who WILL treat me right and show you too what a REAL man is!!!!!
The unknown is terrifying, but isn't lying in bed hearing footsteps up the stairs and thinking "Oh God he's home!!!!!!"?
Hi dawn, thats exactly my feelings on the situation-though and I find my thinking bizarre, I am worried that the children will never feel like they are or have a home again as I did when my folks divorced. But thats me, thats my feelings on how I dealt with them, and my relationship breakdown is far different than my mothers and fathers-or is it? Who know? My mum left first, then came back, then my dad left and it went on for years, until finally they split. Mum moved us into our step dads house 4 months later and it never felt like home...Even though hes a really great guy..it just never felt like home, and I used to switch from house to house unsettled all the time. Even when I was a student I used to get itchy feet if i stayed in a flat longer than 6 months.Obviously, im not like that right now-but it did effect me. But if theyd stayed together one of them would have got murdered, in fact that very nearly did happen, but acht I am bleating on now!!! But what you said there in your last post is EXACTLy how it is!! I found it reassuring to tel you the truth!!!
I am just realising too how much you are going through yourself.You said you were "Daddys girl" so I cant imagine how yyou must be feeling. My dad is very good at making light of situations, but then turning on his side and the true reality of how he feels comes out (after quite a few glasses of something strong)
At the moment Ive got an upset stomach so want keepyou , probably not making much sense either.
Well, thats the third time tonight the ice cream van has come round. Honestly 3xs a day5 days a week 8-| 8-|
Anyway, dawn youd better get some much needed rest with all you are going thorugh, il try to give you some peace, but youve helped me so so much and Id be a loss without you.......so you can tell your family that too..Your dads rightabout you, so hold it close to your heart,
Take care, and keep in touch Katy
I am just realising too how much you are going through yourself.You said you were "Daddys girl" so I cant imagine how yyou must be feeling. My dad is very good at making light of situations, but then turning on his side and the true reality of how he feels comes out (after quite a few glasses of something strong)
At the moment Ive got an upset stomach so want keepyou , probably not making much sense either.
Well, thats the third time tonight the ice cream van has come round. Honestly 3xs a day5 days a week 8-| 8-|
Anyway, dawn youd better get some much needed rest with all you are going thorugh, il try to give you some peace, but youve helped me so so much and Id be a loss without you.......so you can tell your family that too..Your dads rightabout you, so hold it close to your heart,
Take care, and keep in touch Katy
We are what we learn Katy! You learnt to question who was at fault - your mom or your dad!!! I ALWAYS blamed my mom for getting my dad going!!! BUT that's not reality, it was HE that was responsible for himself and if he had been a real man he would have walked away before the storm hit!
To this day if I hear someone scream or shout or something fall with a bang, I could fall to my knees!!!! It's awful, I always swore my children wouldn't have that insecurity! And they haven't! A home is different than a prison Katy! Growing up I would have rather lived in a car than at my house! It wasn't a home, it was a 4 wall 1 roof place where fighting happened daily! And I dreaded going home. I blamed my mom till I had my 1st child and realized that my dad was NO saint and she started opening up to me and telling me that she never had the strength to leave. I just remember thinking "She was scared!" When your parent act like children - the tit for tat thing - you don't look at them in the same way do you? You look at them like "HELLO!!! We are more mature than you are! I remember when I was 13 and just stood up and started screaming at them to STOP!!! They both stopped and looked at me o.O They were genuinely surprised I was there in the room with them, because they didn't care!
I always believe - especially in Britain - they want to keep the poorer areas of Britain Fat and on welfare and smoking and drinking!!! Do you think in upity upity places they have an icecream van coming by 3 times a day? NO WAY!!! It's the same in Wales - where my dads from! I LOVE Wales and the people there, but when they sent around those stupid brochures about figuring out who was a terrorist - remember?! - and what to do if you suspect a bomb! I was PISSED!!!! :-S They sent it to Wales 1st, you guys 2nd, Ireland 3rd, Northern England 4th then Southern England!!! What a bunch of c**p! they send in the army to the poor schools recruiting - I LOVE service people so don't get me wrong - but I bet you don't see the forces recruiting at Gordon Ramsey's kids school right? When we went back there 5 years ago, to see all these ghost towns and areas!!! My family comes from both South Yorkshire and South Wales - so our families were DEVESTATED by Thatcher! My cousin was actually arrested when the miners strike was on and all the wives got together to do a march! Anyway I digress, they just want to keep you all down so you don't revolt. You all have SO much going on and to deal with, rarely do these areas of Britain vote enmass! IF they would and kick those greedy B's to the curb, THAT is when you would see less icecream trucks and such! ANYWAY!!! Can you tell I'm a bit irritated LOL ;-) XD Sorry hon!!!
I ALWAYS want to hear from you Katy so please don't think my life doesn't have room for you OK? My life has ALWAYS been this hectic and I like being able to connect with people - such as yourself - we will probably never meet, but I would say that we are DEFINITELY friends and I AM HERE OK? So don't drop me from the list OK? Talk to you tommorrow - when I'm a bit calmer ;-) XD
To this day if I hear someone scream or shout or something fall with a bang, I could fall to my knees!!!! It's awful, I always swore my children wouldn't have that insecurity! And they haven't! A home is different than a prison Katy! Growing up I would have rather lived in a car than at my house! It wasn't a home, it was a 4 wall 1 roof place where fighting happened daily! And I dreaded going home. I blamed my mom till I had my 1st child and realized that my dad was NO saint and she started opening up to me and telling me that she never had the strength to leave. I just remember thinking "She was scared!" When your parent act like children - the tit for tat thing - you don't look at them in the same way do you? You look at them like "HELLO!!! We are more mature than you are! I remember when I was 13 and just stood up and started screaming at them to STOP!!! They both stopped and looked at me o.O They were genuinely surprised I was there in the room with them, because they didn't care!
I always believe - especially in Britain - they want to keep the poorer areas of Britain Fat and on welfare and smoking and drinking!!! Do you think in upity upity places they have an icecream van coming by 3 times a day? NO WAY!!! It's the same in Wales - where my dads from! I LOVE Wales and the people there, but when they sent around those stupid brochures about figuring out who was a terrorist - remember?! - and what to do if you suspect a bomb! I was PISSED!!!! :-S They sent it to Wales 1st, you guys 2nd, Ireland 3rd, Northern England 4th then Southern England!!! What a bunch of c**p! they send in the army to the poor schools recruiting - I LOVE service people so don't get me wrong - but I bet you don't see the forces recruiting at Gordon Ramsey's kids school right? When we went back there 5 years ago, to see all these ghost towns and areas!!! My family comes from both South Yorkshire and South Wales - so our families were DEVESTATED by Thatcher! My cousin was actually arrested when the miners strike was on and all the wives got together to do a march! Anyway I digress, they just want to keep you all down so you don't revolt. You all have SO much going on and to deal with, rarely do these areas of Britain vote enmass! IF they would and kick those greedy B's to the curb, THAT is when you would see less icecream trucks and such! ANYWAY!!! Can you tell I'm a bit irritated LOL ;-) XD Sorry hon!!!
I ALWAYS want to hear from you Katy so please don't think my life doesn't have room for you OK? My life has ALWAYS been this hectic and I like being able to connect with people - such as yourself - we will probably never meet, but I would say that we are DEFINITELY friends and I AM HERE OK? So don't drop me from the list OK? Talk to you tommorrow - when I'm a bit calmer ;-) XD
Hi Dawn, you remind me of me Yes, i too blamed my mum for my parents relationship breakdown.....(she had had an affair with a man who went out with a woman who lived in a wheelchair) bluh!!! I still find that disturbing.......but as you can imagine, my dad having come from a background...having had a dad who died from alcoholism, and a schizophrenic mum, who too divorced, him and his brother eneded up in and out of homes-didnt take it too well. He started to drink more heavily then normal and the fighting had both my sister and I shaking or crying at the top of the stairs....or going downstairs to get a cuddle..just to make it clear that we could hear.
Also it wasnt until I had my first child that i realised that it takes 2 to tango, and even though i still blame my mum, I realise she broke away as she knew it was effecting my sister and I-that in itself proves shes a sringer woman.
before I went to any doctor for help, I was terrible. I just got so so fed up with tidying up-beforehand, I would have done anything to keep the peace, but then even though looking back now, it was so obvious, that he was taking the piss, but thinks its acceptable behaviour.Id tidy go to work, come home to do it all again. Ok, I do think now that that is normal practice, but at the time I blew, maybe as I had Nikki hanging around and his dad coming over and so many other things going on,I used to scream at him"pleases dont do that, what am I , abig slave?"..Then hed,point his finger and say its you-your off your head, your effing mental, and dont shout at me like that" Its funny though, my parents argued like cat and dog, tiger vs wolve..My mum tried to run my dad ver at one point, thenmy dad got my mum back and reversed onto her knees...
Also your reminded me of my dad and his ex...they were together when I was at high school& yrears....and she started obviously, audaciously doing things, like walking into bars with her underwear on and her overcoat on, and shed...oh, it was so embarassing going to school and id find ut things from school friends whose dad or mum had gone for lunch, or dinner. Then , one night, theyd been drinking she grabbed his glasses from his face, screaming and fighting going on, lots of it...i walked through to the kitchen , there was blood dripping from my dads head..she had very long well kept nails and had dug ine right into the side of his head...then thats when she grabbed a picture and smashed it over his head... I started to hyperventilate...Nikki came in from the pub drunk and asked what was going on Then , they stopped . dada ignoring his wounds held me tight and said"its not going to happen again!"Blood dripping everywhere.........It got worse, but eventually dad found someone else, he kept dissappearing on business weekends away , and his then girlfriend would babysit us an play the field in front of our eyes.
Anyway, letting of steam today -SORRY!!!! The funny thing about it, is I could have gont to my mum...but I blamed her, and she had little time for me anyway....then and now i still get pissed with her because she spends so much time with my children and never did with me(just being a grandparent) and also shes so high standar, so OCd, so this is not in its right place-it drives me bonkers....she lives in a big posh house where everything looks perfect and has nothing more than posh friends and when I hear her get on atr me I thik grrrrrrrrrrr!! Just leave me alone.....I found going to mum bbbbbbbbbooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrriiing and stressful, id rather be entertained by screaming matches, at least you could open up to others afterwards and talk openly to one another. The evidence was seen so questions go tasked. mad-eh?
Both my parents lived in nice house, both worked har, both very well motivated. Hm, the thing is, and this isnt to brag,,,but I always thought by having qualifications , Id have an escape, bloody wrong, Ive not got great qualifications but ive got more than my parents have put together-and I still cant get a decent job....or rather a career
Im bleating on today , like a sheep...my point, as Ive waffled so much, I had to highlight this-I no longer moan or shout. theres no point and its not worth the gut ache or any kind of bruising. Right now If I hear him say"thats a great picture"(referring to the tv...I say" "for what" us to continue living like this He answers;"To watch"
Last night I asked (gulp!) if he had done anything about a house, his reply was( oh go on Dawn....give it a guess ).............................................NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, I cant be bothered arguing, I cant sleep that well right now either, and woke up with a rash on my neck and cant brethe out my nose.
I never rang my sister last night, I thought if I make up with her now, the whole pattern will be reactivated, and Im enjoying the piece(what a b***h i am )
So much for giving you peace to!!! Now I am the one feeling guilty, because, it will look like I am the one splitting the family up...and that makes me think BASTD(miss spelt for a reason ) Ok, finished my crappie book today
Hope your ok, and doing ok..You never said how your head was? remeber to look after yourself....it must be hard with your dad..but dont forget too. Ineed you.
Also it wasnt until I had my first child that i realised that it takes 2 to tango, and even though i still blame my mum, I realise she broke away as she knew it was effecting my sister and I-that in itself proves shes a sringer woman.
before I went to any doctor for help, I was terrible. I just got so so fed up with tidying up-beforehand, I would have done anything to keep the peace, but then even though looking back now, it was so obvious, that he was taking the piss, but thinks its acceptable behaviour.Id tidy go to work, come home to do it all again. Ok, I do think now that that is normal practice, but at the time I blew, maybe as I had Nikki hanging around and his dad coming over and so many other things going on,I used to scream at him"pleases dont do that, what am I , abig slave?"..Then hed,point his finger and say its you-your off your head, your effing mental, and dont shout at me like that" Its funny though, my parents argued like cat and dog, tiger vs wolve..My mum tried to run my dad ver at one point, thenmy dad got my mum back and reversed onto her knees...
Also your reminded me of my dad and his ex...they were together when I was at high school& yrears....and she started obviously, audaciously doing things, like walking into bars with her underwear on and her overcoat on, and shed...oh, it was so embarassing going to school and id find ut things from school friends whose dad or mum had gone for lunch, or dinner. Then , one night, theyd been drinking she grabbed his glasses from his face, screaming and fighting going on, lots of it...i walked through to the kitchen , there was blood dripping from my dads head..she had very long well kept nails and had dug ine right into the side of his head...then thats when she grabbed a picture and smashed it over his head... I started to hyperventilate...Nikki came in from the pub drunk and asked what was going on Then , they stopped . dada ignoring his wounds held me tight and said"its not going to happen again!"Blood dripping everywhere.........It got worse, but eventually dad found someone else, he kept dissappearing on business weekends away , and his then girlfriend would babysit us an play the field in front of our eyes.
Anyway, letting of steam today -SORRY!!!! The funny thing about it, is I could have gont to my mum...but I blamed her, and she had little time for me anyway....then and now i still get pissed with her because she spends so much time with my children and never did with me(just being a grandparent) and also shes so high standar, so OCd, so this is not in its right place-it drives me bonkers....she lives in a big posh house where everything looks perfect and has nothing more than posh friends and when I hear her get on atr me I thik grrrrrrrrrrr!! Just leave me alone.....I found going to mum bbbbbbbbbooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrriiing and stressful, id rather be entertained by screaming matches, at least you could open up to others afterwards and talk openly to one another. The evidence was seen so questions go tasked. mad-eh?
Both my parents lived in nice house, both worked har, both very well motivated. Hm, the thing is, and this isnt to brag,,,but I always thought by having qualifications , Id have an escape, bloody wrong, Ive not got great qualifications but ive got more than my parents have put together-and I still cant get a decent job....or rather a career
Im bleating on today , like a sheep...my point, as Ive waffled so much, I had to highlight this-I no longer moan or shout. theres no point and its not worth the gut ache or any kind of bruising. Right now If I hear him say"thats a great picture"(referring to the tv...I say" "for what" us to continue living like this He answers;"To watch"
Last night I asked (gulp!) if he had done anything about a house, his reply was( oh go on Dawn....give it a guess ).............................................NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, I cant be bothered arguing, I cant sleep that well right now either, and woke up with a rash on my neck and cant brethe out my nose.
I never rang my sister last night, I thought if I make up with her now, the whole pattern will be reactivated, and Im enjoying the piece(what a b***h i am )
So much for giving you peace to!!! Now I am the one feeling guilty, because, it will look like I am the one splitting the family up...and that makes me think BASTD(miss spelt for a reason ) Ok, finished my crappie book today
Hope your ok, and doing ok..You never said how your head was? remeber to look after yourself....it must be hard with your dad..but dont forget too. Ineed you.
This is ridiculous. I walked to the end of the street, felt really weak, legs ceized and walked home. daughters ae going to cum me out later...been playing ball games with them and its been fun, but getting fat thighs as I cant do my usual walking....Hm, and hes been so kind
What a nightmare!!!! >;) Ive now to get my children to a theatre to watch a show that theyd really like, but because I am so so nable to walk-on my own-im stuck there, unitl its over!!!! And it means we have to sit throw as a family-which I think is totally unhealthy for the children when they know what going on. I feel like hes controlling me and managing to use the children in a manipulative manner-but at the same time I dont want my children to miss out!! Ive now got that whole pitt feeling in my stomach and a feeling of "Im always goign to be controlled by others...Im never going to be stronger enough to say no" 8-|
KATY!!!! Your symptoms have NOTHING to do with your anxiety THERE IS something going on here. So PLEASE KATY stop thinking that the doctors will think that your loopy, this ISN'T about that OR your drinking it IS about something that IS treatable and you CAN get on with your life! WHY are you against this Katy?
Hey,Dawn, Ive had a terrible night-but because he hurts-not beacause i could not cope!..But, i agree, I have had terrible tinnnitus(if that how you pell it), and double vision...I am scared as some symptoms so simple....i dont think its defenicial!!maybe im just going blind and deaf and no ones noticiting......Hey look , i dont care..open the nmind!