1-800-273-8255
Call this number and talk it out, get some help, friend.
Lately, I have thoughts of dying (not necessarily committing suicide) but I just feel tired and feel at battle with myself, I worry and stress about everything. But, at the same time, I do things, buy things trying to fix myself. Shopping and trying to make things nice at home, maybe subconsciously to "fix" myself. Not sure, but maybe its that I am torn from wanting to feel peace and wanting to find happiness in things. I gravitate to my grand kids who are still so little that they provide me with some joy and unconditional love that I crave.. I'm so torn about my feelings right now. I know I need help and am currently taking anti-depressants, but think I need more help..
I can understand where you are coming from , I myself am a loser ...I hope you will find new friends ,I know I won't
I feel the same, it's taxing on me really. Every single day I drive to drop the kids off, and on my way to work I wonder if I truck's going to take me out, or if I'm just going to have a heart attack and die in traffic. Six months ago, I had a Breast Cancer scare, I went for all the tests, and in the week I waited for the results I prepared myself for the worst. When the Pathologist called to tell me that its A-Typical and not cancer - believe it or not, I was disappointed. I know why I feel this way.... I feel used. At home I'm the only one runnign around to make things work. I rush to help kids with homework, when hubby needs tea, I make him tea, when its dinenr time I cook, I clean, I do everythign. I even book my own car in for a service, or tyres. That week when I was waiting for my results, everyone around me was so helpful. Hubby cooked, he helped the boys, the boys sorted their rooms out... it was heaven... and then WHAM! All back to square one. Unless I'm dying or really ill, I'm on my own ... and I know it's my own fault, but how do I change things that had been going on forever! I'm at my whits end. If I raise the topic at home, I'm told "But why don't you ask for help?" "It's your own fault if you insist on doing everyting." And then when i do ask for help I get this "I'll do it just now" or "Lets get a domestic worker to help." and I'm like... And pay a fortune for a hand when we can hardly afford it??? Why is my life so pathetic.... why do I have to litterally turn at deaths door before anyone gives a flying .... you know? The point is... I want to die, but I won't commit suicide. I'm diabetic and I have high blood pressure, if I fail to take my meds, my health will deteriorate and sooner or later I'll just keel over - that's what I currently feel like.
Existence and soon I will go ... Sorry