hello everyone.
ok, i apologize if this is too much information or whatever. i'm just very nervous.
ok, so starting this morning, i was in a very strange mood.
i was extraordinarily hyper and in a great mood, talking to everyone, talking quickly, couldn't get enough of anything. very happy.
which is strange, because i've been very very depressed lately. can barely get out of bed, not eating, etc.
i'm seeing a therapist, have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder.
am generally disconnected and such. depersonalization is the word for it, i believe
anyways, this morning, i was in that great mood.
then all of sudden, i was very tired. very dizzy.
when i moved my head, it rushed very oddly.
i don't feel like anything is real.
i'm off balance. i'm dizzy.
my head is aching very hard.
i feel shaky and weird.
my eyes aren't focusing correctly.
intoxicated almost.
but, i'm not. honest.
so (and again sorry this is so long. i'm unsure as to what is relevant)
over the last few days, i've come to realize that i was possibly sexually abused as a child?
so, could this realization make this happen?
could this all just be in my head?
if so, what can i do for this?
should i go to the hospital, or is that just ridiculous?
thank you very much is you've read this
ok, i apologize if this is too much information or whatever. i'm just very nervous.
ok, so starting this morning, i was in a very strange mood.
i was extraordinarily hyper and in a great mood, talking to everyone, talking quickly, couldn't get enough of anything. very happy.
which is strange, because i've been very very depressed lately. can barely get out of bed, not eating, etc.
i'm seeing a therapist, have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder.
am generally disconnected and such. depersonalization is the word for it, i believe
anyways, this morning, i was in that great mood.
then all of sudden, i was very tired. very dizzy.
when i moved my head, it rushed very oddly.
i don't feel like anything is real.
i'm off balance. i'm dizzy.
my head is aching very hard.
i feel shaky and weird.
my eyes aren't focusing correctly.
intoxicated almost.
but, i'm not. honest.
so (and again sorry this is so long. i'm unsure as to what is relevant)
over the last few days, i've come to realize that i was possibly sexually abused as a child?
so, could this realization make this happen?
could this all just be in my head?
if so, what can i do for this?
should i go to the hospital, or is that just ridiculous?
thank you very much is you've read this
Suppressed memory of early childhood sexual abuse and trauma may have been the cause of your anxiety disorder. I suggest seeing a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist for treatment.
thank you for responding.
i am currently seeing one.
i think i'll consider a more involved form of treatment or something.
thanks again
i am currently seeing one.
i think i'll consider a more involved form of treatment or something.
thanks again
Hi, I just came to tell you........you are not alone. But I hate that phrae...and if you are anything like me, youd understand. Abuse is abuse......I never want to talk to anyone about it, especially to a cpn ( who, by the way seemed to do all the talking) I remeber feeling so frustrated that my GP and her had had a conversation regarding, me, my behaviour behind my back etc,( yetI feel I have not been heard) Having said all of that I do understand that there are worse cases, and more important issues and illnesses to deal with ( so they have my sympathy there). Anyway, my point is, its lonely from the moment you were misshandled ( and I hate that expression MANHANDLED) What - was it a man that made that up, sorry, but it doesnt even cross my comical fast speaking haappppyyyy mode of funny. I too have been told that I have GAD, though this was mummbled to me, it wasnt clear nothing is clear.
recently I stopped taking my medication.......I could not lie to my GP, and he knows to that I d rink like a fish. ( scary , to admit, but ive done it ever since I moverd from home, I dididnt have my boosssssssssy mother dicatating to me) I also go through faces of not eating for sometimes a year ( to phases ...like now) of being well, like a hoover!!!!!!)
I dont htink I am depressed anymore, I have a family, a life to live , things to do .....even thinking about aplying to Uni to do my MA, but when I spoke to someone at my work about it...they said this"You need to get your life sorted out first, You need to do that, do not underestimate how difficult that would be (" ( f@@@@@@@@Ck Offfffffffffffff you pooooooooooooooooofgffcfccccc) Sorry, just so gutte dby that reaction,m, excuseme, but you you pooof were you stalked and sexually attacked and then moved out of house and then burried step gran in the space of 2 weeks and gio back type up ( okay ) c**p dissertation, and then go back hoe, ( well....were you?) Got my blood boiling, really did, flipping poof, and while I am at it.....if he comes near my personal zone again I shall swing him one,,,,I cant handle people in my personal space( and I am the one with 2 children , and the one with the final warning .huh, for smelling of booooze on the job , coz they AARE A BUNCH OF TUBES) lETS FACE IT, i TURM UP THERE EARLY EVERY NORNING, BUT APPARENTLY ACCORDINT TO THEM i AM TOO STUPID TO CONDUCT THE JOB, ACCORDING TO THEM i HAVE HUGE PROBLEM, ACCORDING TO THEM i MISS THINGS, ( TRUE) i AM HALF BLIND) wHY sh*t THINGS HAPPEN .....LIKE BEING STALKED ETC...GOT i AM LETTING IT AL OUT.
Something else I cant stand about being me, is how my boobs go hard sore and massive before my period, and I want to cry all the time, sometimes I even get the urges to cut myself , with a very sharp knife, but know thats just daft and really want to but shant, an so on....so then I eat half a pack of laxatives and wonder how I am going to get my thin body back. I used to weigh 7 stone, now I a, nearly nine stone I am only 5ft4 and i get really upset. But its okay...I cant let anyone near me, It may lead to murder.
Oh while I am here, saw a podiatrist yesterday ( why is it you can right tom- but you cant write yest???), silly putted my toe....spent time thinkings about his job, Plays with putty all day. Anyway, the ugly thing has taken the pressure of the thinner bit of my bone and its amazing!!!!! So happy about that. Okay , may leave now on a happier note.
Roccie Della, do you think you have Bipolar? I think I am, but my cpn seemed to ignor eme ( suggesting my reactions were fine) I dont agree, and If my work were to put forth a statement Id see the light to my views. I wish people would not onlt stop judging and underestimating other, but see people for what they are, its not a competetion I hate competition, I just want to be good at what I am , Thats that, I dont want to be anything else. and just because Ive been mn abused does not make me pretty eithere, or anything it makes me nothihng , and for these woman that think boys are the bees knees, F@@@@ck offf, its us that put the weeee ass@@@@@@@@@@@@ on the planet When are we ever going to be respected, Women are okay, in fact better than the wolves and man eating beats hunters of this world I hate men . There said it...But I am not gay, In fact I d like all my female organs chopped off, and if I am not going to get the adeqwuate help from the NHS, the sods that kept me alive ( ungratfeul cow that I am ) I shall do it myself) If anyone finds me dead and in a poo, off blood in the bath, then you know it was not my partner but it was me. Thank you anyone who reads this
recently I stopped taking my medication.......I could not lie to my GP, and he knows to that I d rink like a fish. ( scary , to admit, but ive done it ever since I moverd from home, I dididnt have my boosssssssssy mother dicatating to me) I also go through faces of not eating for sometimes a year ( to phases ...like now) of being well, like a hoover!!!!!!)
I dont htink I am depressed anymore, I have a family, a life to live , things to do .....even thinking about aplying to Uni to do my MA, but when I spoke to someone at my work about it...they said this"You need to get your life sorted out first, You need to do that, do not underestimate how difficult that would be (" ( f@@@@@@@@Ck Offfffffffffffff you pooooooooooooooooofgffcfccccc) Sorry, just so gutte dby that reaction,m, excuseme, but you you pooof were you stalked and sexually attacked and then moved out of house and then burried step gran in the space of 2 weeks and gio back type up ( okay ) c**p dissertation, and then go back hoe, ( well....were you?) Got my blood boiling, really did, flipping poof, and while I am at it.....if he comes near my personal zone again I shall swing him one,,,,I cant handle people in my personal space( and I am the one with 2 children , and the one with the final warning .huh, for smelling of booooze on the job , coz they AARE A BUNCH OF TUBES) lETS FACE IT, i TURM UP THERE EARLY EVERY NORNING, BUT APPARENTLY ACCORDINT TO THEM i AM TOO STUPID TO CONDUCT THE JOB, ACCORDING TO THEM i HAVE HUGE PROBLEM, ACCORDING TO THEM i MISS THINGS, ( TRUE) i AM HALF BLIND) wHY sh*t THINGS HAPPEN .....LIKE BEING STALKED ETC...GOT i AM LETTING IT AL OUT.
Something else I cant stand about being me, is how my boobs go hard sore and massive before my period, and I want to cry all the time, sometimes I even get the urges to cut myself , with a very sharp knife, but know thats just daft and really want to but shant, an so on....so then I eat half a pack of laxatives and wonder how I am going to get my thin body back. I used to weigh 7 stone, now I a, nearly nine stone I am only 5ft4 and i get really upset. But its okay...I cant let anyone near me, It may lead to murder.
Oh while I am here, saw a podiatrist yesterday ( why is it you can right tom- but you cant write yest???), silly putted my toe....spent time thinkings about his job, Plays with putty all day. Anyway, the ugly thing has taken the pressure of the thinner bit of my bone and its amazing!!!!! So happy about that. Okay , may leave now on a happier note.
Roccie Della, do you think you have Bipolar? I think I am, but my cpn seemed to ignor eme ( suggesting my reactions were fine) I dont agree, and If my work were to put forth a statement Id see the light to my views. I wish people would not onlt stop judging and underestimating other, but see people for what they are, its not a competetion I hate competition, I just want to be good at what I am , Thats that, I dont want to be anything else. and just because Ive been mn abused does not make me pretty eithere, or anything it makes me nothihng , and for these woman that think boys are the bees knees, F@@@@ck offf, its us that put the weeee ass@@@@@@@@@@@@ on the planet When are we ever going to be respected, Women are okay, in fact better than the wolves and man eating beats hunters of this world I hate men . There said it...But I am not gay, In fact I d like all my female organs chopped off, and if I am not going to get the adeqwuate help from the NHS, the sods that kept me alive ( ungratfeul cow that I am ) I shall do it myself) If anyone finds me dead and in a poo, off blood in the bath, then you know it was not my partner but it was me. Thank you anyone who reads this
hello.
let me say that, i read all of that. and i'm sorry you're going through a hard time. and that your doctors aren't listening to you the way you need to be listened to.
when did you go off your medicine? has it helped you?
i too go through phases of not eating. but its more on weekly cycles, dont eat like, 5 out of 7 days, or whatever.
i'm sorry that your job seems to be treating you unfairly. maybe this is a stupid question, but did you go to the police about the stalking/abuse?
I'm unsure about whether i'm bipolar. My psych suggested it, but i denied it pretty vehemently. now i'm unsure.
about what you said, about your organs and such, maybe you should talk to someone about that? i wouldn't want you to hurt yourself.
best of luck.
let me say that, i read all of that. and i'm sorry you're going through a hard time. and that your doctors aren't listening to you the way you need to be listened to.
when did you go off your medicine? has it helped you?
i too go through phases of not eating. but its more on weekly cycles, dont eat like, 5 out of 7 days, or whatever.
i'm sorry that your job seems to be treating you unfairly. maybe this is a stupid question, but did you go to the police about the stalking/abuse?
I'm unsure about whether i'm bipolar. My psych suggested it, but i denied it pretty vehemently. now i'm unsure.
about what you said, about your organs and such, maybe you should talk to someone about that? i wouldn't want you to hurt yourself.
best of luck.
Hi Roccie Della, Ive calmed a bit since having typed that. Erm, thanks for reading my guff-sometimes I think no one will ever read it anyway, and let it all out. It helps me ( fro time to time) I mean Id rather get it out on my PC , than rreleiving myself by use of other mechanisms.
Ive been here before, so I know It want go on forever.
Get so nervous about work- thats where I am now.
Sorry, didnt mean to be scathing about the medical professionals either- just dont want to be jjudged, by anyone- and I hate the thought of others discussing me behind my back. I find that upsetting.
Anyway, thank you for talking to me. I hope you are okay and geeting thro.
Best regards, Dafty
Ive been here before, so I know It want go on forever.
Get so nervous about work- thats where I am now.
Sorry, didnt mean to be scathing about the medical professionals either- just dont want to be jjudged, by anyone- and I hate the thought of others discussing me behind my back. I find that upsetting.
Anyway, thank you for talking to me. I hope you are okay and geeting thro.
Best regards, Dafty