Hi, I feel really bad and depressed lately, but it seems like I’ve got no one to talk to. Why I feel like nobody understands me?
Hi, I assume that everyone feels low from time to time. It seems even desperate to you, because you are taking things too personally. No matter how difficult it may seem to you, there is always a different point of view. If something bad happens, it can dramatically change how you feel about yourself and your life. There are trained counselors who can help when you are feeling down. Generally, you need to learn to find the strength inside yourself. But, other people can give you support to search for new motives and find what you miss right now.
batchelor you are right, but Ive never thought counselling the best way , and I never though Id have to take pills to help give me somesort of lifeline ( but hey thats life) .
I feel awful today. Ive had such a bad time with him lately and so stressed with my mum, and children are learning his disrespectful tactics. theres no escape. I have no choice. ( have no choice anyway). people were looking at me in the streets. Couldnt stop crying ( Not again ) and thne just couldnt talk to any mum friends ( who would understand?) Sometimes, i cant believe what Ive put up with ( ie) him and his sociopathic behaviour...but thats the problem I worry, that if we do split what he will be capable of, ...and i may or may not know of what torment my children will go throw and as there is such a division on how to live........the children will have to adapt to 2 seperate enviroments. And this is what I see, the only good ( them) flashing before me, there faces and small hands and their hurt. The fact that doesnt just go, :'( Then I hink about my work and the fact I can barely stand nevermind talk nice to people. Then then the urge to smash a few windows in....my anger hurts ..as I am not an angry person and to stop me doing bad things I just cry.
Ill never forget my mums big house and the change she had. Then her moods ,,,my dads laidback and a bit messy but he had a totaly irational girlfriend and hed leave me with her and shed sleep about with other men ( while babysitting) and thats what really eats. Mum didnt know this. If she had she would have prevented us from going ( see what I mean- Its my nightmare and now I am loosing the will to live) and now trapped in crying shouting and drinking wine in the evening to just breathe and sometimes I cant do that right. I mean I have to breathe out my mouth ewhen going to bed and last night could not sleep.
Daughter is insecure, I keep wking at around 2am and she wacks me one thump...( in her sleep0 shes a big girl and Just cant get comfy...the other one isdoing really crazy stuff, like putting sudocream everywhaere , drawing on things and leaving rubbish paper about the place. I feel like its the end...I cant see how my fututre can improve, or how it will change. desperate and scared.
Then theres me, feeling this way, I have a friend at the end of his life ( going through a nightmare) and hes done nothing to deserve it an d I feeel this...and then I get more angry and upset . I just get angry and feel ashamed of me. Then I see an old man. reminds me of my grandad, he would have been shouting at me years ago.
Then there is my cousin cant say whats going on there , but put it this way, I dont want to go as I never want to see my perverted uncle agaon. not only that ut just alll of it. My mums control too really grinding......If I had learnt to scream at her when younger maybe Id have more babck bone now and wouldnt drink to a halt. Then then , shell come round criticise and Ill want more.
I know though that I drank before, and I was drinking due to loss and puberty and fearfulness, and no it wasnt going out and esperimenting...I used to go to the oub with my school uniform on and drink half pints when my sister was a student ( thats when I found the relief) Drink this stuff Yes it tasetes like pea, but hey it took it all away.I used to go to the art school ( trying to get a portfolio together- not a chance. So instead Id meet with my sister and wed have a laugh talk about old times.......anyway, must go tidy. Dont know what to do now. Keep looking at the phone Phone these people do this do that see your lawyer do this do that. I cant do it for their tiny faces and smiles.
I feel awful today. Ive had such a bad time with him lately and so stressed with my mum, and children are learning his disrespectful tactics. theres no escape. I have no choice. ( have no choice anyway). people were looking at me in the streets. Couldnt stop crying ( Not again ) and thne just couldnt talk to any mum friends ( who would understand?) Sometimes, i cant believe what Ive put up with ( ie) him and his sociopathic behaviour...but thats the problem I worry, that if we do split what he will be capable of, ...and i may or may not know of what torment my children will go throw and as there is such a division on how to live........the children will have to adapt to 2 seperate enviroments. And this is what I see, the only good ( them) flashing before me, there faces and small hands and their hurt. The fact that doesnt just go, :'( Then I hink about my work and the fact I can barely stand nevermind talk nice to people. Then then the urge to smash a few windows in....my anger hurts ..as I am not an angry person and to stop me doing bad things I just cry.
Ill never forget my mums big house and the change she had. Then her moods ,,,my dads laidback and a bit messy but he had a totaly irational girlfriend and hed leave me with her and shed sleep about with other men ( while babysitting) and thats what really eats. Mum didnt know this. If she had she would have prevented us from going ( see what I mean- Its my nightmare and now I am loosing the will to live) and now trapped in crying shouting and drinking wine in the evening to just breathe and sometimes I cant do that right. I mean I have to breathe out my mouth ewhen going to bed and last night could not sleep.
Daughter is insecure, I keep wking at around 2am and she wacks me one thump...( in her sleep0 shes a big girl and Just cant get comfy...the other one isdoing really crazy stuff, like putting sudocream everywhaere , drawing on things and leaving rubbish paper about the place. I feel like its the end...I cant see how my fututre can improve, or how it will change. desperate and scared.
Then theres me, feeling this way, I have a friend at the end of his life ( going through a nightmare) and hes done nothing to deserve it an d I feeel this...and then I get more angry and upset . I just get angry and feel ashamed of me. Then I see an old man. reminds me of my grandad, he would have been shouting at me years ago.
Then there is my cousin cant say whats going on there , but put it this way, I dont want to go as I never want to see my perverted uncle agaon. not only that ut just alll of it. My mums control too really grinding......If I had learnt to scream at her when younger maybe Id have more babck bone now and wouldnt drink to a halt. Then then , shell come round criticise and Ill want more.
I know though that I drank before, and I was drinking due to loss and puberty and fearfulness, and no it wasnt going out and esperimenting...I used to go to the oub with my school uniform on and drink half pints when my sister was a student ( thats when I found the relief) Drink this stuff Yes it tasetes like pea, but hey it took it all away.I used to go to the art school ( trying to get a portfolio together- not a chance. So instead Id meet with my sister and wed have a laugh talk about old times.......anyway, must go tidy. Dont know what to do now. Keep looking at the phone Phone these people do this do that see your lawyer do this do that. I cant do it for their tiny faces and smiles.
Okay it feel as though he wants to lock me up. he walks out the room, closing doors and switching lights off I need lights on to see, and I get scared in the dark. laptop going. Is domestic abuse a crime and where is the definitive line ie one mimics the other after a long period of time? and then the rest. Been bleeding for10 days and getting me down. help somone pls talk
Hi:
I understand how you feel. Here's what might work:
-If there's an issue in your life that you have not dealt with, get professional help. It could be affecting how you feel overall, even if you don't realize it.
-Find a way to help others that are less fortunate than you, i.e. food kitchen, women's shelter, etc. When you work with people who have less than you, it can change your perspective on the world and your life.
-Check your eating habits. Nutrition can affect your emotions.
-Ask yourself if you really need everyone else's approval. How can you be ok with yourself?
I hope this helps. :)
I understand how you feel. Here's what might work:
-If there's an issue in your life that you have not dealt with, get professional help. It could be affecting how you feel overall, even if you don't realize it.
-Find a way to help others that are less fortunate than you, i.e. food kitchen, women's shelter, etc. When you work with people who have less than you, it can change your perspective on the world and your life.
-Check your eating habits. Nutrition can affect your emotions.
-Ask yourself if you really need everyone else's approval. How can you be ok with yourself?
I hope this helps. :)
I almost forget. Is there an appropriate telephone help hot-line in your area that might allow you to express your feelings? Check into it.
The key is to find someone you can talk to! If this means professional help, so be it. Seek professional help. It doesn't mean you are weak, it means that you are strong and can care for yourself.
Don't isolate yourself, but get out even when you don't feel like it. You must see your doctor now and not wait until things get worse for you mentally. The worst thing you could do is shut yourself away and give into the thoughts in your head.
Don't isolate yourself, but get out even when you don't feel like it. You must see your doctor now and not wait until things get worse for you mentally. The worst thing you could do is shut yourself away and give into the thoughts in your head.
My partner ( I think) tried to strangle me last night. i collapsed in the bathroom, and I jsut remeber the bath mat over my head. i know there was some force....btu what if this is an ha;;ucintaion I think I am going mad??????? Pls- dont ignore me, this is serious and whatever it is- I know I need help, cause I have th emost wonderful children yet wish my own death day and night.
This is VERY serious. Is there someone in your family that can care for your kids if they are minors? Do that first, then check yourself into a clinic for observation, immediately...please. You must get help now. In addition, if you are using some sort of drug that might cause you to hallucinate, apparently, it's making matters worse. Were you in a situation where someone could have slipped you a drug without your knowledge and then taken advantage of you? If you don't have an answer to either of these questions, you are really in need a support and your kid's safety is at risk. If I had contact info for you, I would be obligated to see that you get help, so I feel helpless too. PLEASE, call a suicide hotline or get to a hospital right away. You can feel better, but at this point, you have to reach out for help. Please get back to me about what you've done to help yourself. Your children need you.
Partner is incistent that I was hallucinating in bathroom.....but i rember his force and his jeans and t shirt.
No- I dont think anyone would have spiked anything, then again totally confused/ My partner has a temper and snaps irrationally...cant even work out what the triggers are. then I started to drink to ease everything and now think I am hooked.
What Ive done is this. Posted my pics onto my facebook account for all friends to see. Humiliating...very much so....but I need to do some tidying up. Secondly, reducing my alcohol intake. Thirfdly stopped taking those antidepressants.
Went to work, very on edge jumpy and swearing all the time. But pretende i was okay My anger prevented me from doing that endless screaming crying which I was renowned for at my old work ..Thank giod not had an episode like that in a while/ Children are ok, Made sure of that ...but no one can look after them right now. My mum is not that great wel ( physically) and they need to be here for school etc...also i dont want them to find out. Right now thwey are at a friends, and I am going to go and cry my eyeballs out. I am sure it was not a hallucination but terrified hes right. ( hes done thing to me before , when I ve been sober so I know it wouldnt be so difficult for him to do things to me obce haven had 6 cans of beer. But then I hate myself for doubting him and his behaviour and if its al been hallucinations I am not well...but how come this is happening?????I donthtink they are( hallucinations, I believe this happened to me) I dont know what to do now, I m stuck.
No- I dont think anyone would have spiked anything, then again totally confused/ My partner has a temper and snaps irrationally...cant even work out what the triggers are. then I started to drink to ease everything and now think I am hooked.
What Ive done is this. Posted my pics onto my facebook account for all friends to see. Humiliating...very much so....but I need to do some tidying up. Secondly, reducing my alcohol intake. Thirfdly stopped taking those antidepressants.
Went to work, very on edge jumpy and swearing all the time. But pretende i was okay My anger prevented me from doing that endless screaming crying which I was renowned for at my old work ..Thank giod not had an episode like that in a while/ Children are ok, Made sure of that ...but no one can look after them right now. My mum is not that great wel ( physically) and they need to be here for school etc...also i dont want them to find out. Right now thwey are at a friends, and I am going to go and cry my eyeballs out. I am sure it was not a hallucination but terrified hes right. ( hes done thing to me before , when I ve been sober so I know it wouldnt be so difficult for him to do things to me obce haven had 6 cans of beer. But then I hate myself for doubting him and his behaviour and if its al been hallucinations I am not well...but how come this is happening?????I donthtink they are( hallucinations, I believe this happened to me) I dont know what to do now, I m stuck.
He had had 6 cans that night. i had some wine, but nothing that mormally I wouldnt be able to handle..then again, maybe if I have something wrong, could this explain it...I so confused!!!
When you say go into a clinic.I cant...I mean I need to look after my children, and they are the only ones keeping me going. if I were to upset them more than what I have done..Id be worse.
The other thing, is my family (parents) would dissown me.
On that note, I am going to have to be self determined.....though I am so scared.
Finally, thank you for your kind words, but really this is all I can do right now.
When you say go into a clinic.I cant...I mean I need to look after my children, and they are the only ones keeping me going. if I were to upset them more than what I have done..Id be worse.
The other thing, is my family (parents) would dissown me.
On that note, I am going to have to be self determined.....though I am so scared.
Finally, thank you for your kind words, but really this is all I can do right now.
Wen to bed about midniht, got up 2am ( cant sleep).
I dont know what to do. i dont feel safe here.
My children are safe...they are because daddy does nothing else other than that sookey stuff....doesnt clean them, doesnt ever take them to school ( not unless I am somewhere) He doesnt do a dish, anthything nothing. he takes the children out, doesnt tell me where hes oing....worse still , doesnt even want me there with them...( not that I wan to be anywhere near him either, but i do want to be with my kids. I hate this.
I am eating more than I have in ages but loosing weight....rubbish ...When you want to loose weight , you cant, then when you want to put a few ounds on , they vanish , very good, sounds like life to me.
All a bit sore, nose still blocked, and itchy throar...lost my patience for mostly everything, just trying not to shout ,is an effort, but all I really want is to sleep , forever. The thing is, its las though weve split up but I have to do all the tasks, regardless.
He want even buy milk from the shop...okay a man thing, but god."Theres no mil" Evil look, like Ive failed a dont know like Ive failed to buy his house for him. Its not like we dont have shops around us, they are 2 minutes outside our front door, So why do I complain....because I went to the shop 5 or maybe 6 times yesterday and he was still moaning about the supplies.
Got an upset stomach. Iam not getting up wanting a drink, but thats why I want it in the evening, I cant stop because there is no off button, and believe me, ...I reckon everyone else that knows me, probably cant stand me, and and I am the one that everyone wants switched off, no joke. I can understnad why , but god, Do you think the other night could just be due to tiredness. I am really worried, and not myself..but it could be as Ive ben getting double vision too. :-(
I dont know what to do. i dont feel safe here.
My children are safe...they are because daddy does nothing else other than that sookey stuff....doesnt clean them, doesnt ever take them to school ( not unless I am somewhere) He doesnt do a dish, anthything nothing. he takes the children out, doesnt tell me where hes oing....worse still , doesnt even want me there with them...( not that I wan to be anywhere near him either, but i do want to be with my kids. I hate this.
I am eating more than I have in ages but loosing weight....rubbish ...When you want to loose weight , you cant, then when you want to put a few ounds on , they vanish , very good, sounds like life to me.
All a bit sore, nose still blocked, and itchy throar...lost my patience for mostly everything, just trying not to shout ,is an effort, but all I really want is to sleep , forever. The thing is, its las though weve split up but I have to do all the tasks, regardless.
He want even buy milk from the shop...okay a man thing, but god."Theres no mil" Evil look, like Ive failed a dont know like Ive failed to buy his house for him. Its not like we dont have shops around us, they are 2 minutes outside our front door, So why do I complain....because I went to the shop 5 or maybe 6 times yesterday and he was still moaning about the supplies.
Got an upset stomach. Iam not getting up wanting a drink, but thats why I want it in the evening, I cant stop because there is no off button, and believe me, ...I reckon everyone else that knows me, probably cant stand me, and and I am the one that everyone wants switched off, no joke. I can understnad why , but god, Do you think the other night could just be due to tiredness. I am really worried, and not myself..but it could be as Ive ben getting double vision too. :-(
Feel really bad inside...and usually have to work hard to just function, but today nearly wet myself from laughing ( after all that) Just cant get a grip.
Now I am home its like Ive been swallowed up by a big hoover that burrows beneath the grave. I just feel like c**p now, and cant cry.I thought i was like this before due to mixing antidepressants with amounts of alcohol......Last night I had very little by means of alcohol, ..but still really strugglinng to keep a healthy balance. I want to go get wrecked.
I think I am definately going mad...why ( if he did not do that( why would I think it? If it was a blackout...I dont understand why!!!! Cant get it out my head, but I have no feelings left.(Ie) I dont think I am hurting about any of it ...i think I am geting angrier and angrier because of him.
Now I am home its like Ive been swallowed up by a big hoover that burrows beneath the grave. I just feel like c**p now, and cant cry.I thought i was like this before due to mixing antidepressants with amounts of alcohol......Last night I had very little by means of alcohol, ..but still really strugglinng to keep a healthy balance. I want to go get wrecked.
I think I am definately going mad...why ( if he did not do that( why would I think it? If it was a blackout...I dont understand why!!!! Cant get it out my head, but I have no feelings left.(Ie) I dont think I am hurting about any of it ...i think I am geting angrier and angrier because of him.
Sorry to tired to sprell, but it was an hallucination defo...I know because the man trying to strnagle me had balck jeands on , he had a black t shirt on and it was tucked in . He had a belt and he was trig to take it off at somepoint......partner did say I was whimpering in the toilet for over an hour, he did say he thought it funny and more hilarious when he found me with a bathmat over my head....hmmm, sh*t It would not be the first one \ive ever had, and not taking meds that I was supposed to ..and only drunk a bottle, last night I had a bottle and a half because Ive decided toadys the day I am going to stop and turn things around - and so it is,,,,,but me get so sad, me want drink,,,,me get drink ...me sees drink ,,,drink it,,,feel better, me enjoy it.......me have a good time off the planetr...me doesnt even give 2 hoots if I have a hangover and in agony ( kidneys) the next day. me no care. but me going to have to care....me boring now has to care....Care, care for her children care,,,Fucjk me,I hate me..but I love my children and they even seem to have a bit more self respect than me.,...Its so strgange how Ive managed to instill their own self love yet have none for me....Well I hate myself, always will ..The only time I like myself is well when I am feeling about...oh and on that note...i ainte doing that fing pille up of dishes. Partner made tea for him, his dad and my children I was not invited...Partner left kitchen in a mess, then sat down with his dad to watch football. Partner = bastard I hate him...I fi ask hi to do the dishes, other than him being aggressive, igthen get"Thats not my mess". ( ie0 Those dishes are the childrens...why am I here why anm I living with a beast...Yeah f**k we both signed the contract...but he should not be in this flat. Tima and time again Ive terrified...asked him could he leave///He ignores my unhappinnes..till its the point I am so drun k and I teel him f off you sod..( The only time I ever had back boe is when I was pissed)
The other thing is this......he thinks it ok to treat me like this..he thinks its fine, he thihe doesnt spk to me so how would I know what he thingks and yes, reading on domestic abuse and everything yes..this me on my pc is abuse, but f**k it....I have to let it out somewherer, and no friends really can be bothered and anyway all too busy and too clever and dont understand why I have no respect for me.I know why it is..at leats no actually , thatd be lying have no clue why I hate me somuch .
The other thing is this......he thinks it ok to treat me like this..he thinks its fine, he thihe doesnt spk to me so how would I know what he thingks and yes, reading on domestic abuse and everything yes..this me on my pc is abuse, but f**k it....I have to let it out somewherer, and no friends really can be bothered and anyway all too busy and too clever and dont understand why I have no respect for me.I know why it is..at leats no actually , thatd be lying have no clue why I hate me somuch .
Ok...Thinking it out...am i going mad ..I hadnt had that much considering what Im used to. had I eaten ( yes like a monster of a different planet) Hadnt touched laxatives.
Ok.....worked it out. I wasnot hallucinating I was not...and yes youd think Id remeber if someone shands were round my neck...Youd think id know Youd think that would also sobber you up...well its alot more clever than that....Uhuh...I was not hallucinating. I had colapsed as too much booze....apparently id be moaning on about something Dont know anyway...i know I was on the floor and I remeber He had been trying to get in the toilet ( to clean his teeth) and I rmeber what he did...He put the bloody bath mat over my head and ...took it from there...he says i walked out the bathroom and he walked in the bathroom.hes lying..i know because i remeber the following day looking at the bathmat and rember thinking that hed moved it...That i was going off my trolley.....still thought that until last night and something came back to me....about it...the fact the bathmat was over my head was him (apparently trying to get me off the floor) to sobriety and so on....ffs....no wonder I am sobbering up...Sorry but even the fact that I see alcoholism an illness, its notlike you drink cause you want to Pretty much most of the time you dont actually want to be doing it..You know it makes you feel like c**p, but without you do feel like c**p .......I wouldnt make someone feel worse about themselves by bashing them about...Srtupid!!!!!!!!!!!! But hey maybe if my drinking stops his behaviour will to...Its worth a try.
Anyway, its nearly 1pm and been on pc allmorning...Been crying asll morning though...I dont know how im going to do this!!!11
Ok.....worked it out. I wasnot hallucinating I was not...and yes youd think Id remeber if someone shands were round my neck...Youd think id know Youd think that would also sobber you up...well its alot more clever than that....Uhuh...I was not hallucinating. I had colapsed as too much booze....apparently id be moaning on about something Dont know anyway...i know I was on the floor and I remeber He had been trying to get in the toilet ( to clean his teeth) and I rmeber what he did...He put the bloody bath mat over my head and ...took it from there...he says i walked out the bathroom and he walked in the bathroom.hes lying..i know because i remeber the following day looking at the bathmat and rember thinking that hed moved it...That i was going off my trolley.....still thought that until last night and something came back to me....about it...the fact the bathmat was over my head was him (apparently trying to get me off the floor) to sobriety and so on....ffs....no wonder I am sobbering up...Sorry but even the fact that I see alcoholism an illness, its notlike you drink cause you want to Pretty much most of the time you dont actually want to be doing it..You know it makes you feel like c**p, but without you do feel like c**p .......I wouldnt make someone feel worse about themselves by bashing them about...Srtupid!!!!!!!!!!!! But hey maybe if my drinking stops his behaviour will to...Its worth a try.
Anyway, its nearly 1pm and been on pc allmorning...Been crying asll morning though...I dont know how im going to do this!!!11