hi. ive been having unusal stomach cramps for the past two weeks. ive been peeing more than useally and had a bit of constipation. ive also been felling sick and dizzy and i nearly colapsed yesturday morning while cooking. as well as that ive been falling asleep during the day and my breasts have been aching. i have skipped a period but i sometimes do. i am a sexully active 15 year old girl who just got out a relationship last week. please help me
Seems to me a pregnancy test might be in order. As a young woman, well as a home test, can I suggest that you visit a clinic, to ensure you get the best support available.
oh god is there not anything else it could be. i mean my peiriods been late quite a few times so it migh have nothing to do with the rest.
Dear Bradley, you've been playing with the grown ups, hell, as far as nature is concerned you are a grown up - puberty is nature's way of saying 'next generation please' and in societies that were more in tune with nature puberty was a rite of passage into man and womanhood...
... we think we're 'protecting children' who nature says (and you by your actions seem determined to say) are adults, capable of reproducing and taking responsibility.
Here's the dilemma - when you behave like an adult, having sex, and then say couldn't it be something else, do you sound more like mother nature would have you be - responsible and adult - or as society would have you be - still naive and a child?
You've played nature's game, nature made the rules, and nature scored.
Now, here's the good news, in a sense - there's a get out of jail (monopoly) card here: society is going to let you dump the baby before it even gets started, but for that you're going to have to go to a clinic, which is (at least in UK and I'm sure in US, Canada also) entirely confidential, learn when a test can be taken and considered accurate, learn what your options are, and deal with the situation.
According to the laws in your state/nation, your parents may or may not have any rights or say in your actions. Generally the well being of the 'child' (underage adult) are considered paramount, so basically it will come down to this:
- you will go to a clinic (or doctor)
- they will inform you whether a test can be taken immediately, or how soon before it is accurate
- you will wait (and spend the time planning possible futures, not chewing fingernails)
- you will get the results of the test
- they will inform you of options, support, resources in regards to either continuing or terminating the pregnancy
- you will make a decision, and take action based on that information
You may terminate, if pregnant, but bear in mind that for many women, their child (and not having one) are the central most important issues in their life.
You may decide to continue the pregnancy, but bear in mind that you will be an adult in fact, if not in law, because you will now have another being to provide for, care for, and raise, and that is a good thing, as well as a responsibility.
You may not be pregnant, in which case you may well be relieved, but remember nature gave you a heads-up, she can and will make you pregnant if at all possible: the human race needs babies, and if you do not take care (contraception) she will give you a child (but only via intercourse - virgin births are rare, to say the least).
One thing to remember is this: being afraid of what your friends will think, parents will think etc. may be a factor, but you frankly don't know how it will turn out: parents are often scary because they want to protect you, they will still want to protect you, but if you get a freaked out dad throwing you out of the house, roll with it, because they're human, not gods - society wants you to be protected, safe, and have every chance at a fulfilled life, and so will your friends, relatives etc.
I should offer a caveat: I am assuming you are a daughter of a western american-style (whatever race) household, that does not - and please excuse me for being blunt - strangle their daughters for kissing guys. If you are part of such a household, and at such risk, then you leave and seek sanctuary with authorities, a (western) church, school or hospital. Your life and well-being are paramount.
So yes, you have had fun, played a game with nature, and nature scored.
Go to the clinic, take the test, and deal with it - it's just life.
... we think we're 'protecting children' who nature says (and you by your actions seem determined to say) are adults, capable of reproducing and taking responsibility.
Here's the dilemma - when you behave like an adult, having sex, and then say couldn't it be something else, do you sound more like mother nature would have you be - responsible and adult - or as society would have you be - still naive and a child?
You've played nature's game, nature made the rules, and nature scored.
Now, here's the good news, in a sense - there's a get out of jail (monopoly) card here: society is going to let you dump the baby before it even gets started, but for that you're going to have to go to a clinic, which is (at least in UK and I'm sure in US, Canada also) entirely confidential, learn when a test can be taken and considered accurate, learn what your options are, and deal with the situation.
According to the laws in your state/nation, your parents may or may not have any rights or say in your actions. Generally the well being of the 'child' (underage adult) are considered paramount, so basically it will come down to this:
- you will go to a clinic (or doctor)
- they will inform you whether a test can be taken immediately, or how soon before it is accurate
- you will wait (and spend the time planning possible futures, not chewing fingernails)
- you will get the results of the test
- they will inform you of options, support, resources in regards to either continuing or terminating the pregnancy
- you will make a decision, and take action based on that information
You may terminate, if pregnant, but bear in mind that for many women, their child (and not having one) are the central most important issues in their life.
You may decide to continue the pregnancy, but bear in mind that you will be an adult in fact, if not in law, because you will now have another being to provide for, care for, and raise, and that is a good thing, as well as a responsibility.
You may not be pregnant, in which case you may well be relieved, but remember nature gave you a heads-up, she can and will make you pregnant if at all possible: the human race needs babies, and if you do not take care (contraception) she will give you a child (but only via intercourse - virgin births are rare, to say the least).
One thing to remember is this: being afraid of what your friends will think, parents will think etc. may be a factor, but you frankly don't know how it will turn out: parents are often scary because they want to protect you, they will still want to protect you, but if you get a freaked out dad throwing you out of the house, roll with it, because they're human, not gods - society wants you to be protected, safe, and have every chance at a fulfilled life, and so will your friends, relatives etc.
I should offer a caveat: I am assuming you are a daughter of a western american-style (whatever race) household, that does not - and please excuse me for being blunt - strangle their daughters for kissing guys. If you are part of such a household, and at such risk, then you leave and seek sanctuary with authorities, a (western) church, school or hospital. Your life and well-being are paramount.
So yes, you have had fun, played a game with nature, and nature scored.
Go to the clinic, take the test, and deal with it - it's just life.
is there anywhere in the uk that i could go and be safe if i am. my dads got quite bad anger problems and i know he would try and kill the father if i am.
OK, I'm relieved that if you say that, that you are at least in the UK so that I know the ground we're talking about.
Let's step back - it might help if I had at least a bit of a cliche picture of what we're dealing with - family, race, community, etc.
The reason I ask is that there are a number of different strategies, and how far you go depends a bit on how quickly to escalate this in a responsible manner.
If your dad is just a noisy drunk for example, I'd say go stay with an uncle and aunt, tell them the situation, and let them deal with your dad. If it's a matter of family honour however, that would be the last place you would be safe, so while ultimately only you know what you're dealing with, it may help if you give me a thumbnail sketch of what we're looking at.
Basically, in increasing order of escalating from ouch to crisis, we're talking:
-[INFORM NO-ONE IN YOUR FAMILY / COMMUNITY ] => for various reasons, this may be the safest course, see later
- informing mum, asking her to deal with dad, and staying in the house
- going to aunt, uncle or similar nearby and letting them deal with dad
- going to friends, relatives that can be trusted
---- once you're outside the family, you're crossing a threshold ----
- if your background is community-based (as a white anglo, that's a word that's almost dead), you can think in terms of support from community leaders, eg: church (except if you're in a vulnerable community with honour killing an issue, they might be the last to go to!)
- to be safe in uk, you're options - though the more I think about it, the less they are ideal - are:
- your local council, social services: however there are enough stories of their 'failures' to make me wonder what they can do.
They may simply watch your family, which may just leave you vulnerable and make him more angry.
- police: are surprisingly ineffective until an actual violent crime is committed (non-violent seems to be pretty much ignored)
- hospital: they at least have beds, and if you kick up a fuss, they will have a hard time throwing you out: stand your ground, and they will pretty much have to call the police and social services, which can be a good thing to ensure you get the protection you feel you need
However, let us bear in mind a couple of things:
1. at this point we don't know
2. at this point it doesn't show
ie: a smart general prepares their ground, he doesn't just rush in and panic
It will be some weeks, if not months, before anything occurs which would constitute a 'noticeable' thing for your father.
The first thing to do would be to take the test, when it becomes appropriate (ie: as soon as a test can reliably determine your state).
By going to a clinic, you can get advice on all these matters. Above all, termination is an option only early in a pregnancy, which in this instance is a good thing, as you want to terminate before it shows anyway, if you go that route.
If you decide to keep the child, then yes, you are going to have to deal with these issues sooner or later (and it will seem too soon).
Simple rule: the less people you tell, the fewer can spill the beans and get you in trouble.
The other good news is, bizarrely, that if you are clear you wish to terminate, then your break up is one less person to know or suspect that you're in this condition.
If you decide to keep the baby, you can decide how to deal with them, as well as your family etc.
So basically, on reflection, for now, everything's fine and low key - you have a situation, you're playing with the grown ups, and now you're going to go along to a clinic, have a confidential test and advice, make a decision, and if that decision is termination, then you will have another discreet and confidential visit, and it will be done, and no one save you will know - not me, not anyone, you will be protected by law, as far as confidentiality is concerned.
Keep your mouth shut, and no one need be the wiser, except you.
Learn from it, grow into a responsible young woman, take responsibility for contraception, and enjoy a fulfilling, active life, including sex (which you have already determined to have, and which here in the UK, you become 'legally' entitled to have at 16, so you're not far off being even both responsible AND normal - how weird and boring is that).
Take care, good luck, and if you ever have an issue that sufficiently concerns you to want to contact me, send a private message on this site, which will email me to notify me. I may not be online or here for regular posts, but an email to this site will be relayed to my home, so I will get the notification.
Remember: police, social service, hospitals - if ever you have an issue requiring immediate action, or causing immediate concern, simply leave the house, walk to your nearest one of those, or the nearest public place (bar, cafe, garage, shop) and ask them to make a call.
Not to be dramatic, but since you have raised the issue, 999 (UK, US 911) is there for a reason, but simply walking out of the house before dialling gets you immediately into a safer, public space.
Even if (as may be) you are pregnant, remember, it's an issue, not a crisis. Being afraid of your dad's reaction is an issue, not a crisis.
For now, rational thought and action is all that is required.
Let's step back - it might help if I had at least a bit of a cliche picture of what we're dealing with - family, race, community, etc.
The reason I ask is that there are a number of different strategies, and how far you go depends a bit on how quickly to escalate this in a responsible manner.
If your dad is just a noisy drunk for example, I'd say go stay with an uncle and aunt, tell them the situation, and let them deal with your dad. If it's a matter of family honour however, that would be the last place you would be safe, so while ultimately only you know what you're dealing with, it may help if you give me a thumbnail sketch of what we're looking at.
Basically, in increasing order of escalating from ouch to crisis, we're talking:
-[INFORM NO-ONE IN YOUR FAMILY / COMMUNITY ] => for various reasons, this may be the safest course, see later
- informing mum, asking her to deal with dad, and staying in the house
- going to aunt, uncle or similar nearby and letting them deal with dad
- going to friends, relatives that can be trusted
---- once you're outside the family, you're crossing a threshold ----
- if your background is community-based (as a white anglo, that's a word that's almost dead), you can think in terms of support from community leaders, eg: church (except if you're in a vulnerable community with honour killing an issue, they might be the last to go to!)
- to be safe in uk, you're options - though the more I think about it, the less they are ideal - are:
- your local council, social services: however there are enough stories of their 'failures' to make me wonder what they can do.
They may simply watch your family, which may just leave you vulnerable and make him more angry.
- police: are surprisingly ineffective until an actual violent crime is committed (non-violent seems to be pretty much ignored)
- hospital: they at least have beds, and if you kick up a fuss, they will have a hard time throwing you out: stand your ground, and they will pretty much have to call the police and social services, which can be a good thing to ensure you get the protection you feel you need
However, let us bear in mind a couple of things:
1. at this point we don't know
2. at this point it doesn't show
ie: a smart general prepares their ground, he doesn't just rush in and panic
It will be some weeks, if not months, before anything occurs which would constitute a 'noticeable' thing for your father.
The first thing to do would be to take the test, when it becomes appropriate (ie: as soon as a test can reliably determine your state).
By going to a clinic, you can get advice on all these matters. Above all, termination is an option only early in a pregnancy, which in this instance is a good thing, as you want to terminate before it shows anyway, if you go that route.
If you decide to keep the child, then yes, you are going to have to deal with these issues sooner or later (and it will seem too soon).
Simple rule: the less people you tell, the fewer can spill the beans and get you in trouble.
The other good news is, bizarrely, that if you are clear you wish to terminate, then your break up is one less person to know or suspect that you're in this condition.
If you decide to keep the baby, you can decide how to deal with them, as well as your family etc.
So basically, on reflection, for now, everything's fine and low key - you have a situation, you're playing with the grown ups, and now you're going to go along to a clinic, have a confidential test and advice, make a decision, and if that decision is termination, then you will have another discreet and confidential visit, and it will be done, and no one save you will know - not me, not anyone, you will be protected by law, as far as confidentiality is concerned.
Keep your mouth shut, and no one need be the wiser, except you.
Learn from it, grow into a responsible young woman, take responsibility for contraception, and enjoy a fulfilling, active life, including sex (which you have already determined to have, and which here in the UK, you become 'legally' entitled to have at 16, so you're not far off being even both responsible AND normal - how weird and boring is that).
Take care, good luck, and if you ever have an issue that sufficiently concerns you to want to contact me, send a private message on this site, which will email me to notify me. I may not be online or here for regular posts, but an email to this site will be relayed to my home, so I will get the notification.
Remember: police, social service, hospitals - if ever you have an issue requiring immediate action, or causing immediate concern, simply leave the house, walk to your nearest one of those, or the nearest public place (bar, cafe, garage, shop) and ask them to make a call.
Not to be dramatic, but since you have raised the issue, 999 (UK, US 911) is there for a reason, but simply walking out of the house before dialling gets you immediately into a safer, public space.
Even if (as may be) you are pregnant, remember, it's an issue, not a crisis. Being afraid of your dad's reaction is an issue, not a crisis.
For now, rational thought and action is all that is required.
thanks. i dont have any other family that i could go to. i am still good friends with my ex but i dont want him to know about any of this. also i deffently know i DONT want an abortion if i am. im going to the doctors as soon as i turn 16 to sort all this out.
ok, good for you to want to continue the pregnancy
unless you're talking a birthday in the next couple of days, please do not delay a visit to doctor or clinic - you are entirely safe and protected in this country regardless of age, as the priority is the well-being of both the teen and the parent, and courts have ruled - whatever as an adult we might think of it - that ultimately even your parents do not have the right to know what occurs, or that you're on birth control, or anything, regardless of age
so please make use of the facilities the country and society provides to ensure your well being, including a prompt visit to a doctor and clinic - you will know your community and town better than I - you may wish to consider a visit to somewhere less local, but basically confidentiality is your legal right, but of course that doesn't stop someone seeing you go in... common sense and discretion
also if you definitely do not want the abortion, then of course - while I still recommend a visit to doctor or clinic - no particular action is necessary, except preparation for support and caring for the infant. You may definitely wish to go to the local council to ask about housing - I would be saddened if babies were now regarded as meal tickets, but the fact remains that society will do its utmost to protect you, especially with a child, and your local council is a first point of call for that, after the doctor
do take care, use what's there, and if all else fails and you are still concerned, you can as I say reach me via email
that and 999 - they're last resorts, but they're they're
take care
unless you're talking a birthday in the next couple of days, please do not delay a visit to doctor or clinic - you are entirely safe and protected in this country regardless of age, as the priority is the well-being of both the teen and the parent, and courts have ruled - whatever as an adult we might think of it - that ultimately even your parents do not have the right to know what occurs, or that you're on birth control, or anything, regardless of age
so please make use of the facilities the country and society provides to ensure your well being, including a prompt visit to a doctor and clinic - you will know your community and town better than I - you may wish to consider a visit to somewhere less local, but basically confidentiality is your legal right, but of course that doesn't stop someone seeing you go in... common sense and discretion
also if you definitely do not want the abortion, then of course - while I still recommend a visit to doctor or clinic - no particular action is necessary, except preparation for support and caring for the infant. You may definitely wish to go to the local council to ask about housing - I would be saddened if babies were now regarded as meal tickets, but the fact remains that society will do its utmost to protect you, especially with a child, and your local council is a first point of call for that, after the doctor
do take care, use what's there, and if all else fails and you are still concerned, you can as I say reach me via email
that and 999 - they're last resorts, but they're they're
take care
... sorry, that was wellbeing of infant and parent, or teen and child - not teen and parent!!!!
my doctors wont see me unless im 16 or over but its only 7 days till my birthday so im going in 8 days. thank you so much