Suboxene - The hard truth after 30 days clean (and a 10 year habit)

I apologize. I have sort of been a lurker here going through Sub withdrawals, all by myself, and celebrating 30 DAYS TOTALLY CLEAN tomorrow. Am I proud of myself? Of course. Do I feel like sh*t still..YES. If someone even offered me a suboxene I think I think I would beat them like a seal. It is the most, most insidious drug ever made. I am no angel and at 49 years old I have been through 3 rehabs. When I look back, as bad as withdrawal is from Vicodin first, then Roxies and OP's second and now Sub.... SUBS are the f'in SuperBowl of withdrawal. There is a lot of good info up here but the reality is we are all different, so here are my rules after 10 years of wrecking my life and losing everything that meant anything to me. If it too harsh, I apologize but for those that are ready to get their life back...THIS WILL RESONATE.

1) THIS IS FOR YOU AND NO ONE ELSE. Once you have made your mind up to stop (whatever the F'K you are taking), stay off the internet. Our bodies are all different and unfortunately / obviously junkies are ALL LIARS so half the stories you read are peppered with "i took 4 valiums, 10 perks" and still feeling ok. I can tell you this, I have had it all and until you really want to stop you are wasting your time. You have to do it for YOU. Not your girlfriend. Not your parents. Not your kids. Not to save your job. You have to want to wake up and not be a slave to scoring F'ING pills. Once you come to that realization, you are 50% there.

2) GIVE YOURSELF TIME. This is not something you do on a long weekend when you have been abusing yourself for years. I wish I could spend crazily for a decade and then make it on a weekend promising everyone around me "This time is different". Be prepared for mental and physical pain. Being on opiates is like living on a credit card. It's easy. Guess what. Time to pay. The more you try to avoid the fact that you need to pay back, I guarantee you will be right back kidding yourself in a week. I used to make a lot of money. There is no job, or amount of money that is worth being slave to some pill. BE PREPARED TO LOSE SOME IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR LIFE. Sucks...YES! But when come through the other end, i would not take $1MM to go back to day 1.

3) GET SUPPORT. I am not religious. I lost friends and the girl of my dreams but I kept on going by myself. I think I would rather be in jail in Columbia. I did not sleep for a month. No one called me. Somehow I managed to gather enough strength to deal with 40% of my work issues each day. I got put into foreclosure. I had bill collectors calling me but I just turned it off. This is the time for YOU TO GET HEALTHY. Of course it so easy to say just one day on Suboxene so I can do X, Y and Z. IF YOU DO THAT...jump back in...you are not getting clean. I dont want to be a pessimist but the reality is junkies (as I was and will always be) are liars and I have spewed the same sh*t I hear over and over on the web. Not to be a downer, but the odds are against you. The more you profess to want to get clean the more I guarantee you will be scoring pills in a few days. This strength comes from within and I do not care who you think is God , or even if there is one, but the simplest cliche is actually the best. At some point--- if you don't die -- you will simply get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Tell your family / friends and ask for help. I did not and I can tell you I slept with a loaded 45 and I am first one to tell you suicide is for F'ING PUSSYS. Sometimes just holding someones hand is better than any high you can imagine.

4) FACE YOUR FEARS. Put a list together of all the things you have avoided, lied about, disregarded etc and start to deal with them one by one. Dentist, electric bill, 100 calls from your sister ..whatever the F they are. Your emotions are going to be a rollercoaster but I promise you...GET BY THAT FIRST ONE and you will see you can do it.

I have been through this detox / rehab / lying to friends and family sh*t for 5 years after 10 years of abuse. Anyone that tells you "take this..it will help"..is F'ED. Just pay the piper and get the support of those around you who love you. I did it alone and it was the worst 30 days of my life. Friends and family and just simply "love" is so much more powerful than any drug people tell you to take to relieve symptoms. And remember, living on opiates is like taking a loan on your mental and physical health. You had fun with the free money but now it's time to pay back. If you are not prepared for:

1 week of pure hell;

2 weeks of lingering BS where it hard to simply take a shower;

Another 2 weeks of going in waves of feeling good / bad.........

Then just call you dealer or doctor and keep taking the Subs.

Just remember the bank / loan analogy. You may feel OK today but the interest is building. Anyone that tells you WD from SUB is manageable in the short term if F'ING LYING to you.

Good luck guys and I say a prayer every night hoping there is just one person that will read this and it will get them over the hump.