Hi Hanna ,
Thank you for the sweet post. It means a lot. I have been very angry off and on all day. I don't know if that's part of it ? My legs are aching at the moment. And I feel like I could breakdown and cry at any moment and I don't know why ? But I read on another post this person was fine till day 6 and that's when their wd's started really bad. I hope that doesn't happen to me. I have no energy at all. I'm yawning and sneezing. I don't know what to expect next ? I'm just feeling more emotional and no energy than anything else.
I hope you are doing well ! Your in my thoughts and prayers !
Thank you again for all the posts they are helping to keep me sain.
God Bless ,
~ V ~
I also wanted to add that I'm not sleeping well either.
Thank you for the sweet post. It means a lot. I have been very angry off and on all day. I don't know if that's part of it ? My legs are aching at the moment. And I feel like I could breakdown and cry at any moment and I don't know why ? But I read on another post this person was fine till day 6 and that's when their wd's started really bad. I hope that doesn't happen to me. I have no energy at all. I'm yawning and sneezing. I don't know what to expect next ? I'm just feeling more emotional and no energy than anything else.
I hope you are doing well ! Your in my thoughts and prayers !
Thank you again for all the posts they are helping to keep me sain.
God Bless ,
~ V ~
I also wanted to add that I'm not sleeping well either.
Yep, sounds lke you are going thru a typical withdrawal from sub...i hope it doesnt get worse for you either.
the emotional side of things is very hard....i felt sooooo depressed during my detox....i would cry so hard because i felt it would never end....but it does, so keep that in mind ok?
and yes, like i said, you wont be able to sleep. I had sleeping pills, thank god. but i had to take 3 instead of the normal prescribed dose of 1. that was the only way i could get a bit of sleep. i wouldnt have coped with it all otherwise.
5HTP helps, and melatonin, but you may just have accept that you wont get much sleep most nights.
yawning and sneezing is totally normal.....they last for ages...i still have sneezing fits now, and i have never been a sneezer! i guess those are the easiest symtoms to deal with as they dont hurt...they are just annoying!!!
I do worry that you have been thru such a trauma with the tragic loss of your husband, that it may hit you hard emotionally when the sub is out of your system. you just need to be ready for that....if you are ready and you understand it that can help....
post back and let me know how u are getting on....
much love...hanna x
the emotional side of things is very hard....i felt sooooo depressed during my detox....i would cry so hard because i felt it would never end....but it does, so keep that in mind ok?
and yes, like i said, you wont be able to sleep. I had sleeping pills, thank god. but i had to take 3 instead of the normal prescribed dose of 1. that was the only way i could get a bit of sleep. i wouldnt have coped with it all otherwise.
5HTP helps, and melatonin, but you may just have accept that you wont get much sleep most nights.
yawning and sneezing is totally normal.....they last for ages...i still have sneezing fits now, and i have never been a sneezer! i guess those are the easiest symtoms to deal with as they dont hurt...they are just annoying!!!
I do worry that you have been thru such a trauma with the tragic loss of your husband, that it may hit you hard emotionally when the sub is out of your system. you just need to be ready for that....if you are ready and you understand it that can help....
post back and let me know how u are getting on....
much love...hanna x
Hi Hanna ,
I had a few pains in my knees last night when I was trying to get some sleep. As of right now I don't have any pains just very exhausted and emotional. I have no energy at all. It took me 30 minutes to get off the couch and go get something to drink. I have no appetite and really don't want to drink anything either but I am Atleast drinking something.
I have been crying nonstop for about 6 or 7 hours now. I believe you were right I have not dealt with my husbands death and its hitting me like a ton of bricks from every direction. I can't handle much more. My kids depend on me and its taking everything I have to make sure their ok and happy.
I feel like I'm going insane. I feel like I'm reliving the day my husband died and I don't know if I can handle it all over again.
Please tell me when the emotional part eases up ? Or if its going to get worse ?
Thank you Hanna for your continued support !
~ V ~
I had a few pains in my knees last night when I was trying to get some sleep. As of right now I don't have any pains just very exhausted and emotional. I have no energy at all. It took me 30 minutes to get off the couch and go get something to drink. I have no appetite and really don't want to drink anything either but I am Atleast drinking something.
I have been crying nonstop for about 6 or 7 hours now. I believe you were right I have not dealt with my husbands death and its hitting me like a ton of bricks from every direction. I can't handle much more. My kids depend on me and its taking everything I have to make sure their ok and happy.
I feel like I'm going insane. I feel like I'm reliving the day my husband died and I don't know if I can handle it all over again.
Please tell me when the emotional part eases up ? Or if its going to get worse ?
Thank you Hanna for your continued support !
~ V ~
Oh Vic honey
I really feel for you. I had the crying/ depression/ emotions, but I haven’t had to deal with what you have had to deal with….I know how hard it is and nothing/ no one can help with that…
I mean, I have been thru stuff, as you may have read in earlier posts, and I guess I am not very good at dealing with hard things, but I am trying now…I have to…its either that or I go back on drugs/ subutex to numb it all
The emotional side of things is worst during the first 10 days. Like I said, all you have to do is remember it WILL get better. I had to keep telling myself that, because, at time, I felt suicidal….I mean, I wouldn’t have killed myself…if it got THAT bad, I would have gone back onto subutex, but I felt I would be failing myself if I did that….after all the pain, I had to have some kind of positive outcome and get clean!
I cant tell you when it will get better, as everyone is different, but when the worst of the detox passes, you will feel more positive because you wont be so emotionally and physically drained….all of does take its toll, however strong someone is, and it all gets too much….especially during the first 10 days.
The lack of energy thing is horrible. Had I prepared better, I would have bought a bucket so I didn’t have to go up the stairs every time I needed the toilet. It is only 1 flight, but it would kill me. I would literally have to crawl up the stairs sometimes. It was so frustrating and depressing
I know the set up may be different in the US, but I don’t know if you are able to get any anti-depressants or other medication to help you get thru this. I wouldn’t have coped without my key worker at the clinic, and the Doc, who would literally give me anything I wanted (a normal GP in this country would not do that)…it helped me sleep and helped with the symptoms’ a bit (although nothing stops them completely).
Yeah, I got the pains in my knees and other joints. Apparently, that is the subutex coming out of your bones! Its horrible, because there is not much you can do about it, but again, it will pass…it all passes. I promise….
Stay strong and let me know how you are doing once you read this….
Hanna x
I really feel for you. I had the crying/ depression/ emotions, but I haven’t had to deal with what you have had to deal with….I know how hard it is and nothing/ no one can help with that…
I mean, I have been thru stuff, as you may have read in earlier posts, and I guess I am not very good at dealing with hard things, but I am trying now…I have to…its either that or I go back on drugs/ subutex to numb it all
The emotional side of things is worst during the first 10 days. Like I said, all you have to do is remember it WILL get better. I had to keep telling myself that, because, at time, I felt suicidal….I mean, I wouldn’t have killed myself…if it got THAT bad, I would have gone back onto subutex, but I felt I would be failing myself if I did that….after all the pain, I had to have some kind of positive outcome and get clean!
I cant tell you when it will get better, as everyone is different, but when the worst of the detox passes, you will feel more positive because you wont be so emotionally and physically drained….all of does take its toll, however strong someone is, and it all gets too much….especially during the first 10 days.
The lack of energy thing is horrible. Had I prepared better, I would have bought a bucket so I didn’t have to go up the stairs every time I needed the toilet. It is only 1 flight, but it would kill me. I would literally have to crawl up the stairs sometimes. It was so frustrating and depressing
I know the set up may be different in the US, but I don’t know if you are able to get any anti-depressants or other medication to help you get thru this. I wouldn’t have coped without my key worker at the clinic, and the Doc, who would literally give me anything I wanted (a normal GP in this country would not do that)…it helped me sleep and helped with the symptoms’ a bit (although nothing stops them completely).
Yeah, I got the pains in my knees and other joints. Apparently, that is the subutex coming out of your bones! Its horrible, because there is not much you can do about it, but again, it will pass…it all passes. I promise….
Stay strong and let me know how you are doing once you read this….
Hanna x
Hanna ,
I am a complete mess. My son had a play at school this morning and I missed it. I couldn't pull myself together to go. All my bones are hurting and I can barely move. I feel so bad that I didn't make to his play. I have never missed any of my kids events. My daughter woke me up in the middle of the night cause I was screaming my husbands name and asking him to wake up. I am reliving the whole thing all over again. It seemed like it was really happening all over again. I'm doing my best to hang in there. I'm so exhausted and mentally drained. I ate a piece of banana bread and it just ran thru me. I'm going to try to get something for my nerves. I really think I need it. I'm going to tough this out if I can. I have too. I think this is day 5. I have lost track of the days. My mind is everywhere right now. I can't think straight. I hate so bad that my kids are seeing me this way. Here I go crying again. Lord please make this go away. I'm begging you please.
I'm having trouble typing so please forgive me if I'm not making any sense. I'm just trying to type what I'm experiencing.
Hanna you are my rock thru this and I thank you so much for being here for me. You are an angel.
My thoughts and prayers are with you Hanna.
God Bless ,
~ V ~
I am a complete mess. My son had a play at school this morning and I missed it. I couldn't pull myself together to go. All my bones are hurting and I can barely move. I feel so bad that I didn't make to his play. I have never missed any of my kids events. My daughter woke me up in the middle of the night cause I was screaming my husbands name and asking him to wake up. I am reliving the whole thing all over again. It seemed like it was really happening all over again. I'm doing my best to hang in there. I'm so exhausted and mentally drained. I ate a piece of banana bread and it just ran thru me. I'm going to try to get something for my nerves. I really think I need it. I'm going to tough this out if I can. I have too. I think this is day 5. I have lost track of the days. My mind is everywhere right now. I can't think straight. I hate so bad that my kids are seeing me this way. Here I go crying again. Lord please make this go away. I'm begging you please.
I'm having trouble typing so please forgive me if I'm not making any sense. I'm just trying to type what I'm experiencing.
Hanna you are my rock thru this and I thank you so much for being here for me. You are an angel.
My thoughts and prayers are with you Hanna.
God Bless ,
~ V ~
Be strong as you have been and remember your kids are the motivation for everything! Dont gove up talk to your dr about what your experiencing perhaps he can help.
It must not be easu going through this while coping with grief. All i can say which may not mean much you can get through this. Do you have a close girlfriend you can confide and get help from? Your mum? Looking bad i didnt think i would wake up or live to see another day.
The pain and emotions are hard but it goes hand in hand. Let me share a story.
My mum in law is addicted to opiods xanex and somas. She is 54 and has lost everything this yr. Her marriage her home her teeth she is a size double zero. She looks ill. Which she is. I dont wana be her age dependent on anything. She has had the gift of rebab half way houses five times! Each time she got out and relaspe. She didnt wana change and she still doesnt. I did. Hanna did. You want to change. You have tje will power even though it feels like we could give in and just go back to what we know will make us feel ok.
So be strong. Melatonin might help. And l-tryonsine.
Im sending positive thoughts your way. You are not alone even though your miles away.
It must not be easu going through this while coping with grief. All i can say which may not mean much you can get through this. Do you have a close girlfriend you can confide and get help from? Your mum? Looking bad i didnt think i would wake up or live to see another day.
The pain and emotions are hard but it goes hand in hand. Let me share a story.
My mum in law is addicted to opiods xanex and somas. She is 54 and has lost everything this yr. Her marriage her home her teeth she is a size double zero. She looks ill. Which she is. I dont wana be her age dependent on anything. She has had the gift of rebab half way houses five times! Each time she got out and relaspe. She didnt wana change and she still doesnt. I did. Hanna did. You want to change. You have tje will power even though it feels like we could give in and just go back to what we know will make us feel ok.
So be strong. Melatonin might help. And l-tryonsine.
Im sending positive thoughts your way. You are not alone even though your miles away.
Snowbunny ,
Thank you for sharing that story with me. That's heartbreaking. I will pray for her.
I talked to my doctor and he doesn't want me to be off the subutex. He said I needed to be on them long term because of my injuries. But I don't feel I need to be on them anymore. I will deal with the pain of my injuries the best I can. I really see now that the subutex has made me numb to life and that's not what I want. I want to live and be happy and free of all this. Needless to say he won't give me anything for the withdrawels.
I feel like this is never going to end. The crazy thing about all of this is I have a months worth of subutex left. But I want off this stuff so badly that I refuse to take any. I feel like jumping off a building and ending this nightmare. But I would never do that because of my kids and I want to see my husband on the other side when it's my time. And I know I wouldn't get to spend eternity with him and my kids. Cause I would be damned to hell for eternity. Also it's the cowards way out and I'm not a coward.
I'm just so exhausted and can't function. The emotional part of this is killing me. I really want to just go laydown on my husbands grave and stay there till this passes. I know that might sound crazy but that's what I want to do. But I have no one to watch or help with my kids. It's breaking my heart that their seeing their mommy this way. And I'm trying my best to be as normal as I can around them. But it's so very hard. The rls was very bad last night but I will gladly take that over the emotional part of this. I can't even drive and that's hard.
I'm on day 5 I think. I have lost count. I know everyone is different but I want to know if I'm going thru the roughest part or if its ahead of me.
Thank you Snowbunny for your help and support.
God Bless ,
~ V ~
Thank you for sharing that story with me. That's heartbreaking. I will pray for her.
I talked to my doctor and he doesn't want me to be off the subutex. He said I needed to be on them long term because of my injuries. But I don't feel I need to be on them anymore. I will deal with the pain of my injuries the best I can. I really see now that the subutex has made me numb to life and that's not what I want. I want to live and be happy and free of all this. Needless to say he won't give me anything for the withdrawels.
I feel like this is never going to end. The crazy thing about all of this is I have a months worth of subutex left. But I want off this stuff so badly that I refuse to take any. I feel like jumping off a building and ending this nightmare. But I would never do that because of my kids and I want to see my husband on the other side when it's my time. And I know I wouldn't get to spend eternity with him and my kids. Cause I would be damned to hell for eternity. Also it's the cowards way out and I'm not a coward.
I'm just so exhausted and can't function. The emotional part of this is killing me. I really want to just go laydown on my husbands grave and stay there till this passes. I know that might sound crazy but that's what I want to do. But I have no one to watch or help with my kids. It's breaking my heart that their seeing their mommy this way. And I'm trying my best to be as normal as I can around them. But it's so very hard. The rls was very bad last night but I will gladly take that over the emotional part of this. I can't even drive and that's hard.
I'm on day 5 I think. I have lost count. I know everyone is different but I want to know if I'm going thru the roughest part or if its ahead of me.
Thank you Snowbunny for your help and support.
God Bless ,
~ V ~
Vic
I know exactly what you mean i jave 32 films left. I guess i kept them just in case. But i didnt take them. I feel like after day 14 it got easier not better but easier. I read in this medical mag i get since i went to school for nursing that it takes 90 days to recover one hundred percent mentally and physically.
My cousin recently took his life on oct 18. I like to think he will be allowed in the golden gates because of his own personal relationship with god. But thats just me maybe i dont like to think of him being damned.
Be strong and keep positive. Pray for your husbands spirit to uplift yours. Im sending hugs your way.
I know exactly what you mean i jave 32 films left. I guess i kept them just in case. But i didnt take them. I feel like after day 14 it got easier not better but easier. I read in this medical mag i get since i went to school for nursing that it takes 90 days to recover one hundred percent mentally and physically.
My cousin recently took his life on oct 18. I like to think he will be allowed in the golden gates because of his own personal relationship with god. But thats just me maybe i dont like to think of him being damned.
Be strong and keep positive. Pray for your husbands spirit to uplift yours. Im sending hugs your way.
Snowbunny ,
I'm so sorry about your cousin. I'm sure he is in the golden gates now with God and he's watching over you.
Everyone that takes their life has their own reason and their own relationship with God. That does not mean they are damned to hell if they choose that path. My best friend took her own life last year. She was bipolar and had other issues and I believe that she's in heaven as well.
When I was saying that I would be damned to hell that's how I feel about myself if I chose that path because I would know it would be wrong for me to do it myself.
So please forgive me if I have upset you in anyway because that is not my intention. I was just speaking on how I feel.
Your in my prayers and I'm truly sorry for your loss.
God Bless You ,
~ V ~
I'm so sorry about your cousin. I'm sure he is in the golden gates now with God and he's watching over you.
Everyone that takes their life has their own reason and their own relationship with God. That does not mean they are damned to hell if they choose that path. My best friend took her own life last year. She was bipolar and had other issues and I believe that she's in heaven as well.
When I was saying that I would be damned to hell that's how I feel about myself if I chose that path because I would know it would be wrong for me to do it myself.
So please forgive me if I have upset you in anyway because that is not my intention. I was just speaking on how I feel.
Your in my prayers and I'm truly sorry for your loss.
God Bless You ,
~ V ~
No you did not upset me. I feel that no one should take their life. I just pray for him still and i pray god shows mercy. I promise you did not upset me. Just a touchy subject because it just happen.
Do you think if I took a couple tabs it would set me back ? My hips are hurting something awful. I still haven't slept and I think I'm severely dehydrated. I can't keep any solid or liquids down. I'm freezing cold. I have the heat as high as it will go and my kids are saying its too hot in the house. But I feel like I'm in a freezer box.
Thank you ,
~ V ~
Thank you ,
~ V ~
I'm seriously considering going to the emergency room. I feel like I'm dying literally. I don't know what to do anymore ? I'm so dehydrated and weak. I'm starting to have trouble breathing. My breathing is getting hard and labored. It's scaring me.
Please help me figure out what I need to do ?
Please help me figure out what I need to do ?
If you feel you need medical treatment then by all means the states are different from uk. Here they admit you to syke ward. But you need to put your health first.
oh god Vic...I just saw this...i posted a message yesterday, but it didnt seem to register on here
oh honey. I feel sooooo bad for you.....yes, just take some sub if u feel that terrible....
I will be totally honest with you- i ended up doing the same when i was at my worst....it was only a crumb but it eased it for a while...
I dont know how your emergency rooms work over there,,,,i dont think they will lock u up if its pyhsical pain you are going thru...
God, i wish i could do something for you....I will post again in a few hours....if you are still there let me know
oh honey. I feel sooooo bad for you.....yes, just take some sub if u feel that terrible....
I will be totally honest with you- i ended up doing the same when i was at my worst....it was only a crumb but it eased it for a while...
I dont know how your emergency rooms work over there,,,,i dont think they will lock u up if its pyhsical pain you are going thru...
God, i wish i could do something for you....I will post again in a few hours....if you are still there let me know
In terms of your breathing Vic, it could just be you are having a panic attack? if thats the case, it wont kill you and you wont stop breathing so dont worry too much...