I'm getting in on this discussion a bit late.
One thing that jumped out at me is that just because a kid is experimenting with sex at age 14,
it doesn't mean that he is going to be gay, or bi, or straight yet.
He's experimenting. He's finding out what he's comfortable with.
It may be that he's most comfortable with someone who is similar to himself, instead of those threatening gals.
Who knows?
I wouldn't jump to a solid conclusion that you've done anything wrong, nor that your son is set in his ways yet.
Yes, it was a surprising, shocking discovery. But the fact that he didn't do more to hide it, or take a precaution of locking the door tells me that your son isn't as grown up as you might think he is.
As others have said, you can still be there for him. Open to talk, to discuss your and his feelings. And, remember that it's hard for a kid to bring up something if they are already sure their parent(s) are going to be judgemental.
Sounds like you've got some issues with his mother also. That probably figures into this also.
Good luck.
Keep us informed, please.
One thing that jumped out at me is that just because a kid is experimenting with sex at age 14,
it doesn't mean that he is going to be gay, or bi, or straight yet.
He's experimenting. He's finding out what he's comfortable with.
It may be that he's most comfortable with someone who is similar to himself, instead of those threatening gals.
Who knows?
I wouldn't jump to a solid conclusion that you've done anything wrong, nor that your son is set in his ways yet.
Yes, it was a surprising, shocking discovery. But the fact that he didn't do more to hide it, or take a precaution of locking the door tells me that your son isn't as grown up as you might think he is.
As others have said, you can still be there for him. Open to talk, to discuss your and his feelings. And, remember that it's hard for a kid to bring up something if they are already sure their parent(s) are going to be judgemental.
Sounds like you've got some issues with his mother also. That probably figures into this also.
Good luck.
Keep us informed, please.
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I am 14 and gay and I know what your son probably feels like. When I first came out my parents were probably the last to know. The fact that he has someone who understands him and that they feel comfotable together is great. The fact that they are having sex at this age may be a little risky... Being gay is not a choice and you have had nothing to do with it, don't blame yourself or him (or his friend or his parents!). You shouldn't be angry because hes gay but maybe because of the sex and not telling you... I can guess why he didn't tell you though, just look at your reaction - you seem pretty bad with situations involving homosexuality. But don't worry, if you talk with him, and tell him you still love him and everything maybe he will feel more comfortable with you and tell you things. Don't make him feel bad! This could leave to depression, anxiety, or just him hating you!!! D:
I hope things work out and your son and his friend remain friends.
If you and your son are still uncomfortable maybe consider a therapist or consoling together? That is helpful in these situations...
Hope this helped!
I hope things work out and your son and his friend remain friends.
If you and your son are still uncomfortable maybe consider a therapist or consoling together? That is helpful in these situations...
Hope this helped!
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You have my sincere sympathy for what was obviously a huge shock to you. Nobody who has not been in the same position can probably offer you much real advice on coping with it personally. However, you clearly love your son and so perhaps at least you could focus calmly with him on the health issues involved, for instance the risks of the papilloma virus and throat cancer and internal damage elsewhere. Although his age probably means it may be hard for your son to see these matters logically and distinct from his emotional involvement it has to be something worth striving for. I do hope that life becomes easier for you if it has not already done so.
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hi i'm 16yro and i'm also gay you have to understand the struggles we go through everyday i'm sure it's not what you had in mind for your son but it's his choice his life etc you shouldn't think different of him because he prefers a male over a female in bed. it's honestly not that bad once you think about it but i can tell you right now my mom is happy for me and i'm happy with myself you should do the same for your son. if you show compassion for his sexuality and feel happy for him you two will have that father son bond for life. i know i'm only 16 but i know what your son is going through i just hope you take my advice i don't want you two to end up like me and my dad we don't even associate because of my sexuality and it hurts just be happy for him please as long as he's happy then he must be doing something right don't punish him for it.
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You are not a bad father, but you must open your mind to the situation. I am 21 years old, and am gay. My father still doesn't know, but that isn't because I don't trust him and that isn't because I don't feel he should know, it's more because I am so afraid of losing him. I don't know how he would react, even though I am sure of who I am.
Keep in mind that although your Son is having sex, he is still 14. His reaction is completely normal, especially considering his age and social group (Late MIddle School, early High School). Especially in boys, sex is occupying their thoughts every hour in their day. He was caught, and felt vulnerable and acted accordingly in that he felt all help was lost so it was easier to just explode than think logically and calmly. When it comes down to it, he is extremely embarrassed but doesn't want to admit it. If it helps, I had sex when I was 15, but I am graduating College with High Honors in three weeks and have three job offers waiting for my reply. You are a good father, and your son is acting absolutely normal. Listen to him, give him time a space, and I promise you he will come around. Being Gay doesn't cause problems, doesn't become an issue; it is hard, but only as hard as one allows it to be. I hope this helps.
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Hey
I was in a similar situation however my mom nor my dad found me having sex with my gf they found out i was a lesbian a couple of moths back. They didnt like it and they thought they had done something mayjorly wrong something that made me be like this but it wasnt them it was me. Its hard to explain but for 3 years i kept my sexuality a secret from my parents always pretending to be what they wanted me to be. They wanted grandchildren and they wanted to see me be happy. I have never wanted children and nor did my gf so i felt i had let them down howver my happiness meant more to them when i finnaly told them
My mom, Her partner and his sister found out after looking at some files on my laptop that were pretty disturbing. Then they all went through my stuff messed up my whole room not leaving a bit unterned. We all spoke about this and i was so unhappy i was sure my mom & dad were going to hate me but they didnt. None of us spoke to each other for weeks.
My parents still make the mistake of asuming i will turn straight. They are always talking about actors i liked when i was pretending for them ^^ Dont make that mistake because it makes me feel awful because i know that i have let them down. Dont just act like he is straight. Your son needs to know your there for him then he will tell you stuff, However he is at that time in his life where he wont want to tell you anything
Hope this helps :)
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That's a great post Bella and I'm sorry for what they did to you. I think that's inexcusable and you shouldn't feel you let them down. I believe a person feels the way do just because that's the way they are and you can't change it by going away to "straight camp".
If that's you in the picture, what are driving?
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Man, don't worry, maybe there still is a posibility that he is straight, i know u probably now feel uncomfortable talking to him about this but you have to know your the father, anyways I have a cousin who is 15 at the time, but at age 14 he was the same as you'rs except he really thought he was gay, he liked every thing oral, anal, whatever homo's doRs, but in the long run, he was all along bicurious! He wasn't sure if he was gay or straight, but I started to go out with him and stuff,( were the same age, and im a male too) because i knew that he wasnt gay, so i took him to manly places, since i live in a border town to Mexico, in Mexico teens can easily enter a gentlemens club, so I took him inside and we had enough money for a you know, and he liked it he said it was better than a boys thing and but hole, jajaja, anyways sorry, but yea, maybe it is that he just isn't having much luck with the ladies, he's probably insecure about opening up to a woman, or he maybe needs to know how to get to a girl! ***this post is edited by moderator *** ***
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"I just don't know what happened.No where in hell wdid i ever think that my son could be going through this.I don't want my son to go through the process of homosexuality.I had so many ambitions for him, everyday i would wake up and think of more ways to do things with him, but i don't see it happening if soceity and close relatives look at him like an animal trapped in a cage"
Excuse me? It is 2012. Noone is going to lock him in a cage for being gay. He can still be successful, why cant you have ambitions for him anymore? if anything these challenges will make him stronger. and now you should have even more ambitions because it is PROVEN gay males are more intellectual while straight men tend to be more into aggressive hobbies.
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it ok that's is having fun..but your son if a gay is gay if not is a boy...that happened that time..is was a fun...
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Would you have been so upset if he had been with a girl? Maybe you need to look at your prejudice. Your son is gay. If you react like a Republican presidential candidate you will ruin his life and screw him up good. Get out from the fear. Consider yourself lucky to have a gay son, if that is what he is.
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I know it's hard, but just let him live his life. He didn't tell you cause he knew you would freak out. If you just don't say anything about it and let h live his life, he would be happy. It may be hard to grasp the concept, but you really can't do anything about it... It isn't your fault, trust me, but it's just how he wishes to live. You may not want him to do certain things, but it is his life. So I just recommend that even though he may not turn out like you want him to be, he's still your son. Just love him to pieces and don't stress out over it. You did nothing to influence it, it just comes by itself. Just love him and don't discuss the topic. Even though you want him to be one way, let him live HIS li, not you control it. I hope you follow this and try to work things out if you don't follow this guide.
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Boys will be boys didn't you experiment when you were a teenager. If you didn't you should comfort your son and maybe you and he can do some nude bonding maybe including his friend.
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There is nothing your son is doing that is wrong or even disgusting. He is exploring, has sexual desires, has a good friend. Sometimes these things come together. He might be gay, he might prove to be bi, or he might just prove to be straight like you seem to be. Whats the problem with this.
The sex of the person is not the problem, its your reaction that is the problem.
Just leave it be and both of you will be happy. He is not trying to humiliate you, punish you or hurt you. Thankfully he has told you the truth that he enjoys having a little fun with his friend. Live with it
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