tocophobia: fear of pregnancy or childbirth

I'm not sure where your from, I'm from England, and I know that our nhs don't normally take tocophobia as a reason to plan a c section its normally a medical reason. hmmmm. I can't see why they don't include tocophobia!! anyway you can get it done privatly over here, the cheapest way is to have the anti natel care on the nhs and have the c-section done privatly.

I have had an overpowering fear of becoming pregnant for 3 years now.
My solution-- I will not have sex anymore.
I have never been pregnant. But I have probably taken more pregnancy tests (always negative) in my life than anyone else in the world.
I used to have an IUD and used condoms every time I had sex as well. I chart my cycles.
Still, the paranoia has been intense.
I have made the decision to remain celibate.
It's the best answer for me.
Any phobia is illogical, and we all know that.
This fear is BEYOND not wanting kids. I AM childfree, but my paranoia is above and beyond merely not wanting children.

I know exactly how everyone of you feels. When I was younger even when my boyfriend had a boner around me I was petrified I would get pregnant through my jeans! It sounds crazy but I just do not want to have a child. I have taken enough pregnancy tests I could buy stock in them. I have been on b.c. for three months and my ex didn't use a condom and now I have thought I was pregnant for a steady month. Every test I take is negative, and I had my period about two weeks ago. I went ot the doc today and I was describing him the symptoms I was feeling (not mentioning anything about pregnancy conidering the test i took three days ago was negative) and he took a blood test to see if i was pregnant because I had multiple symptoms of being preggers. I have been a wreck all day and the stress is making everything worse. I cannot wait to get the phone call tomorrow to see if I am or not. If I am not I really need to talk with my therapist about this one haha. Stay strong everyone suffering with this. It is so stressful! Sex is supposed to be enjoyed, not feared! I love sex, but even two methods of birth control don'd have me convinced i am safe. When I leave for college in the fall I better become celebate!

I think you obviously don't have a phobia or fear of pregnancy so you wouldn't understand. I not only fear becoming pregnant (and as someone else said, use condoms AND birth control, and still am worried every month that I'll have to abort a living thing from my body) but the idea actually makes me sick. Even seeing other people pregnant makes me sick. I don't know why pregnant women feel the need to share every new bodily revelation...and its not even the FEAR that is the worst part. It's everyone around me since I was 12 telling me "EVERY WOMAN wants to have a baby" "ONE DAY you'll change your mind"...Its like it is socially unacceptable for me to make the mature decision not to have a child, when young women are cavalier about popping out babies on prom night. I just don't see how my decision to not participate in this makes me less of a woman, yet many people around me have and continue to make me feel that way. Also as some people have said, they have parallel fears that make them not want to experience childbirth (i.e. fear of needles, invasive exams, doctors etc) and I also have all of these fears. I had to get my tonsils out in January and it was one of the most anxiety ridden, upsetting experiences I've ever had. The thought that women WILLINGLY submit their body to be poked and prodded and cut, just boggles my mind. And they all say "oh but then you have a beautiful miracle to bring home"...that is no consolation prize to me!



I also don't think, since you don't experience the fear so many people have described, that you can speak on behalf of "we": I don't think women that don't want to have children are sick, but I also do not think you have the knowledge to back up your claim that this phobia is utter b******t. That's just another way that you're making people who have this fear or problem feel worse about it.

I wouldn't say I have a fear of being pregnant per se. When I consider how I would feel having a child growing inside of me, it doesn't really bother me either way. I have also had minor contractions before due to problems with periods, so I know the pain would probably just make me faint eventually and they would give me a C-section. Plus, my body is already totally wrecked where I was overweight as a child/teenager and then lost the weight as an adult. So none of those bother me.

I think the main problem is the loss of control. Doctors in my experience do not give a c**p about your rights over your body. I have been held down during blood tests when I had made it extremely clear I was not giving consent for them to take blood. Did that stop them? Hell no! I also do not trust doctors due to being given the wrong medication several times. Perhaps it is just the UK, but I would never willingly put myself in the hands of the medical industry ever again!

If I HAD to have a child then I would have to travel abroad somewhere remote and take my chances with a natural birth (kneeling or standing - why the hell do they make you lie down!?) and without any ridiculous needle tests that put way too much stress on the mother (and therefore the unborn child). I also do not agree with most of the innoculations they insist on giving young babies/children, so I would have to stay abroad for a while.

Then there is the fact that our society is in serious decline where I am from. If I fear for my own life and freedom, then I certainly wouldn't choose to bring a dependant child into this world! And that's if I could afford it in the first place. Right now I am in my mid-twenties and cannot support myself (due to student debts and a low paid job), let alone a child. My partner and I cannot afford to live alone as a couple right now, so bringing a baby into the picture simply isn't an option. Right now I'm not sure if it will ever be. By the looks of it, unless I win the lottery I will be in my late 30s before I can seriously consider starting a family. I hate what the governments have done to our society!

I feel that same kind of terror, actually. And I'm in my early 30s, married, and very stable financially.

I have terrible nightmares of being pregnant suddenly...magically...without having done anything. And I'm always terrified and freaking out.

Even though my husband and I are -very- careful in every possible way, the idea still haunts me after a particularly amorous rendezvous.

~Lady Tam~

I am glad to finally know that I am not alone. I guess it's better knowing that it's a phobia and I'm not just a horrible person. I can't even look at a pregnant belly without feeling squeemish and shuddering. I have to turn my head away. Any talk about what women experience while pregnant makes me feel sick and gives me anxiety. It's just gross. I fear that if I ever got pregnant I would have to have an abortion just because the idea of something growing inside me just gross. Like some parasite. I don't see pregnancy as a beautiful thing and I don't see why a woman would want to go through all that pain. I've also recently discovered I have pedophobia, so I have a fear of infants and children. So this doesn't help me much. I'm really not sure what caused all this as I have never been pregnant or even had any siblings to know what being around a baby is like, but I avoid like crazy anyone, even family members when they have their kids around and especially if they're pregnant. It would help if I knew the underlying cause of all this, but the fear and aversion of the whole pregnancy and children thing makes me not even want to solve the problem because it's so great. Seeing pictures online makes me feel sick. Not sure what to do, but it's comforting in some small way to know it's all due to a phobia.

I don't really have the phobia of being pregnant as much as I have a fear of pregnant bellies. I guess they go hand in hand, but I don't freak out and think I am pregnant all the time. I do however, feel like I am having an allergic reation if a woman that is pregnant comes near me or touches me. I litterally will get very hot, my throat feels like it is closing and I can't breathe and feel like I am gonna throw up and on occasion I have. As far as I can remember I have felt this way, but has only gotten worse as I have gotten older. I didn't even hug my sister nor come within 15 to 20 feet of her while she was pregnant each time with her 3 children. I think it started when The movie "Space Balls" came out. I was young and was watching it and ther eis this scene where "they" are in a diner and a guy eats something and then all of a sudden something starts pushing out of his stomach and its a little monster... Granted it hops on the counter and starts singing, but It freaked me out royally. A few years later, my mom was pregnant with my younger sister and she forced me to "talk to her" to make a connection or something weird. She had asked me to put my head on her belly to see if I could hear her and my sister kicked me in my ear. I have never gone near a pregnant belly since. I just remember running and crying and being so freaked out! I feel like that whatever is in "there" is gonna tear through and jump at my neck. Thankfully I have an awesome husband who is totally ok with not having kids so I won't have to feel even more miserable during a pregnancy. I'm 25 years old now, and I have lived with it this long, I doubt that there is any kind of support or therapy that can help me now. Also I'm sure that this story wan not helpful in the least. I just thought I'd share.

I really thought I was crazy until I read these. I am 23 and I also have generalized anxiety disorder. My father passed away when I was 15, then I found out he was having an affair on my mom, then she became disabled. I've been caring for people all my life and given sooo much up to do it. In the process I have developed a fear of everything! I am terribly nervous to go to the doctor for even little things such as a sinus infection or allergies, so much that my blood pressure sky rockets, and by the time the doctor comes in the room I am in tears and shaking horribly. I convince myself of 2 things, that I have cancer like my father had, and that I am pregnant. Like the first girl, I always think I'm pregnant. I am terrified of the ob-gyn, it took a huge prego scare to get me to finally see one, and it took till I was 22 to go and get the pill. Every month I panic that I am prego, to the extent that I can't sleep, won't eat for an entire week because I am anticipating morning sickness, get extremely moody and a complete bi*** because I can only think about one thing and it is litteraly driving me insane. I am on the pill for over a year and still panic, I can not have sex all month and still panic, I get my period and then feel relieved, but then it will pop back up in my head that you can have your period and still be prego and then it just continues...Even though I am on the pill my boobs will still hurt for awhile about a week and a half into my pill pack. That just makes it worse because its a symptom of pregnancy so I find myself pushing them to see exactly how much they hurt which just makes it worse and worse. I don't know why I have such a fear, I've been like this for as long as I can remember. I've never been around babies and it sounds horrible but I don't know how everyone is so goo goo ga ga over them. I have a friend who can't get pregnant and eats herself alive over it every single day and I feel horrible because I would give just about everything each month for my period to come. I've sat there taking test after test to make sure it's negative every month, and each time I take one I feel as if my whole body is in flames from the nerves. I want it to desperately go away but it won't and it's driving me insane.

I have been having this problem since I was very little. I am now 17 and the phobia and anxiety of becoming pregnant have only gotten worse. In addition to this I have many other phobias and I'm diagnosed with bipolar disorder. But I also have a very self destructive behavior. Which is a real problem when it comes to my tocophobia.  

hi jellymelly,
I don't know you at all, but it sounds like to me you have some guilt issues around your decision that you need to deal with. I can't imagine what you've gone through, however all of the sensations that you are experiencing seem to be related to what happened when you were 15. I think it would help if you spoke to someone about it, more like a professional therapist (not a GP, they will try to medicalize it).

best wishes! you did nothing wrong!

good for you!

i am glad i found this thread. i am absoltely terrified of pregnancy and especially childbirth. i know this is an old thread but maybe someone will read it. i think my fear stems from the miracle of life video they showed me when i was 13. i knew before that childbirth hurt but didnt realize it caused one to scream and thrash around. ive compiled a list of the things i fear the most. note that needles and hospitals do not scare me its just the other twenty thousand things that do.        1. fear of vomiting therefore the morning sickness aspect aint gonna work out for me    2. not being able to smoke for nine months. i know smoking is bad but its my one comfort in life     3. having something growing inside of me     4. stretch marks     5. getting fat ive always been 5 2 110 lbs 6. ive always heard the last trimester just plain sucks  7. being spread eagle in front of a bunch of strangers and God forbid somethings wrong with the baby and they have to bring the entire neonatal team in there to watch me give birth   8. having a man deliver my baby   9. tearing from my vagina to my anus or tearing at all   10. having stitches down there   11. losing my composure and screaming during labor    12. the pain of contractions   13. the burning of the baby coming out of my vagina   14. having an emergency c section 15. urinary and bowel incontinence  16. pooping while pushing   17. losing my ability to have an orgasm or even enjoy sex   18 my vagina feeling like a hotdog is being thrown down a hallway to my husband   19 saggy boobs  20. pain while breastfeeding   21. postpartum depression which runs in my family       i know this list must seem vain and irrational to most but these fears are real to me. the reasons im 25 and still childless and not planning on having a baby anytime soon. the thing i think i fear the most is having my vagina out for everyone to see. my husband has not even seen it thats how modest i am. i cant even imagine a room full of strangers of god forbid a man. why are women the ones who have to do this? there is nothing a man has to do ever that even comes close to the pain and humiliation wd have to go through for this. not even a prostate exam. 

Forgot to add:
22. Forceps
23. Pitocin and being induced
24. Just being pregnant and not my usual self for nine whole months
25. The epidural wearing off and feeling all that pain at the end.


I also get annoyed by all these evangelical self called superwomen who look down on anybody like me who are terrified and want something for pain during the delivery. You know the ones. "Well I delivered my 10 lb 15 oz baby all natural with no pain relief and you're an evil demon for wanting an ep" well goody freaking two shoes for you. Im not you and im not superwoman. I will take my ep and my sleepy baby and rest in painless peace (literally not figuratively) and have my baby without feeling like my vagina is going to rip in half and fall off. So there.

I'm really glad I found this thread as well. I think it's important to realize that everyone feels the way they do for different reasons. I relate more to the person who started the thread, who says she is always scared that she could be pregnant.
I've always had hypochondriac tendencies and a lot of problems with anxiety when it comes to my health. I've always needed to have control over myself and my body, and while I am 20 yrs old I hadn't had sex until 2 months ago. I am on birth control (had not missed any pills) and a condom was used two of the three times (separate nights). I know there was no ejaculation until later on, after penetration. But i was immediately panicking. This was right after my period and I had to wait around 3 weeks until my next one was due. I kept this fear to myself, because I did know it was kind of irrational, and I even stopped seeing the guy altogther. Looking back, my anxiety about sex and pregnancy was probably a huge part of this decision.
Anyway, I did end up getting my period, right on time and just as heavy as usual. I was relieved for a couple weeks but then I began worrying again, as I have read that some women have what they think are periods and end up finding out they are like 5 months pregnant! I even got my next period, still on time and normal. I havent had any symptoms of pregnancy, if anything I've lost weight. I haven't taken any pregnancy tests, because I really have no reason to still think I could be pregnant, and buying/taking a pregnancy test would bring me out of this world anxiety.
It blows my mind that some of us feel this way while others seem not to care at all. Some of my friends are so careless about sex, not using protection at all and never seem to get scared, while I am on birth control, haven't missed a period and haven't had sex in two months. But somehow I can't stop worrying about the possibility of pregnancy at my age and with my lifestyle. I can't see myself having sex again for a very long time. I know that will affect my relationships but I'm not sure if/how that will change.