Oh my god, thank you so much for this thread!! I know that it's kind of old, but seriously, this is in a small way, kind of a relief. I don't have a fear of childbirth, because I know I'd never get that far. But pregnancy...I have chosen to be child free, and have no qualms with that decision, with or without my phobia. But my phobia of pregnancy I feel is something all together separate. I haven't had vaginal sex in over a year, yet if I'm bloated at all my first thought is "I could be..maybe..." Or my boobs are slightly sore, or my lower back is achey, etc. It's insane! You just hear all those stories about these women who had no idea they were pregnant until they were in labor all of a sudden. I'm on BC, always used a condom, and I know what my plan of action would be should I be that 1/100 but...I seriously cannot get the thought out of my head. I've never missed a period, ever, but even when it comes I still think 'well some women say they got their periods...' And my anxiety increases! I want to enjoy sex, but my anxiety prevents it and even with BC + condom, afterwards I am a wreck because I can't stop thinking of the possibility and it is absolute torture on my nerves and my sex life. Even if I take a test, or even if I go to the ob-gyn and she gives me a test, I still cannot remove the thought from the back of my mind. I never feel safe enough. I really want to get my tubes tied, but I'm only 21 and no one will do it at my age, which means I'll have to suffer for the next decade. I don't know what to do, because I really have nothing to fear on all logical levels, I know that I would handle it immediately and that's that, but I can't find a way to prevent this constant fear and anxiety. I have gal friends who use BC and are extremely sexually active with no problems, and I envy them, but can't help but think that somehow I would end up being that fraction of a percent who gets screwed over and becomes pregnant. In my mind, that and cancer would be the worst things that could ever happen to me, even though pregnancy can be handled. I feel like such a crazy person, and I don't really tell people about the extent of my phobia because I know they'll think I'm crazy, which I definitely feel like! I just don't know how to handle it. I'm considering talking to a therapist or something, because I want to be able to enjoy sex and be worry-free until there actually IS something to worry about, not getting hyped over nothing. Seriously, thanks so much for this thread, I can't tell you how comforting it is to feel like I'm not a lunatic and there are others dealing with this too!
I see that you posted this over a year ago and was wandering how you are doing and if you are happy that you had the baby? I suffer from the same fears and any help that you can give would be appreciated!
i developed this fear when i was around 12 and learned about the virgin mother mary. T_T I kept thinking maybe i was next. When I was 15 my mom told me her friend got pregnant without having sex (just taking a shower with her boyfriend). i think my mom meant making out naked in the shower, but she didnt care to go into details. then i learned freshman year of college a guy was being raped in his sleep by his roommate and he didnt even know until he went to the doctor with pain and the doctor asked if he was having anal sex.
i went off the pill since im not active...2 months since quitting and no period. i got so freaked out i caught sick...i thought maybe i got pregnant from making out (once a few months ago), or from being taken advantage of in my sleep.
i bought my first pregnancy test (i used to rely on the pill to give me my period every month so i didnt worry...)...it was negative. im so relieved. i have one more test just to be certain.
now im sick with a cold from the stress...i was unable to sleep until 6 am for two weeks...eating due to stress...gained weight from overeating and thought maybe it was a baby. T_T
i actually like kids, but just dont want my own. i would like to sponsor and act as an "older sister" to kids in need. i dont want the responsibility of my own though...i also have a fear of getting an abortion. despite never having been pregnant, ive researched abortions and ways to bring on miscarriage more than id like to say...sad to say, i often try and induce miscarriage although i dont even have sex. T_T
anxiety disorders DO run in my family, although im not usually anxious...its really pregnancy that freaks me out. im 22 and still like this. T_T maybe ill just get sterilized when im older. i would like to get married one day so i know sex is expected...
i went off the pill since im not active...2 months since quitting and no period. i got so freaked out i caught sick...i thought maybe i got pregnant from making out (once a few months ago), or from being taken advantage of in my sleep.
i bought my first pregnancy test (i used to rely on the pill to give me my period every month so i didnt worry...)...it was negative. im so relieved. i have one more test just to be certain.
now im sick with a cold from the stress...i was unable to sleep until 6 am for two weeks...eating due to stress...gained weight from overeating and thought maybe it was a baby. T_T
i actually like kids, but just dont want my own. i would like to sponsor and act as an "older sister" to kids in need. i dont want the responsibility of my own though...i also have a fear of getting an abortion. despite never having been pregnant, ive researched abortions and ways to bring on miscarriage more than id like to say...sad to say, i often try and induce miscarriage although i dont even have sex. T_T
anxiety disorders DO run in my family, although im not usually anxious...its really pregnancy that freaks me out. im 22 and still like this. T_T maybe ill just get sterilized when im older. i would like to get married one day so i know sex is expected...
Thank you for being so frank. I really got the sense, i think, of what it was like, what it IS, like for you with your irrational thoughts of pregnancy. I think i can identify. I am 41, no children, not particularly maternal, but now desire to love a little person and watch them grow up and be there for them. Spouse & I are trying for one. Was NOT prepared for the anxiety component i am having, cannot understand how much i want a little person that IS both of us, but being supremely TERRIFIED of bringing it to actualization. It makes NO SENSE. Near as i can tell, vanity plays a role (i don't want to become misshapen), and i don't want to die during childbirth, an IUD placement 4 yrs ago was traumatic, i had to be given Atropine to bring my heart rate and BP back up. I dreaded the day it was removed, but i lived through it, and really it wasn't as bad as the placement. Maybe if ppl spoke more of these feelings it wouldn't seem so freakish or unusual. Thanks for your sharing.
My Ahh Ha moment....the anxiety is worse than the actual pregnancy. You are absolutely right. Thank you for making me realise this. I never thought of it in that exact term but it is very true to my situation.
I also have this fear, just not to the extreme of some on here. When I see a baby I don't feel the need to stand there and get all googly eyed over it. It's a baby big whoop. I barely glance and keep going. When my friends are prego I pretend I'm interested when I'm really not. My main fear is the birth and some of the pregnancy. I don't like the idea of something growing inside of me. I hate needles and the thought of everyone being in the room watching terrifies me. My husband wants kids. When we talk about trying I get so freaked I start to sweat and feel like I am going to get sick. I don't like the thought of having something that just lays there and does nothing but cry and poop for months on end. I go every month thinking I am prego and take a test about every month to make sure. I do want a kid cuz I enjoy them when they start running around so about 2 years. The thought of having kids sends my heart racing and I want to escape into a room and cry. My husband doesn't know my fear, I just don't open up about things to people I care a lot about. Mainly because it's my problem not anyone else's. But I promised him that we would start trying later in the year, I hope I stick to it and don't get too freaked out. I am glad I found this post it has helped knowing that some women had kids with this fear and faired pretty well.
Im releived to have found this and be able to relate to other women's stories. I'v despised babies and pregnancy since i can remember.
i was an only child untill i was 8 years old and when my mom got pregnant, i fealt such an intense hate for her. I was used to being the center of attention and the thought of having to share that made me so angry. When my sister was born i hated the sight, smell and sound of the baby and no one bothered to understand me nor pay attention to how i felt.
I always igored all of my siblings (my mom had three boys after my sister) i was never part of the family and was always looked down on because of my hate for small children.
When i turned 18 i got pregnant. The first 3 months i didnt even know because i had zero stomach (i am very thin, 5'6 110lbs)
Once i realized that my periods were too light to be normal, i took a pregnancy test and it was positive.
I felt an intense anger, disgust and hate within myself and wanted an abortion. I talked to my BF about it who i had been dating for 3 years and he reluctantly agreed to it.
I tried to find $$ for it but i only had a part time job and my BF was unemployed, these things only fueled me more to get rid of it.
I eventually had to tell my grandmother who was the one who raised me, my mom abandoned me when i was 13.
She took me to an abortion clinic and agreed to pay for it.
We didnt know how many weeks i had so i got a full exam which revealed that i was 4 1/2 months pregnant and couldent get an abortion.
I wanted to die, i fell into an insane depression and began to self mutilate by beating my stomach in a rage.
I stopped eating and began failing university. Nothing made me happy and all i could think about was the horrible thing growing inside me and what awaited me at the end of the 9 months.
Everyone wanted me to give it for adoption, but the thought of watching myself swell like a horrid balloon and feeling the movement inside me made me noxious.
I began inserting hangars inside my cervix and taking whole bottles of painkillers. Slowly i fell into insanity and what made me even angrier was that no one did anything about it, my BF avoided me at all costs, my grandmother would give me annoying lectures, my mom was freaking out, and my freinds only gave me false comforts.
I never felt so alone in my life.
At 5 months I had an instant miscarriage at my house when i was home alone, i looked at the fetus in disgust and flushed it down the toilet.
I felt an instant relief, like a giant weight being lifted from my chest and mind.
Everyone in my family freaked out and my BF didnt speak to me for two weeks.
I had severe depression for over a year after what happened, eventhough my BF forgave me, i still felt alone.
To this day i dont regret what i did, but i still get chilling memories of that year and what happened only deepened my repulsion of children and pregnency.
I dont speak about what happened to ANYONE, it became a taboo.
I have only been able to share this story anonymously online
I never got therapy and im hoping i can when i finally move back to the U.S (Puerto Rico has horrible healthcare and no one cares about the crazies here)
i was an only child untill i was 8 years old and when my mom got pregnant, i fealt such an intense hate for her. I was used to being the center of attention and the thought of having to share that made me so angry. When my sister was born i hated the sight, smell and sound of the baby and no one bothered to understand me nor pay attention to how i felt.
I always igored all of my siblings (my mom had three boys after my sister) i was never part of the family and was always looked down on because of my hate for small children.
When i turned 18 i got pregnant. The first 3 months i didnt even know because i had zero stomach (i am very thin, 5'6 110lbs)
Once i realized that my periods were too light to be normal, i took a pregnancy test and it was positive.
I felt an intense anger, disgust and hate within myself and wanted an abortion. I talked to my BF about it who i had been dating for 3 years and he reluctantly agreed to it.
I tried to find $$ for it but i only had a part time job and my BF was unemployed, these things only fueled me more to get rid of it.
I eventually had to tell my grandmother who was the one who raised me, my mom abandoned me when i was 13.
She took me to an abortion clinic and agreed to pay for it.
We didnt know how many weeks i had so i got a full exam which revealed that i was 4 1/2 months pregnant and couldent get an abortion.
I wanted to die, i fell into an insane depression and began to self mutilate by beating my stomach in a rage.
I stopped eating and began failing university. Nothing made me happy and all i could think about was the horrible thing growing inside me and what awaited me at the end of the 9 months.
Everyone wanted me to give it for adoption, but the thought of watching myself swell like a horrid balloon and feeling the movement inside me made me noxious.
I began inserting hangars inside my cervix and taking whole bottles of painkillers. Slowly i fell into insanity and what made me even angrier was that no one did anything about it, my BF avoided me at all costs, my grandmother would give me annoying lectures, my mom was freaking out, and my freinds only gave me false comforts.
I never felt so alone in my life.
At 5 months I had an instant miscarriage at my house when i was home alone, i looked at the fetus in disgust and flushed it down the toilet.
I felt an instant relief, like a giant weight being lifted from my chest and mind.
Everyone in my family freaked out and my BF didnt speak to me for two weeks.
I had severe depression for over a year after what happened, eventhough my BF forgave me, i still felt alone.
To this day i dont regret what i did, but i still get chilling memories of that year and what happened only deepened my repulsion of children and pregnency.
I dont speak about what happened to ANYONE, it became a taboo.
I have only been able to share this story anonymously online
I never got therapy and im hoping i can when i finally move back to the U.S (Puerto Rico has horrible healthcare and no one cares about the crazies here)
I'm exactly the same way... It's horrible and I'm 20 at uni. Really don't need this stress but it's strong at the moment
I dont ever want kids so i have never had sex because im scared of accidently getting preggos, btw i am 30 years old!
Like many of you, I am disgusted and repulsed by pregnancy and childbirth, and I also fear it. I have several medical conditions that mean I probably would not survive a pregnancy, and I absolutely cannot go off my medication "for the fetus's sake." I'm also too small to give birth safely. I fear constantly that Roe V. Wade will be overturned and I will lose my right to have a legal abortion. I have no maternal instincts and I hate being around children. I also don't enjoy P-in-V intercourse, and dread going to the gynecologist because the exams hurt and the doctors never respect my choice to abstain from intercourse, pregnancy, and hormonal birth control. Also, I had a couple abnormal PAPs in my mid-20s, and the doctors treated me like c**p and s***-shamed me.
Though it's a minority point of view within my age cohort, I feel safer abstaining from intercourse because it reduces my chances of pregnancy and disease. I am bisexual, and my husband and I both sleep with women outside the marriage, which is an awesome arrangement because we can both get our needs met. The double-talk regarding people's sex lives in America angers me too. We're supposed to keep kids in the dark about safe sex and preach "abstinence only," but when you're in your 30s and thoroughly enjoy all types of sex besides intercourse, they call you a freak and insist you'll change your mind, or that there's something wrong with you.
There's nothing wrong with wishing to abstain from activities that hurt. Just like I don't smoke crack or cut myself with knives because it would hurt, I don't have P-in-V or wish to get pregnant because I hate unnecessary pain. Menstruation is bad enough. I doubt there will be a non-hormonal way to control it in my lifetime though, so I'll just have to deal with it. Thankfully, Germany invented opiates.
It's to the point where I've stopped befriending new people because where I live, it seems like most of them want to reproduce, and I'm too old and too tired to pretend I am happy for their pregnancies or coo over their infants who truthfully make me want to run screaming with my fingers in my ears. Many people are either pro-life, which makes me want to scream, or run that same BS trip on me, that I'll "change my mind someday." Because I live in a small midewestern town, it's hard to escape people who want a white picket fence, a "God-fearing marriage," and 2.5 kids like you see on TV. Even liberal, childfree men and women around here grate on my nerves, because they expect you to act remorseful and emotionally exhausted after choosing abortion. Their apologetic rhetoric is why the Left is losing ground on Roe and why my abortion rights are being chipped away month by month. Our kind of people are in bigger cities and my husband and I are seriously considering moving to a place like Chicago or Los Angeles where we can be ourselves and meet more like-minded souls. There is a "Gay Shame" movement in larger cities that encourages people who don't want "traditional lifestyles" to own that and be proud of who we are, and that, not the gay assimilationist movement, is where I'd fit best.
When I was younger, I induced my own miscarriage several times by drinking to excess and dancing really hard. It sucked, but it was empowering to know I could do it if need be. I'm interested in learning the menstrual extraction technique that women were using to induce very early stage abortions prior to Roe v. Wade. I still think it's BS that I have to live in fear of my abortion rights being taken away because America has turned into a far right-wing theocracy. With all the tax money I'm paying to support the rich, you'd think they'd grand me the sliver of bodily autonomy, but that's not how it works out here in America, the so-called "land of the free."
It's astonishing to me how many women fear pregnancy, and I think the Religious Right knows that. That's why they're trying to take our right to opt out of pregnancy away from us. They view pregnancy as "just punishment" for women daring to find fulfillment in anything outside of housework and raising children, and they like the idea of keeping competition down by keeping us out of the workforce besides. I used to be tolerant of different religions, but I no longer tolerate people who follow faiths that subjugate women and enable child abuse. I don't like children, but religions like strict Catholicism and Orthodox Judaism that look the other way while young boys are sexually abused make me sick. You know a faith has gotten out of control when its leaders shame abused children into keeping quiet and treat THEM like the criminals for opening up about the abuse they experienced.
I agree with the Right that the diversity experiment has failed, but where I disagree with them is on why. They blame women, blacks, Hispanics, the gay and lesbian community, transgender people, queers like me, and atheists. I frown on "tolerance" these days because a misguided emphasis on "all beliefs being equal" empowered the Religious Right to begin systemically eliminating the Constitution and replacing it with Biblical Sharia law while they join the Democrats in persecuting American Muslims without a fair jury trial. I'm a bigot nowadays, and I freely admit that – it is a natural response to a country where half its members want control of my body and life. I live in a country where my right to live my own life as I see fit is constantly under attack, so I will no longer tolerate or keep the company of anyone who propagates that view.
I am absolutely, irrationally, utterly afraid of being pregnant and childbirth. I cant even think about it without having mild to severe panic attacks. I wanna have kids one day, but to think of something tearing out of somethin that small... or even growing inside something... One of my main fears about it it post-partum depression/anxiety. What if I end up not wanting the baby? What if who-ever got me knocked up isnt supportive enough? What if something goes wrong or if Im too weak to do it? Gahhh. I cant even finish this comment lol frikkin hell
Hi , I am 32 and its 3 year i got married. my husband love to have a baby, but i fear and even i hate to have a child.
i dont know what i have to do. as i read ur topics there was just explaination of everybody , no solution to get over of this problem, i mean to cure tocofobia .
i dont know what i have to do. as i read ur topics there was just explaination of everybody , no solution to get over of this problem, i mean to cure tocofobia .
What you just described is murder.
I feel the same way. I thought I was alone in this "phobia". Every month, I worry that I am pregnant. I've never had sex with my boyfriend of two years and he is getting frustrated, but I am so deathly afraid of getting pregnant and I don't want to have sex with him. We manually and orally satisfy each other and I constantly worry that he got some on his hand and got me pregnant. I know this sounds crazy and this phobia is starting to affect my entire life. I can't focus and I always wait for my period to come. I'm terrified right now because I haven't gotten my period. I'm supposed to start today and I haven't started. My breasts hurt, which is normal before my period. I'm just so terrified. I think I need therapy. Does anyone have any advice?
When I was 21 I got pregnant and my bf at the time tried to convince me otherwise despite common symptoms. Thankfully I pushed and found out just edited it was too late and I aborted. 2 years later I had no symptoms and found out too late at 6 months. I gave birth with the help of surgery and gave the child to a couple of my choice for adoption.
For a long time I thought it was just me and my anxiety (which I've had issues with before) but I fear a repeat no matter how many precautions I take now that I didn't then. In fact I write this now in the middle of the night after another irrational scare that caused insomnia.
I never want kids and I'm blessed that I'm finally with someone that doesn't mind and accepts that. My mom always understood. She's said even that I have maternal instinct - just not with a human child (which is why I have my 3 ferrets that I call my "kids"). It's not for everyone but this fear is overwhelming. The slightest sickness causes panic and disruption to an extreme. I suppose it's good to know I'm not alone and there's a name for it. I just wish there was also a cure. For years my OB/GYNs have tried to convince me to not want a hysterectomy but the only answer I have is "I've lived with the trauma and fear enough - I just want be 100%sure - after all, no baby factory means no baby right?". Until the world understand this as a valid fear and not just another woman afraid to grow up or something, life may continue to be difficult for those of us with this condition. And by the way - totally lost my figure. Been working 6 years now to get rid of the extra weight but apparently being hypoglycemic works against me in this. Every gain of a pound (even if I'm guilty of a week of porking out) sets off the dear (tonight is partially that too).
So I guess remember there's nothing wrong with not wanting kids but if we (and our loved ones we share a bed with) don't take steps, all we'll do is suffer. An why should we? Just because we're born with the equipment to produce new life? No! That is not my lot in life unless I choose it to be and never be ashamed if you know yourself well enough to make that decision too!
Stay strong, everyone.
For a long time I thought it was just me and my anxiety (which I've had issues with before) but I fear a repeat no matter how many precautions I take now that I didn't then. In fact I write this now in the middle of the night after another irrational scare that caused insomnia.
I never want kids and I'm blessed that I'm finally with someone that doesn't mind and accepts that. My mom always understood. She's said even that I have maternal instinct - just not with a human child (which is why I have my 3 ferrets that I call my "kids"). It's not for everyone but this fear is overwhelming. The slightest sickness causes panic and disruption to an extreme. I suppose it's good to know I'm not alone and there's a name for it. I just wish there was also a cure. For years my OB/GYNs have tried to convince me to not want a hysterectomy but the only answer I have is "I've lived with the trauma and fear enough - I just want be 100%sure - after all, no baby factory means no baby right?". Until the world understand this as a valid fear and not just another woman afraid to grow up or something, life may continue to be difficult for those of us with this condition. And by the way - totally lost my figure. Been working 6 years now to get rid of the extra weight but apparently being hypoglycemic works against me in this. Every gain of a pound (even if I'm guilty of a week of porking out) sets off the dear (tonight is partially that too).
So I guess remember there's nothing wrong with not wanting kids but if we (and our loved ones we share a bed with) don't take steps, all we'll do is suffer. An why should we? Just because we're born with the equipment to produce new life? No! That is not my lot in life unless I choose it to be and never be ashamed if you know yourself well enough to make that decision too!
Stay strong, everyone.