anorexia can t lose weight after recovery

I was also anorexic for 3 years. Then i went to college and gained freshmen 15 but lost 5 during winter break. And then 2nd semester and on i gained 55 pounds. I was defintely overweight. It took me 3 years to lose 30 pounds and now i wanna lose 10-15 more but i cant lose it. I eat really healthy, rarely have any "bad" sugar and i used to workout an hr a day 5/6 days a week. I have a LOT of muscle and i wanna lose it bc my legs look manly. But if i dont workout then ill gain fat. There is no way i can be stuck at this weight when i was so think before. Im not saying i wanna weigh 100pounds again but i cant be this weight. Does anyone know what i can do or to who i can go??

I have also 'recovered' from anorexia.
I am 15 years old, about 5'4...
I weighed around 90-ish pounds before people started catching on.
I was forced to eat.
Inevitably, I started gaining back the weight I had lost.
I weigh about 125 now, and am extremely unhappy.
I have a lot of friends, and a good family.. But I hate myself for being so fat...
My body has 'recovered' from ana, but my mind hasn't.
I want to be thin again, but for some odd reason.. I can not bring myself to hating myself to the extent that I won't eat,
I can only bring myself to hating myself to the extent of eating large, ridiculous amounts.
Its like my body has an aversion to dieting of any sort... Even the healthy, slow kind!

I don;t know what I'm going to do.
I don;t want to be around anyone, because i feel fat and gross...
I was the beautiful, thin friend for a while...
Now I'm the little 'average' girl. (average is chunky... We all know that.)
Guys don't like me anymore,
after an 8 month relationship ended, and when my recovery from Ana started, I had no idea what to do.
I can't just 'be' anymore.
I gave up all my hobbies, I'm not doing well in school, I'm angry or depressed all the time.. I'm not ME.
I WAS happy.
I would much rather live a short, happy life...
rather then a long, painful one.

Ana gives you a short, painful life, don't get me wrong...
But, I just WISH I could start losing weight.
Just be a HEALTHY weight,
skinny, but healthy...
SO I CAN MOVE ON.
MOVE ON, AND GET OUT OF THIS HELL.



I need help.
how do I shed 15 pounds? How can I do it??

Hi there-
I have been in treatment/recovery for a little over six months now. I was so relieved to find this page as I can completely relate to everyone who has posted. However, it also scares me to realize how long this slippery slope will last. I just can't believe what my body is going through.

I too was anorexic for about 3 1/2 years and also an obsessive exerciser and am now on my way to full recovery even though I feel the pull to go back to my old habits. I still eat very healthfully and exercise at least five days a week, now that I've gotten those privileges back. The problem is I'm STILL gaining weight, up almost 50lbs from my lowest 75-125. And I truly HATE this body. I wear sweatpants everyday because I refuse to keep buying bigger sizes, you can imagine how good that makes me feel. Truly ugly.

I'm so blessed to have the most amazing husband that has every walked this earth. He solely pulled me through this, and continues to keep me going everyday. He is the only person I feel truly comfortable with.

I also have a great family and good friends. That being said, I can't help but feel judged, even by them. I feel like they are thrown off by the amount of weight gain and feel like I'm overboard the other way. My therapist says that is just the my self consciousness talking, but I just feel different and abnormal around everyone I love, other than my husband.

I used to be excited to go out, be social, see everyone knowing that I was confident in myself. Now for the first time in my life I feel more comfortable around strangers who never knew me at my thinnest. I panic when family/friends events are coming up, so bad that I usually can't go. Anti-depressants didn't help that.

I just want to be my normal size, not this blown up version or the past teeny tiny version, but it is becoming increasingly obvious that no amount of exercise or normal eating is going to do that. It’s like at this point I have two choices, either fat or anorexic. I would say it’s not fair, but I also know that I did it to myself. I just wish I never did that and I could just go back to when I was normal and healthy and erase all the years of anorexia, it wasn’t worth this. I don’t know how to live in this body. I just want my body back so badly.

What if it even still gets worse? I’m just so incredibly scared.

i know exactly what you all mean.

i was anorexic.

i had reached my goal weight and continued to go lower and i thought that i was eating normally. like some of you, if i ate i ate soo much and when i didn't i wouldn't touch food for ages. this compleltey messed up my metabolism and i really regret getting into all of this. but i have gained about 22 pounds and am in the normal section for my BMI where i previously was underweight and i feel terrible. i felt so much better when i was lighter. it is as if i have gained the weight and i look like i have got over my illness but psychologically i am still just as bad. i really want to lost a stone because then i would be still in the normal weight section but a little bit light which would make me feel better. but i can't. i can't control what i eat and i seem to gain weight so quickly. does anyone know how i can lose that weight??

Hi I agree with lots of you. I have beeen anorexic for 25 years and have kinda been in recovery for a year.. My weight is up and I am not happy.. I am a fitness instructor and work out 3 hours 6 days a week. I am slipping back into my old habbits.. The thing is the weight is not coming off and I am starting to really freak out.. ED thoughts are back strong and I am struggling more so than ever.. Just don't understand why the weight is not coming off.. Trying to eat consistantly, and healthy, but still very restrictive...

"confused"

I'm actually tearing up as I read this. Especially the part that you would rather be around new people than people who saw you at your thinnest. I don't think the eating disorder ever goes away. I exercise 2 - 3 times a day. I'm a "healthy" weight of 137 - at 5'8.....However when I go to try things on and they don't fit...I get pissed and aggravated at myself. Sometimes I really do wish myself anorexic again......I have a medium/large frame and it just seems that things don't fit me right. Pants are always too short and I swear if my hips weren't so big - it wouldn't be a problem. I remember all the attention I got when I was extremely thin. Guys would compliment me all the time - although my family was really worried. My thinnest was about 100 lbs....that's really small for my height and frame. At times I'm proud of my muscles, but then when it's time for clothes! I feel sick. What's worse? My best friend struggles with anorexia...and although she is beautiful she truly looks horrible......... She has a beautiful face, but her body is kind of scary....However, guys don't understand that it's not healthy and that she's sick...so when we go out I feel like the big fat friend........sometimes I just felt like I was so much happier then. I was scared into changing my ways when I lost my period for a year and the doctors said I could be destroying my chances of ever having kids. I hope everyone one here has the power to stay strong and healthy.

So, I suddenly came to the realization after struggling with my weight since I was in 9th grade, constantly trying to be thinner, that i was anorexic. As of December, I hadn't had my period in almost a year, actually still haven't gotten it back yet. I was so depressed and didn't have a clue why. I kept having severe anxiety and a feeling of wanting to die. Every day I would pray for this overwhelming feeling to go away, but it never did. In 9th through 10th grade, I had dropped from 132 lbs. to 102 lbs, I am 5' 9". At this time, I didn't have my period for a year. I think it was triggered by a chaotic home life. Before going to college, I decided I wanted to lose 10 lbs. then it was 15 lbs, before I knew it, I had dropped from a healthy 136 lbs to 103 lbs. I cared about nothing, and I didn't know why. I just wanted to have my mind back! My mom is an obsessive dieter and exerciser and has talked about how she hates the way she looks her whole life, I think this set up the girls in my family for a lifetime of pain. 5 out of 6 girls in my family have all suffered from moderate to severe anorexia, yet I couldn't put 2 and 2 together. My one sister had even gotten so bad she had both anorexia and bulemia, weighed 70 lbs and had ulcers in her throat and was told she was going to die. My mom recalls her lying on the couch and blood coming from her mouth as she slept. Therapy was all that helped her, yet still many girls in my family are too thin in my opinion. I thought I was fine, the ideal weight and my mom would go on about how I was so disciplined to everyone and how I looked so good. But, in all reality, I hated myself. After returning to college from taking a semester off, I just was too depressed, it suddenly donned on me that I was anorexic and that was the reason for my moods and severe depreession. I haven't looked back and am happier and healthier than ever! Weighing 126 lbs I can honestly say I am happy to look the way I do! I love food and my curves! I love the fact that my moods and depression are leaving me! I love who I was before anorexia! and if I could have any wish in the world, it would be that I could turn back the clock and erase that time from my life. Any time I look in the mirror and question am I fat, I just tell myself to stop it and love who you are! Whenever, I call my mom, she asks me, "Did you work out today? Guess how much I weigh? Well you dont want to put on too much weight." and I reply, "Actually i WOULD RATHER BE FAT THAN TOO THIN! and i don't know, Ill see if I have the time..... and that's great you weigh that much? Hey, I gained another pound!!!" :-) It drives her nuts and I love it. I hate my mom, she has caused me so much pain. If she is 55 and still hasn't realized she has a problem (has in the past gone from 175 lbs to 96 lbs) then I feel blessed to have overcome this for good at age 20! I love me now, and anorexia, you can take a hike!

I am having the same problem recovering from bulimia. No matter how healthy I eat, or how much I excercise, I can't keep my weight from climbing. It's really hard to deal with.

Guest wrote:

I am 5' 9" I haven't looked back and am happier and healthier than ever! Weighing 126 lbs I can honestly say I am happy to look the way I do! I love food and my curves! I love the fact that my moods and depression are leaving me!

126 pounds on a 5'9 person is still very underweight.
Just saying....
Most of these people are in the upper limits (or over) of their weight range. You aren't even IN your weight range. When I first started gaining I felt good and was happy. Then I couldn't STOP gaining. Now I'm at the very upper of my weight range and miserable. I won't go out. Nothing fits. I cry all the time. I'd rather be anorexic and miserable than fat and miserable. Unfortunately, my body did what I was most afraid it would do and now the things that USED to work dont work anymore. So I'm stuck.

I have looked and looked for some literature to explain what we are all going through, (what a relief to know it's not just me!) But I can't find anything that relates to people who have been at a 'healthy' weight for some time after being a very low weight for many years, only research examining metabolic changes in the refeeding stage.
I don't want to live with anorexia/anorexic thoughts forever, my life is 100% better without it, and I don't even want to be super skinny, but I am sure a lot of you will understand that this lack of ability to tone up/get rid of that belly/upper arm flab that seemed to come from nowhere and seems to stubbornly remain is the one thing that keeps that bastard inner voice going at you all day everyday. Is there anybody out there who knows how long after recovery your body is likely to take before it starts acting like everybody elses? There must be some research out there?? I hope there will be a time when the healthy lifestyle I live now will be reflected in my body?
It is an important area of research because people that have worked really hard to gain control over their disorder are more likely to continue to be taunted by it, and are likely to relapse if they don't have some reassurance that their bodies will get back to normal someday soon.
Anybody???

i am still in the battle & i am having a difficult time with all of this weight gain so i went back to my DR. & asked him to up my Adderall so he did it went from 90mg to 120mg & i still cant lose any weight & i dont want to go back to restricting i need help :'( :-|

I spent 3 years of my life with anorexia and it was the best 3 years of my life, even to this day I want to go back to it. Before I was anorexic I was about 150lbs and 5'7, at the height of anorexia I was 103lbs and I stayed consistant with that weight( I even remember getting a new drivers license and lying and said I weighed 115 and not 103). I got into recovery because of family and started gaining weight, after a year I had gained about 60 lbs and it was the worst time of my life. But the weird thing was that people who saw me eat were still amazed because I ate like a bird, little things here and there and nothing ever fried, no carbs, no sugars. On top of that it was the first time I ever joined a gym because I felt desperate, everything I used to do by restricting was not working. I went to my family doctor and he told me it's your body's way of fighting you and not wanting to go back to the old lifestyle, your body will take anything you eat and turn it into fat....It was the most devistating thing to hear in my life, on top of that he said it would take about 1 year for the body to mellow out and start realizing that you are not restricting anymore.
It's been a year and a half since the doctor told me that news and I've lost some, but now everyone says I just look normal, like nothing is wrong. I'm in a size 6, I am tempted to buy a scale but I think I would never get off of it. Not a day goes by and I don't think how everything used to be, and most days I would give anything to go back to the old lifestyle....

Hi,
I am currently recovering from anorexia nervosa for about 5-6months now. It may sound strange but I'm an 18 year old male in college and at the moment it can be quite difficult. I'm sure al of you have went through the family argument still this day over food-"your not eating enough" etc.....Its just so demoralizing at times when you hear your parent s saying your going back 2 your old ways when you know your not. I also suffer with anxiety and some panic attacks after the last few months.

Exercise was a big part of my life in those horrid couple of weight loss months. I'm at my maintenance now but I have begun to exerise with team sports now rather than on my own which is safer. It is usually 2-3 nights a week for 1hr sessions,is that too much??Yes my eating can be tight at times but I know that half of my phase is gone I just need that other half to be gone aswell to live my life properly again.Could anyone who has gone through this give me some tips to what they done or are doing to kill off this monster??

Much apprecitated:)

I am in recovery from anorexia and exercise addiction. And it has taken over a year and a half of being 100% symptom free for my weight to begin to adjust itself to my healthy weight. After being underweight for about 10 years, I gained to probably 10-15 pounds over where I really needed to be. And frankly, I just had to cope with it. If I hadn't, I know I would have ended up back in my disease, which would have killed me. My body has recently begun losing weight without my doing anything specific to make that happen (I eat intuitively, exercise regularly, both cardio and weights). And it will likely take about another year to really get back to where my body should be.

My advice? Don't do anything to make yourself lose weight, if it's been less than two years that you've been in recovery or are still using some symptoms. It's a hell of a slippery slope, one I have fallen down over and over again. Just be where you are, and accept it (I didn't say 'like it,' I said 'accept it'). It will change, or at least it has for me and many other people in longer-term recovery. Be patient, and take care of yourself. Chances are your body still isn't used to being taken care of properly.

I been struggling with anorexia for about 4 years i have been trying to get back to a normal diet i dont eat really that bad or very good about one meal a day. I take lots of diet pills and anything i can to stop me from gaining weight but now that I have started eating again I have gained about 60 pounds back it wont stop coming no matter what I do its hard to not just stop eating all in general again Im unhappy with my body im 5'2 at 170 almost back to the weight i started at what even caused this problem in the first place i dont drink soda i dont eat candy i dont eat fast food or eat out i have no idea why my i am gaining so much weight back help!