Hi I sympathise with you all...I have been thru anorexia and now bullimia since I was 14 I am now 48 and still suffering....I had a workplace accident so havent moved or done any form of exercise for 10 months...I dont eat that much but what I do eat I throw up...I have a drinking problem now which doesnt help...my stomach is so bloated I look 9 months pregnant....I used to be a size 8 (australia) now up to a 12...walking is an effort I wheeze and struggle to walk as I have pins and needles in my feet and legs...I hate being like this....I call my life living in a bucket and I hate myself....I just wish I could give you all a big hug and make it all better....I wish you all the best because I know where you are coming from...take care x
Hi,
I'm reading these posts and really feel for all of the ladies that have shared their stories. It is heart wrenching to read all the struggles that so many have gone through just to fit the image that our society tells us that we have to aspire to, and if we fail to achieve that image we have to feel bad about it. And the saddest is when I read when I read of family members playing a huge role in causing this disorder to manifest itself, and after recovery they nag the person to stay fit, exercise and eat healthy. Basically this makes it so that they are constantly thinking that where they are at currently is not enough.
I have struggled with a constant fear of becoming overweight since 5/6th grade because my parents were 250+ pounds but I have been blessed with good metabolism. I am not Celine Dion thin, I am naturally muscular with larger thighs. I'm more like Beyonce thin. I've always been around 135-145 pounds at 5'4" but would feel self conscious when I would be around ladies that were naturally really really skinny. I don't diet because I find that if I get too stressed out about what I eat and what I look like then I eat more (I always thought that was weird). After meeting my husband I learned that being healthy for health's sake and not for your weight is what is important. Since meeting him I've learned to eat healthy, cope with my emotions (read not eat a bunch of sweets when stressed) and really be content with who I am. Maturing has also taught me to accept that good really is good enough!
Enough about me. I'm reading these posts because I have started a friendship with a gal that was anorexic 6 years ago and she is really concerned with loosing 15 more pounds until she does anything. She had her first child 19 mo. ago and she is technically overweight. I'm guessing the 15 would put her under the overweight limit. I'm concerned because she is getting really depressed over the scale not budging, she works out a lot and eats very little and what she does eat is healthy, but she is not loosing anything. I am wondering if her body responds differently than what someone who hasn't gone through anorexia? Is/does her metabolism function properly? If she is not getting the nutrients that she needs then does her body hold onto weight or make it gain weight? I feel like my theory of eat healthy, excersice, and stop worrying about it(be happy with who you are) doesn't apply here?? The other thing that concerns me is that she asks what I do to stay energetic, and talks about not feeling like she has energy. Is it possible to be suffering anorexic thoughts and eating patterns but because she doesn't look like it right now no one in her family or closer friends are going to approach her about seeking help?
I wanted to share my story, but I've replied to your post because you pose these same questions. Have you found anything since posting this? If anyone has any theories on what she might be going through or what the best thing for me to do for her, please reply. At this point I've shared with her my past and a little about my theories and now I feel like the best I can do is encourage her, and enjoy her friendship, as well as pray along side her.
I'm reading these posts and really feel for all of the ladies that have shared their stories. It is heart wrenching to read all the struggles that so many have gone through just to fit the image that our society tells us that we have to aspire to, and if we fail to achieve that image we have to feel bad about it. And the saddest is when I read when I read of family members playing a huge role in causing this disorder to manifest itself, and after recovery they nag the person to stay fit, exercise and eat healthy. Basically this makes it so that they are constantly thinking that where they are at currently is not enough.
I have struggled with a constant fear of becoming overweight since 5/6th grade because my parents were 250+ pounds but I have been blessed with good metabolism. I am not Celine Dion thin, I am naturally muscular with larger thighs. I'm more like Beyonce thin. I've always been around 135-145 pounds at 5'4" but would feel self conscious when I would be around ladies that were naturally really really skinny. I don't diet because I find that if I get too stressed out about what I eat and what I look like then I eat more (I always thought that was weird). After meeting my husband I learned that being healthy for health's sake and not for your weight is what is important. Since meeting him I've learned to eat healthy, cope with my emotions (read not eat a bunch of sweets when stressed) and really be content with who I am. Maturing has also taught me to accept that good really is good enough!
Enough about me. I'm reading these posts because I have started a friendship with a gal that was anorexic 6 years ago and she is really concerned with loosing 15 more pounds until she does anything. She had her first child 19 mo. ago and she is technically overweight. I'm guessing the 15 would put her under the overweight limit. I'm concerned because she is getting really depressed over the scale not budging, she works out a lot and eats very little and what she does eat is healthy, but she is not loosing anything. I am wondering if her body responds differently than what someone who hasn't gone through anorexia? Is/does her metabolism function properly? If she is not getting the nutrients that she needs then does her body hold onto weight or make it gain weight? I feel like my theory of eat healthy, excersice, and stop worrying about it(be happy with who you are) doesn't apply here?? The other thing that concerns me is that she asks what I do to stay energetic, and talks about not feeling like she has energy. Is it possible to be suffering anorexic thoughts and eating patterns but because she doesn't look like it right now no one in her family or closer friends are going to approach her about seeking help?
I wanted to share my story, but I've replied to your post because you pose these same questions. Have you found anything since posting this? If anyone has any theories on what she might be going through or what the best thing for me to do for her, please reply. At this point I've shared with her my past and a little about my theories and now I feel like the best I can do is encourage her, and enjoy her friendship, as well as pray along side her.
I have a story similar to all of you. I am a 24 year old female and have stuggled with body image my whole life. As long as I can remember my mom and grandmother have been on weight watchers. We are not very tall. I am 5'5" -5' 6". Growing up I was one of the chubbier girls. When I was about 16-18 I weighed around 165 lbs. During college I attended a fashion school and decided to work out and drop the weight the right way. I wound up plateauing at 135-140 lbs which still was not okay. After graduating college I joined a company that was heavily focused on image. I decided I was going to diet and reach my goal weight of 120. Well this got out of hand and I turned obsessed. I was anorexic for about 2 yrs. dropping down to about 87 lbs. I wound up losing my job due to lack of motivation, depression and not being able to perform the necessary duties required of me. I was in a deep depression and did not want to put the weight back on. After about 7 months I have gained 50 lbs! I feel terrible. I am back to around 135 and have never felt worse. I watch what I eat and excercise alot. I live in the city so not only do I go to the gym but I walk EVERYwhere! The weight just wont seem to come off. I am hoping that I am one of the lucky ones whose body evens out eventually. I feel terrible about myself. I still see my old clothes hanging in the closet and want to fit into them. I only eat around 1000 calories a day and still nothing. SOMEONE HELP ME please... I've debated even picking up smoking to lose the weight. What do I do!? :( I cant stand to even look at myself..
Hello, I am writing this on my iPhone, so please excuse the formatting. I really feel for you and wish you the very best. Have you gone through counseling on this? It sounds like many have benefitted from counseling. Also, I wonder, if because you put your body through starvation mode once, and succeeded losing weight that way, if now when you reduce your calorie intake your body is taking that as a signal and holds onto all the weight it can. This is my theory and I can't believe there is no scientific research out there already regarding this....grrr.
Now you may not want to hear what I'm saying next or you may not believe it, but 5'5-5'6 is not that short and 130-135 isn't considered overweight for that height. That is the average height of females(so I've been told). I am 5'4. And have always weighed between 130-145 since high school(I'm now 26). I never thought I was skinny but I also never thought I was fat. I was conscious of my weight and wanted to fit into tinier clothes (because I worked at Express) but everytime I'd try to diet I'd actually kind of freak myself out and I'd end up binge eating...strange as it seems! The biggest change that helped me go from binge eating and worrying about my weight was my boyfriend (now hubby) convincing me to eat healthy for healths sake and to truly be happy with myself.
The best advice I can give you is to focus on the positive areas of your life. Things that you're blessed to have qualities and traits that make you, you! Not one of us has everything, yet we all have something. No matter what someone weighs or how beautiful someone looks, they are always going to, at the very least, wish they were a little different. The most unlikely (from your perspective) person may be totally perfect in your eyes but may want something you have! Like beautiful hair, taller, smarter, more stylish and maybe even your family.
I'd also consider thinking about how your moms attitude toward her body has effected your attitude towards your body. Not in order to play the blame game but as a way of mentally recognizing a pattern and then changing it. Oh and also, no matter how much you may think you are imperfect or less than, stop talking negative to yourself, just don't allow it. And start telling yourself you are beautiful, and worth your wieght in gold (or platinum these days). Eventually you will believe it. Right now you're thinking that you're just going to be believing a lie, but down the road you'll be thankful because you'll finally be seeing the truth that was there all along and you'll be enjoying life too!!
in an attempt to really care and reach out, I am sorry if I come across as rude or condescending. But I really wish you and anyone else reading this the very best!!!
Guest wrote:
Im glad I found you guys!
I too was anoreixic. I was 107 at 4"9. that was fat for my height. So slowly I decreased my weight. I got to the point where I was 81. Then my doctor told me to gain till 90 so I did. Im sad to say I weigh around 93 now. Im scared I'll gain everything. I was nice and skinny at 81. Not healthy but who F***ing cares?
Now I have more stomach fat then anything. ugh... I gotta lose 5 pounds but My body wont let me.
I too was anoreixic. I was 107 at 4"9. that was fat for my height. So slowly I decreased my weight. I got to the point where I was 81. Then my doctor told me to gain till 90 so I did. Im sad to say I weigh around 93 now. Im scared I'll gain everything. I was nice and skinny at 81. Not healthy but who F***ing cares?
Now I have more stomach fat then anything. ugh... I gotta lose 5 pounds but My body wont let me.
OK I completely understand how you feel. I have been trying so hard to lose weight, but if I lose any weight my dad freaks out. I am not overweight, but since being at college I have gained a lot of the weight back from my eating disorder. I don't know exactly how much I weigh since I haven't looked at a scale in about 3 years. However, I know that I keep having to get bigger pants. I feel so huge I wear a size 9 now, I know it's not completely fat, but it feels like it to me. I just don't know how to lose weight without getting back into that lifestyle. :/
I am a 40 year old male who has been anorexic and bulemic since the age of 13. I had back surgery to correct a severe curvature that really got bad a couple of years ago. The surgery went great, and my back is now perfectly straight. I was 5 foot 11 before the surgery and only 127 pounds. I had gotten down to as low as 87 pounds at one point. I think this starving of myself is what caused my bones to get weak and start to curve. After the surgery my height was 6 feet 2 inches because of the correction. The odd thing is that after the surgery, I could no longer purge the food that I ate. I don't know if it was because I was now walking straight instead of bent over, and my body was in a new position. I stopped binging and purging for three months, while I recovered, and maybe my body got used to not purging. I got used to not purging, but I gained over thirty pounds. I'm now at 160 pounds, but I still have an anorexic mindset. I only eat about 200 calories per day, but my weight keeps staying the same. I only eat lettuce, and a few pieces of apple per day, and a low calorie protein drink that is supposed to speed up metabolism that contains only about 100 calories. I jog four miles each day, and work out at a gym, four days per week, for an hour each time. Everyone says that I look fantastic, like someone in their 20's. Everyone thinks that I beat my problem with anorexia, but I really haven't. All I get is compliments, but I'm tired off hardly eating, and still being at the same weight. If I ate normally, I'd probably get up to 300 pounds. I really think that my metabolism has really slowed down. The odd thing is that even though I hardly eat, my skin looks healthy and clear, and I don't look sick at all. I look way healthier than when I binged and purged all the time. I guess I'm happy that I no longer binge and purge, but unhappy that I can't eat because I keep gaining weight. I completely understand what everyone on here is going through. I couldn'f figure out what was happening with me, and now I see that it is very common with past anorexics.
well... i went through the same thing and i am still having troubles, my doc won't help me and i continue to gain weight even with exercise and healthly low calorie eating...i need help to drop about 20lbs
Me too. I am on a diet &jobs excercise plan and nothing is working.. just have to keep thinking positively!
I used to be bulimic for about 4-5 years, it started when my ex boyfriend had a year long affair and since then i developed the habits for binging and purging. I now am in a relationship with someone else and I have become more happy and comfortable and the trust is there- The bulimia has just calmed down and I hadnt made myself vomit for months. I have put on a huge amout of weight, 3 stone (i dont know what that is in pounds) and i feel terrible about myself- I really want to lose weight but no matter what i do it doesnt seem to shift. My partners family all say i eat all the time and im finding it really takes its toll as they have no idea about the bulimia so dont know what they are pushing at. in the recent few weeks i have found the symtoms coming back, i have made my self throw up a few times as i feel guitly about eating. I really want to lose weight without going back to my old habits!
I used to be anorexic during my time at uni. It started as obsessive weight loss which got out of control, but was all emotionally rooted. I then became bulimic and have been since. My lowest weight was 42kg and I'm 5'3, my highest weight was 83kg, and I am now down to 77kg in the last 2 months. It is reeeeeally difficult work. I find that I eat the most healthiest diet and exercise the most out of all my peers, but to find a psychologically good place and to manage a healthy lifestyle after having an eating disorder is tough. It just takes time and patience, and as cliche as it sounds, positive thinking is key. Yes of course, there are those moments of temptation to starve, binge, get diet pills, laxatives; but you have to ask yourself, were you truly happy in body and mind when you were anorexic or overweight? The mind is such a powerful thing, you have to make peace with yourself, and focus in a healthy way and, yeh, love yourself. Find out what your body likes and doesn't like, e.g. different foods, different exercises, mix it up, and make it enjoyable. Be honest with people, if you tell people where you're at and what you hope to achieve; not only will they support you but if you do go too far, they'll also be there to help you. Since being honest with my current bf about my eating disorder/s and so forth, I feel so much more better for being able to share my frustrations and worries, but the encouragement and care from loved ones helps so much.
HI,
I'm sorry that you went through this. And I am hard on people.
I simply do not get why people care soooo much about what others weigh.
THEY need to get over it. Your health and your frame of mind should be the most important thing.
Anorexia is about control. And with big pharma and high fructose corn syrup makers in the way, it IS very challenging to stay in control of your own body and well being? And not being fat is definately a part of your well being. HOWEVER- YOU OWE NOBODY A NUMBER. That's for your benefit. They are being critical which might be a personality issue that led to your anorexia to begin with.
The post anorexia does put one at risk for diabetes which is why I would NEVER recommend starvation as a diet. Here's what happens. Something ie. PCG-1 sends inflammatory signals to your pancreatic beta cells and it totally shuts it off. So you're having insulin spikes, regardless of what your blood sugar is. Your L-cells in your small intestine actually tells the GLK to tell your pancreas how much you have. So what you have is probably too much insulin and when your pancreatic beta cells are not working- your body doesn't even store your glucose in the glycation storage where it can easily be burned off as fuel, it's being stored directly as fat. (Metformin does this which is why i disagree strongly with taking this drug.
The fat is much harder to burn off than the glucose you have stored in glycation storage in your liver and your muscles. I'm not sure how they do it, however serious athletes do a "carb loading" the night before the marathon to put as many carbs in their glycation stores to use during the race. If that glucose goes to fat, it increases their VO2Max (because fat is harder to burn off and causes lactate which is why muscles get sore) which is inefficient for performance purposes. They get their stores way up and I wish i could do it.
Your body treats starvation like an infection, maybe because Mother Nature designed the body to fight off starvation that comes as a result of infections. So all in all, the signaling in your body is probably still messed up, in the same way that causes diabetes. Except that inflammation for diabetes II/insulin resistance/etc. is caused by inflammation and free radicals that come with aging.
Anorexics differ from naturally thin people in a few ways.
Thin people have higher IGF-1 and lower GH numbers. They have higher estrogen levels? Thyroid is only slightly higher, but they show less signs of inflammation.
http://www.ajcn.org/content/85/4/967.full
So here's your course of action. :o)
STAY AWAY FROM HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP AND TRANSFATS. EAT REAL FOODS.
Eat anti-oxidants, support your immune system and do what it takes to keep the insulin down. Right now is not a good time to eat a high fat diet.
Stick with a low glycemic index diet. I recommend authentic ethnic foods because it's ***REAL FOOD***. Look at the traditional Japanese diet. They have the world's lowest obesity rate. Nori is wonderful for you! Rice, PORTION CONTROLLED PLAIN rice is mostly glucose which is easier to burn off than fructose.
The skinny people I know do two things in common.
1. They eat 2 oz of plain white/brown rice, 2oz of LEAN meats (tuna, beef) and a plate full of starched/fermented veggies-no prepackaged seasonings...one did it completely unflavored, the other did it with a lot of spices...there were no sodas, no flavored ice teas.
2. They're both very active. One works all the time and the other is very athletic.
So that should help.
Again, your weight is YOUR issue and nobody else's unless they have the tools to help you fix your signaling system to get you back to normal. You need to set those boundaries.
I'm sorry that you went through this. And I am hard on people.
I simply do not get why people care soooo much about what others weigh.
THEY need to get over it. Your health and your frame of mind should be the most important thing.
Anorexia is about control. And with big pharma and high fructose corn syrup makers in the way, it IS very challenging to stay in control of your own body and well being? And not being fat is definately a part of your well being. HOWEVER- YOU OWE NOBODY A NUMBER. That's for your benefit. They are being critical which might be a personality issue that led to your anorexia to begin with.
The post anorexia does put one at risk for diabetes which is why I would NEVER recommend starvation as a diet. Here's what happens. Something ie. PCG-1 sends inflammatory signals to your pancreatic beta cells and it totally shuts it off. So you're having insulin spikes, regardless of what your blood sugar is. Your L-cells in your small intestine actually tells the GLK to tell your pancreas how much you have. So what you have is probably too much insulin and when your pancreatic beta cells are not working- your body doesn't even store your glucose in the glycation storage where it can easily be burned off as fuel, it's being stored directly as fat. (Metformin does this which is why i disagree strongly with taking this drug.
The fat is much harder to burn off than the glucose you have stored in glycation storage in your liver and your muscles. I'm not sure how they do it, however serious athletes do a "carb loading" the night before the marathon to put as many carbs in their glycation stores to use during the race. If that glucose goes to fat, it increases their VO2Max (because fat is harder to burn off and causes lactate which is why muscles get sore) which is inefficient for performance purposes. They get their stores way up and I wish i could do it.
Your body treats starvation like an infection, maybe because Mother Nature designed the body to fight off starvation that comes as a result of infections. So all in all, the signaling in your body is probably still messed up, in the same way that causes diabetes. Except that inflammation for diabetes II/insulin resistance/etc. is caused by inflammation and free radicals that come with aging.
Anorexics differ from naturally thin people in a few ways.
Thin people have higher IGF-1 and lower GH numbers. They have higher estrogen levels? Thyroid is only slightly higher, but they show less signs of inflammation.
http://www.ajcn.org/content/85/4/967.full
So here's your course of action. :o)
STAY AWAY FROM HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP AND TRANSFATS. EAT REAL FOODS.
Eat anti-oxidants, support your immune system and do what it takes to keep the insulin down. Right now is not a good time to eat a high fat diet.
Stick with a low glycemic index diet. I recommend authentic ethnic foods because it's ***REAL FOOD***. Look at the traditional Japanese diet. They have the world's lowest obesity rate. Nori is wonderful for you! Rice, PORTION CONTROLLED PLAIN rice is mostly glucose which is easier to burn off than fructose.
The skinny people I know do two things in common.
1. They eat 2 oz of plain white/brown rice, 2oz of LEAN meats (tuna, beef) and a plate full of starched/fermented veggies-no prepackaged seasonings...one did it completely unflavored, the other did it with a lot of spices...there were no sodas, no flavored ice teas.
2. They're both very active. One works all the time and the other is very athletic.
So that should help.
Again, your weight is YOUR issue and nobody else's unless they have the tools to help you fix your signaling system to get you back to normal. You need to set those boundaries.
julia - i think we are leading parallel lives. same problem, same experience, even the same name - is it possible we be sisters?
what i hate the most is the fact that i used to be so disciplined - everywhere - at university, at school, with eating etc.. and now i don't wanna go back to the stage where the longing for control takes over my actually living and enjoying my life. I'm still not at the recovery stage i want to be (a look at my (overweight) body alone will tell you that) but i've been told to work with things like yoga, meditation etc. to make sure those feelings of control don't get too powerful and make me say - "Ok, enough, i will eat that piece of chocolate now and i enjoy it and won't hate myself for having eaten it"! As i said, still a long way to go but, imagine the feeling you could have one year from now (or even half a year from now) being content with how far i've made it and how well i recovered!
All the best,
Julia
what i hate the most is the fact that i used to be so disciplined - everywhere - at university, at school, with eating etc.. and now i don't wanna go back to the stage where the longing for control takes over my actually living and enjoying my life. I'm still not at the recovery stage i want to be (a look at my (overweight) body alone will tell you that) but i've been told to work with things like yoga, meditation etc. to make sure those feelings of control don't get too powerful and make me say - "Ok, enough, i will eat that piece of chocolate now and i enjoy it and won't hate myself for having eaten it"! As i said, still a long way to go but, imagine the feeling you could have one year from now (or even half a year from now) being content with how far i've made it and how well i recovered!
All the best,
Julia
i was bulimc and an overexerciser off and on for many years. I managed to stop purging and then after that the weight gain started and i finally got into treatment. I am also 30 lbs overweight now and eating only low fat vegan- nothing processed at all. still struggle to get calories past 1300 . I cannot seem to lose weight. I now jog a good hour and 15minutes regularly and am never hungry. I am told to up my ccalories even more and that i need to up my healthy fat intake. I am now trying to add a quarter of an avocado to a couple meals. I dont get it either.. the weight gain has taken its toll emotionally and i didnt leave the house for about a year.. I have doctors, psychiatrist and ED therapist. It has now been about 2 years since stopping the eating disorder and i am still waiting for my body to self regulate as they say.. it is very hard, i know..
I need some help please. I am now 48 and up until 2 years ago I was 79 pounds and still thought I was fat. I ended up getting very sick and was put on different medications and was unable to work anymore. I now am at 140 and know I am overweight. I've tried dieting and I just can't seem to lose any weight. I just don't know what to do. Any advice for me???